Don't know how can I say to my daughter??? (Hard described)**my vent**

G

GalaxyAngel

New Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2003
Messages
13,542
Reaction score
0
**MOD**
I do not know where can I put right place forum?? If you wish move right place forum msg'd board.. please so can you nofited me by pm thank you very much..

I think I decide to post here..

Hopefully you could understand how much my venting..

When I was logged on (DOL first place Happend my daughter read) and Many other Deaf Forums and reading the different forums issues....
Kinda wasn't expecting my daughter was behind me and reading your comment about CI stuffs.. while I was reading.. (didn't see my daughter behind me back)

*interesting all about ci stuffs* Actually I'm pro-Deaf and know that I might not qualifity for ci. I just love to listening their debate issues ci and others... No matter what Im not againist anyone who ci.. As for me, Wish love to have ci but scary for me operation and etc... too creepy me out due feel doesn't want be on SCAR on my skin..
Don't know how much I have felt expression. Later on, Finished reading the forum..
turned around *stunned surprised* and asked my daughter, how long have you stand here? My daughter repiled me, Pretty awful long time. I said, oh.. what have you done read it ? She said.. about CI can hear now.. *YELLING AT ME* MOM, I WANT YOU GO CI AND CAN HEAR MY VOICE AND EVERYTHING.. (Im kind down and little upset and knew she really want me hear her singing.... She loves sing and wanted to be famous singer.. ) I was trying to talk her out but my voice turns *cracked* and hard explain to her.. I was try my best talk her and Mommy can't have ci because not asking for ci uh, er um... that who am I really born DEAF as natural. I have to accept it. She turned away and refused talk w/me.

*Breaks my heart* Hasn't talk w/me since 1 1/2 day.
What gonna I do w/her ? Can't Describled pretty quite complited. :::sigh::::
She is only 10 yrs old. She quite smart girl and unique reading Adult stuffs.. She really aggersives and want to learn MORE everyday.. no matter what each way.

As for me... :huh: *still* figures what I should talk her ?? I tried wave her for my attention.. She kept ignores me.. because of reason CI ? She want me have CI
I wasn't ready for this everything.. I just wanted to be DEAF as accept who am I..

Any ideas feedback ?
 
Aw.. Many children don't really understand about stuff like that.

I suggest that you (and your husband) sit your daughter (and other children) down and discuss about cochlear implants and deaf issues like why you don't want one. You don't have to go any further to explain. Suggest your children if they should have any further questions, feel free to ask you (and your husband). Try to do this in a calm manner. :)
 
CI Issue

Whew...

I'm sorry this had to happen to you, and I really don't know how to begin this...

Your daughter is only 10 and I'm not sure if she's really old or mature enough to understand this.

You could begin by trying to sit her down - try to explain to her as adult to growing teenager.

You could explain what CI really entails - the surgery, cutting through bone, the implant. The cost of the CI. And that the CI doesn't really make you hearing, you will still be deaf, no matter what. The CI is more of a hearing aid, it's supposed to simulate the nerve that helps you hear, but even then, its not foolproof. Right now, as it stands, the surgery is still 50-50 and with high risks during surgery and afterwards.

And the other problem...even if you do get a CI, there's no guarantee that it WILL work for you. There have been many CI deafies that have taken their implant or removed completely, because it wasn't successful for them, or they realized it didn't really work out for them.

Tell her that you love her as she is, and that you do enjoy being with her. As an adult, you do have the right to live the life you want to live, and your daughter will have to accept that and that you hope she will realize it as she grows older and become more aware and know more about the CIs. She may then realize that you made a choice that benefited you better than she thinks at this time.

Good luck. Hope it all works out for you, honey.
 
the choice

being 10 years old she may not be able to weigh the choice, and think only that "mom can hear with CI, but won't get one". While she doesn't understand now, that doesn't mean she can't understand.

She will talk to you when she calms down, or you'll have to write her a message.

Step one is she must be educated about what surgery is... how it involves anesthesia, and how it can be dangerous.

Next, she needs to know that CI doesn't make a person "hearing" and might not work at all.

Remember, she is proud of her voice and can't understand why you don't take steps to hear it. This is not correct, but it is what she believes.

It is your right to be and stay deaf, but if you use it as your only reason when you speak with her, she may not understand and think you are just being "stubborn".

Remember what 10 was like before you chat with her.
 
Im sorry that your daughter is upset with you...you need explain to her that CIs is NOT for everybody! and you may not even qualify for it! I have known some people got tested for it and some were not qualified for it..also i know a lady who had CI and she hated it so much..it gave her lots of migraine headaches, upset stomach and lost weight too! she finally had it taken off and she feels soo much better..she said if people cannot accept her as deaf,then too bad (really, CI was her parents idea!) she was born deaf and going to stay deaf till the day she dies! I remember when i saw her at the store but before she saw me, she was so nervous, she was shaking, her face was distorted like she was in pain, i was so shocked. After she had it taken off, she was back to normal..so explain to her that you have migraine headaches it might get worse with CI..i hope she will understand that. Its not fair to you at all.
 
HEY here is :grouphug: as comfort ya .. I know it is hard to do the explaination to the kids .... I really don't have any idea what i would say to the kids either ... u have all our comfort supports and i am sure that u and ur hubby can find some good words to explain to the kids to understand the reality world .... and accept what we are ..
 
BullyMom..

Heart breaks I understand how you feel...

