Bedtime Battle

Iceriver said:
My son is hearing. I have tried putting music on, but he didnt like it and wanted me to turn it off.

About sugar, I don't think it's going to work. He is very stubborn even though he shows signs that hes over tired. Its rare that he would ask me that he's tired and want to go to bed.
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You could try establishing a routine for your child. My sister's kids are school age, but what she does is brings them home from their aftercare program. She feeds them dinner. Then, they take a bath. After bath time, it's time for bed. She has the kids put on their pajamas, and she'll read them a story. After that, it's light's out.

During the week, the kids aren't allowed any TV time at all. She found that actually made it harder to get them to go to bed. It distracted them, and they didn't want to eat or take their baths, so the TV stays off. On the weekends, she allows them tv up until dinner time. After that, no TV.

Basically, she doesn't allow TV in the evenings at all anymore. The kids are 4.5 and 6 yrs old
 
My daughter is 3.5 same as your son age. I used to have problem with her going to bed. She wouldn't go to bed at 9pm. So, i look up on the internet for Behaviour chart. At the end of the week, she get her surprise!! It can be anything really, something that he want. It works for me and she goes to bed at 9.30pm as it summertime as it still bright until after 10pm. Why not try and do your own behaviour chart and see if it works on him. No harm in trying!!! :)
 
I'm a single mom and I have only one kid. It's hard not to have TV off because if I need to do something, ie cooking, phone call, etc, I cant have him bugging me. We always play after supper. Also, if theres no TV, he always get out of bed several times. Im trying to get my son to fall asleep early and without needing TV, its bad habit. It wasnt my fault but its a long story. I cant wait to move out so it would be just me and my son and stick with a routine easily without anyone else living in the house interfering. So basically, right now, Im trying different things to see if it will work.
 
I know the problem is Summer time...

It still stay light until after 10.00 pm... My boys went to bed by 9.00 pm but they can't sleep so read their favorite comic and book... chat with me... That's why I have hard time to sit front of computer in evenings. At winter time, no problem.
 
You have to stick with the routine. Also I would suggest that who else living in the house to be leave the house or go to one room where there is not distraction. Give your son a bath, brush teeth, put pj on, sit with him to read a book (ask him what book does he want you to read), when done reading sometimes he may be still awake then lay down with him and dont forgot to turn off light. Once he fell asleep all you have to do is to slip out.

That work for my son when he was at that age. Same routine dont break it.
 
Pomeranian said:
You have to stick with the routine. Also I would suggest that who else living in the house to be leave the house or go to one room where there is not distraction. Give your son a bath, brush teeth, put pj on, sit with him to read a book (ask him what book does he want you to read), when done reading sometimes he may be still awake then lay down with him and dont forgot to turn off light. Once he fell asleep all you have to do is to slip out.

That work for my son when he was at that age. Same routine dont break it.
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Thanks. Im going to ask them to back off and if my son runs to them just because he doesnt like my rules, they needs to tell him to listen to me. I will try to set up a new routine as everyone else say having a routine is important. Hopefully, it will be sucessful.

Sometimes, I feel like Im doing wrong things, and I need to know if Im doing the right things. Anybody feels the same way?
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I know the problem is Summer time...

It still stay light until after 10.00 pm... My boys went to bed by 9.00 pm but they can't sleep so read their favorite comic and book... chat with me... That's why I have hard time to sit front of computer in evenings. At winter time, no problem.
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No, its not summer thing, it is all season I have been trying to get my son to go to bed early instead of before 12. But daylight savings does have a part to the problem because my son recongizes the difference between daylight and night time because if I tell him its time for bedtime, and he would say no its not night time yet, its still daylight out! grr. He doesnt know how to tell time, so its a problem.
 
