How do you handle socialization?

That's great! PFH, you should start a thread 'class' and give us some tips :lol:
 
posts from hell said:
How do I personally handle socialization? With a stride, really.

What Aaron and I have been doing in Boulder is pretty hard core - We strive to be the BEST in anything we do and be cool about it. Now we have this reputation of "The Two Deaf Dudes!" Slowly introducing a third :)

Everywhere we go, we see people we know, always hugging people, saying hi, gesturing and such. People KNOW we're deaf and they have absolutely no problems with it. Aside of that woman who was drunk last night and didnt believe we were deaf becuz she was so easy to lipread.

But what I am basically saying - We make it clear that we're deaf, and we make it EASY for them to talk with us - the rest is history.
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Love the image of this. How it should be everywhere, for everyone.
 
Mudkipz said:
"Hey help me with taking out the trash." Person say.
"Help me with-what?" I say.
"taking out the trash" Person say.
"Oh. Coming" I say.

There's many techniques I use to communicate in real life and most of the conversations I have trouble with are taken care of with these "____ ____ ____ What?". If I say just "what?", some will think that my response was rather ignorant or annoying or just a "sigh"...

If I have to go and have them repeat what they said once more, I'd say something like "Please come over here" or... "Dude I don't understand".


For groupies... I just walk in and say "Hi" or "What's up?" or if they look like they talking in a serious convo, I just walk in and say nothing and make a "pose" as if I'm listening and taking "this" seriously... haha.

Not much to say, but there's a lot of ways for me to socialize with everyone and anywhere. It takes practice, confidence, and preparation.

Although I don't want to be like this in the future. It does get you tired and scared at times. I'd love just to go in and have a normal talk like the normal hearing people, but I can't. Not perfect, but who is?
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I do that too. I will repeat the part I've understood and say "what?" If that fails, I ask that they word it in a different way. That way I can combine what I've heard all together and I've got it.
I never approach groups though. The idea makes me too nervous to hear anything.
 
I usually myself being quiet unless there is hottie chick around. I go wack my head.
 
I am still retreating more and more. Maybe it's the area I am in. There are just too many people and I hate crowds. I know I was more social both growing up and while in Missouri. That being said, maybe when we finally move back next summer, I will get out more. At least there I have a good church that I can follow along with, a group from the church meets once a week and I was part of that group and they worked with me to help me keep up. I also did 2-3 other functions through that church and met all kinds of people. (Angel Food Ministries, Ladies Ministries and Senior Ministries)

My son makes a point to help people in the library. Too many of the shelves are too high for some people and he will help them get books, carry them or even take them to their car for them. He's also holding doors open everywhere he goes. But, for the actual sit down and chat type of socializing, he doesn't. Mentally and verbally, he is older than is 15 years. Due to his size (6'3", 250 lbs), a lot of people are scared of him. Neighborhood kids (ages 9-19) refuse to be with him due to his size. Most adults around here don't understand him and his conversations. He's very much into the supernatural, loves his XBox and very much wishes to visit Japan.
 
posts from hell said:
How do I personally handle socialization? With a stride, really.

What Aaron and I have been doing in Boulder is pretty hard core - We strive to be the BEST in anything we do and be cool about it. Now we have this reputation of "The Two Deaf Dudes!" Slowly introducing a third :)

Everywhere we go, we see people we know, always hugging people, saying hi, gesturing and such. People KNOW we're deaf and they have absolutely no problems with it. Aside of that woman who was drunk last night and didnt believe we were deaf becuz she was so easy to lipread.

But what I am basically saying - We make it clear that we're deaf, and we make it EASY for them to talk with us - the rest is history.
Click to expand...

Sometimes I wish I have dome something like that in the first place where I meet someone new before it gets too arkward on not letting them know... you know, but I definitely agree with you. It's just... I like to get a rather (unreliable) taste sometimes... :whistle:
 
4 hours a month - deaf coffee

8 hrs a day - working with young hearies, trying to lipread, guess and discern what of the 5 items we sell or which two of the services we provide some giggly, muppett mouthed, rude college freshamn might wish to have. ("Hey, hey you! Ma'am! Whut -are you deaf?") I also work with a very insensitive boss.

Home to my dogs and husband or off to market, along with one Saturday night family dinner.

I have a very limited circle. Although I work, there are few there that I would consider friends. The background noise of public space limits the comprehension, and the attitudes limit my already limited patience.

