Hearies attending deaf socials

Ruthkelna said:
Me and my friends are learning ASL and we often attend the deaf socials. I was curious if Deaf people mind that, or if they are open to having us there. Also, sometimes at the socials, I enjoy just watching a conversation between two Deaf people that I'm sitting next to. Is that considered rude just to watch?

Thanks for your help!
Click to expand...

At a social I think obvious 'eavesdropping' is acceptable behavior for the most part. At least, the sign gatherings I have gone to its kind of like a dinner party, even though you are not involved with the conversation directly sometimes something catches your attention. Or you are just not knowledgeable in the subject matter and so you simply listen. I do this a lot honestly but I am not being secretive about it. Usually it is the people closest to me that I am watching and they know I am watching. My other experience was with a signing group of which I had been a part of for nearly 3 years, so that was a more 'intimate' friendship sort of thing. I'd interrupt and all sorts of things, but most all of them were close friends of mine.

Now my suggestion for avoiding being rude is to watch the body language. If it appears two people are signing to themselves and not so much out in the open then it would be impolite. I've seen people lean towards one another, keep their hands close to their body while signing a lot smaller... this is my cue to look away. Its like people whispering, as intriguing as it may be to want to listen in you don't.

A sort of related thing... if you are with a friend and whispering together, sign while you whisper. Lean in, sign small... The Deaf people around you will not be offended by this form of small personal conversation. A CODA friend and I were often scolded (teasingly) by the Deaf members of our group for whispering. They did not eavesdrop on us but it was rude of us to not give them the opportunity to. Does that make sense?

Oh now I miss my friends so much! my CODA friend's mother was always there and I remember her clicking her tongue a sort of 'tss tss' noise at us when we would talk. She was profoundly Deaf and did not speak, other than people's names,... but even so I was amazed at how much when she did say something or make a noise to get our attention, how much her and her daughter sounded alike. do not get me started on their mannerisms, they were exactly the same! More than myself and my mother I'm sure!
 
As a requirement of the ASL class I am taking I am required to attend several Deaf socials in my community. And while I understand and agree that staring/eavesdropping on a conversation is rude, it is also very difficult to join in when your vocubulary is a limited as mine. Plus I am most likey the slowest signer on the planet.
 
TexansFan said:
As a requirement of the ASL class I am taking I am required to attend several Deaf socials in my community. And while I understand and agree that staring/eavesdropping on a conversation is rude, it is also very difficult to join in when your vocubulary is a limited as mine. Plus I am most likey the slowest signer on the planet.
Click to expand...

Find someone who looks friendly, approach and sign: ASL, new learn. Know little, more, want learn. Want chat?

You will no doubt be pleasantly surprised at the warm reception you will get. You might also want to let them know that you are lerning because you are now HOH, and are trying to understand what it is to be deaf.

You will get a much warmer reception if you approach in that way than if you sit back and just watch.
 
Ruthkelna said:
But could it be different if they know I'm just trying to learn their language? But you're right--it's probably not the most polite thing to do
Click to expand...

I dont think its rude because if you're just beginning to sign you probably understand 3% of what is being said because they're probably going at such faster pace and it all just really cool from a far... wen i first began to learn asl
i use to watch people sign but understood nothing!!!
i just thought it looked soo cool!i was admiring them:D
but if you're still watching them ..after years of learning....
i would call it eves dropping
then again they probably dont know that you're a beginner watching them so i guess i can see how it can be rude

Plus when deaf are talking with deaf...signs can be "sloppier" or maybe "slang" so they may not be ExACTLY the proper sign we learned in asl class... which i find pretty cool!

Its all on how you look at it..same with the whole do deaf people mind when you go up to them just to say you know asl also...people feel differently
 
jillio said:
Find someone who looks friendly, approach and sign: ASL, new learn. Know little, more, want learn. Want chat?

You will no doubt be pleasantly surprised at the warm reception you will get. You might also want to let them know that you are lerning because you are now HOH, and are trying to understand what it is to be deaf.

You will get a much warmer reception if you approach in that way than if you sit back and just watch.
Click to expand...

This is great advice for anyone! The HOH part is of course for those who are but, for anyone try to join in the conversation no matter how nervous/scared you are.

I have a tutee that we go to a signing group together. She went her first time the end of her first week of class. People were so patient in talking with her. One man fingerspelled a word some 8 times before she understood him but he refused to let her look to me for help. She learned several new signs and while she did not remember them all she was certainly more comfortable and excited to go again. It really opens your mind to the idea of learning through immersion.
 
Keritsubo said:
This is great advice for anyone! The HOH part is of course for those who are but, for anyone try to join in the conversation no matter how nervous/scared you are.

I have a tutee that we go to a signing group together. She went her first time the end of her first week of class. People were so patient in talking with her. One man fingerspelled a word some 8 times before she understood him but he refused to let her look to me for help. She learned several new signs and while she did not remember them all she was certainly more comfortable and excited to go again. It really opens your mind to the idea of learning through immersion.
Click to expand...

:ty:

I actually learned through immersion by going to a Deaf Club, announcing that I had a deaf baby, and needed help from them in understanding what it meant to be a deaf child. My signing was very rudimentary, but they were more than patient with me.
 
avwdng29 said:
Its all on how you look at it..same with the whole do deaf people mind when you go up to them just to say you know asl also...people feel differently
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness, I remember doing that back in high school! Ha, how silly it sounds now. I would never dare do that to one of the Hispanic people I meet at the grocery store because I was taking classes.

