Co-dependecy **Controversial**

S

Socrates

Guest
What is Co-dependency? Let's discuss! Some of us may view it positively whereas it is viewed very negatively. I had to bring up co-dependency as I see a lot of relationships & friendships that are based on co-dependency and it is not healthy at all. People are too eager to please and some siblings are too dependent on one and another. This is called co-dependency and it is not healthy to you and people around yourself. You're subconsciously dependent on people around you, especially your loved ones and it is energy draining. Being co-dependent makes you an "energy vampire" which you don't even realize it at all.

So co-dependency issues are formed in our childhood as a result of our basic needs not being met. As a result, these are some of the problems that co-dependents suffer from:
Assuming that they are responsible for others feelings and behaviors
Difficulty with identifying their own emotions such as anger, lonliness, sadness or happiness and have difficulty expressing these feelings and emotions
Fear and worry about how others will respond if they do express their feelings
Difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships
Tremendous fear of being hurt or being rejected
Suffering from perfectionism and place too many expectations on themselves or others
Difficulty making decisions
Minimizing or denying the truth about how they feel (saying to themselves "it really wasn't or isn't that bad)
Other peoples actions and attitudes tend to determine how they respond
Placing other peoples wants and needs before their own
The fear of other peoples feelings like anger, determine what co-dependents do or say
They have to be needed to the extreme in order to have a relationship with others
Judging everything they do, think or say, by other peoples standards, nothing is done, or said, or thought good enough.
Questioning or ignoring their own values to connect with significant others
Valuing other peoples opinions more than their own, with their self-esteem being bolstered only by outer or other influences
Inability to acknowlege good things about themselves
Serenity and mental attitudes are determined by how others are feeling and behaving
Seemingly unaware that it is okay to be vulnerable, to ask for help, (have trouble asking anyone for help or a favor)
Unaware that it is acceptable to talk about family problems outside of the family
Other peoples wants come before their own
Steadfastly loyal even when that loyalty is unjustified or is personally harmful.
Click to expand...

http://www.romanceopedia.com/O-Co-dependency.html

Co-dependency is a style of relating to others that could be in the form of aggression, submissiveness, people-pleaser, neediness and etc.
Click to expand...

http://www.toddlertime.com/interest/co-dependence.htm

I brought this up because if you will realize I was under the persona of "Freaky" before. This is an example of co-dependency because growing up I was bullied because of my intelligence. I always hid behind books and used my intelligence to be aggressive. My perspective was that "Violence begets violence." and that made my bullies more pissed off and they bullied me even more. I built up a wall around me and this started a co-dependency pattern. After several series of life-changing experiences and with the amazing help of my wonderful closest friends, I realized I had this pattern of co-dependency. They encouraged me to go back to my original SN as "Winnie". This is just an example of co-dependency. Another example of co-dependency...

A spouse battering another spouse and telling him/her that he/she can never find another person to love him/her for who he/she is. This spouse stays with his/her spouse for a long time. This is co-dependency.

Twins do have a co-dependency relationship because they are naturally born together and naturally feel the same emotions together. Eventually, when twins grows older and become independent, the co-dependent relationship disengenerates however their attachement for each other does not.

Co-dependency has always been controversial to discuss about.. let's discuss this with an open-mind and heart, too! Thanks!!
 
Steadfastly loyal even when that loyalty is unjustified or is personally harmful.
Click to expand...

How true this was for me! This unjustified type of loyalty was HARMFUL to me personally. I was in such a relationship with the ex. My friend had me thinking after he confronted me about it... "He's just using you as a band aid..." Of course I got pissed off, but it really helped a lot.. that he cared enough to tell me. I got out of that destructive relationship of feeding off on each other and started anew. New rules. New something. Wasnt easy... but totally worth it!

Let's say... you have this leaky pipe. It's old. You keep plugging it up with bandaids or duct tapes.. but it still leaks after that temporary solution. You keep doing it and again and again.. never feeling satisfied. That's co dependency - until you decide to get a new pipe... it doesnt leak. It's easier to hide because one is embarassed.... I was embarassed with my feelings of inadequancy, and found it easier to look at others than myself! :-o I only hurt myself, and that's what I mean about the harmful type of loyalty to myself. Nobody can heal me but myself - and I'm embarassed to say that I expected my ex to heal me and he expected me to do the same. It just doesnt work that way, I know now. Great topic, Winniechicky!
 
Thats remind me of one deaf guy who always always depend on everybody at deaf apt ... It really flip everybody off big times and shut him out... now He is getting thinning ... and it caused some peoples feel so guility and try their best to be patience and help him little bit and try to teach him to learn on his own ... but he seem doesn't know how to handle himself like independment . That's pretty scare me allot to see him like that.... sometimes i come over and visit him and bring some little foods to feed him ... otherwise I am so damn glad that I am not living at Deaf apt area ... THanks god for that ...
 
I had to bring up co-dependency as I see a lot of relationships & friendships that are based on co-dependency and it is not healthy at all.
Click to expand...

I do admit that I just simply can not accept "co-dependency" when it comes to someone else. Preferably, bein' an independent is more healthy for me and have some space without "suffocate". I've noticed that there's some deafies in AD who are "co-dependency"... I do apologize for sayin' that, because I couldn't help it when I notice. It's a good thread to discuss. :)
 
When I think of co-dependency, it means feeding off from each other! Mutual energy vampires? :dunno:
 
Wow this is good one. I am so glad that I am soooooooooooo indepdent. I hate to put the burdon *sp* on someone else. I was in a terrible relationship and was hiding myself for not letting anyone know that the exes have control me but I managed to get out of it and stay focus on my son and myself to become a better person or have a better life.

I know a person who does this. This person is so co-dependecy of her/his parent. She/he is always depened on them for the roof, money, foods and other things. But now the parents realized what she/he is doing and wouldnt let her/him borrow their money anymore. Cuz they want her/him to learn to survive on her/his own.


I put her/him cuz I dont want to name the name or identifies that person.
 
This is what co-dependecy looks like to me.

ballandchain.jpg


I had that on my ankle for amost 5 years.

Richard
 
This is a good thread. I am a vaery independent person and always have been, but my boyfriend seems very dependant on his mother, of whom he lives with (he is in his 30's) and he still expects her to cook for him most nights and he gets ticked when she asks him to help clean the house. I have a hard time understanding his family because not only does he live with his mother; so does his sister (also in her 30's). He has complained to me that he supports them in the way of money a far bit and that because of his work which is now becoming a regular thing. Now neither the mother or the sister work, but together the three of them are opening a bussiness hopfully this month. Im not sure where I am going with this, I think Im just trying to figure out if I am ok with the situation.
 
Back
Top