Iceriver said:
No, its not summer thing, it is all season I have been trying to get my son to go to bed early instead of before 12. But daylight savings does have a part to the problem because my son recongizes the difference between daylight and night time because if I tell him its time for bedtime, and he would say no its not night time yet, its still daylight out! grr. He doesnt know how to tell time, so its a problem.
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could you buy a BIG clock that's easy to read and put a sticker on his bedtime (ie. 8 'o clock) and teach him that when the hands reach 8 'o clock, that means it's time to go to bed
 
suicidegirl said:
could you buy a BIG clock that's easy to read and put a sticker on his bedtime (ie. 8 'o clock) and teach him that when the hands reach 8 'o clock, that means it's time to go to bed
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That another way of doing that. Teach him the time of the day and nite. LIke wake up time, lunch time, play time, dinner time, snack time, bath time and etc. Kids loves to learn about time.

Always stick with the same time at bed. Remmy that. :D
 
suicidegirl said:
could you buy a BIG clock that's easy to read and put a sticker on his bedtime (ie. 8 'o clock) and teach him that when the hands reach 8 'o clock, that means it's time to go to bed
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Good idea.
 
*clap*

Finally I got my time do this, this morning I read this thread.. It bothers me all day because I really want to say something.. since I could NOT have time to things.. because kids come first.. I put everything aside.. anyway...

Iceriver, dont be offend or take this cricitize.. I might sound like I am .. I am unhappy with your poor son, after I read all posts you posted, I anaylzed and I know something missing.. Ahhh.. Few things I know why, he hasnt been cooperative with you and couldnt sleep..

#1.... He needs you.. He needs your love and attention.. why?

you said.. he refuses to go to bed at 8pm and keep making excuses like I want a drink, I need to go to pee, I want to play, etc anything to avoid going to bed. He ended up going to bed late. Im fed up.
--its tattle tale signs, he is trying to tell you that he wants your affection.. lay down with him on "his" bed.. for like 15 minutes then say good nite.. or fall sleep, slip away.. do that daily route it will become habit, he will know that you are there for him before he fall sleep..

I have tried putting music on, but he didnt like it and wanted me to turn it off.
You can always ask hearing adult or older than teenager to make sure the volume is adjust right.. little bit lower than average and find right channel..


I have tried that but he would throw a fit and crying . At times, he would tell some people how I ve been bad to him.

that's absurd, he must have hear from someone else say that,...try reverse that in postivie and good say.. like "I am not bad mommy but you need listen me, if you dont listen.. I am not happy" something simple for little kids to understand what you mean..

I'm a single mom and I have only one kid. It's hard not to have TV off because if I need to do something, ie cooking, phone call, etc, I cant have him bugging me. We always play after supper. Also, if theres no TV, he always get out of bed several times. Im trying to get my son to fall asleep early and without needing TV, its bad habit. It wasnt my fault but its a long story. I cant wait to move out so it would be just me and my son and stick with a routine easily without anyone else living in the house interfering. So basically, right now, Im trying different things to see if it will work.

Thats part kind of disappointed me.. I understand you are single mother but from what I see, your son despair for you because seems like you and your son are in "difficult time to go through" it stress the small children.. you need to put aside your "time" like phone call, or something.. can always tell someone on phone or computer or pager, that you will get in touch back to them.. find what your son needs.. like if you are cooking, find something for your son attract to and put him on table.. like lay out plain papers with washable markers that would keep him busy.. or Leggos.. something that will keep him busy so he will less bugging you while you cook..

TV needs OFF.. because alot parent(s) using TV as babysitter.. and
cut down on sugar.. give juice or milk instead.. and fruits/veggies (grapes, raisins, carrots, celery).. of course banana but.. snacky.. banana muffins or bread..

You said its not your fault.. well its still fault because you are the parent.. accept the fault, you always can "refix" ........ even tho if the relationship gone sour, get out of there.. think kid come first because it can lead the kid's tramutic real bad or end up have problems..

Also... kids needs go outside for fresh air or wind down their energy just like 30-45 min or more..walk around the block , or teach him riding tricycle.. or play ball.. if he wants stay out.. let it happen.. the more he stay, he will sleep better at night times..

If he still continues, consider about going see Doctor.. either counseling because he is the one who going through difficult times,... I know its important to let child know hes not at the fault.. plus the counselor will help you how to cope this problem..
 