Hopefully SOON SOON your daughter will be "willing" to sit down again and talk with you more... and As what Everyone says above is correct *The main main reason* is.. NOT EVERYONE is qualifed for CI... Some of them do, some of them dont.. Some of them Only can hear Enivormental, Some of them can hear only sounds of voices, Some of them hear both.. your daughter is a little young to understand about having surgery etc. but be sure what you can explain in honest to her that you weren't ready for one or though of it but "was just reading" that is all you know... Just be upfront and honesty with her. And She'll be glad that you both talked :)


**HUGS HUGS** BUllyMom


Wendy
 
oh man.. it break my heart to hear that.. *sigh* i am very sowwy to hear... umm, i got idea, why not u take her go with u somewhere alike special place, then u and her be alone and explain her how ur feeling abt be deaf... so what do u think?? i hope that everything will be work it out... :fingersx:
 
Last edited:
TweetyBird said:
oh man.. it break my heart to hear that.. *sigh* i am very sowwy to hear... umm, i got idea, why not u take her go with u somewhere alike specail place, then u and her be alone and explain her how ur feeling abt be deaf... so what do u think?? i hope that everything will be work it out... :fingersx:
Click to expand...


ANOTHER good one to "go somewhere" just mom and daughter, spend time, chat, explain, play or mall or whatever :)


Wendy
 
*HUGS* Others have pretty much already said what I'd like to say. I hope that SOON she would be willing to sit down and understand. Many hugs goes out to you bullymom
 
Wow...that really broke my heart seeing your daughter being upset with you over the CI issue. I just hope that you can encourage her to go with you to a special place that both you and your daughter enjoy spending 'mother and daughter' time together...and use that to have a good heart to heart talk with her over the CI.
I realise she's only 10, but try to explain as simply as possible about the complications of surgery and the possibility that you won't benefit from a CI, etc...see if she'll calm down and understand it from your point of view.

:fingersx:
 
My suggest will be little awful but it will worth to try convince your daughter. Take your daughter out somewhere with you alone like girl to girl. Because no-one will not bother you and your daughter.

*Tell you daughter that you want her to be become Deaf, if she refused. Then you refused to use CI. You have to explain her that why you are pride of Deaf because what you are, explain her what your feeling about Deaf yourself and your value Deaf's culture.

*Ask her if she is proud to be hearing and why. I'm sure she will give you many answers.

*explain her that you love her no matter what she are (deaf, blind, H.C. ext.....)

*You and your daughter are similar feelings

I think that's all but any ADer's can add more suggestions.
Its up to you Bullymom.
 
WBHarley said:
ANOTHER good one to "go somewhere" just mom and daughter, spend time, chat, explain, play or mall or whatever :)


Wendy
Click to expand...
yea thanks!!! i think it good idea for them be alone and talk abt it.. i am tried help her.. :fingersx:
 
Taking her to somewhere like her favorite place and talk her from there, i just hope she can understand you or or maybe you can find some place that has asl classes for her to learn about deaf culture so what do you think.. maybe she will able to understand where u are from. well take my charm with you for good luck..

hugs hugs
 
ur not alone...it is very common for young children and teenagers to be like this in such as attitude...they tend to be demand in order to meet their expectation...dont let it invade your freewill...EVEN your own precious daughter wanted you to do something different than being urself as profoundly deaf person. I know it wrecked your own feeling to see daughter not talking to you...I used to refuse to talk to my parents for few days until they are fed up and pull me down for serious discuss...they quoted to me "you cant get something you wanted but we are doing for our best to meet what is fits into your needs than to just waste it." Their quote make sense to me....ur daughter have alot to learn even she is smart it dont matter....if she refuse, just call her for family discussion simply...
 
1) Try to find out if there have a Counsellor from Deaf School, as I am sure
they are happy to answer your daughter's questions.

2) Have you heard of CODA, these children seems to happy to share
feedback and understand your daughter's deaf atmosphere upbringing.
And get involved with these children more often.

3) She wish you can hear her beautiful voice, you may tell her that she looks
pretty in appearance and you are involved to support her all the way.
Hope she will feel confidence to see you support her and give her a big :applause: :applause: appplause!!
 
Deaf pride

I don't think "deaf pride" is an appropriate subject for this situation.

That makes it's seem like it's 100% choice with no risk. Being proud of deaf culture is not the only reason to not get CI.

Your daughter may be too young to understand being "proud" of being deaf. Especially since many ADULTS don't understand why some are proud.

She may easily take it as "mommy is proud to not hear me yell or sing".

A 10 year old will mostly see from THEIR eyes, not yours.

This will be a good lesson for her, but don't expect her to understand the fullest depth of deaf pride.
 
Hey Everyones,
So Many Thanks for your feedbacks..

I did try my best effort and to talk her out. Seems okay but give her a time and not necessary pressure. When she ready to talk w/me and will be very happy talk her open communcation. I hope she'll accept it. *cross my finger*
 
welcome anytime! i will pray for u and ur daughter will work it out... smile.. dont forget, god is there for u and ur daughter.. :)
 
I understand how you feel, Bullym0m.

My boys told me that they are sad that I can´t hear because bird sing, e.g. They accept what I am. They also knows about CI condition because they saw CI children themselves. I explained them that CI development is the best to help children to improve speech development but for me is rather too old. Why? If I had CI right now, it means that I have to go to Speech Therapy, e.g. which it´s too much for age. It´s better for children to have it.

You should explain your daughter that CI is not miracle. You are still deaf if you had CI. It´s good for children because of train speech development.

I let my boys watch the video of CI. They knows what cons/pros eg.

You explain your daughter that it´s too old for you to has CI which it´s better for children to have it.

Like what Tweentybird suggest to take your daughter out somewhere alone to have time to have a good talk with her. You tell her how you feel & explain her that you has a beautiful feeling when you see her singing etc.
 
Back
Top