Half of my family is deaf...but not me.

runawayjett13

runawayjett13

New Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2012
Messages
13
Reaction score
0
Hello all!
My father, stepmother, half brother and sister, three uncles, both paternal grandparents, and more are deaf, some since birth, some developed hearing loss early in life. I am a "hearie", and so is my one full brother. Because my parents divorced when I was about five, I was not part of my paternal family's life very often. I have many relationship problems with my father, not related to his deafness, so it has been hard for me to learn more about the deaf community and culture. My hearing mother was always supportive of my interest, and is fluent in ASL. I have always loved to sign, and, as a nanny, I teach hearing babies and young children to use ASL to improve their non-verbal communication skills.

My father was not a very good parent. He broke lots of promises, would go years without contact, and still does not keep in touch, despite countless attempts on my part to maintain a relationship. We recently had a bad argument, in which I called him out on his negligent behavior, and he accused me of audism. This hurt me very much, because I never considered our issues to be related to his deafness at all, only his lack of commitment and compassion as a parental figure in my life. I have never seen his being deaf as a barrier to having a relationship with him, and though I am not fluent (mostly because I have no one to practice with), I have always used ASL with him and his family the best I can, and write or fingerspell the rest.

Because it seems that our issues will never be resolved, I turn to you folks to please accept me, despite being a "hearie", and allow me to learn more about a part of my life I still consider to be very important.
 
An online community is nothing like a real life relationship, amd there is no way we should be standing in for your family. Since you already pointed out that your father's deafness does not figure into your relationship, a group of deaf people online are not really any solution for you.
 
I think you missed the point of what I was asking. I'm not looking for a replacement for my father as a person. Just a group of friendly deaf people to help me learn about the culture, because I feel it is part of me. I felt it necessary to include some history with my father to illustrate why I cannot learn from him, that's all.
 
Welcome to AllDeaf! :wave:

I'm glad you're not letting your relationship with your father stop your eagerness to be part of the deaf community.

I'm sure that a lot of us will be willing to be part of your "circle", but there are other means of reaching out to the deaf community.

Aren't there any deaf social events near where you live? Deaf Happy Hour? Deaf Chat Coffee?
 
it would be nice if you tell your doctor to remove your hearing so you can be part of your deaf family
 
Thanks, everyone. Since my family members on my father's side are really the only deaf folks that I know personally, I have to start from scratch as far as reaching out to the community. My husband and I just moved to a new town not long ago, so we haven't met any new people at all yet, but we will. As for removing my hearing, since I am 37 years old, and was born hearing, wouldn't that be the same as asking a deaf person to become hearing? I'm happy the way I am, as I know you are happy the way you are. We were born this way, and I find no need to change myself. Whether you can hear or not, see or not, walk or not, or whatever, should have no bearing on how you relate to your family. Unfortunately, my father didn't see it that way...but that's how I feel. I love people for how they are, as long as they treat me with kindness in return.
 
u same like mah son didn't sign so well just like me. His father is deaf very strong asl, I'm fluently.
 
dereksbicycles said:
There are always deaf cats and deaf dogs up for adoption who would love to learn ASL.
Click to expand...

I admire your love for animals, dereksbicycles! I have read many of your posts on this site, and see that...especially with ferrets! :D

Unfortunately, my husband is allergic to both cats and dogs...someday, maybe we'll find one that is low allergy who needs a home.
 
Hi, I'm in much the same position. I grew up in a deaf community and with deaf friends...it was a boarding school so kids usually only went for a couple years before their parents yakned them out...but I've grown up and moved away and am not in contact with any of them beucase of crazy reasons. Still, I miss the culture.
 
runawayjett13 said:
Hello all!
My father, stepmother, half brother and sister, three uncles, both paternal grandparents, and more are deaf, some since birth, some developed hearing loss early in life. I am a "hearie", and so is my one full brother. Because my parents divorced when I was about five, I was not part of my paternal family's life very often. I have many relationship problems with my father, not related to his deafness, so it has been hard for me to learn more about the deaf community and culture. My hearing mother was always supportive of my interest, and is fluent in ASL. I have always loved to sign, and, as a nanny, I teach hearing babies and young children to use ASL to improve their non-verbal communication skills.

My father was not a very good parent. He broke lots of promises, would go years without contact, and still does not keep in touch, despite countless attempts on my part to maintain a relationship. We recently had a bad argument, in which I called him out on his negligent behavior, and he accused me of audism. This hurt me very much, because I never considered our issues to be related to his deafness at all, only his lack of commitment and compassion as a parental figure in my life. I have never seen his being deaf as a barrier to having a relationship with him, and though I am not fluent (mostly because I have no one to practice with), I have always used ASL with him and his family the best I can, and write or fingerspell the rest.

Because it seems that our issues will never be resolved, I turn to you folks to please accept me, despite being a "hearie", and allow me to learn more about a part of my life I still consider to be very important.
Click to expand...


I see that you have not been able to communicate with lack of signing to your father very much. Your father had difficulties being in the hearing world and most of the hearing people refuse to understand him when he need accommodations to be fully understand what people are talking to him. You were criticizing him on his negligence behavior like as if he is a child not being grown up. Also you would have to be in his world to understand why he was behaving like this. Don't talk down to him. That is audism. You are hearing and you are pretty much in the hearing world than being in the Deaf world. You probably would never be able to understand their deafness at all. You can not make them to be like you as a hearing person. That is why one member here said it would be great if you had gone to the doctor and make you deaf instead of hearing. You will be able to understand what is deafness is all about. Now that you are here. You will learn a lot about us being deaf and why we are not comfortable being in the hearing world. You will learn the difference between hearing perspective and deaf perspective. They are totally different.

So welcome to AllDeaf community here. :)
 
Bebonang said:
I see that you have not been able to communicate with lack of signing to your father very much. Your father had difficulties being in the hearing world and most of the hearing people refuse to understand him when he need accommodations to be fully understand what people are talking to him. You were criticizing him on his negligence behavior like as if he is a child not being grown up. Also you would have to be in his world to understand why he was behaving like this. Don't talk down to him. That is audism. You are hearing and you are pretty much in the hearing world than being in the Deaf world. You probably would never be able to understand their deafness at all. You can not make them to be like you as a hearing person. That is why one member here said it would be great if you had gone to the doctor and make you deaf instead of hearing. You will be able to understand what is deafness is all about. Now that you are here. You will learn a lot about us being deaf and why we are not comfortable being in the hearing world. You will learn the difference between hearing perspective and deaf perspective. They are totally different.

So welcome to AllDeaf community here. :)
Click to expand...

I don't think being Deaf had any bearing on whether my father was a good parent or not. I refuse to believe it, unless he was the one who had a problem with me being a hearing person. I know plenty of Deaf parents who love their children very much, regardless of whether or not they can hear. I love children, and I love people, and I know that love doesn't judge based on anything. I cannot understand what it is like to be deaf, sure, but I also can't understand why a parent would not want to see his child. They are two separate things - completely unrelated. I treat him as what he is - an adult male who had two children who he pretty much abandoned in life, then has the nerve to judge without knowing. None of that has to do with his being Deaf - at all.

As I said before, I pointed out some facts about my relationship with my father to let people know why I couldn't learn from him. That's all. Thanks for your comments.
 
purplepopple said:
Hi, I'm in much the same position. I grew up in a deaf community and with deaf friends...it was a boarding school so kids usually only went for a couple years before their parents yakned them out...but I've grown up and moved away and am not in contact with any of them beucase of crazy reasons. Still, I miss the culture.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your story! Are members of your family Deaf, and that is why you grew up in the community?
 
Back
Top