Fitting Into The Deaf Community...

I don't suppose I really "fit in" with deaf people.

A primary issue is that I sign in english order- I can generally pull apart the meaning of ASL conversations but my mind just doesn't work with images.

Sometimes people will stay away from me simply because I'm carrying my cane or holding on someones shoulder. I've signed to some people and just had them walk away or not reply, and I could tell it wasn't because they were signing visually that I didn't understand- If I'm standing close enough to someone to sign -at- them, I'm close enough to feel them signing even if they start doing so visually (unaware they shouldn't be) I think that is really offensive. That clearly doesn't apply if I have a db interpreter at an event, but I don't often if it's purely social (ie, no "speakers" or other central people I couldn't communicate 1 on 1 with)

Don't get me wrong- I have had some good deaf or deafblind friends. It's just that I feel a large amount of the community doesn't really know how to approach me and goes as far a babies me when I try and explain something. It's like I fit in with hearing people who eventually get past the disability than I do with deaf people.
 
Many of my experiences with the Deaf community have been very positive. I'm not sure if this has to do with the fact that we have a local deafblind center in our area, but the staff of the center does encourage members of the Deaf community to work with DBPs (deafblind persons) who are learning fingerspelling or sign.

When I attended events within our local Deaf community prior to receiving my CIs, I brought along a tactile interpreter who would introduce me to people and then let me communicate with them on my own using tactile sign. If I came across someone who was uncomfortable using tactile sign, my interpreter would serve as the "go-between" me and the other person.

Now that I have bilateral CIs, I don't bring along a tactile interpreter. Instead I go alone or with another Deaf person. If I go with another Deaf person, he/she introduces me to people and allows me to communicate with them on my own.

Having said that, I *have* had negative experiences with some Deaf people. When I attended a lunch social for Deaf and hard of hearing students at my university, no one wanted to sign with me. My captionist went to the socials with me to help facilitate communication, but when I tried signing with others, they would say "hello" and then ignore me.

In regards to being accepted by the hearing, Deaf or blind communities, I would say that I feel most accepted by the Deaf and hard of hearing. Even though I was born blind and have been a member of our local blind community for over 20 years, I've found that many blind people are afraid of my deafness. In contrast, when I speak to hearing people, many of them are frightened by my blindness.

I feel most comfortable with the deafblind community. After I lost my hearing, I had the opportunity to attend an American Association of the Deaf-Blind (AADB) conference and I'll never forget the acceptance and understanding I received. Every type of communication style was welcomed and no one criticized my poor signing skills at the time. :) To this day, I still communicate with the friends I made at AADB 11 years ago.
 
Aleser said:
I don't suppose I really "fit in" with deaf people.

A primary issue is that I sign in english order- I can generally pull apart the meaning of ASL conversations but my mind just doesn't work with images.

Sometimes people will stay away from me simply because I'm carrying my cane or holding on someones shoulder. I've signed to some people and just had them walk away or not reply, and I could tell it wasn't because they were signing visually that I didn't understand- If I'm standing close enough to someone to sign -at- them, I'm close enough to feel them signing even if they start doing so visually (unaware they shouldn't be) I think that is really offensive. That clearly doesn't apply if I have a db interpreter at an event, but I don't often if it's purely social (ie, no "speakers" or other central people I couldn't communicate 1 on 1 with)

Don't get me wrong- I have had some good deaf or deafblind friends. It's just that I feel a large amount of the community doesn't really know how to approach me and goes as far a babies me when I try and explain something. It's like I fit in with hearing people who eventually get past the disability than I do with deaf people.
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I am not sure if I understand this correctly. You need to be able to touch someone to understand them or that they shouldn't use sign language that depends on mostly visual context to understand? Can you explain me what you find offensive? I want to understand this so I can avoid offending someone.
Sorry if this sound stupid. I'm usually not around many deaf-blind people, and I had one as classmate in college once. I learned a lot from her, and I even made sure that I close my jacket at her request, so that she can see me better.
 
Silentwolfdog said:
I am not sure if I understand this correctly. You need to be able to touch someone to understand them or that they shouldn't use sign language that depends on mostly visual context to understand? Can you explain me what you find offensive? I want to understand this so I can avoid offending someone.
Sorry if this sound stupid. I'm usually not around many deaf-blind people, and I had one as classmate in college once. I learned a lot from her, and I even made sure that I close my jacket at her request, so that she can see me better.
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I track signs by placing my hand/hands over the person signing to me. Very simple. When I mentioned the whole "images" aspect, I meant that ASL tries to convey the message as "the whole picture" instead of english-conforming order. It makes more sense to me if someone signs in normal english order, using every word they'd use to write down something. Does that help?

