Frustrated With Audiologist!!

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ange26s

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Hello,
I just need to take a moment to vent! My daughter is 13 months and she has bilateral profound hearing loss.We found this out when she was 1 month old.When we first found out about her hearing loss, it wasnt this devastating moment in our lives.I love my daughter and she is such a joy to be around. She loves interacting with people and she is just wonderful.I will be honest, when we were first presented with everything, our first reaction was,"well of course we're going to implant her!" Then my attitude started changing and I started thinking of my daughter and her future in all sorts views.I then decided to start learning sign language and teaching her because I want her to have choices.If when she is older she feels more comfortable around the hearing community..ok.But, if she feels better around the deaf community or both, thats fine too.But,now that she is going through her CI evaluations,I DO NOT like the way my husband and I are being "counseled." Of course I told them that she is being taught ASL, and they were like "well, she should be spoken to orally and then maybe later on taught ASL" ARRRRHHH!!!! There are many hearing children that learn 2 languages and do just fine.There is NO proven fact that ASL will hinder her oral communication.And that brings up another point, I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE making my child feel that she has to speak " almost perfect" and sound "normal." The reason I am choosing to have her implanted is so she can communicate with the public and have choices,NOT to make her "more normal!" She is normal and there is nothing wrong with her.It is hard B/C I am also in nursing school right now,and the audiologist tried making me feel like I was a bad parent.She kept emphasizing that I will have to make time for my daughter and this and that. and it takes family dedication.I do make time for her and she is my everything.But, as an educated woman she should understand the importance of going to school.I love nursing, and I feel not only am I an advocate for my patients,but I am also my daughters advocate.I think they are intimidated that I have strong opinions and I although I take what they say into account,their words are not put on a pedestal.I have asked 3 audiologist to link me up with a parent that has a child that was implanted.Not 1 person has contacted me.Not 1.And to top it off,the family she contacted lives 15 min. away from me.Why do people sign up for something and NOT follow through with it????That is the second family that blew me off.I could never do that.And I know she contacted them B/C I was sitting in her office when she made the phone call.I also asked if my daughter could have her surgery in Jan. B/C I have winter break and I could be home with her and not have to juggle appts. But NO, they cancelled her 3rd CI evaluation and scheduled it at the end of Jan. When i asked about this they said they had to reschedule b/c the staff had a meeting that day.OK, I feel better!! I never knew the stress this would be.I guess I am not satisfied with her 1st evaluation,I felt rushed and judged.My husband and I are trying to figure out which implant company to go with.We feel like we were just thrown out there.Does anyone have any advice or expierences of their own?I dont understand all that technical jargon with the implants.I understand the physiology,but not the the technical = ) By the way, we are considering MEDEL.Thanx for letting me vent!!
 
Your post just made me smile, I admire your courage, ability to stand firm and for being super supportive toward your daughter's deafness, and teaching her ASL too even through I'm not so surprised that an audiologist prefers hearing parents to have their deaf children to stick with oral methods only. Next time when someone says this, you says "That's interesting but unfortunately I rather my daughter to across all TOOLS that's inculde learning ASL". I'm glad you're thinking of your daughter not what other people think you should do, those who haven't yet walked a miles in a deaf child's shoes and of course everyone has an opinion and often times these opinions are actually defenses of one's own parenting choices. I would rather to see parents put the child's needs first before themselves, and you did great and your daughter will be so proud of you! :hug:


And I think it's great that you and your husband wants to implant your daughter with CI, I am not a CI user so I'm afaird I can not answer some of your questions regarding to that, but I hope someone else will. Let me know how things are going with your daughter and good luck! :)
 
Hi

I am CI user. I had my ci for almost a year now will be in Jan. I can tell you that you are doing wonderful job as parent that using asl. to me it is important that you give your child both commuication skills. oral and asl. for myself I grew up being oral but also learn asl as child but I was more into speakin cause of my family. I would use sign langauage for school or social with deaf people. you know if My family took the time to learn sign language I wouldnt have to struggle much cause I would have both skills but I dont I find I have hard time teach my fiance sign langauage cause Im so used to lipreadin and speak as if I was hearing person but I am not. it is hard for me to change way i need to commuicate sign lang would be best for me. anways you know i can see why the audolgy want your child be able to speak cause it is waste of time to have ci if your child has never heard own voice or hasnt learn to talk cause once you have a ci you will able to hear alot sounds so I only recommend who has speakin ability should get the ci or have some hearing left with hearing aid or without cause it is easier to adjsut to the ci. for myself it is wasnt hard for me adjust to the ci cause im hoh.

