Being run over in conversations

deafdrummer

deafdrummer

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Sigh...

I F* hate having to write and ask about this. It's really, really hard to talk about it...

I was at work, where we had a store meeting. My interpreter was supposed to show up, but never did. No one called to let us know what happened. I had to stay, as it was a mandatory meeting. I'm upset about that, but that's not the only thing bothering me.

The other thing is, everyone knows I'm deaf. Isn't everyone supposed to remember that they can't chatter all at once in front of me? I had one guy next to me keep moving forward to see (wait a minute, isn't he supposed to hear that?) what the person down the line from us was talking about, blocking my view. I just dropped down from the bench and crawled to near the middle of the floor so that I could see what everyone was saying. The problem is that I can't lip-read and hear that far away.

Why do I get the feeling that people don't care about the fact that I am deaf and we need to follow Robert's Rules of Order in meetings? I grew up in rural south Texas, and people were always courteous about communications, but here in the big cities, no one seems to care. I am TIRED of reminding people constantly to slow down. I've done this shit for I don't know, ALL MY LIFE, and I gave up about 10 years ago. I just quit trying.

Please, opinions and expert advise on this issue.

P.S. I made it clear in a discussion with the manager days after that, that I would not be attending/staying for meetings without an interpreter from this point forward. Since the store meeting is mandatory, he has to get with higher ups as to how to handle this situation. I'm older, and time is a lot more valuable to me. I'm not going to waste two hours doing nothing. Unless they want to pay me to "mark time, march-rest-and-one." It's just too hard to follow people in a group setting. I can no longer do it. Never again without an interpreter.
 
Did you ever find out why the interpreter didn't show up?
 
deafdrummer said:
The other thing is, everyone knows I'm deaf. Isn't everyone supposed to remember that they can't chatter all at once in front of me?
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Do they all really know you're deaf? The reality is, you have to adjust to them and if you can't, the Hell with it, it's not your problem. I probably don't hear half the things said to me at work; during my meetings, I just turn off my hearing aids. It doesn't impact me anyway. I had meeting this year where an Israeli speaker gave a presentation - without using the mic she was given (I heard nothing) and the other Israeli gentleman seated in the front, spoke from his seat in the front row, and I had to watch his bald head from behind jumping around as he spoke -probably oblivious to the fact that no one behind him could hear a damn thing he was saying for 30 minutes.

This is a case of "coulda, shoulda, woulda, but don't." They could have organized the meeting better, they should have been more considerate but it doesn't pan out that way. I wouldn't get upset by it, but you shouldn't have to attend meetings if your interpreter is a no show...and I would ask for someone more reliable. A translator not showing up to the job is unacceptable.

Laura
 
Had the same problem at my workplace.....for awhile, some took notes for me...then later I talked with my boss about it, letting him know that I felt left out and not knowing what was going on....and if the notes taken were correct and if some thigs were left out........and got the idea to ask if the notes of the meeting could be posted on the bulletin board?....Long story short but It worked for everyone.....And I was the only deafie in the company, and asking for an intrepretor for every meeting was not necessary.
 
Let your boss know what happened -immediately. So that way they can do better next time.
 
That's what the meeting with the store manager was about. AND, everyone there had been there at least a year and a half, which means that they have seen the interpreter in front of me at last year's store meeting.

The question really is, are people being inconsiderate or don't care if I have to ask them all the time, or are the people I grew up with gods, the very beings who created earth, life on earth, but hid themselves from me so I wouldn't suspect?

You see, I have known people who are considerate and always make sure that they face me and speak clearly without having to be reminded.

It may also be that I'm in the wrong field altogether and need to get into something else that isn't so customer-oriented.

Robin, if you don't understand anything, why go to the meeting? Just get the people to post the minutes on the bulletin board and you read it when you're at work? By the way, we have 80+ employees in our store alone, so that means we are spread out over about a 35-40 feet area, and I have lost patience for simply sitting there and not knowing what's going on.

I just feel like I'm about to go to the audiology department at a medical complex somewhere and ask for a researcher to do stem cell experiments on me, and sign my life over in the process... I'm tired of this being in between.
 
deafdrummer said:
That's what the meeting with the store manager was about. AND, everyone there had been there at least a year and a half, which means that they have seen the interpreter in front of me at last year's store meeting.

The question really is, are people being inconsiderate or don't care if I have to ask them all the time, or are the people I grew up with gods, the very beings who created earth, life on earth, but hid themselves from me so I wouldn't suspect?

You see, I have known people who are considerate and always make sure that they face me and speak clearly without having to be reminded.

It may also be that I'm in the wrong field altogether and need to get into something else that isn't so customer-oriented.

Robin, if you don't understand anything, why go to the meeting? Just get the people to post the minutes on the bulletin board and you read it when you're at work? By the way, we have 80+ employees in our store alone, so that means we are spread out over about a 35-40 feet area, and I have lost patience for simply sitting there and not knowing what's going on.

I just feel like I'm about to go to the audiology department at a medical complex somewhere and ask for a researcher to do stem cell experiments on me, and sign my life over in the process... I'm tired of this being in between.
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DD....I was told the company meetings were mandatory and at the time, a good friend of mine said she would take notes, even tell me if something was really important......especially if we were having a turn-over and new systems would be installed at the work place and the training involved....

