Suicide brings attention to online bullying

[PePe LePew]

Suicide brings attention to online bullying

by Bob Keefe
Cox News Service

SAN DIEGO -

In a case that exposed the ugliest and most dangerous side of "cyber-bullying," federal prosecutors recently indicted a woman who posed as a teenage boy on the MySpace social networking site and sent cruel comments to a 13 year-old girl who later committed suicide.

A federal grand jury in Los Angeles on May 15 indicted Lori Drew of suburban St. Louis on conspiracy charges for her role in the death of Megan Meier. Megan hanged herself in October 2006 after the online relationship with what she thought was a 16-year old boy named Josh Evans turned sour.

After several weeks of online flirting, Josh told Megan he was moving and that in substance, the "world would be a better place without her," according to prosecutors. Within hours, Megan went to her bedroom and hanged herself.

Josh Evans turned out to be Drew, a neighbor. Prosecutors say she had set up a false MySpace account to trick Megan, apparently because she wanted to find out what the girl was saying about Drew's daughter.

Drew, 49, was indicted on four counts of conspiracy stemming from her violation of MySpace's policies and accessing MySpace's computers without authorization to get information about a juvenile and inflict emotional distress. She faces up to 20 years in prison.

Drew declined to comment, referring questions to her lawyer.

Previously, Drew has denied creating the MySpace page used in the hoax and has denied knowledge of the final messages. She has not denied knowing about the ongoing hoax.

At a news conference, U.S. Attorney Thomas O'Brien called Megan's suicide "a tradgedy that did not have to happen."

Despite the uproar over Megan's death, some question whether Drew's indictment will really do anything to stem a still-growing tide of cyber-bullying.

"This is still a growing problem and I don't think anybody is going to be deterred by this," said Sameer Hinduja, a Florida Atlantic University professor who studies cyber-bullying.

Hinduja said Internet users -in part because of the anonymity that comes with the Web -are generally more uninhibited and less likely to think about morals and consequences when they're online. At the same time, he said, the number of youths who regularly use the Internet for social networking continues to grow.

According to a 2006 study co-authored by Hinduja, about one-third of all youths in a survey said they've been victimized by cyber-bullying.

The survey of nearly 1,400 young Internet users, about 13 percent said they've been threatened online. Five percent said they feared for their safety.


PePe LePew: Boy, is this interested ? I personally have been bullied too, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna commits a suicide, I don't believe in self-murder, that poor 13 year-old girl soo young ended her life, very sad. Not onlys MySpace, it can happen to anys chatrooms or msn, aim, yahoo messenger. Am very disappointed in Lori Drew, she's evil, I don't approved what she did and I don't buys her stories.

 

[KarissaMann05]

What a pain...

 

[jillio]

Sameer Hinduja and one of his associates spoke at one of our Ophelia conferences last spring. He is one of the first scholars to study cyber-bullying and has some very interesting theories on the subject.

 

[Wokamuka]

Previously, Drew has denied creating the MySpace page used in the hoax and has denied knowledge of the final messages. She has not denied knowing about the ongoing hoax.

Hmm . . .

 

[Steel X]

I find that to be a pretty stupid idea from what Drew was doing. She've known about her emotions and such before going further but I guess she just wasnt smart enough to figure that out.

As for the girl, she shouldnt take the online stuff too seriously. If she felt she was being bullied, then ignore it, simple? Nobody forced her to be on the computer anyway.

I felt bad for the girl than the neighbor, which sounds pretty cold of her to do something like that.

Well at least she deserves 20 years in prison so I hope she feels miserable and all from what she did...and proably should never even use a computer again cause theres no knowing if she would trick someone again.

Previously, Drew has denied creating the MySpace page used in the hoax and has denied knowledge of the final messages. She has not denied knowing about the ongoing hoax.

I find that hard to believe. If she doesnt know about it, then who made the hoax? *scoffs*

 

[yagazn]

i heard about this one. it is sad.
i've had experienced with bully before. terrible!

 

[LADY CLARE]

Cyber bullying occurs quite often on Deaf social net works,I have witnessed it time and time again, however, there is very little some one can do about it, but the best way it can be stopped is by PUSHING YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE PC and leaving and deleting the site where you are being bullied, and say to yourself, those people are not real they are just imaginary people like fairies and trolls

 

[Jolie77]

Cyber bullying occurs quite often on Deaf social net works,I have witnessed it time and time again, however, there is very little some one can do about it, but the best way it can be stopped is by PUSHING YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE PC and leaving and deleting the site where you are being bullied, and say to yourself, those people are not real they are just imaginary people like fairies and trolls

Cyber-bullying should be taken seriously. I realize that it is simple to turn the computer off and leave it alone but however, the problem is, there are also people who knows each other in real life and decides to take it on in the cyberland to bully at each other. So with that, it is as real as it gets because it does affect one or another.