Socialize? Like others, it is better with one or two hearies, or simply to stay home and enjoy the love of those whom I love. Even if they have dog breath. lol
 
I am glad you posted this. I have problems socializing also. I find that I am staying home more and when I am in a good mood and go out it seems to go better but when I am glum it seems nothing is good enough. I have lost a great deal of patience because I have to try so hard at hearing what is being said. Friends, I try to visit at their house when kids are in school so it is one on one and when the kids have friends over I pretty much let them do their thing. At family gatherings or groups of people like I said It depends on the mood I am in sometimes I am in a I don't give a shit mood and sit and wait for someone to talk to me so I can feel like an idiot or pretty much be a wallflower did my time now I am going home. thank god. Othertimes I ammuse myself and make up conversations from accross the room. "oh, your hair looks dreadful" Oh thank you I paid 80 dollars for this! Stupid stuff like that that passes the time. I know I am an idiot. Othertimes I will actually try to communicate and have a pretty good time. What it all boils down to is how my mood is and reading how I am going to take rejection in that mood. Cuz no matter who you are with in a crowd there is always going to be that one idiot that talks really slow or moves his mouth so dreadfully slow (Just keep in mind they are thinking they are helping) that you can't read them. That is definately better than the jackass that ignores you as if you are a retard.
 
deafmama said:
I am glad you posted this. I have problems socializing also. I find that I am staying home more and when I am in a good mood and go out it seems to go better but when I am glum it seems nothing is good enough. I have lost a great deal of patience because I have to try so hard at hearing what is being said. Friends, I try to visit at their house when kids are in school so it is one on one and when the kids have friends over I pretty much let them do their thing. At family gatherings or groups of people like I said It depends on the mood I am in sometimes I am in a I don't give a shit mood and sit and wait for someone to talk to me so I can feel like an idiot or pretty much be a wallflower did my time now I am going home. thank god. Othertimes I ammuse myself and make up conversations from accross the room. "oh, your hair looks dreadful" Oh thank you I paid 80 dollars for this! Stupid stuff like that that passes the time. I know I am an idiot. Othertimes I will actually try to communicate and have a pretty good time. What it all boils down to is how my mood is and reading how I am going to take rejection in that mood. Cuz no matter who you are with in a crowd there is always going to be that one idiot that talks really slow or moves his mouth so dreadfully slow (Just keep in mind they are thinking they are helping) that you can't read them. That is definately better than the jackass that ignores you as if you are a retard.
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Are you late deafened? We have a thread for that if you are. :)
 
Above how they mentioned that they repeat what they heard so they can catch what they didn't ,I fiind when I am with family or close friends if they repeat it a few times and I am still lost as to what they are saying I ask them to rephrase that and switch the sentence around. It seems to help especially with something off the wall I am not expecting. Then you have to sentences with the same subject you can usually connect.
 
deafmama said:
Above how they mentioned that they repeat what they heard so they can catch what they didn't ,I fiind when I am with family or close friends if they repeat it a few times and I am still lost as to what they are saying I ask them to rephrase that and switch the sentence around. It seems to help especially with something off the wall I am not expecting. Then you have to sentences with the same subject you can usually connect.
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I will take that as a yes. Here is a link to the late deafened thread.

http://www.alldeaf.com/our-world-our-culture/62953-adjustment-late-onset-deafness.html

You can get help there.
 
Glad I found this thread. I relate to a lot of your situation. I grew up with hard of hearing friends and never really learned to communicate well with hearing people. I just played with hearing neighbor kids and stuff. Once I got into middle school I had a hearing best friend but mostly I just nodded my head and let her talk so I didn't stand up for myself. In high school it got worse I noticed I could not really communicate well with my peers and was too shy to break the ice. Finally I went to the deaf school. Even there I still had problems because I'm very introverted and don't like a lot activities. I couldn't really open up socially because I was afraid of getting hurt. School wise I got a lot more attention and learned a lot.

Now I have been attending to college for the last nine years and I use American Sign Language interpreters. I couldn't survive college without them. I feel left out in the classroom I hate being the only deaf student and having two interpreters sometimes I just want to blend in the classroom and not stand out. Other times I love all the attention I get. There is no deaf club or asl club I have been wanting to start one but I also have anxiety and cannot handle a lot of stress so have been relected to start something.

Friend wise I only have my interpreters I chit chat to and my parents. I am going to deaf coffee and meeting some nice hearing students who are learning ASL. That has been helping me to get use to getting out now.

