Anwering Machine Messages

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cgreen227

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This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

You have reached the BPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

This is ______'s answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

Hello. I'm not home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you are probably one of those changes.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? Tehy go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they reallly need to say is "we aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service.
 
You have reached the BPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

This is ______'s answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
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Funny to read but would definitely be annoying to listen to each time you wanted to leave a message!

I agree I keep my answering machine short and sweet.
 
Hello, this is Jack. Jill and I are doing what we enjoy doing most. She likes to do it up and down. I like to do it left and right. We'll get back to you as soon as we finish brushing our teeth. *beep*
 
"Mabel's Whorehouse....leave a msg., when we get off our hump, we might give ya a call back"

"Hello....This is Smitty....I ain't home....so ain't that a pity?!"
 
I had a lot of telemarketer calling me so , at the end of my message I recorded " if you're trying to sell me something ,please push N O then hang up!"
 
ya know what i hate?

when someone's answering machine starts off with them saying "hello?"...and then there's a pause, as if it's an actual conversation, and then the answering machine kicks back in saying something along the lines of "i'm not here right now, leave a message!"

1 of my guy friends has that as his answering machine, and it's SO ANNOYING! haha
 
sima1289 said:
ya know what i hate?

when someone's answering machine starts off with them saying "hello?"...and then there's a pause, as if it's an actual conversation, and then the answering machine kicks back in saying something along the lines of "i'm not here right now, leave a message!"

1 of my guy friends has that as his answering machine, and it's SO ANNOYING! haha
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This always throws me off too.
 
When I was at RIT, there was a student who lived off-campus whose phone number was almost the same as the phone number of the local popular movie theater. The only thing different was that the last 2 numbers were reversed. Unfortunately, he kept getting calls all the time from people asking about movies and movie times.

So, he finally decided to do something about it...

He got a friend who could imitate the voice of the answering machine that people get when they call the movie theater and would imitate made-up information related to what was going on at the movie theater. He and his roommates ended up having a lot of fun listening to those messages that people left when they actually fell for it. ;)
 
sima1289 said:
ya know what i hate?

when someone's answering machine starts off with them saying "hello?"...and then there's a pause, as if it's an actual conversation, and then the answering machine kicks back in saying something along the lines of "i'm not here right now, leave a message!"
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OMGoodness! My oldest son would get me almost every time with that! He'd be like, "Yo! ........... what's up? ................. Can you hold on a second? .................... Yeah, leave me a message ....." And I'd be like talking to him inbetween the pauses, and then I'd figure out it wasn't really him. So funny! lol
 
Hutt5asl said:
OMGoodness! My oldest son would get me almost every time with that! He'd be like, "Yo! ........... what's up? ................. Can you hold on a second? .................... Yeah, leave me a message ....." And I'd be like talking to him inbetween the pauses, and then I'd figure out it wasn't really him. So funny! lol
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Hahaha... looks like you got :Owned: by your son! Hehehe!
 
VamPyroX said:
When I was at RIT, there was a student who lived off-campus whose phone number was almost the same as the phone number of the local popular movie theater. The only thing different was that the last 2 numbers were reversed. Unfortunately, he kept getting calls all the time from people asking about movies and movie times.

So, he finally decided to do something about it...

He got a friend who could imitate the voice of the answering machine that people get when they call the movie theater and would imitate made-up information related to what was going on at the movie theater. He and his roommates ended up having a lot of fun listening to those messages that people left when they actually fell for it. ;)
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LOL. :laugh2::laugh2:
 
I have heard of one.

If this is a solicitor, please hang up and do not ever call back.


My daughter's voice mail drove me nuts. It was hello.....hello?.....Hello!?....
Please leave a message.
 
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