Forgive me. I need to rant. I need to get it out.

[November Gypsy]

I watched, "Desperate Housewives" show on Sundays, but it is not exact between you and your mother it is just an ideal situation. I couldn't find the story on the website about Lynette Scavo and her mother. Do you ever watch the show? I am sorry that I didn't help you enough about it.

Maybe, you could make a "secret" pot cake for your mother so that the pot would make her calm down and relax herself without any verbal abuse during the visitation. Sorry, my bad.

That's a wonderful suggestion. Only trouble is...I have no idea where I'd get the pot. I'm afraid I'm one of those aweful goody-two-shoes and know next to nothing about drugs. Not a bad idea though. ....

 

[November Gypsy]

As hard and unpleasant it may be. Your mom is traveling your way to visit you.

Give her a chance. If she acts up just tell her. This is your home. for her to respect it and this is your husband. To respect him in your home. If she can not abide by that. Show her the door. It may hurt her and you at the time being. But you can not allow someone to continuously control your life, and create stress. If she does not understand that. Then it is not you, it is her.

I do understand the stress of having someone. That is not a pleasant to be around, in your own house.

I sure hope you all can work it out for the best of all of you.

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice. I just want to make it clear that I do love my mother, and am more then willing to give her a chance. My problem is that I have given her many, many chances, each time she's reverted to the same behavior, and this time is worse because now I have a precious baby who has never been around stressful, domineering people like her (except for a few days when she was newborn). Thanks again for the sympathy. I really do want to get along and have a great relationship. I understand that I was a difficult child and teenager. But I can't change that now, all I can do is apologize, which I have done. It's her move...and she doesn't seem to realize it...sigh.

 

[November Gypsy]

Update

My mother's visit is almost over. She'll be here in about 20 min. to say good-bye and then head back to NY state. I have to say that things went better then I expected in most ways. She didn't scream at me while she was here, and she didn't get into a fight with my husband (with whom I would have sided, but fortunately, it didn't happen). Unfortunately, my baby was afraid of her. She cried every time my mother came into the room, though she did eventually warm up enough to let her hold her for about three min. My baby is not normally so shy...but since my mother is very dramatic and loud (and Casey is not used to this) I really wasn't surprised.

I have to say that I can't wait for the goodbyes to be over. In one sense, I will miss her simply because she is my mother, but it's fustrating to see how little she's changed and how much she still feels the world revolves around her. She still talked about me to who ever was listening like I wasn't there ( I HATE that), she still acted as though everything was about her, she still went on about how I was using my hearing aids as crutchs and just didn't want to hear her. Sigh

Last night, we went out to eat, it was late and time for Casey to go to bed, so I told her we were leaving. She immediately wanted to come over. Now, anyone who has read my posts on my baby knows that Casey really has trouble getting to sleep and needs dead quiet to stay asleep. So I told her I thought it best if she waited until today. I told her in the nicest way possible and I did feel bad. She got so stiff and cool and acted as though she had been mortally offended. This morning when she called she said she 'forgave me for being rude but that I need to stop letting my husband influence my behavior toward her' SHE RULED EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE FOR 20 YEARS! WHY ISN"T THAT ENOUGH? When will she realize that I am an adult! And that I can think for myself and that my world does not revovle around her anymore. My child and my husband are of first and foremost importance, but she seems to feel this is wrong. She makes me feel so worthless and so messed up.

Ok. I'm done. I'm sorry. I know I come off as being rude and ungrateful. I am not normally like this. I love my mother. I know I was difficult. I want to have a good relationship with her...but right now I'm in agonies because she's going to come over and upset Casey again. I want to say goodbye of course...but gosh...surely, surely, my relationship with my baby won't turn into this. I pray so hard that it won't.