--

What I've found offensive was when people within the Deaf community would ignore me or say something and then 'locate the nearest exit'. I can understand that alot of people fear blindness, but that's little validation to ignore someone. I think that if you're actually -considering- what could offend a deafblind person, you're highly unlikely to ever do it.
 
Aleser said:
I track signs by placing my hand/hands over the person signing to me. Very simple. When I mentioned the whole "images" aspect, I meant that ASL tries to convey the message as "the whole picture" instead of english-conforming order. It makes more sense to me if someone signs in normal english order, using every word they'd use to write down something. Does that help?

--

What I've found offensive was when people within the Deaf community would ignore me or say something and then 'locate the nearest exit'. I can understand that alot of people fear blindness, but that's little validation to ignore someone. I think that if you're actually -considering- what could offend a deafblind person, you're highly unlikely to ever do it.
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Yes I understand now, thank you.

I had to do this type of method you mentioned to one of my blind friend during my high school years. She is hearing but she wanted to learn sign language and the only way she can learn is through sense of touch.

I wonder if part of reason for uneasiness among deaf people is some of them don't know English very well? Maybe it's awkward for them to make attempt to communicate since they only know pure ASL? Nonetheless, it's still no excuse for them not to try at all.

I do find what people did to you as rude thing to do. I am not fond of people touching me, but I am willing to do that if it helps keep communicate going, which I had to with my blind friend. I am just type of person that don't let someone's disability scare me, after all I have one too, lol.

Again, thank you for explaining it to me.
 
Dixie said:
I have to burst out laughing everytime I hear of someone else getting the 'oh you can drive?' thing.

That is almost like asking a blind man - 'Oh you can walk?' It is really that ridiculous to me.
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lol People ask me all the time "They let your husband drive?" and I tell them "Well, why not? They let you breed!":jaw: :giggle:

Also, as a hearing married to a deafie, I find that there are many people who will or will not be your friend. Some poeple wont talk to me when they find that I was raised in a Jewish home. Oh no!! lol Some people don't talk to me because I'm white. Some because I'm not deaf. I say WHATEVER!!! If you don't like me that's your problem. You are missing out on me!!! :giggle: We are all just people on this planet............lets get along!
 
Schermy said:
lol People ask me all the time "They let your husband drive?" and I tell them "Well, why not? They let you breed!":jaw: :giggle:

Also, as a hearing married to a deafie, I find that there are many people who will or will not be your friend. Some poeple wont talk to me when they find that I was raised in a Jewish home. Oh no!! lol Some people don't talk to me because I'm white. Some because I'm not deaf. I say WHATEVER!!! If you don't like me that's your problem. You are missing out on me!!! :giggle: We are all just people on this planet............lets get along!
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I don't understand those kinds of people at all! I "hate" not being able to hear for 2 reasons, the limits people place on me (employers mostly) and being cut off from others. When I meet someone from other countries, cultures, life experiences I want to know EVERYTHING! I can't understand not wanting to know someone because of something they can't control. I've learned a lot and found out a lot about myself just by immersing myself with others that "aren't like me".
 
Just Bri said:
What determines if a person can fit into the deaf community?

I heard by some people that hoh or hearing people have it tougher... (which some might) especially those who attended mainstream schools.

What's your view on how one fits into the deaf community?
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I agree with Gemma, that you need to find your own way because it is not a "one size fits all" situation. But I do recommend that you learn ASL so that you'll have it when you need it. Basically, you need to be yourself and if others do not "accept" you because their perception is that you are not "Deaf" enough, why would you want to be part of them?

OhioGirl
 
OhioGirl said:
I agree with Gemma, that you need to find your own way because it is not a "one size fits all" situation. But I do recommend that you learn ASL so that you'll have it when you need it. Basically, you need to be yourself and if others do not "accept" you because their perception is that you are not "Deaf" enough, why would you want to be part of them?

OhioGirl
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That happened to me at first but I kept on at it and u know what? There are so many deaf people in the deaf community that learned ASL late so it is not a big thing anymore like it was.
 
I track signs by placing my hand/hands over the person signing to me. Very simple. When I mentioned the whole "images" aspect, I meant that ASL tries to convey the message as "the whole picture" instead of english-conforming order. It makes more sense to me if someone signs in normal english order, using every word they'd use to write down something. Does that help?
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Aleser, that is all you would have to say to any of us here in Ohio!! "Tactile Please and a little more English Word Order Please!!" and you would have a blast.