I hope this help
Lisa
 
That's not right, what the audiologist has been doing.. Trying to discourage your use of signing with your child. When I became deaf at age 2, my parents were repeatedly told NOT to use signs or gestures with me, but they stood by their own beliefs, took sign language classes and did what they could so they could community with me. And did sign language stop me from speaking orally? No. It took me a while before I spoke again, but I got there (I had meningitis, and I might have had a little bit of brain damage from the illness, so it took a while for my brain to make the connection between signing and speaking).

Hopefully you will be able to get in contact with parents who have implanted their child(s).

And don't let the audiologist get to you regarding your beliefs. You are the parent, you know your child the best.
 
I have had my CIs for 5 months now. I am sorry for the way you are being treated by your audie. I'm sure that is a terrible experience. We have several parents here that have children with CIs and can answer your questions. There are many parents who have blogs on line that you can e-mail and they will answer. CHRONICLES OF A BIONIC WOMAN Contradica post on here and on the side of her blog she has links to other sites. Many are parents of children. They are your best resource.

Only another parent who has to make the choice for CIs can understand what you are going through. The rest of us can only show compassion and support for you.
 
Hi...I want to applaud you for standing up to the audiologist about using oral language only and then using ASL later. You are on the right track with your thinking. As a teacher for the deaf, I have seen the devastating results of what happens to deaf children when they werent taught ASL at first. It is rare for parents to stand up to the doctors and audiologists when it comes to what language to use. Deaf children using both have been proved to perform better academically than deaf children who use oral language.

I have worked with CI users who have been using ASL since their diagnosis and were still able to develop spoken language. Yes, it takes hard work and committment but worth it.

I am not surprised that the audi told you this. 35 years ago, my mom was told the exact same thing when she found out that I was born deaf. The audiologists told her that for me to be normal, I must learn how to talk and do not expose me to sign language. I grew up orally (no CIs) and it was hell for me. I finally learned ASL around the age of 25 years old and never went back to an oral-only environment. Not only that, ASL helped improve my reading and writing.

I hope everything works out with the audis and the implant centers. I dont have CIs so I dont know what it is like to go through all of this but I know u are not the only one. Many of the parents of my implanted students have expressed to me that they felt rushed into making the decision of implanting their children cuz of the window of language development. They have expressed that they wished that they took the time and really research into what is really involved in making an implant work, the pros and cons and so forth.

Good luck and I hope venting made u feel better. :)
 
First of all is Good Venting :thumb:

I :applause: you and your open mind.

We are deaf parents and have 2 hearing boys. They can use both languages... As hearing, they can talking and with us as deaf, they use sign languages. Let them feel free what they like without get force/pressure on them what I want.
 
Thankyou for your words of encouragment! I do feel better.And I do have to admitt that even though I felt irritated with this particular audiologist, my daughter's early intervention teachers have been great with their support.I was just telling her how I made a posting and she said says loves this site.Thanx again and I wiil try to contact some parents online and see how that works. Even though I am parent of a child who is deaf, I can never understand what it is truly like, and I appreciate anyone who shares their expierences and opinions with me.
 
shel90 said:
Hi...I want to applaud you for standing up to the audiologist about using oral language only and then using ASL later. You are on the right track with your thinking. As a teacher for the deaf, I have seen the devastating results of what happens to deaf children when they werent taught ASL at first. It is rare for parents to stand up to the doctors and audiologists when it comes to what language to use. Deaf children using both have been proved to perform better academically than deaf children who use oral language.

I have worked with CI users who have been using ASL since their diagnosis and were still able to develop spoken language. Yes, it takes hard work and committment but worth it.