DoofusMama said:
*clap*

Finally I got my time do this, this morning I read this thread.. It bothers me all day because I really want to say something.. since I could NOT have time to things.. because kids come first.. I put everything aside.. anyway...

Iceriver, dont be offend or take this cricitize.. I might sound like I am .. I am unhappy with your poor son, after I read all posts you posted, I anaylzed and I know something missing.. Ahhh.. Few things I know why, he hasnt been cooperative with you and couldnt sleep..

#1.... He needs you.. He needs your love and attention.. why?

you said.. he refuses to go to bed at 8pm and keep making excuses like I want a drink, I need to go to pee, I want to play, etc anything to avoid going to bed. He ended up going to bed late. Im fed up.
--its tattle tale signs, he is trying to tell you that he wants your affection.. lay down with him on "his" bed.. for like 15 minutes then say good nite.. or fall sleep, slip away.. do that daily route it will become habit, he will know that you are there for him before he fall sleep..

I have tried putting music on, but he didnt like it and wanted me to turn it off.
You can always ask hearing adult or older than teenager to make sure the volume is adjust right.. little bit lower than average and find right channel..


I have tried that but he would throw a fit and crying . At times, he would tell some people how I ve been bad to him.

that's absurd, he must have hear from someone else say that,...try reverse that in postivie and good say.. like "I am not bad mommy but you need listen me, if you dont listen.. I am not happy" something simple for little kids to understand what you mean..

I'm a single mom and I have only one kid. It's hard not to have TV off because if I need to do something, ie cooking, phone call, etc, I cant have him bugging me. We always play after supper. Also, if theres no TV, he always get out of bed several times. Im trying to get my son to fall asleep early and without needing TV, its bad habit. It wasnt my fault but its a long story. I cant wait to move out so it would be just me and my son and stick with a routine easily without anyone else living in the house interfering. So basically, right now, Im trying different things to see if it will work.

Thats part kind of disappointed me.. I understand you are single mother but from what I see, your son despair for you because seems like you and your son are in "difficult time to go through" it stress the small children.. you need to put aside your "time" like phone call, or something.. can always tell someone on phone or computer or pager, that you will get in touch back to them.. find what your son needs.. like if you are cooking, find something for your son attract to and put him on table.. like lay out plain papers with washable markers that would keep him busy.. or Leggos.. something that will keep him busy so he will less bugging you while you cook..

TV needs OFF.. because alot parent(s) using TV as babysitter.. and
cut down on sugar.. give juice or milk instead.. and fruits/veggies (grapes, raisins, carrots, celery).. of course banana but.. snacky.. banana muffins or bread..

You said its not your fault.. well its still fault because you are the parent.. accept the fault, you always can "refix" ........ even tho if the relationship gone sour, get out of there.. think kid come first because it can lead the kid's tramutic real bad or end up have problems..

Also... kids needs go outside for fresh air or wind down their energy just like 30-45 min or more..walk around the block , or teach him riding tricycle.. or play ball.. if he wants stay out.. let it happen.. the more he stay, he will sleep better at night times..

If he still continues, consider about going see Doctor.. either counseling because he is the one who going through difficult times,... I know its important to let child know hes not at the fault.. plus the counselor will help you how to cope this problem..
Click to expand...


How do you know I havent done any of these ? You made assumptions. It was wrong. He always preferred me than anyone else, of course Im his mommy but the main reason that I play with him alot. The point is, he ALWAYS want me, I'm allowed to have few mins of break to cook, do things, and etc. I always have to tell my son that when Im finished with cooking, I will be with him, but he didnt care and tried to drag me away, it was wrong. When he wants me to sleep by his side on bed, I said ok but only for short while. We read books, or play games, etc on bed then I would leave because its time for him to go to sleep. I read and watched those nannies tv shows, most say the same thing, dont let the kids have the power. I did talk to him that if I took away something only because he has done a bad thing, he has to learn to listen to me no matter waht if hes crying and telling Im a bad mommy because I took away his toy. He needs to learn the conquences if he did something bad. My son and I always go to park after supper. It doesnt help anything when he refuses to go to bed. When I said it wasnt my fault, you dont know the whole story, I left it out because I dont want to go into details that are too personal. I only want to focus on my son, not them. Im offended by your post. Others who made suggestions was all I need to make an effort to get my son to understand how routine is important and other stuff too.
 