We may be instructed and mentored in ASL order, we are also expected as SSP's or Interpreters to realize the mode of communication that works best for those we are conversing with and adjust accordingly.

I do not know where you are - but - if you ever have a chance to visit Ohio I hope you take in some deaf/deaf-blind events!!
 
Both my wife (Angela) and I were mainstreamed oralists through high school and part-way through college. Angela learned ASL "cold-turkey" after she transferred to Gallaudet, while I learned it during a 2-year church mission working in Deaf communities in three different states. I then transferred to Gallaudet after the mission and continued my transformation from "mainstreamed oralist" to "proud Deafie." :deaf:

Although Angela and I graduated from Gally and have made many Deaf friends, she and I still sometimes disagree about meeting other Deafies we don't know. She prefers to keep her circle of Deaf friends small, while I like to meet as many as possible, so we have to compromise. One good example is the recent National Training Conference (NTC) in DC sponsored by Deaf and Hard of Hearing in Government (DHHIG) last May. Angela and I both work for the Federal government, but she didn't want to go to the NTC with me...she simply wasn't interested in meeting other Deafies she didn't know. All I can do is respect her wishes.:bowdown: On the other hand, she doesn't seem to mind mingling with Hearies even though she is profoundly deaf, while I tend to resist them and I can hear a little better than she can. It's hard for me to fully comprehend how any Deafie is willing to go to Hearie events where communication is a challenge, vs. going to Deafie events where it is easy?! :dunno:
 
Cheri said:
I’ll start off by saying my parents don't even know any sign language they did learned but decide not to use it anymore, and thinks now that I could speak, I could just use my voice. If I talk silently with my twin sister just signing at the table, My family would say to talk louder for them all to hear, but is it fair that they refused to learn my language which is signs but I am require to learn their language by speaking. It annoys me because I've learned combination of sign language, verbal speech, oral, speech reading (lip reading) for them, but they can't learn sign language for me? Some hearing people are the same way out in the society.

The most part what annoys me is when a hearing person asked me something like directions, I would say, Excuse me, I'm deaf could you speak alit bit more clearly so I could read your lips? And the hearing person would say "Oh I'm sorry" and walked off. :confused:
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Hmmm... I wonder if this is a bit of a cultural thing. As a hearing person, if I ask someone a command question (like "Where is the bathroom?" or "How do I find the next gas station?"), I'm anticipating one of two responses. Either the person responds with an answer, or they tell me to wait a minute. If the person responds with anything else, my tendency is to think "she doesn't want to talk to me." Since I am now more sensative to these kinds of miscommunications, I would never do what that person did, but I could see how a hearing person who was completely unfamiliar might be confused or embarrased and act rude like that.

Maybe a slightly different approach might help. If a hearing person asks a question like that again, try this: Sign a "one" with palm toward them (hearies will think "wait a minute"). Then, grab a pencil and pad and write (or say) "I need you to speak more slowly, I'm reading your lips." I suspect that this might be "expected enough" that the uninitiated hearing person would talk with you rather than walking off rudely. Anyway, it's worth a try.

Isn't cultural difference grand?
 
akoutsourais said:
I don't understand those kinds of people at all! I "hate" not being able to hear for 2 reasons, the limits people place on me (employers mostly) and being cut off from others. When I meet someone from other countries, cultures, life experiences I want to know EVERYTHING! I can't understand not wanting to know someone because of something they can't control. I've learned a lot and found out a lot about myself just by immersing myself with others that "aren't like me".
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It's sort of human nature. Misguided perhaps, but still human nature. People who are different from you are "scary" for most people, until you get to know them. Introverts in particular take a long time to open up. People often think introverts are rude, but in fact, it's often just that they're more timid around others -- especially others who are different than themselves.
 
What determines if a person can fit into the deaf community? Deaf community is nothing.

I heard by some people that hoh or hearing people have it tougher... (which some might) especially those who attended mainstream schools.

What's your view on how one fits into the deaf community?

If most deaf people especially DeafScuba's friend are like that, then that is because they are snotty... I deal with snotty deaf people all the time, what I do is walk all over them. There are few of us deaf people who will take you in. [/QUOTE]
 
This is a debate for "all cultures" to chew on forever. It just happens that we are on a site that addresses this culture up to debate. Heck, I don't fit into any culture if I had to base it on a community based bias on "their own culture."

I feel I am like 99.9% of world where I have my own comfort zone. There are things I am just flat out afraid to do. This isn't saying that there are things I just won't do, but simply a bit fearfull of doing. I haven't ever mingled with local deaf community. Fact is, I'd love to, but I think I'm fearfull of that big word called rejection. I think like most things, it just takes one person to open up to me, invite me, and teach and mentor me amongst those in the community. In the rest of hearing world, I am fearfull of not being understood, or misunderstanding someone else.

