gnarlydorkette
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Disclaimer: this post is all about *me* and my little rant and steam from an experience I overcame and triumphed today... THERE you go so you cannot say "YOU ARE SO NARCISSISTIC!!" to me. :-p
Today I went to my old high school (that has a large deaf population)... and [shuddering] hence the title "A trip down the memory lane"... I am not sure how traumatized I am....
I came to my HS to meet up a old teacher (that I was fond and comfortable out of all other D/HH teachers) to donate my old textbooks for AP courses that the deaf/hoh students can borrow from her little library. I brought my old HS friend as well (she graduated 2000 while I graduated in 2003)... to share the burden but unfortunately she did enjoy it.
The teacher wasn't in her classroom so my friend "A" and I decide to go to other classrooms where the d/hh students are at with the teachers (whom I DIDN'T like very much and was found as a difficult person by them). In the d/hh computer lab, we saw "B" who greeted and hugged us both. I looked around the room and saw several formal classmates/students... and their first answer was: "KIRSI?! YOU LOST SOME MAJOR WEIGHT!"
Fuck.
I truly TRULY hate my highschool. the depression, the weight gain, the horrible diet (they only serves soda and junk food at the cafetertia. If you want water, go to a vending machine. If you want healthy food, you should have come in the morning for their breakfast where they serve a serving of fruit: apple and then the rest: pancakes and eggs.), the backstabbers, the so-called "friends".... and... and...ARGH! It is like a deaf school. People said Riverside is more tougher because they are more "real deaf world" but... this HIGH SCHOOL is close as you can! You know everybody, everybody knows you and ALL ABOUT YOU. The only positive side to this school is that that "cruel deaf world" ends at 2:15p everyday and you are FREE from the chains. That is the ONLY difference from Riverside--that you don't sleep, live, and learn on the campus. Plus you are among hearing students but who cares? You got 90 other deaf students to worry about during the breaks and lunch.
So as one student mentioned, "KIRSI?!" he proceeded to tell every other student in neighboring classroooms (all classrooms in DHH deptarment are connected by doors so you don't have to take the hallway) that I am here and I look "THIN"!
I cringed as "B" escorted us both to next classroom to ask another teacher where the original teacher was at. THAT teacher (let's call her JB) greeted "A" and chatted while looking at me as if I am a stranger. Suddenly, she said, "OH KIRSI? I didn't realize you are here Kirsi! You... changed your hair!" Yeah right. Just the hair?
She asked me if I have already transfered to an university... "I have been at SDSU since first semester... I never go to any community college." The prevailing attitude by those D/HH teachers is that DEAF CANNOT DO IT. THEY CANNOT GO TO AN UNIVERSITY FIRST. THEY NEED TO IMPROVE THEIR SKILLS. They totally underestimated the deaf students' potential. And because of that, I decided to mention that I am a junior already in my second year because I took enough classes to be a junior. She was like, "OH?? You were always the smart kid here." Yeah, the smart kid YOU hated.
A second teacher came in and greeted me (this teacher, I had some tolerance). She kept inquiring "A" about school and "A" had to explain that she is not in school because she dropped out etc... and this made her feeling guilty she later said. The teacher turned to me, "wow. You look much happier." Ah... that is because I am out of this shithole.
The same scene goes on with each person "A" greeted along the hallway and the connected classrooms. Same reaction from each of those people-- "Oh, I didn't recognize you!" "Wow you are much thinner! That is why I cannot see you!"
One even joked, "what is the matter, you studied too much at SDSU you forgot to eat?!"
Nonetheless it was difficult for me to maintain my fake smile and repress my screams. The memories of the high school days where I had to fight for my rights, quarreled with those very same teachers, being on my guard all the times with "friends", putting up with all those craps and trying to establish my own self-esteem and identity among the negativity.
Unfortunately I didn't find my original teacher so I might have to go back to that hellpit...
Fuck.
High school days SUCK.
