Help Please - Grieving Ears!

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Louby

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I started to lose my hearing last year (I was 29 at the time) and I am now completely deaf in both ears (well, I can hear one decibel in one ear so I shouldn't complain!). A psychotherapist and psychiatrist I see (I have had very severe depression in the past - not hearing related) said that I need to "grieve" for my hearing loss. I know it's not as simple as switching the switch on. Have any of you "grieved" over your hearing loss and if so how did you do so? What am I meant to do? Please help me!
 
So many of us here at AD like that....I admit, it's hard to accept...so it's different strokes for different folks....I was depressed for years over it...eventually, I came to terms with my deafness...time is on your side....
 
lost mine at 30 and yes I had some very black moments as rr says you come to terms with it.
You must be getting some form of rehab..not sure if grieve right word for me at the time depression yes but I had other issues illness caused..yes I did end up in hospital due to depression. it really is different stroke different folks
 
I was born HOH and lost more hearing from an auto accident , I was sad about this for awhile and angry too b/c the accident was not my fault. I had to accept it b/c there was no way to get it back . I also loss hearing from old age . I know it's harder losing your hearing , have your friends and family been supported of you and take their time to made sure they have your attention before they start talking to you?
My sister was telling her husband lost some of his hearing and she was talking to him while in the car and she realize he had not heard one word . You would think my sister would had known by now to get the person attention first .
 
Nonsense...
You dont need to greive...what nonsense...
What you need to do is accept your transformation, and embrce your Deafness as a gift not a curse or a loss..
You need to get over the curse of being deaf. And by lesrning and using sign, that curse will fade to the gift od bieng Deaf..
welcome
 
hoichi said:
Nonsense...
You dont need to greive...what nonsense...
What you need to do is accept your transformation, and embrce your Deafness as a gift not a curse or a loss..
You need to get over the curse of being deaf. And by lesrning and using sign, that curse will fade to the gift od bieng Deaf..
welcome
Click to expand...

Curious how you'd feel/handle it if you were to lose both hands? Might be a little hard getting used to rolling a joint with a prosthetic, wouldn't you say? :cool2:
 
LoveBlue said:
Curious how you'd feel/handle it if you were to lose both hands? Might be a little hard getting used to rolling a joint with a prosthetic, wouldn't you say? :cool2:
Click to expand...

Strange question, but i wouldnt be sobbng to some shrink about it, im sure id adapt...
Why?
And.i was born a hearie, i know the deal , i really do..
Sign
Will
Set
You
Free!!
 
LoveBlue said:
Curious how you'd feel/handle it if you were to lose both hands? Might be a little hard getting used to rolling a joint with a prosthetic, wouldn't you say? :cool2:
Click to expand...

Agree...there is no time limit to grieve over a death...an accident...a loss of limbs...eyesight...and deafness...Saying to someone..."Suck it up!"...is not the answer....Everyone deals with it in different ways...some people actually never get over it....Doesn't mean they are weak either...

Just one day at a time and 1 foot forward....time can heal all wounds. Some people withhold a lot of anger....it's good to find someone who can relate to your loss, no matter what it is....Life is a challenge...we have to face things on a daily basis. Good Luck to you!...The members here at AD are at your disposal...we're here to help as much as we can.
 
hoichi said:
Strange question, but i wouldnt be sobbng to some shrink about it, im sure id adapt...
Why?
And.i was born a hearie, i know the deal , i really do..
Sign
Will
Set
You
Free!!
Click to expand...

The OP has been hearing almost 3x more than you...You've had years and years to deal with it, he hasn't....and no way can you say that you "were just fine" with your deafness when it happened after 9 years of being in the hearing world....Could be one of the reasons for your inner anger...
 
rockin'robin said:
The OP has been hearing almost 3x more than you...You've had years and years to deal with it, he hasn't....and no way can you say that you "were just fine" with your deafness when it happened after 9 years of being in the hearing world....Could be one of the reasons for your inner anger...
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Yeah.....(lights fat joint, inhales.deeply, exhales smoke in the shape of .....
Meh)
 
hoichi said:
Yeah.....(lights fat joint, inhales.deeply, exhales smoke in the shape of .....
Meh)
Click to expand...

You spread your angst here all the time, although apparently unknowingly.

Being sent to a residential school, and then living a Lord of the Flies scenario of bigger, stronger , students terrorizing you, has caused deep, psychological damage. And an apparent fear of technology...