There are a few people in this world that are just flat out awesome people in being tolerant and understanding to everybody. That is a talent in and of itself. Just like on the opposite side of the spectrum, there are a few that are so completely shallow that I wonder why anybody on the planet ever wants to associate with them.
 
hohDougRN, your post got me think of something. Perhaps this explain why many people who are familiar with deaf culture one way or other are impressed with me. They were surprised at how patient I was with hearing folks that I was teaching sign language to. I always wondered why they reacted like this. Now I sort of understand how those hearing folks must have felt.

It make me wonder how many deaf folks (or even hearing folks) in my area are actually patient or kind toward people who wanted to learn their culture and language. :/ I get a feel that's it is not very many.
 
This is a debate for "all cultures" to chew on forever. It just happens that we are on a site that addresses this culture up to debate. Heck, I don't fit into any culture if I had to base it on a community based bias on "their own culture."


I am not in any culture. Just because I am Black, doesn't mean I am in a Black culture. I don't think there is such thing as culture. Especially in America, everybody blend in.

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I feel I am like 99.9% of world where I have my own comfort zone. There are things I am just flat out afraid to do. This isn't saying that there are things I just won't do, but simply a bit fearfull of doing. I haven't ever mingled with local deaf community. Fact is, I'd love to, but I think I'm fearfull of that big word called rejection. I think like most things, it just takes one person to open up to me, invite me, and teach and mentor me amongst those in the community. In the rest of hearing world, I am fearfull of not being understood, or misunderstanding someone else.

I don't mingled with deaf community in Memphis... someone
asked me why I don't associate with deaf people in Memphis...
I told them I don't want to... Why can't I mingled with everybody?
Why would deaf people reject you for? If they reject you, then
THEY GOT A PROBLEM WITH THEMSELVES... YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. No
you just need to meet a deaf person and ask that deaf person to invite their deaf friends over and maybe order some pizzas and rent a movie with closed caption at your place.
Just like you feed some food crumbs and give to an ant and an ant
will go home and tell his ants to come over and then you have a house
full of ants...
My point is... make friend with a deaf person.... and that deaf person
will bring his deaf friends over and you have a full of deaf friends in your life.

When I was selling Am Way.... my mom took me to her friend's house...
and her friend bought some stuff from me... and then my mom and her friend
came up with an idea... why not I sell Am Way at a retirement's club.
So people there bought a lot of stuff from me.

The old saying, "Go Seek and You shall FIND."

There are a few people in this world that are just flat out awesome people in being tolerant and understanding to everybody. That is a talent in and of itself. Just like on the opposite side of the spectrum, there are a few that are so completely shallow that I wonder why anybody on the planet ever wants to associate with them.


Well go find a deaf friend, don't have to be awesome,
can be almost awesome... go to Deaf meeting or go to Deaf church,
or go to places where Deaf people hang out... and connect with
one person.... if a deaf person gives you a friendly look and want
to get to know you and talk for hours.... then there you go....
Ask that deaf person to call you or email you or invite you, don't have
to call or email right away... just go to that event all the time... and
meet more deaf people...
And there will be someone might ask you, "I need a ride home"
Or something...

Don't expect to make friends on the first day or first few events...
hang out... and stick around. Don't disappear on us.

They really don't want to be with those shallow people...

For example....

A driver who smoke and smoke in his car.... and people act like
they like sitting in that car.
Then me as driver... I come along, and I don't smoke.... one brave
person asked, can you give me a ride, you got more leg room...
then other people said, I'll come too....
and then you give them a ride, one of them said, "That man smoke and smoke those darn ciggarettes, finally I can breathe."

So my point is.... go there and be yourself and have good sense of humor
and next thing you know, you will have friends.
 
hohDougRN said:
there are a few that are so completely shallow that I wonder why anybody on the planet ever wants to associate with them.
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Yeah even Deaf people can be so shallow... especially Mosdeux, Wayne Betts, Chad Taylor, and Julia Dameron, it is ashame that they are on
the same list with Marlee Matlin... I guess Marlee Matlin and everybody
else are shallow and snobbish heartless people. They don't want to
work with me on films because of my ugly face.

They are so perfect and holier than thou.

I have to have more surgery on my face, to appear to be normal... just to make friends with these shallow people.

Eek... it would make me ill if I wasn't born with deformed face and was born normal face if I make friends with them...

Glad to see their true colors.
 
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