I know a lot of students do it too... I even feel the urge to sometimes, well I mean sign to people I see signing. But I force myself to move on. Unless the opportunity presents itself like telling a Deaf couple that in a crowded airport their McDonald's order number is being called. I waited twice, just to make sure it was not anyone else's before I interrupted them politely.
 
jillio said:
:ty:

I actually learned through immersion by going to a Deaf Club, announcing that I had a deaf baby, and needed help from them in understanding what it meant to be a deaf child. My signing was very rudimentary, but they were more than patient with me.
Click to expand...

People keep posting while I'm writing! :laugh2: I feel like such a chatter bug right now....

Good for you to be so bold! It is a pity other parents do not take such an initiative. Simply trying to change their children to live completely in the hearing world. My first teacher was hearing with a Deaf child, he did the same thing. Started immediately taking classes and learning so he could teach his daughter and let her decided where she belonged once she got older.
 
jillio said:
Learning the language by eavesdropping on conversations is rude. Learning should take place in a situation designed for that. If you truly want to learn the language, converse with the deaf, don't eavesdrop on them. I don't mean to sound harsh, but private conversations are just that...private. It doesn't matter whether they are signed or spoken. Deaf socials are a place for deaf to socialize with each other and chat. They are not for the purpose of allowing others to observe them like animals in a cage.
Click to expand...

Grrrrrreat! Post! I agree 100%!
 
Deaf people often will code-switch if someone is watching the conversation that's private.

:D
 
Changing out signs, especially if the two people in the conversation know each other well enough to have made up their own "language" -- usually just for the fun of it but it can come in handy. My boyfriend has made up so many sign words of his own that we can be out in public and NOBODY, even other deafies, knows what we're talking about! :D
 
Ruthkelna said:
Hmmmm...interesting! Thanks for your feedback!

Just to clarify, I did take 3 quarters of ASL at college, and i do converse with the people at the socials and I do have Deaf friends. But sometimes my brain just gets so overloaded that I just sit back and watch for awhile. But I'll def. be more careful about that from now on
Click to expand...

You could watch other people sign at DeafVIDEO.TV - Deaf Videos and Vlogs for your brain's break-time.
 
I am a late deafend adult and have to relocate to a large city from this small farming town to improve my lipreading and to learn ASL. I do have 1 major problem I have arthritis in my hands and my W is very poor when I finger spell with both hands. I really need to learn ASL as it would make life better in my home both my wife and I are going to learn because lipreading is only acurate with in 6 to 8 feet. My main concern is will I be accepted in the Deaf Community with my improper letter or will it be taken as an insult to the language its self. I really could use your feed back on my problem so thanks for now
Don
 
Don, I would not worry. YOu have a legitimate reason for your difficulty. I have come across individuals missing digits of their fingers, or fingers completely. The Deaf individuals signing with them have no difficulty understanding them. I take a bit to do so, but that is because it is not my native language. I am sure you will be just fine and you will be accepted.
 
Keritsubo said:
Don, I would not worry. YOu have a legitimate reason for your difficulty. I have come across individuals missing digits of their fingers, or fingers completely. The Deaf individuals signing with them have no difficulty understanding them. I take a bit to do so, but that is because it is not my native language. I am sure you will be just fine and you will be accepted.
Click to expand...

Agreed. The deaf are afflicted with arthritis and other disorders at the same rate as the hearing population is. A deafie with arthritis is not a rareity.
 
DizzyDon62 said:
I am a late deafend adult and have to relocate to a large city from this small farming town to improve my lipreading and to learn ASL. I do have 1 major problem I have arthritis in my hands and my W is very poor when I finger spell with both hands. I really need to learn ASL as it would make life better in my home both my wife and I are going to learn because lipreading is only acurate with in 6 to 8 feet. My main concern is will I be accepted in the Deaf Community with my improper letter or will it be taken as an insult to the language its self. I really could use your feed back on my problem so thanks for now
Don
Click to expand...

Not a problem. I am sure your arthritis is obivious and the deaf people do understand that. I have met a young deaf guy who is missing most of his fingers and I can understand him. He signs and mouths the words which really helps. Years ago, I also saw a deaf man who lost both arms and has metal hooks instead. His friends understand him. I am guessing that he would draw a letter in air when he is spelling a word (and mouthing the letter as well).

You will do well. They will get used to your style of "W".
 
Ruthkelna said:
Me and my friends are learning ASL and we often attend the deaf socials. I was curious if Deaf people mind that, or if they are open to having us there. Also, sometimes at the socials, I enjoy just watching a conversation between two Deaf people that I'm sitting next to. Is that considered rude just to watch?

Thanks for your help!
Click to expand...

I do have a few problems with it. For one thing, a lot of the ASL students I have met expect the deaf people in the social to initiate conversation. People shouldn't be afraid to start a new conversation.

Also, I have met a lot of ASL students that didn't seem serious about it to begin with.

I prefer deaf-only socials but as long as the people learning ASL are willing to make the effort to use their ASL skills, I don't mind. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to initiate a conversation at least once.

Also, watching without participating can be rude, especially since there's the possibility of it being a one-way conversation and someone sees something they shouldn't see.
 
DizzyDon: I, too, have joint problems (not arthritis, but very similar), and there are letters I don't form right. I used to worry about it a lot, but I realized pretty quickly that people understood me anyway. Deaf, anyway; my hearing friends sometimes have more trouble with my fingerspelling. And I still use a "hearing person's E", simply because that's the shape my hand can make; people who have a problem with that are welcome to their opinion.

Remember also that a lot of us have had various communication problems in our lives - related to speech and hearing. So the community is, I think, fairly chill about non-normative communication due to physical limits.
 
Back
Top