I am not surprised that the audi told you this. 35 years ago, my mom was told the exact same thing when she found out that I was born deaf. The audiologists told her that for me to be normal, I must learn how to talk and do not expose me to sign language. I grew up orally (no CIs) and it was hell for me. I finally learned ASL around the age of 25 years old and never went back to an oral-only environment. Not only that, ASL helped improve my reading and writing.

I hope everything works out with the audis and the implant centers. I dont have CIs so I dont know what it is like to go through all of this but I know u are not the only one. Many of the parents of my implanted students have expressed to me that they felt rushed into making the decision of implanting their children cuz of the window of language development. They have expressed that they wished that they took the time and really research into what is really involved in making an implant work, the pros and cons and so forth.

Good luck and I hope venting made u feel better. :)
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I agree with everything that shel has said, and also with the points Cheri made regarding your courage. Quite obviously, all your audi knows of deafness is what she was taught in her college classes. However, those of us who are involved with it on a daily basis have a different perspective.

Like you, 21 years ago, it was recommended that I not use sign with my own deaf son. Like you, I was also insulted, and found that the professional community was quite presemptious in their assumptions that they could better tell me what a deaf child needed that the deaf adults who had lived it.

Stand by your postion. I applaud you for being open minded and for thinking the situation all of the way through rather than stopping at the "hearing and speaking" junction. With a mom like you, your child will be just fine. I expect to hear wonderful stories of the amazing progress your baby makes with a speech and sign environment.
 
ange26s said:
Hello,
I just need to take a moment to vent! My daughter is 13 months and she has bilateral profound hearing loss.We found this out when she was 1 month old.When we first found out about her hearing loss, it wasnt this devastating moment in our lives.I love my daughter and she is such a joy to be around. She loves interacting with people and she is just wonderful.I will be honest, when we were first presented with everything, our first reaction was,"well of course we're going to implant her!" Then my attitude started changing and I started thinking of my daughter and her future in all sorts views.I then decided to start learning sign language and teaching her because I want her to have choices.If when she is older she feels more comfortable around the hearing community..ok.But, if she feels better around the deaf community or both, thats fine too.But,now that she is going through her CI evaluations,I DO NOT like the way my husband and I are being "counseled." Of course I told them that she is being taught ASL, and they were like "well, she should be spoken to orally and then maybe later on taught ASL" ARRRRHHH!!!! There are many hearing children that learn 2 languages and do just fine.There is NO proven fact that ASL will hinder her oral communication.And that brings up another point, I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE making my child feel that she has to speak " almost perfect" and sound "normal." The reason I am choosing to have her implanted is so she can communicate with the public and have choices,NOT to make her "more normal!" She is normal and there is nothing wrong with her.It is hard B/C I am also in nursing school right now,and the audiologist tried making me feel like I was a bad parent.She kept emphasizing that I will have to make time for my daughter and this and that. and it takes family dedication.I do make time for her and she is my everything.But, as an educated woman she should understand the importance of going to school.I love nursing, and I feel not only am I an advocate for my patients,but I am also my daughters advocate.I think they are intimidated that I have strong opinions and I although I take what they say into account,their words are not put on a pedestal.I have asked 3 audiologist to link me up with a parent that has a child that was implanted.Not 1 person has contacted me.Not 1.And to top it off,the family she contacted lives 15 min. away from me.Why do people sign up for something and NOT follow through with it????That is the second family that blew me off.I could never do that.And I know she contacted them B/C I was sitting in her office when she made the phone call.I also asked if my daughter could have her surgery in Jan. B/C I have winter break and I could be home with her and not have to juggle appts. But NO, they cancelled her 3rd CI evaluation and scheduled it at the end of Jan. When i asked about this they said they had to reschedule b/c the staff had a meeting that day.OK, I feel better!! I never knew the stress this would be.I guess I am not satisfied with her 1st evaluation,I felt rushed and judged.My husband and I are trying to figure out which implant company to go with.We feel like we were just thrown out there.Does anyone have any advice or expierences of their own?I dont understand all that technical jargon with the implants.I understand the physiology,but not the the technical = ) By the way, we are considering MEDEL.Thanx for letting me vent!!
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Like Angel, I'm smiling because it's clear that to me that you're willing to give your daughter the whole toolbox.

