Bullying during or after education stages. Is it okay?

[jillio]

*Nods* Now I look back at the people who made me dread the morning (if it were a school day) and wonder what they went home to every day. I am convinced that they could not have gone home to a healthy, happy house. Something was very, very wrong. Only people who doubt their own worth, who are inherently unhappy pick on others. The louder and harsher they are, the more convinced I am that they are desperately unhappy in some way or another. Who can be happy if they live in a state of continual aggression, cruelty, and anger?

Quite true. That is one of the reasons that punishment really doesn't do much to change a bully's behavior. It just gives them more of a reason to bully. It is very difficult to have empathy for a bully sometimes, though, because their behavior is so destructive to others. I am impressed with your ability to put yourself in their shoes, and empathize with them. The trick is to balance a no tolerance policy for bullying, but in that policy, have provisions for their treatment, not just punishment. Just because they are behaving in a destructive manner doesn't mean that they are not worthy of having their pain dealt with.

 

[jillio]

I think the ability (or rather strength) developed later in life comes not from the years of torment and bullying but by the person's inner desire to change and raise their self-esteem. Some of the most extroverted people are almost never bullied because they're very confident and not necessarily the biggest or strongest, they're just outspoken.

I think a much better (and logical) way to approach this is to help the kid succeed in whatever they're good at, play to their strengths and realize that the world out there isn't always nice and appreciative. I dont need to hurt a child to inform them of the cruelties of the world, knowledge is power in this case and I believe a high self-esteem can defeat any kind of bullying.


...but you know what REALLY bothers me, the psychology of a bully...I don't understand the "high" people get from picking on others, the only thing I can think of is to recoup for their insecurities. Perhaps I'm wrong in this case but I find myself (most often than not) bullying a bully, maybe it's wrong in my case but to me this accomplishes two things:

1) It shows the victim that the bully is not some omnipotent being immune to criticism
&
2) It gives the bully an idea of something called "EMPATHY" - in other words the ability to see things from ANOTHER person's perspective.

Perhaps tasting their own medicine for once would show them how others feel, and that karma is right around the corner.

my two (canadian) cents...

You are spot on about the inner strengths and coping skills. I just want to explain a little something about the psychology of a bully. A bully usually has never been given an opportunity to develop empathy, that is true. However, they also bully because of bullying in their daily life. They get beat, for instance, at home, and it causes such an emotional reaction in them, that they turn around and release that emotion on someone weaker, just as that parent has released their emotion on them because they are weaker. They learn to bully by example. So, if you, as a stronger person, does the same to them because you are stronger, that just reinforces for them that it is perfectly acceptable for the stronger to bully the weaker. It just provides them with another example that justifies their behavior. If a child is never shown empathy, they cannot develop empathy. When a bully is punished for his bullying behavior, it is also just another example to him that the stronger impose themselves on the weaker. Dad is stronger, he beats me. Mom is stronger, she calls me nasty names. Joey is weaker, so I will do the same to him. The kid 2 grades ahead is stronger, he beats me up when I tease Joey. The prinicpal is stronger, he suspends me from school. Dad is stronger, he beats me when I get suspended. It is a cycle the bully gets caught in, and it can't be broken by more bullying. We have to show them empathy in order for them to learn to have empathy for others.