Deaf father rejected by mother's hearing family

Steinhauer

Steinhauer

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Another forum member made a suggestion that I start a new thread on a topic I brought up in another thread discussion ... so here goes.


I have verbal (signed) permission to discuss "Brian's" situation. However, I cannot give his real name, Brian is not his real name.


Brian became a father almost two years ago. He and the mother are not married. He wanted to get married, he wants the resposibility of being a father and has made several attempts to pay for child support for his child. The mother's parents have rejected his payments, refused to let their daughter sign his name on the birth certificate and told him he can never be a "real" dad because he is deaf. They explained that his deafness makes him a dangerous individual around a baby.

The mother, in her 20's, has no real control over the situation. Her parents pay for everything and have permanently attached her to their purse strings.

However, from talking to Brian, I surmised (maybe in error) that the mother has no real intent on allowing Brian ever be the father. Brian explained to me that the mother of his child, and himself, had a discussion in which the mother explained to him that her parents were pressuring her into claiming he was abusive. He also explained to me that the mother knew this was BS (and I know its BS - I knew the both of them). However, the mother has also been ordered (by her parents and their cash flow) to have no contact with Brian .... ever, or she would absolutely be on her own and they would possibly take custody of the child.

I was under the original impression that the mother had used Brian's deafness against him (however, I was wrong - it was her parents).

Brian is on SSI and I am helping him find employment.

He had moved into an apartment and rented a room from a homosexual male couple for approximately 6 months (another situation). He was kicked out of his room on a moment's notice because he had asked for a signal animal and they refused to allow him to have one.


Any advice on how I can help him would be appreciated

He went to a deaf advocacy center already, they need proof he is the dad - how does he go about doing this?

He has a nice place now (I made sure of that).
 
thanks for all the help, seriously :roll:

I will be going to a local law library this week and look up what I need to know about submitting DNA and subpoena for DNA.


But again, thanks so much for all the help ..... (gee)
 
I did read ur thread this AM (early)....thought I'd wait to see some/or any other responses more qualified to answer you...

Of course, ur friend will have to petition for a DNA test, from the court...and my guess is he will have to pay for it.....

Also, I think he's gonna need a "top-notch" lawyer, since the gf's family has the $$.....

I do know sooner or later, he will be able to have visitation rights with his child. But may have to wait for the DNA.

It's a very sad situation....
 
It is a very strong situation of having her hearing parents very abusive toward her, not letting her have the freedom of being an adult. It is terrible why hearing people had to look down on us as if we are nothing to them and think that we are dangerous and wrong with the society. They still think that disable (wheelchair or crutches) or loss of hearing (deafness) is a disgrace to a perfectly normal society which is not true. Hearing and able-bodied people do have flaw in their genes, too.

Why in the world would hearing able-bodied people think that we have to be perfect as in "fix" it so that we can be normal? That is why we had talked about and discussed in different threads trying to teach hearing people that they have to respect us as individuals and not bash us just because they don't believe in disabilities. The Nazis are worse when they want to wipe us out. This is why we are put on Earth for a reason as we can cope being deaf and handicapped for the rest of our lives, not to "fix" us. Hearing able-bodied parents and other people have to accept us the way we are no matter what.

Steinhauer, I hope there will be someone from here to help you answer your questions about how to deal with this type of abusive by her parents. It is really 100% wrong. I am very sorry that this has happen to your friend and his woman. They need help very badly. :(
 
Get a lawyer...they are best equipped to handle situations like these. It is an awful situation.
 
rockin'robin said:
I did read ur thread this AM (early)....thought I'd wait to see some/or any other responses more qualified to answer you...

Of course, ur friend will have to petition for a DNA test, from the court...and my guess is he will have to pay for it.....

Also, I think he's gonna need a "top-notch" lawyer, since the gf's family has the $$.....

I do know sooner or later, he will be able to have visitation rights with his child. But may have to wait for the DNA.

It's a very sad situation....
Click to expand...

I sincerely thank you - I am thinking about taking him to DFACS.
 
shel90 said:
Get a lawyer...they are best equipped to handle situations like these. It is an awful situation.
Click to expand...

I was talking to a state deaf advocacy center - we live in the worst state in regards to deaf rights.
 
Bebonang said:
It is a very strong situation of having her hearing parents very abusive toward her, not letting her have the freedom of being an adult. It is terrible why hearing people had to look down on us as if we are nothing to them and think that we are dangerous and wrong with the society. They still think that disable (wheelchair or crutches) or loss of hearing (deafness) is a disgrace to a perfectly normal society which is not true. Hearing and able-bodied people do have flaw in their genes, too.

Why in the world would hearing able-bodied people think that we have to be perfect as in "fix" it so that we can be normal? That is why we had talked about and discussed in different threads trying to teach hearing people that they have to respect us as individuals and not bash us just because they don't believe in disabilities. The Nazis are worse when they want to wipe us out. This is why we are put on Earth for a reason as we can cope being deaf and handicapped for the rest of our lives, not to "fix" us. Hearing able-bodied parents and other people have to accept us the way we are no matter what.

Steinhauer, I hope there will be someone from here to help you answer your questions about how to deal with this type of abusive by her parents. It is really 100% wrong. I am very sorry that this has happen to your friend and his woman. They need help very badly. :(
Click to expand...

I agree they both need help. I am doing what I can.
 
In this situation, approaching it as a deaf rights case may not be the way to go. It might be better to pursue it as a father's rights case.