Iceriver said:
How do you know I havent done any of these ? You made assumptions. It was wrong. He always preferred me than anyone else, of course Im his mommy but the main reason that I play with him alot. The point is, he ALWAYS want me, I'm allowed to have few mins of break to cook, do things, and etc. I always have to tell my son that when Im finished with cooking, I will be with him, but he didnt care and tried to drag me away, it was wrong. When he wants me to sleep by his side on bed, I said ok but only for short while. We read books, or play games, etc on bed then I would leave because its time for him to go to sleep. I read and watched those nannies tv shows, most say the same thing, dont let the kids have the power. I did talk to him that if I took away something only because he has done a bad thing, he has to learn to listen to me no matter waht if hes crying and telling Im a bad mommy because I took away his toy. He needs to learn the conquences if he did something bad. My son and I always go to park after supper. It doesnt help anything when he refuses to go to bed. When I said it wasnt my fault, you dont know the whole story, I left it out because I dont want to go into details that are too personal. I only want to focus on my son, not them. Im offended by your post. Others who made suggestions was all I need to make an effort to get my son to understand how routine is important and other stuff too.
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You have every rights to be offend, i accepted it.. but.. "How do you know I havent done any of these ? You made assumptions. ".. I am not making assumptions.. and how do i know.. ?? I just give pointers.. it seems or sound like.. cuz few of my kids went throught SAME thing.. we had gone through up and downs and had bad experiences.. its my fault because i let it happen, I should have stand up or leave whatever are bad going on.. (for example- my ex husband abused me almost 2 years and too late, he got me real messed up and end up in ER- the kids witnessed, I wish I go back when he first hit me, I should have pack up and leave).. right now my son Allen, hes 4 years old.. he just like your son.. last year.. it was real frustrated, work with him .. finally found a way.. less his nap, he could go for like 2-3 hours nap.. :eek: I dont blame him cuz of his asthma medicine make him so sleepy..

btw.. i have 6 kids.. 2 teenagers, 2 preteen, 2 toddlers. its like going start over... lol

anyway hang in there.
 
DoofusMama - I was even offened by your post. I'm a single mom of 3 children. I get tired of getting parenting adivce from married parents (or someone with a partner). It's completely different when you're single. You are trying to do the work of two parents on your own. There are going to be things that don't get done, or done properly.

Iceriver - Hang in there. The most important piece of advice I was ever given was that it's not the quantity of time you spend with your child, but the quality. To be brutaly honest, my children only get about 15 - 20 mins one-on-one time with me a day. And even that is hard to make room for on some days. I disagree that a child making excuses to get out of bed is a cry for attention. I remember doing this as a child. I simply didn't want to go to sleep. I wanted to see what was going on in the rest of the house. I too use the tv to distract my children in order to make dinner or do homework (I'm a fulltime student). People can tell me its wrong all they want. They can tell me that my children should come first. They can tell me that I should find a way to included them in what I'm doing. Unless they have walked the preverbial mile in my shoes, they can't tell me what's best for me and my children. There are only so many hours in the day, sometimes you can't post-pone a phone call. My kitchen isn't big enough to have the kids in there while I make dinner, and they aren't content to sit at the table and color or read. Though one thing that did help with my 2yr old was moving her little play kitchen from her room to the wall outside the kitchen. When she gets under foot I start her on making dinner for her dollies. My children are having to learn that they are not the center of the universe, they are having to learn patience and independance. They know mommy loves them and wants to spend time with them. They also know that I can't cater to their every whim either. Because I don't have to time to lavish attention on them all day, every few weeks they get a special mommy day. It's just one kid and me and we go do something special. My son likes to spend hours walking through the toystore talking about the toys or riding bikes with just me. My 4yr old daughter likes to have just the two of us hide out in her room and read books or do her hair. It's not so much about what we are doing but the fact that they have me to themselves.
We have a loose routine. Because of my youngest's therapy appointments and my school we can't have constant routine. Dinner is not at the same time every night. But they do know that they can watch tv while I make dinner. After dinner they can play while I try to tame the mess in my kitchen. And then it's bath time, after everyone is in pj's my youngest get to read a story with just me. Then she goes to bed. Then my middle one gets to read a story with just me (but we sit at the end of the hall where I can keep an eye on my 2yr old to make sure she isn't getting out of bed) and then she goes to bed. And then my oldest gets to read a story with just me (again at the end of the hall)
I agree a routine is important, kids like to know what's comig next. But the most important thing is consitancy. Before the two older ones go to bed they go to the bathroom - whether they think they need to or not. And I ask them if they want a drink. After that, there is no getting out of bed. No asking mommy questions. If they start to ask questions (their favorite being when are they going to grandmas again) I tell them we'll talk tomorrow. And I have to be firm - literally if I give an inch they will take a mile. I agree with you about not giving kids the power. I dont' lay down with my kids. But I think my kids are old enough to learn to sleep by themselves too.