That's when I suggested that the minutes of the meeting be posted on the Bulletin Board....for all to see....so there would be no misunderstandings. And also, at times, my friend would not be there, plus, having someone take notes for me, it was hard for them to participate. I would read the minutes of the meeting, and if I had any questions or suggestions, then I would go to see my boss and convey them....Then he told me that I would not have to attend the meetings if I didn't want to...I could take a long break until the meetings were over....so it worked out good.

If there were 2 or more deafies in my company, I can see geting an intrepretor, but I was the only one.
 
Lau2046 said:
The reality is, you have to adjust to them and if you can't, the Hell with it, it's not your problem.
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That pretty much sums it up.

I can keep up with a small group facing each other, but not a big group. If I don't know what was being said, I will ask someone. 99% of the time they tell me "oh, it was nothing important".
 
I can't even understand two people talking to each other in the break room more than half the time. I have less than 8% hearing combined.
 
Wirelessly posted

I can completely commiserate with you 100%. Although I have a Cochlear Implant, I still do not get more than half of the discussions at meetings. Today I attended a meeting and I couldn't understand anything, but whatever that is impertinent to what we're talking about.

I don't know about you, but you should practice advocacy skills. I'm not saying that your standing up to your boss is not the right way to tackle this issue, but while you are in the meeting, speak up. Again, I'm not sure if you sign and use your speech (I don't sign; I use my speech instead) but you need to cut a swath DURING the meeting so people would know why. When you wave your hands in the air or do something crazy that would attract people's attention, they would see you and recognize that you do not have your interpreter with you and that they need to talk slowly or face you or take notes for you.

Trust me, I have done this in my classes. When my teacher unintentionally loiters around in the classroom while giving a lecture, I would say, "excuse me! Please go back and face me; I have to read your lips!" and then the teacher is pulled out of his or her "reverie" (that's my term when a teacher or professor forgets that s/he has a HOH or deafie student in their class). I would keep doing this till my term for that class finishes - it's like training your cat to not scratch your counch by repeatedly directing him to the scratching post.

This is how I employ my skills to keep reminding my teachers about my hearing disability. I agree with Laurie, people suck and to the hell with it, they will always forget that you cannot hear. But they will eventually deal with people who have disabilities who will be an integral aspect of their lives, so this is a good chance for you to show your co-workers/boss this.

I know that's easier than said but it is hard. It was even difficult for me to gather my confidence and courage to speak up but after all, you will be stronger in the end.

Remember anything is possible!!
 
Strong said:
Wirelessly posted

This is how I employ my skills to keep reminding my teachers about my hearing disability. I agree with Laurie, people suck and to the hell with it, they will always forget that you cannot hear. But they will eventually deal with people who have disabilities who will be an integral aspect of their lives, so this is a good chance for you to show your co-workers/boss this.
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I'm terribly, terribly sorry that all you've known is shitty people. The people I work with never ask me to do something with them in their personal time, with rare exceptions. Does that tell you what kind of people they are? No? How about the former Marine whippersnapper who NEVER says hi or acknowledges me UNLESS spoken to and intentionally mumbles around me? Another young 'un never says hi to me unless spoken to. HOWEVER, there are those who come from the country who are always courteous, makes sure I understand, and can actually carry a conversation with me... On the other hand, I even had one lady who was talking for a while with a coworker, and as I tried to carry on the conversation after the coworker left, she actually said, " I need to do this now (pointing at her phone sitting on an easel so she could read it while continuing to eat). I was so upset, that I wrote a note, "That really hurt..." to her side as I walked out to the floor. It took her over a week to come apologize to me.

Oh, oh, how about this?! I'm carrying a conversation with someone, and it goes something like this,

2nd person: That was funny

Me: I couldn't believe my luck. He was there doing a...

3rd person not part of the conversation walks by and: blahblahblahblah

2nd person: (immediately looks away like I don't exist and) blahblahblah (sorry, can't understand a word sometimes)

The deal is, if you're going to interrupt a conversation, do it politely. They NEVER do it with me. I ALWAYS say, excuse me, pardon me, but I need to ask you something real quick. ... Thank you.

By the way, I wasn't "standing up to the boss," but educating him about what happened.
 
Wirelessly posted

I even deal with people who regard me as nonexistent so I know what you aretalking about.

Look, I know you are really frustrated and it hurts a LOT inside that people don't even take a single minute out of their personal time to justtalk to you, but my advice to you: never give up.

Go ahead, give me another story about how you never gave up and yet people treat you like shit. Been there, done that but I ne'er gave up even through the hardest times. One time I was bullied mercilessly by a student in Grade 7 and I was even punched in my arm, I know that's not going to help alleviate your frustration but I want you to know that I never gave up and eventually my life got better.

I'm trying to help you but it's okay that you feel pissed off that people treat you terribly but remember one thing: there are good people out there (as you mentioned in your post) and they WILL accept you.

All of us have been there before in our lives; I'm trying to help you deal with this.
 
Just so you know, I'm trans, and I think that people at work know that I am trans, even though I have never discussed it, and that may be another layer of stuff I have to deal with. And I'm lesbian. Oh, they know, okay? Especially when I see someone I like. I talked to someone who worked at another store in a different part of the country. Wow, the personality, the smile. Sigh... :kiss: is what I would love to do, but I don't know anything about her.
 
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