This site (and there are others) might provide ideas:

Fathers rights

Brian will need a lawyer who specializes in family court matters.

If the case goes to court, then his lawyer can draw upon expert witnesses to support Brian's competence as a deaf father. But I see this as a parental rights issue, not a deaf rights issue.

IMO
 
If he is on SSI he would most qualify for legal aid in whatever county, city, state he is in. You just need to contact legal aid and plan on spending the day finding what to do and where to go.

The parents sound like ignorant people who think deafness is a disease or makes the person to dumb or as they put it dangerous to take care of a child. Sadly, they don't realize deaf parents are more attentive to a child than hearing parents. I am HoH the only people I trust to watch my one and only newborn child is my deaf friends. When they could tell me they felt her burp and I couldn't "feel" her burp I just felt they would be attentive and focused on her. Instead of reacting to a cry while the baby is in a crib they check often to see if shes awake. Much much better.

I hope your friend can get help, he can petition the court system but I highly doubt on SSI he will be able to afford one so check with legal aid. Also, if he is disabled and you are trying to get him a job did you check with social security ticket to work program? If he is eligible they might be able to help him with training and adaptive equipment.
 
I am going to let Brian use my account to leave comments in this thread - what is typed below is from Brian - not me:


okay i real love her and son aslo i care of that anything i reral help to her and son but so mean her ;s parent said that i have no jobs and no drive lic and no car that why i know that right now bad jobs i try tell to her make undy her told to undy her told parent dont care think i am lazzy i told i real keep look for jobs know hard get jobs whatever i told i have right visit my son i ask her i would like visit my son then her said okay ofter visit later then her parent find out that i visit ofter her's parent told to her if i visit my son then parent said will not help take care kid like day care that i know her cant affore for day care like cost more that what parent told if i visit my son then parent will stop who go take care kid her feel hard in scared told me then her parent said that want stop visit my son will take care kid later she know how is feel i told her i have right vist for my son i mad at her parent then later parent told her if i visit her home spend time with my son then her said what if i touch her's home will call police put me jail i have no reason i never hurt her and son that why i feel soo upset very much i piss off her"s parent i am not happy with that .
 
trojan.panther said:
If he is on SSI he would most qualify for legal aid in whatever county, city, state he is in. You just need to contact legal aid and plan on spending the day finding what to do and where to go.

The parents sound like ignorant people who think deafness is a disease or makes the person to dumb or as they put it dangerous to take care of a child. Sadly, they don't realize deaf parents are more attentive to a child than hearing parents. I am HoH the only people I trust to watch my one and only newborn child is my deaf friends. When they could tell me they felt her burp and I couldn't "feel" her burp I just felt they would be attentive and focused on her. Instead of reacting to a cry while the baby is in a crib they check often to see if shes awake. Much much better.

I hope your friend can get help, he can petition the court system but I highly doubt on SSI he will be able to afford one so check with legal aid. Also, if he is disabled and you are trying to get him a job did you check with social security ticket to work program? If he is eligible they might be able to help him with training and adaptive equipment.
Click to expand...

Yes, I contacted a VR counselor and he is going to receive job training and evalutation for the next few weeks.

I will check out legal aid for him.

He is NOT lazy - he is a very hard worker and has a very good head on his shoulders and a good heart.
 
I have to say that if the mother is in her 20's, she can make a decision to get a job, leave home, and take her son and live with Brian.

That is all that is stopping them. The parent's having money really should have no bearing on her decision.

Plenty of us have left home and parental control, even if it meant a meager living.

I think the girl needs more of a back bone.
 
Bottesini said:
I have to say that if the mother is in her 20's, she can make a decision to get a job, leave home, and take her son and live with Brian.

That is all that is stopping them. The parent's having money really should have no bearing on her decision.

Plenty of us have left home and parental control, even if it meant a meager living.

I think the girl needs more of a back bone.
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I absolutely agree ... will keep my opinion of her "silent". After all, the guy is in love.
 
Steinhauer said:
I absolutely agree ... will keep my opinion of her "silent". After all, the guy is in love.
Click to expand...

Ok. But maybe there is a tactful way to approach her about it. Although I am not volunteering to tell you how, because I don't know.
 
Steinhauer said:
thanks for all the help, seriously :roll:

I will be going to a local law library this week and look up what I need to know about submitting DNA and subpoena for DNA.


But again, thanks so much for all the help ..... (gee)
Click to expand...

help? there's nothing we can do for you. you're asking in the wrong place.

just like what everybody said in here - get a lawyer.
 
Jiro said:
help? there's nothing we can do for you. you're asking in the wrong place.

just like what everybody said in here - get a lawyer.
Click to expand...

I believe I was asking in the right place and received information that "brian" needs.

But thanks anyway :wave:
 
Jiro said:
help? there's nothing we can do for you. you're asking in the wrong place.

just like what everybody said in here - get a lawyer.
Click to expand...

I think the help that was desired was to confirm what they already knew and maybe someone would suggest something they hadn't thought of. Sometimes help is just conveying ones thoughts that another person is able to affirm the answer they have already decided upon.
 
Not an answer to the problem, but wanted to say I think it's sad that she is not taking responsibility for her choice, and chooses instead to blame her parents. If she really wanted to, she would tell her parents to stuff it, and she would do the right thing with her child and with the man she claims to love.

IMO, she is taking the easy way out.
 
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