I really really want to go out to hearing events like social meetups but I'm afraid I won't enjoy it without an interpreter and most hearing people who are not willing to learn sign language will not sign.

I really want to have some friends to social with but not people who are into the club scene and drinking since that is not my thing.

Any tips for breaking the ice with hearing people? Like if there is an awkward moment after I say please say that again or stuff? How do I make it more comfortable for hearing people to come up to me and chat to me?


thank you for listening!
artistgirl
 
Communication barriers are only those which we have put up ourselves. The reason someone like PFH is able to communicate with everyone in sign language whether they know sign or not is because he is not shy about it. He just does it anyway. I admire him for this.

Most of our communication is visual anyway regardless of whether you are deaf or hearing.

It is all in the attitude, the way we perceive things. If we are shy/awkward about signing, then others around us will be too. If we are enthusiastic about communication, others around us will be too. When people see how it is done, then it is more readily acceptable by the people around us.
 
strike a pose

BecLak said:
...Most of our communication is visual anyway regardless of whether you are deaf or hearing.

It is all in the attitude, the way we perceive things. If we are shy/awkward about signing, then others around us will be too. If we are enthusiastic about communication, others around us will be too. When people see how it is done, then it is more readily acceptable by the people around us.
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I can't find the video with captions/transcriptions, but the articles below flesh out what's discussed: Beclak, this Harvard Business School Professor says the same thing as you: what you say is less important than how you say it. And not only are these expansive stances you put yourself into seen as being more powerful than contracting poses, but your body immediately changes hormone levels increasing your ability to endure stressful situations when you stand in certain ways, and you actually become more powerful.

 
First off, I'd just like to mention that I currently am immersed in the hearing world. I attend a hearing college, and there are not many deaf people around me at all. So that may explain the responses I will post to your question.

Do people see you as different or unapproachable?

Unfortunately a lot of people view me as unapproachable. Most of them either don't have the balls to try talking to me, or they are not aware that they don't need to know sign language in order to talk to me - they usually don't think to try using a paper/pen, their cellphones, a friend, etc.

How do you get them to be closer to you?

I don't get close to a lot of people lol. I have lots of acquaintances but not many friends who I can actually be close with. It has nothing to do with my hearing loss, though, but the trust issues that I have.

Like do you draw attention to your deafness, or hide it?

I don't draw attention to it. Hearing people often assume that I'm hearing, and when they try to talk to me, I usually end up having to tell them that I'm deaf. I can't try to hide it because I'm not that good at talking with my voice or lip reading.

What methods do you use to work with the issues I listed?

At first, if someone tries to talk to me, I'll point to my ear and use my voice to inform them of my hearing loss. Most of the time they just say "sorry" and then walk away. That's when I roll my eyes and resume whatever I was doing, because if people don't stick around, chances are whatever they were talking about wasn't important. I also don't view them as being worthy of my time if they're not willing to put in effort to work around my hearing loss. Sounds egotistical, I know, but it helps weed out a lot of people that I wouldn't want in my life.

But if people DO stick around and try to talk to me anyways, I'm willing to work with whatever we have. If I have a notebook and pen, I'll use that. If not then I just use my cellphone. I'll try lip reading too even though I'm not very good with that yet and I can only do one-on-one conversations.

I do gotta mention that I am not too fond of socializing within groups or attending parties where I don't know a lot of people there. I like to have at least one friend there with me so that I'm not alone or stuck in an awkward position.
 
posts from hell said:
How do I personally handle socialization? With a stride, really.

What Aaron and I have been doing in Boulder is pretty hard core - We strive to be the BEST in anything we do and be cool about it. Now we have this reputation of "The Two Deaf Dudes!" Slowly introducing a third :)

Everywhere we go, we see people we know, always hugging people, saying hi, gesturing and such. People KNOW we're deaf and they have absolutely no problems with it. Aside of that woman who was drunk last night and didnt believe we were deaf becuz she was so easy to lipread.

But what I am basically saying - We make it clear that we're deaf, and we make it EASY for them to talk with us - the rest is history.
Click to expand...

Similar approach, no wing woman though, I'm just super friendly and encouraging. For where I lack in conversational (which can happen at large events)I supplement with email and texting or a joke or two. I get people together with food, bike rides, climbing, ect - gives me some flexibility in knowing who will be coming and keeping the activities away from loud places.

I'm the girl that gives everyone a high five.
 
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