At the risk of stepping on some toes by writing this on AllDeaf.com, this is something as a deaf man I feel needs to be brought out into the open for what I sincerely hope will lead to a productive dialogue. The subject is deaf women and the choices they make in deaf men for long-term relationships.
Before anyone starts to gear up their proverbial guns to shoot off a few rounds at me, listen. Anyone who’s in the deaf community and has an ounce of pride in it knows what I’m talking about here. It’s not exclusive to deaf people, too. Black women struggle with this issue, too. It’s even been acknowledged by and discussed in the mainstream media as a significant cultural phenomenon within the black community, so it’s got some validity to it.
As a deaf man who values character, principles, and intelligence above all else, it has been personally frustrating to see deaf women make choices in deaf men that are, frankly speaking, less-than-ideal, especially when there are other choices available, however few they might be (relatively speaking). I’ll be honest here and say that, yes, my being single is a slight motivator for my writing this, but in no way is it meant to be seen as a “pithy” piece.
This is all about being a deaf man and having some pride in my community and culture.
Many’s the time I’ve seen deaf women be with a guy who’s been a complete asshole or simply don’t “get it” on an intellectual level. And even when deaf women are with guys who do seem decent, but are otherwise lacking in qualities that would normally constitute a fuller breadth of character and maturity, these relationships, including ones with the kind of guys that I mentioned just now (from what I have seen) tend to end in divorce; sometimes with children involved in the mix.
It’s only then when these women say, “Gee, he wasn’t for me,” and realize they could have done much better with guys in the areas of maturity, intellect, as well as that of the ability to “get it” on a level that is more satisfying to them (the women). Then there’s deaf women who just don’t learn from their past experiences or mistakes. They keep making the same choices in guys again and again; sometimes with enough variability from one to the next to provide a sense of freshness without realizing that they’re the same choices after all.
Yes, hearing women do have this happen to them, too, but apparently with less frequency. Maybe the ratio of failure compared between deaf and hearing women is similar; only that the issue has blown up to a larger degree of prevalence among deaf women because of the smallness of the deaf community itself? I don’t know. I want to emphasize here that it doesn’t matter if a guy has a college education or not; they’ve got to be “men” per se, and know how to treat women right and do things the responsible way, yet be smart enough to simply “get it,” and prove themselves to be viable, long-term partners.
In any case, as I sit here and type this piece, I still wonder “why” and mull over the mechanisms of what could be going through deaf women’s minds over how they’re attracted to certain deaf guys. Is it due to lack of prior experience? Is it furtive desperation from the shortage of qualified deaf guys? I really don’t know. Only the women know. Thoughts?
Before anyone starts to gear up their proverbial guns to shoot off a few rounds at me, listen. Anyone who’s in the deaf community and has an ounce of pride in it knows what I’m talking about here. It’s not exclusive to deaf people, too. Black women struggle with this issue, too. It’s even been acknowledged by and discussed in the mainstream media as a significant cultural phenomenon within the black community, so it’s got some validity to it.
As a deaf man who values character, principles, and intelligence above all else, it has been personally frustrating to see deaf women make choices in deaf men that are, frankly speaking, less-than-ideal, especially when there are other choices available, however few they might be (relatively speaking). I’ll be honest here and say that, yes, my being single is a slight motivator for my writing this, but in no way is it meant to be seen as a “pithy” piece.
This is all about being a deaf man and having some pride in my community and culture.
Many’s the time I’ve seen deaf women be with a guy who’s been a complete asshole or simply don’t “get it” on an intellectual level. And even when deaf women are with guys who do seem decent, but are otherwise lacking in qualities that would normally constitute a fuller breadth of character and maturity, these relationships, including ones with the kind of guys that I mentioned just now (from what I have seen) tend to end in divorce; sometimes with children involved in the mix.
It’s only then when these women say, “Gee, he wasn’t for me,” and realize they could have done much better with guys in the areas of maturity, intellect, as well as that of the ability to “get it” on a level that is more satisfying to them (the women). Then there’s deaf women who just don’t learn from their past experiences or mistakes. They keep making the same choices in guys again and again; sometimes with enough variability from one to the next to provide a sense of freshness without realizing that they’re the same choices after all.
Yes, hearing women do have this happen to them, too, but apparently with less frequency. Maybe the ratio of failure compared between deaf and hearing women is similar; only that the issue has blown up to a larger degree of prevalence among deaf women because of the smallness of the deaf community itself? I don’t know. I want to emphasize here that it doesn’t matter if a guy has a college education or not; they’ve got to be “men” per se, and know how to treat women right and do things the responsible way, yet be smart enough to simply “get it,” and prove themselves to be viable, long-term partners.
In any case, as I sit here and type this piece, I still wonder “why” and mull over the mechanisms of what could be going through deaf women’s minds over how they’re attracted to certain deaf guys. Is it due to lack of prior experience? Is it furtive desperation from the shortage of qualified deaf guys? I really don’t know. Only the women know. Thoughts?
How true!!