I'm also a CI user and I'm a MedEl implant user as well. I love my CI. Even so, it's not the same as normal hearing. If your child is a success with the implant and she uses only one implant, she'll have problems with groups of more than four people or if she's in a restruant.

Like Shel90 I was mainstreamed and I remember the teacher would wander around the classroom which made it difficult to liptread her so I resorted to using my text books to make up for what I missed. There were no interpeters or notetakers for me when I was mainstreamed.

I think you're doing the right thing. A lot of people think sign will delay speech development. It won't. It will be a big help with language skills. Too many parents focus on how well the child hears and how well they speak and ignore the language skills. They're often delayed in language skills as a result. Yes, being able to speak is important but your biggest priority with your child is her language skills so she won't have problems with school down the road.

Although CIs rarely fail, it does happen and many children who don't know sign often end up like some of Shel's students who were implanted and raised in an oral only environment; they're delayed in language as a result.

Again, I applaud you for standing up to them.
 
vallee said:
There are many parents who have blogs on line that you can e-mail and they will answer. CHRONICLES OF A BIONIC WOMAN Contradica post on here and on the side of her blog she has links to other sites. Many are parents of children. They are your best resource.
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You are starting to sound like those Audiologists. Do I trust all hearing parents who have deaf children? No, I do not, not all of those hearing parents make the right decisions or choices. I think it's important that ange26s hears the deaf adults views as well and we are the best resource, we've experienced all walks of life being deaf.

I'm so glad that ange26s came to the right place to vent out her anger regarding the Audiologist, Audiologists are not too well educated on the subject of a deaf child’s needs, they always tell parents to use the oral method instead sign language, sign language is not encouraged by the Audiologist. They usual go with the Alexander Graham Bell Organization. That is so typical. I believe in using both or all tools not just oral method. :)

And ange26s You've inspired me and you got my full support, I'm so glad a hearing parent like yourself is looking out for the child's best interests for their needs to be meet. Thank you for standing up for what you believe about the importance for your child. ;)
 
my daughter's early intervention teachers have been great with their support
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YAY........sounds like you got hooked up with the right ei specialists. Even today, a lot of families of dhh kids get hooked up with just general ei.
Could you change audis? I really think that a lot of audis and therapists don't realize that a lot of the oral sucess kids tend to be from families where overacheivement is the norm.
What state are you in? maybe a good idear might be to hook up with the Deaf school, for support and services.
It is so refreshing to see a parent who sees a "full toolbox" as opening up a world of choices for their dhh kid. That is so awesome...........wish there were more parents like you out there!
 
Cheri said:
You are starting to sound like those Audiologists. Do I trust all hearing parents who have deaf children? No, I do not, not all of those hearing parents make the right decisions or choices. I think it's important that ange26s hears the deaf adults views as well and we are the best resource, we've experienced all walks of life being deaf.

I'm so glad that ange26s came to the right place to vent out her anger regarding the Audiologist, Audiologists are not too well educated on the subject of a deaf child’s needs, they always tell parents to use the oral method instead sign language, sign language is not encouraged by the Audiologist. They usual go with the Alexander Graham Bell Organization. That is so typical. I believe in using both or all tools not just oral method. :)

And ange26s You've inspired me and you got my full support, I'm so glad a hearing parent like yourself is looking out for the child's best interests for their needs to be meet. Thank you for standing up for what you believe about the importance for your child. ;)
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to me you know what I am - a person who has live life as a HOH/deaf child and adult. I disagree with the bold statement. I don't believe a generalization of all audies can be made.

There are so many parents who are raising their children and they do use other methods beside oral. What about lena's story? She is using CS. These parents know how hard it is to make a life changing decision for their child. I don't know what that is like. I never had to make that choice for my child, but if I did I would want to talk to other parents going through the same choices. And they are great resources, either positive or negative. Just because you might not agree with their choices, they did make it with the best interest of the child at heart.

also what full support - are you going to offer any resources or centers for her to go so she can get the support she needs? Is there any places or web sites that she can go to, to assist in developing a total communication program for her child? Venting is great, but where can she go for help, if the audies and doctors are not supporting her?

