Deaf/hearing rant

[CJB]

CJB, I hear you saying that it hurts you that your wife doesn't think that you're important enough to make effort for. Is that right? I can understand why it makes you feel bad.

Thanks for understanding.

It sounds like you and your wife spend the majority of your time together. Too much togetherness can be a problem. We all need time for ourselves away from our partners.

We do do our own things but she can't leave the home alone so we either leave me-only or both of us together. This friend is both of our friend which is why we go to see her together. When I say "then why don't you go off to do your own thing?" she says "she's my friend too."

Has your wife seen a psychiatrist about her anxiety? Anxiety meds work and her anxiety can be treated. I can understand if insurance is a problem since it is for most of us these days. You really aren't doing her any favors by enabling her behavior. She's suffering as it is.

She's in counseling now. We've actually made progress. Before she couldn't even leave the house. Now she can leave as long as I'm with her. I'm hoping she will be able to leave on her own soon, but I'm letting her go at the pace she needs.

Thanks everyone for your help and advice.

 

[CJB]

Yes, that is the devise that HearAgain uses.

And it is perfectly reasonable to expect that she would make the effort to include you if she herself wishes to me more included. We all, sometimes, need to step back and see whether what we are saying and what we are doing are sending the same message.

Right, this is exactly where I'm coming from. She keeps saying she will learn ASL but it's been months and it still hasn't happened. She refuses to learn from me and only wants to learn through a formal class, but she has yet to sign up for a class. I have tried showing her options for classes to take but she always has a reason why she doesn't like the options I present her.

I think she just really doesn't want to learn to sign. I know she loves me but it makes me feel very disrespected.

 

[CJB]

CJB...my friends and I have encountered this kind of situation constantly with our family members who can't sign. They complain that they don't know what we are saying when we have our deaf friends over but don't take the time to include us in non-signing environments. The big difference is that they CAN learn sign language and easily assimilate in signing environments while we can't no matter how skilled lipreaders we are.

Hang in there. Everyone else has good suggestions!

Exactly. They can learn to sign but we can't magically restore our hearing. And I can't lipread (nor can many deaf people, whether blind or sighted.)

 

[CJB]

I know exactly how you feel being in group conversations, etc. Happens to me all the time. I try to only hang out with people one-on-one. Anytime there is more than one other person, I am left out. It's just a fact of being HoH.

I assume you've talked to your wife about this--about how what she feels during 5% of her contact with others is how you feel 95% of the time? If you've explained this honestly and to the best of your ability, and she still doesn't understand or doesn't care, you might be dealing with more than just a social anxiety disorder here...

Good luck!

Yes I did explain to her how I feel 95% of the time. That was my response to her complaining about being left out.

I'm hoping she'll come around with time. I just needed a place to vent my frustrations to people who I know would understand and AD is that place.

 

[sallylou]

CJB, if your wife has a husband *and* a friend that use ASL, all the more reason to learn it!

Send her here:

http://www.asl-phrasebook.com/

I found this link on AD. I'm using it now. The lessons are basic and easy. It's not intimidating. It's a good start.

I'm glad to hear that your wife is getting better with therapy.

Hang in there and vent here when you need to. You're among people who understand here.

 

[ASLGAL]

Rant away CJB, but I do not see it as a rant.

It sounds like there are a lot of things going on.
Hopefully your wife will be able to get some help for her anxiety issues and that in turn will free her up to step out on a limb, so to speak, and get into a class for ASL.

Will she go to silent dinners, clubs, or other social events? The more exposure the easier to get involved.


My husband is HOHw/HAs, I began taking ASL to keep good communication as his hearing has decreased. When he removes his HAs, and he can't stand them on all the time, we can be as close or closer. I continue with ASL for that reason, to enhance my skills at work, and for an added feature to a retirement career.
Our daughters are learning and our 2 yr. old granddaughter is also picking up ASL. Randy is a happy guy where that is concerned.

I am holding hope for you and your wife.

 

[sallylou]

ASL Gal, you're a special lady.