Awauphi
Active Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2003
- Messages
- 10,225
- Reaction score
- 3
Little Jordan was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside for a while when he came into the
house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when
people are sleeping on top of each other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Jordan just said, "OK" and went back outside to play.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! ...
It's called bunk beds!"
author unknown..
Quick Takes
A football coach was asked how he picked a team from
a bunch of raw recruits.
"I hate to give away my secrets," he replied, "but I'll tell you.
I take them out into the woods. Then, at a given signal, I start
them running. Those that run around the trees are chosen as
guards. Those that run into the trees are chosen as tackles."
[Source: Andy Chap's "The Funnies"]
Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were
growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count
to 10" periods.
Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came
home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the
exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she
washed and dried his clothes.
A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back
yard. She called out: "Are you out there wetting
your pants again!?"
There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep,
masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, ...
I'm just reading the meter."
[Source: ALPHAARS]
POEM: WHERE'S GRANDMA?
The computer's swallowed Grandma,
Yes honestly, its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It's devoured her completely --
The thought just makes me squirm.
Maybe she's caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the internet
But nothing did I find.
In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative;
Not a thing was found online.
So, if inside your 'InBox'
My Grandma you should see
Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' her
In an e-mail back to me.
~ author unknown (to me) ~
READERS' SUBMISSIONS:
Always wear clean underwear in public,
especially when working under your vehicle...
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this (unconfirmed)
story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only
to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his
wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding
from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his
lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped
forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked
everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked
across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who
was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three
stitches in his forehead.
§*´`³¤ Quote of the Day ¤³´`*§
I was drowning my sorrows,
but my sorrows, they learned to swim.
[Source: Heidi's "Firesong's Funnies"]
He'd been playing outside for a while when he came into the
house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when
people are sleeping on top of each other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Jordan just said, "OK" and went back outside to play.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! ...
It's called bunk beds!"
author unknown..
Quick Takes
A football coach was asked how he picked a team from
a bunch of raw recruits.
"I hate to give away my secrets," he replied, "but I'll tell you.
I take them out into the woods. Then, at a given signal, I start
them running. Those that run around the trees are chosen as
guards. Those that run into the trees are chosen as tackles."
[Source: Andy Chap's "The Funnies"]
Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were
growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count
to 10" periods.
Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came
home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the
exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she
washed and dried his clothes.
A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back
yard. She called out: "Are you out there wetting
your pants again!?"
There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep,
masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, ...
I'm just reading the meter."
[Source: ALPHAARS]
POEM: WHERE'S GRANDMA?
The computer's swallowed Grandma,
Yes honestly, its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It's devoured her completely --
The thought just makes me squirm.
Maybe she's caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the internet
But nothing did I find.
In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative;
Not a thing was found online.
So, if inside your 'InBox'
My Grandma you should see
Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' her
In an e-mail back to me.
~ author unknown (to me) ~
READERS' SUBMISSIONS:
Always wear clean underwear in public,
especially when working under your vehicle...
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this (unconfirmed)
story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only
to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his
wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the
car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding
from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his
lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped
forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked
everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked
across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who
was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three
stitches in his forehead.
§*´`³¤ Quote of the Day ¤³´`*§
I was drowning my sorrows,
but my sorrows, they learned to swim.
[Source: Heidi's "Firesong's Funnies"]
That really cracked me up! 
If it was me, I would die of embarressment!! 