 

[jillio]

The most important thing is that you and your family made it through this visit. And the next time, it will be easier for you, because you have now set the boundaries in place.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but your mother may never realize that you are an adult with a life of your own. That means it is time for her to make another life of her own, and it doesn't sound as if she has the self confidence to do that. But you know you are an adult with a life of your own, and you have made that clear during this visit. I'm very proud of you for the way you handled yourself.

 

[PowerON]

lol. Well...that one through me for a loop. I thought KY was southern. I'm orginally from NY and there we consider it a southern state. What do you consider it?

I just check the region maps. I'm mad myself that your home state is belong to Southern.

Anyway, parents aren't always great in side of story than people think.

I love my parents but it's something I don't like to hear from my parents. Oh well.

 

[November Gypsy]

The most important thing is that you and your family made it through this visit. And the next time, it will be easier for you, because you have now set the boundaries in place.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but your mother may never realize that you are an adult with a life of your own. That means it is time for her to make another life of her own, and it doesn't sound as if she has the self confidence to do that. But you know you are an adult with a life of your own, and you have made that clear during this visit. I'm very proud of you for the way you handled yourself.

That's true. You always reorganize my thoughts for me. We did make through the visit, and you are right, next time I'll be a little more prepared. I'll also know that, while I'm never good at defending myself to her, that I have the strength to defend my child and husband when needed. She tried to suggest that Casey was too spoiled (hence the reason why she cried almost every time my mother talked to her)...and I was, for once, able to kindly but firmly tell her not to talk that way. It's one thing to tell me that I am a manipulative brat...it's another to say something like it about my baby, who is NOT a brat and who is pure sunshine 98.2 percent of the time.

You know, it's interesting. I always thought of her as being over confident. You are suggesting just the opposite. I'm going to have to chew on that for a while. She always seems so sure that she is right and if you don't agree then you have less intelligence then a smushed nat.:roll: I'm really going to need to think about that one!

I am grateful, as always, for your imput Jillio. I really appriecate it. You usually help me feel better or more capable then I did before. Now I can breathe again, and Casey and Jason and I will get back to life on our own terms. I will continue to love her, but from a distance, and I will try to come to terms with the fact that she may never change and that I am going to have to choose to be kind and loving regardless.

 

[November Gypsy]

I just check the region maps. I'm mad myself that your home state is belong to Southern.

Anyway, parents aren't always great in side of story than people think.

I love my parents but it's something I don't like to hear from my parents. Oh well.

Eh, well. I won't tell anyone. You're still alright in my book! I didn't know for sure anyway, so I'm not bothered in the least. I understand what you mean about your parents. My dad is actually pretty great...he just defers to my mother in everything. I really can't say much about that though because I tend to do the same with my husband. The difference there is my husband doesn't abuse the pilancy of my nature.

 

[jillio]

That's true. You always reorganize my thoughts for me. We did make through the visit, and you are right, next time I'll be a little more prepared. I'll also know that, while I'm never good at defending myself to her, that I have the strength to defend my child and husband when needed. She tried to suggest that Casey was too spoiled (hence the reason why she cried almost every time my mother talked to her)...and I was, for once, able to kindly but firmly tell her not to talk that way. It's one thing to tell me that I am a manipulative brat...it's another to say something like it about my baby, who is NOT a brat and who is pure sunshine 98.2 percent of the time.

You know, it's interesting. I always thought of her as being over confident. You are suggesting just the opposite. I'm going to have to chew on that for a while. She always seems so sure that she is right and if you don't agree then you have less intelligence then a smushed nat.:roll: I'm really going to need to think about that one!

I am grateful, as always, for your imput Jillio. I really appriecate it. You usually help me feel better or more capable then I did before. Now I can breathe again, and Casey and Jason and I will get back to life on our own terms. I will continue to love her, but from a distance, and I will try to come to terms with the fact that she may never change and that I am going to have to choose to be kind and loving regardless.

Overconfidence that borders on nastiness to others is, quite often, a mask hiding a huge lack of confidence.

And, yes, you have a choice. And you are the bigger person for exercising it.