I for one think it is wonderful that she is using ASL with her child. I applause her for wanting to communicate with her child. Her child is so young, it must be scary for the child as well as the parent without some form of communication. I think it is a fantastic first step for this family in reaching out to us for assistance. I offered other parents' blogs to assist. Where are you going to offer?
 
vallee--

When I said "full support" she does have my full support on the decision that she made without the help of the Audiologist. I'm sure she knows what she's doing so far she had made a choice to decided on sign language, if she really does need our help in finding resources for her, she's more than welcome to ask. I don't believe in shoveling resources in people's faces unless they ask for it, because some resources can be bias. ;)

besides she was only venting out her feelings to us. we should listen and give her our full support instead of throwing resources in her face.
 
Well when the audi gets going on why you should concentrate on speech onlly, you could say that you want her to have a full toolbox, since a) technology is imperfect. and b) what if you concentrated exclusively on speech, just to find out that she doesn't have the knack for it, or if she only ends up with not too sophisticated spoken language. i really think that a lot of audis and other professionals are kinda bedazzled by the superstars. they really don't represent the population as a whole.
OT, but CDMeggers, I think the way that you ended up as a deaf adult is absolutly perfect. what i mean by that is that you grew up getting oral training, but also had exposure to sign.......the way you were exposed to them was very neutral, and let you choose how to communicate. you chose speech....so it was your choice. make sense? i really think that parents need to realize that their job is to equipt a kid with a full toolbox, and let the kid choose which tools he wants to use. too often when talking about oral its the parents who choose the tools, and they reject sign.
 
I personally think we need to stop the bickering in here! We have a person who came here to vent. Let's not turn another thread into a *agenda* arguement. We DO NOT want to turn this parent off.


As to the OP, I applaud you in your decision to keep sign.

I am a CI user myself, and if my audi had rushed me, as yours seems to be doing, then I would have looked for another Audi. In a decision as monumental as this one is, I would either tell the audi to slow the heck down and take it at my pace, or I will find another one.

I say a monumental decision, because this decision affect all of your lives. You as the parents, are gonna have to work hard with her to ensure she gets the best outcome possible with the CI. And she is the one that is gonna have to do alot of hard work, making it work as best as she can. She is also the one that is gonna have to go through the surgery and all that. So this is a monumental decision for any parent. And one that simply should not be rushed, REGARDLESS of a *window of opportunity*.

Taking a few extra months to make sure you are completely understanding everything expected of you, questioning which brand offers what, meeting other parents, and most of all and probably the most important of all, feeling comfortable in your decisions.

Tell that audi to slow down! Unless you are comfortable and happy this decision will not be a good one. You do not sound confident that you have all the information in your hands. If your not confident now, how will you be later? Making a decision this big, you should be very confident in the audi and knowing what to expect.

I think you are making some very very very good decisions for your daughter though. I also think you are one of those very rare parents, that are strong enough to stand for your own beliefs. Keep on standing up for what you believe in and tell that Audi to slow down!
 
Cheri said:
vallee--

When I said "full support" she does have my full support on the decision that she made without the help of the Audiologist. I'm sure she knows what she's doing so far she had made a choice to decided on sign language, if she really does need our help in finding resources for her, she's more than welcome to ask. I don't believe in shoveling resources in people's faces unless they ask for it, because some resources can be bias. ;)

besides she was only venting out her feelings to us. we should listen and give her our full support instead of throwing resources in her face.
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I agree, Cheri. Ange26s has obviously given this situation much thought, and has found resources on her own that have given her both pros and cons of an oral only vs. a speech plus sign environment. I applaud her for the fact hat she has gone to these lengths for the benefit of her child, and for having the courage to use her new found knowledge despite the negative feedback she has received from her audi. This is a mother that instictively realizes that there is so much more to deafness than simply not being able to hear, and she has, on her own, come to the realization that the only people who can give her information on what it is to be a profoundly deaf child is one who has been a profoundly deaf child. And she is reaching out tot he deaf community and asking for the benefit of their experience in making decisions for her child. She doesn't need direction, she needs support in her decisions.