Wow! I didn't mean to write this long of a post. And I can't remember what my exact original point was. Mainly I just wanted to let you know that I can empathize with you and that you aren't the only frustrated single parent :)
 
Iceriver -

I have been there. I have been a single mom for past 6 years. When I first moved into my house after divorce, my girls were 4 and 3. They were clingy to me as they never see me much. They wanted to be with me constantly.

I let them sleep with me. I know it wasnt right - but I was overwhelmed with trying to put both to bed on time since I didnt have a partner to help out with bed routine.

THey slept with me for first few years but they gradually grew out of it and sleep in their own beds but sometimes they do sneak into my bed during nights. I dont mind because it is not like I am committing a crime, am I? I m sure that some parents will holler at me but I only do what I can while as a single mom.

This will work out eventually :)
 
Gemtun said:
Iceriver -

I have been there. I have been a single mom for past 6 years. When I first moved into my house after divorce, my girls were 4 and 3. They were clingy to me as they never see me much. They wanted to be with me constantly.

I let them sleep with me. I know it wasnt right - but I was overwhelmed with trying to put both to bed on time since I didnt have a partner to help out with bed routine.

THey slept with me for first few years but they gradually grew out of it and sleep in their own beds but sometimes they do sneak into my bed during nights. I dont mind because it is not like I am committing a crime, am I? I m sure that some parents will holler at me but I only do what I can while as a single mom.

This will work out eventually :)
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Wow I'm glad I'm not alone in this....You must be braver than I am for posting this :giggle:
 
^Angel^ said:
Wow I'm glad I'm not alone in this....You must be braver than I am for posting this :giggle:
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:giggle:

Im sure that many will PM me and scold me :Ohno: but hey, there are worse crimes than letting my girls sleep with me. I had so many battles and I had to pick out which was important - in other countries, babies/children sleep with their parents but not here in USA where they firmly believe that children must be independent in very early stages of lives.
 
NAH
it is not a crime to sleep with kids my sister sometimes sleep with her kids
not big deal i use to slept with my parents when i get nightmares

but i outgrew sleeping with my parents and i control my nightmares with no plms
smile
 
Gemtun said:
Iceriver -

I have been there. I have been a single mom for past 6 years. When I first moved into my house after divorce, my girls were 4 and 3. They were clingy to me as they never see me much. They wanted to be with me constantly.

I let them sleep with me. I know it wasnt right - but I was overwhelmed with trying to put both to bed on time since I didnt have a partner to help out with bed routine.

THey slept with me for first few years but they gradually grew out of it and sleep in their own beds but sometimes they do sneak into my bed during nights. I dont mind because it is not like I am committing a crime, am I? I m sure that some parents will holler at me but I only do what I can while as a single mom.

I have same as your way .. i am single mom with son.. when he was little he sleeps with me for fews years. while he have bedtime plms.. there is no harms for that now he older enough he sleeps on his own bed. sometime he sneak and sleep on my bed as he fools sleeping when i caught him he laughs at me lol ( he sometime miss sleeps my bed he s silly)
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