deafbajagal
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- Nov 6, 2007
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I couldn't believe it. Here I was, once again for the third time, in a clinic full of people with cancer. And I'm one of them. Cancer. Such a dirty word. I felt completely out of place, especially since I was in a new city. My boundaries were confined to a GPS...turn left, then arrive at designation. And then where? Where do I go?
I cannot recall a time where I felt completely alone and vulnerable. I couldn't reach out to anyone because all what people wanted to hear was that I was okay...I was getting better. Oh, and the bull about how strong I am.
So I'm sitting here, all "okay and getting better", when a lady sits next to me.
"I'm Mary. You look like you could use a friend in here."
And at that moment, a seed of a new friendship was planted. We talked about everything, except the dirty word. Until my last day. "There's one thing I wanted to do, but was never strong enough to do it one last time." she said, after pausing from knitting. "Ride in a rollercoaster. I used to be scared of it...never would get on one, even as a child. Then three years ago my son told me, Mom, try it! And I did...and loved it! What I would do, to ride it one last time." I wasn't sure what to say. Soon the nurse pushed her way from the heavy doors, looking at me.
A lump in my throat came back, as I fought back hot tears. I hated the treatments, as I'm violated again and again. Sedation only masked the pain for a while. As I got up, Mary grabbed my hand. "Will you? Ride a rollercoaster ride for me? It's like life, you know...ups and down, and it's fast...before you know it, it's all over. But it sure was fun." She smiled, and I returned it. "Yes, I will."
And I did.
I cannot recall a time where I felt completely alone and vulnerable. I couldn't reach out to anyone because all what people wanted to hear was that I was okay...I was getting better. Oh, and the bull about how strong I am.
So I'm sitting here, all "okay and getting better", when a lady sits next to me.
"I'm Mary. You look like you could use a friend in here."
And at that moment, a seed of a new friendship was planted. We talked about everything, except the dirty word. Until my last day. "There's one thing I wanted to do, but was never strong enough to do it one last time." she said, after pausing from knitting. "Ride in a rollercoaster. I used to be scared of it...never would get on one, even as a child. Then three years ago my son told me, Mom, try it! And I did...and loved it! What I would do, to ride it one last time." I wasn't sure what to say. Soon the nurse pushed her way from the heavy doors, looking at me.
A lump in my throat came back, as I fought back hot tears. I hated the treatments, as I'm violated again and again. Sedation only masked the pain for a while. As I got up, Mary grabbed my hand. "Will you? Ride a rollercoaster ride for me? It's like life, you know...ups and down, and it's fast...before you know it, it's all over. But it sure was fun." She smiled, and I returned it. "Yes, I will."
And I did.
I shared a part of this story in the eulogy at the funeral.
Thanks.
and I hope you get better as soon as possible!!!