Many years ago, I found myself in exactly the same position as Ange26s. I reached out to the deaf community, and asked them to share their experience, their wisdom, and their insight with me as I raised my own deaf child. The deaf community was there for me. Never did they give me directions on what I was to do, but simply shared their stories, their wisdom, and their language with me and my son. Most importantly, they listened to me and my concerns and my worries, and they encouraged me. They provided encouragement as I fought the school system and the oral based programs. In short, they offered me their friendship. That is what I needed, as I had all of the information I needed.

Because the deaf community opened their hearts and their lives to me and my son in those years, I believe I owe it to ange26s to give back some of what was given me. I cannot tell her what it is to be a deaf child, but I can share with her what it is to be the parent of a profoundly deaf child who reached out to the deaf community and found a welcoming, kind, loving, and supportive environment. Because I am grateful for what I have been given, I have a duty to pass it on to others. And that is what I will do when asked. Support, not direct.
 
Bear said:
I personally think we need to stop the bickering in here! We have a person who came here to vent. Let's not turn another thread into a *agenda* arguement. We DO NOT want to turn this parent off.


As to the OP, I applaud you in your decision to keep sign.

I am a CI user myself, and if my audi had rushed me, as yours seems to be doing, then I would have looked for another Audi. In a decision as monumental as this one is, I would either tell the audi to slow the heck down and take it at my pace, or I will find another one.

I say a monumental decision, because this decision affect all of your lives. You as the parents, are gonna have to work hard with her to ensure she gets the best outcome possible with the CI. And she is the one that is gonna have to do alot of hard work, making it work as best as she can. She is also the one that is gonna have to go through the surgery and all that. So this is a monumental decision for any parent. And one that simply should not be rushed, REGARDLESS of a *window of opportunity*.

Taking a few extra months to make sure you are completely understanding everything expected of you, questioning which brand offers what, meeting other parents, and most of all and probably the most important of all, feeling comfortable in your decisions.

Tell that audi to slow down! Unless you are comfortable and happy this decision will not be a good one. You do not sound confident that you have all the information in your hands. If your not confident now, how will you be later? Making a decision this big, you should be very confident in the audi and knowing what to expect.

I think you are making some very very very good decisions for your daughter though. I also think you are one of those very rare parents, that are strong enough to stand for your own beliefs. Keep on standing up for what you believe in and tell that Audi to slow down!
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:gpost:
 
ange26s said:
.I then decided to start learning sign language and teaching her because I want her to have choices.If when she is older she feels more comfortable around the hearing community..ok.But, if she feels better around the deaf community or both, thats fine too.But,now that she is going through her CI evaluations,I DO NOT like the way my husband and I are being "counseled." Of course I told them that she is being taught ASL, and they were like "well, she should be spoken to orally and then maybe later on taught ASL" ARRRRHHH!!!! There are many hearing children that learn 2 languages and do just fine.There is NO proven fact that ASL will hinder her oral communication.And that brings up another point, I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE making my child feel that she has to speak " almost perfect" and sound "normal." !!
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I have a daughter with down syndrome (and one who uses HA's) As you go through life with a child with a disablity. you will find many 'experts' along the way who try to tell you how to go about teaching your child. (even here) So take what they say, discard what you don't like, remember you will probably make mistakes and have to correct them, but since you know your child do what you know to be best for your child. I am not an expert, but I do know what my child is like, I knew when she was having behavior problems at school, and they wouldn't listen to me about how to deal with them that it was time to insist brining in an expert in behaviors, they didn't think so but ya know they did listen to that expert tell them the same things. LOL So always take the time to listen to them and discard what you don't agree with. :) And enjoy your baby they don't stay little long enough. :)

Oh and to add when my daughter with DS was about 2 yrs old I had the same type of argument with her ST. Her ST insisted that if she used signs that she wouldn't learn to speak. I insisted that if she learned some signs she'd at least avoid most of the time kids with ds experience extreme frustration and behavior problems caused by having a limited expressive language, she called and appologized to me later and became my daughters best advocate in that school.
 
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