Since I know people from all over, I do wonder what school you went to.
 
Bottesini said:
You spread your angst here all the time, although apparently unknowingly.

Being sent to a residential school, and then living a Lord of the Flies scenario of bigger, stronger , students terrorizing you, has caused deep, psychological damage. And an apparent fear of technology...

Since I know people from all over, I do wonder what school you went to.
Click to expand...

Pm sent.....
Cmon bots, .....i dont hwve any angst, and im oreetu well put together, besidesseeing dead people...
 
Im not opposed to those seeking docs and drugs to help cope with being deaf...but to me its wrong headed..
What is needed is other Deaf, not some docs and.scripts...
If one views.deafness as a furse.then.by wll means shrink wnd medicate to your hearts content,
But another way and the more healthy is to seek out other Deaf and be Deaf.
 
Louby, sorry you are having to go through all of this. I lost all of my hearing overnight four years ago. It was/is a huge change. No one in my family knows sign language. I can't expect everyone to take the time and learn it just for me. I think it is completely normal that you are depressed and grieving your hearing loss. It changes everything for us. Like RR said above, take one day at a time, one foot in front of another. When you feel strong enough and ready maybe find a ASL class and learn how to sign. Make friends with others who have lost their hearing too. This site and the people on it have helped me tremendously. Read through the many threads and you will learn so much. I wish you all the best.
 
Louby said:
I started to lose my hearing last year (I was 29 at the time) and I am now completely deaf in both ears (well, I can hear one decibel in one ear so I shouldn't complain!). A psychotherapist and psychiatrist I see (I have had very severe depression in the past - not hearing related) said that I need to "grieve" for my hearing loss. I know it's not as simple as switching the switch on. Have any of you "grieved" over your hearing loss and if so how did you do so? What am I meant to do? Please help me!
Click to expand...

A psychotherapist and psychiatrist don't know anything about deafness and not knowing how d/Deaf people had to suffered under hearing society.

If Jill had been here, she would have help you and advise you on how to cope with your hearing loss. That would be great. Jill is a hearing psychologist and work with d/Deaf teenagers and Adults. But now she is no longer on AD. I would still have you continue going to your psychiatrist or psychotherapist because being in depression is a very serious. You might have suicide thoughts or threaten to kill someone including yourself. Being depression cause you pain and can hurt your emotional being. So keep going there. Don't say "I don't need help with my depression". You need to get your system out of yourself and this will help you calm down and try to work with your depression.




As for your hearing losses for the first time, there is no cure. You will have to accept your hearing losses and go on your Hard Of Hearing (HOH) or deaf journey like watching T.V. with close captioned. Or get a doorbell signaler from the (State) Hearing Society. They have devices for everything you need to help you adjust your deaf world.

:welcome: to AllDeaf Forum. :wave:

Edit: Where do you live like State or country? We might have some suggestions for places like Hearing Society, ASL class or get to know some of the d/Deaf at Deaf events. You will have to learn to have courage to meet d/Deaf people in person. This will be your new world for you.
 
Some grieving might help, but you need to do it in a good way. Losing ones hearing is just a too large concept to grieve about, so grieving would not really help much. Define for yourself what you really are sad about. It might be that you no longer can participate smoothly in a birthday party for a friend, since you cannot hear the conversation. Or it might be that you cannot hear your child on the phone. Ok, so grieve a specific thing. It is ok to be sad you cannot hear your child on the phone, but don't get caught up in grieving. Set a time limit, and say to yourself, this week (or whatever) I can cry and be grumpy and sad and angry (or whatever) but next week I will contact rehab to get a text phone or to get sign language classes for my child and me so that we can communicate easier later.

Of course we have the right to be sad when missing things we could do before. Remember that life is not worse just because you are deaf, life is just different. You are still the same person, so if people respected you before they should respect you now too. If you have friends who don't take the time communicate with you, teach them how they can make you feel included or look for other friends. Become friend with other deaf people, since having deaf friends will make it easier to be patient with hearing. Find out what is important in life for you and do many things you enjoy doing.

I agree with what was said earlier about psychologist's experience of deaf people. Consider going to someone who actually has experience of deafness.

You are not alone, and if you want to, there are so many great things you can do in life. Don't spend too much time grieving, because you might miss the opportunities available in life. You will need much patience and will power when dealing with hearing in order to get what you want from life. Remember most people are clueless about deafness, so you will need to be the one advocating for how too solve communication.

Good luck!
 
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