But it sure TAUGHT me a lot... it enables me to live in the harsh and cold environment that is called "reality".
:rl:
Today I went to my old high school (that has a large deaf population)... and [shuddering] hence the title "A trip down the memory lane"... I am not sure how traumatized I am....
I came to my HS to meet up a old teacher (that I was fond and comfortable out of all other D/HH teachers) to donate my old textbooks for AP courses that the deaf/hoh students can borrow from her little library. I brought my old HS friend as well (she graduated 2000 while I graduated in 2003)... to share the burden but unfortunately she did enjoy it.
The teacher wasn't in her classroom so my friend "A" and I decide to go to other classrooms where the d/hh students are at with the teachers (whom I DIDN'T like very much and was found as a difficult person by them). In the d/hh computer lab, we saw "B" who greeted and hugged us both. I looked around the room and saw several formal classmates/students... and their first answer was: "KIRSI?! YOU LOST SOME MAJOR WEIGHT!"
Fuck.
I truly TRULY hate my highschool. the depression, the weight gain, the horrible diet (they only serves soda and junk food at the cafetertia. If you want water, go to a vending machine. If you want healthy food, you should have come in the morning for their breakfast where they serve a serving of fruit: apple and then the rest: pancakes and eggs.), the backstabbers, the so-called "friends".... and... and...ARGH! It is like a deaf school. People said Riverside is more tougher because they are more "real deaf world" but... this HIGH SCHOOL is close as you can! You know everybody, everybody knows you and ALL ABOUT YOU. The only positive side to this school is that that "cruel deaf world" ends at 2:15p everyday and you are FREE from the chains. That is the ONLY difference from Riverside--that you don't sleep, live, and learn on the campus. Plus you are among hearing students but who cares? You got 90 other deaf students to worry about during the breaks and lunch.
So as one student mentioned, "KIRSI?!" he proceeded to tell every other student in neighboring classroooms (all classrooms in DHH deptarment are connected by doors so you don't have to take the hallway) that I am here and I look "THIN"!
I cringed as "B" escorted us both to next classroom to ask another teacher where the original teacher was at. THAT teacher (let's call her JB) greeted "A" and chatted while looking at me as if I am a stranger. Suddenly, she said, "OH KIRSI? I didn't realize you are here Kirsi! You... changed your hair!" Yeah right. Just the hair?
She asked me if I have already transfered to an university... "I have been at SDSU since first semester... I never go to any community college." The prevailing attitude by those D/HH teachers is that DEAF CANNOT DO IT. THEY CANNOT GO TO AN UNIVERSITY FIRST. THEY NEED TO IMPROVE THEIR SKILLS. They totally underestimated the deaf students' potential. And because of that, I decided to mention that I am a junior already in my second year because I took enough classes to be a junior. She was like, "OH?? You were always the smart kid here." Yeah, the smart kid YOU hated.
A second teacher came in and greeted me (this teacher, I had some tolerance). She kept inquiring "A" about school and "A" had to explain that she is not in school because she dropped out etc... and this made her feeling guilty she later said. The teacher turned to me, "wow. You look much happier." Ah... that is because I am out of this shithole.
The same scene goes on with each person "A" greeted along the hallway and the connected classrooms. Same reaction from each of those people-- "Oh, I didn't recognize you!" "Wow you are much thinner! That is why I cannot see you!"
One even joked, "what is the matter, you studied too much at SDSU you forgot to eat?!"
Nonetheless it was difficult for me to maintain my fake smile and repress my screams. The memories of the high school days where I had to fight for my rights, quarreled with those very same teachers, being on my guard all the times with "friends", putting up with all those craps and trying to establish my own self-esteem and identity among the negativity.
Unfortunately I didn't find my original teacher so I might have to go back to that hellpit...
Fuck.
High school days SUCK.
But it sure TAUGHT me a lot... it enables me to live in the harsh and cold environment that is called "reality".
:rl:
