moviestr_20 said:
VampyroX- I understand where you're coming from, however you have to understand that when a person has an eating disorder- it affects their mind. Their whole world gets distorted and they can not think about everyone's feelings except their own. There is a reason for practicing an eating disorder (s) and usually it does not have anything to do with food/weight. It has to do with how one feels about oneself, and what happened to that person that caused them to use the eating disorder behavior as a 'coping mechanism'. Granted it isn't a good way to cope, but it might be the only thing they can think of that can be 'controlled' i.e., what goes in/out their mouth.
Your friends that complain that guys don't ask them out when they do, could be because they blocked that part. It can happen while they are in a 'self-hating' mode. They may acknowledge it may happen, but their feelings aren't there. So, they either put the 'no one likes me' feeling sheild up as the guys ask them...which makes them only remember later-- that feeling, not the actual occurrance of the guys asking them.
Whether you realize it or not, the eating disorder actually rules our mind, feelings and action. We can not control it if it gets out of control, we need professional help. However, if we reject help...then the real process of recovery can not work without an open mind.
Exactly!! For some reason, I am seen as a crack addict anyway. The kind that wears a size 18. That's fine and probably accurate if you are thinking of the psychological side. people are entitled to their opinions and *urk* normal ways of looking at things. If you want to call that normal. Usually, I am very tolerant and accepting of people's opinions even if I disagree with them. On some days, I just want to cry and kick the shit out of something (nonliving, that is). Even though my husband supports me warmly, he constantly looks for "magic" pills - diet pills.. CLA, Wellex, etc, as a way to help me achieve my desired weight. I would hate myself more everytime I ask my husband why and if he still finds me attractive. That's really an ugly thing to ask of him, when consciously I know that he is speaking the truth. Why can't I just trust it?
I have just seen a couple of old friends recently in person, and I know they were horrified at the sudden weight gain. They didn't talk much about it, but made me worse instead by giving me patronizing glances and a few comments. My family was no better either. My father has always made comments about my weight since I was in high school, and that was not easy to bear. I could tell you about the things I would do to lose the weight, and sometimes I was successful at a personal cost. See what I mean about having that yo-yo inclindation? (((no pity allowed, I am responsible for myself- but I would love a hug)))
All I can say is, yes...hate the eating disorder disease itself, but do NOT hate your friends or even put them in the 'god you're a loser' catagory. For we (friends and people) are not the EATING DISORDER, we're just in a mental bind. As hard as it may seem to understand, no one can actually try to even comprehend it without actually going thru this tormoil. JUST be there for your friends, also...***don't fall into the traps of #'numbers' game or mental games they may try on you to get them to validate their negative thinking.***
Yeah, I think it would be cool if you tell them straight out "Missy, I care about you and you are beautiful - but it bothers me that you want to think negative about yourself. How can I help you?" I would bet Missy wouldn't know how to help herself either, too, and be upset at the realization. So, a hug might be in order... if she is receiving it. You can't do anything about it. If you know of good resources, just ask her if she is open to help first. She gotta want to quit, first.
(((E))) thanks for caring about your friend. You're very aware, and I commend you! I suggest if you are open to suggestions: ask your friend if there is a problem, and you can tell her that you feel something is bothering her. Let her identify the problem herself and open the lines of communication. It does take a brave soul to ask. I have a feeling she will thank you! Ultimately, just follow your instincts in what feels right to you.
FREAKY- You go girl, do what you feel is right for you. If you feel size 18 is a perfect size, then go for it. Remember DO NOT lose weight for other people for that will fall back on you later on and can possibly re-gain the weight. Keep up the positive attitude!! Also, this is a good resource... Cals in verses Cals out--- remember, what you take in, you need to expend the calories in order to lose the weight ex: exercise. Another good tip is to DRINK lots of Water, and start getting in the habit of reading up on calories per serving...
GOOD LUCK!
(((((((Freakygirl))))))) I have seen your pictures and vid, you are one gorgeous mama! Emme has nothing on you. And by gawd, I'll never forget that "pencil test!" Like Jenny said, just do what you feels right for you! It matters how you think of yourself, and I am destroying the old shitty template that has been looping those self destructive thoughts of myself - and in the process, wrecking those ugly standards society has held over our heads for so long... wanna do it together?
LIZA- I'll pm you, for I'm pretty interested in joining the group, as is Burnt 5tar (know her). We're also involved in other groups (not the positive ones but we support one another's decisions).
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, and I'm byfar interested in hearing more from people in time to come.
Jenny
Thank you Jenny. You're a gift!
What do you mean, not positive groups?? I haven't joined other groups..... I mean, I checked out the sites but didn't feel right for some reason about them... and I already had the resources to create a new group, why not do it on my own? You and burn5tar are always welcome! We are just starting.. and the group will be there to stay permanently! I am still figuring if it should be private or hidden or not. I welcome input on this! There'll be no moderators, only we will do it ourselves. I feel like I'd like to leave that up to the members of that private group!
I think the key is to dissolve fears that are floating around eating disorders... dissolve the power the fears have over us. But how??
I have no idea, and I am hoping we can discover that together.
As of now - I told myself to JUST DO IT for me, and be more interested in my process - eat to live, not live to eat. I have lost 6kg/12 lbs so far without having to starve. But GAWD, I am tired of "doing it alone." I do think I have issues abt my self-image and insecurity, still. It wouldnt matter even if I were a size 7 or 12. There's this something I need to deal with, the final monster to conquer.
I hope this sheds some light for you guys who haven't had much exposure with people with real eating disorders..... I mean, it sucks and we know it. LOL
I've had an eating disorder for years with that yo-yo weight tendency, and I have a terrible self-image (how I look at myself).
Right now, I've only got myself to take responsibility for. 