It does not always occur on the deaf social networks, it also occurs on any other social networks.

 

[PePe LePew]

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying


Cyber bullies, flame mail, hate mail


The Internet provides the perfect forum for cyberbullies, individuals whose aim is to gain gratification from the distress caused by provoking and tormenting others. The anonymity, ease of provocation, and almost infinite source of targets means the Internet is full of predators from pedophiles targeting children to serial bullies targeting ... anybody.
Cyberbullies get a perverse sense of satisfaction (called gratification) from sending people flame mail and hate mail. Flame mail is an email whose contents are designed to inflame and enrage. Hate mail is hatred (including prejudice, racism, sexism etc) in an email.
Serial bullies, whose behaviour profile you'll find in full at Bully OnLine, harbour a lot of internal aggression which they direct at others. This may include projection, false criticism and patronising sarcasm whilst contributing nothing of any value. It may also include a common tactic of "a number of people have emailed me backchannel to agree with me". This is standard bully-speak which I've experienced on several forums. In every case it's a fabrication or a distortion - usually the former. It's also a variant of the serial bully head teacher who says "a number of parents have complained to me about you...". When challenged, the identity of the alleged complainants can't be disclosed because it's "confidential". The purpose of this tactic is to wind people up. Don't be fooled into believing it has any validity - it doesn't.
People who bully are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about them. The method of creating conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on. The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage in destructive behaviour towards each other.

Most serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention. It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate. In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.
The anger of a serial bully is especially apparent when they come across someone who can see through them to espy the weak, inadequate, immature, dysfunctional aggressive individual behind the mask. For instance, when serial bullies see themselves described at www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm they usually send me an abusive email.
If you receive abusive emails or flame mails or hate mail, you can forward it to abuse@isp where "isp" is the service provider the abuser is using, eg "aol.com" or "yahoo.com". Although Internet service providers may not act on every complaint, the more complaints they receive about a particular individual (with examples of abusive email) the more likely they are to close down the person's account.
The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination, Subjugation. They get a kick out of seeing you react. It doesn't matter how you react, the fact they've successful provoked a reaction is, to the bully, a sign that their attempt at control have been successful. After that, it's a question of wearing you down. The more your try to explain, negotiate, conciliate, etc the more gratification they obtain from your increasingly desperate attempts to communicate with them. Understand that it is not possible to communicate in a mature adult manner with a disordered individual who's emotionally retarded.
The Number One rule for dealing with this type of behaviour is: don't respond and don't engage. This is not as easy to do as it sounds. It's a natural response to want to defend yourself, and to put the person right. However, never argue with a serial bully; it's not a mature adult discussion, but like dealing with a child or immature teenager; whilst the serial bully may be an adult on the outside, on the inside they are like a child who's never grown up - and probably never will.
The second rule is to keep all abusive emails. Create a new folder, perhaps called "Abuse", and move hate mail and flame mail into this folder. You don't have to read it. When the time comes to take action, this folder of hate mail and flame mail is your evidence. Bullies, especially cyberbullies, are obsessive people and if their account is closed down you may start receiving mail from another address. This can later be compared to the abusive emails you've already received to identify the perpetrator. You'll find the same words, phrases and strategies occurring.
The third rule is to understand bullying. Read through Bully OnLine carefully, understand the profile of the serial bully. Recognise that you are not dealing with a person who has the same mindset as yourself. Bullying, and especially cyberbullying, has links with stalking - see www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm for links to stalking sites.
Rule four is get help. If you're a young person, this is essential. Even mature experienced adults often cannot handle bullying and harassment by themselves. Sometimes you are dealing with a severely disordered and dangerous individual.
Rule five is become alert to provocation. It could be called "The Baiting Game". A provocative comment is made and those who respond spontaneously in irritation (eg non-assertively) are then encouraged to engage in conflict with those who respond without irritation (eg assertively). The provoker watches, waits and stirs the pot with the occasional additional provocation. What interests me is the sense of gratification that a provoker gains from watching others indulge in destructive interaction initiated by him- or herself. In this context, gratification is a perverse form of satisfaction akin to, but distinct from, pleasure.

The sixth rule is become an observer. Although you may be the target of the cyberbully's anger, you can train yourself to act as an observer. This takes you out of the firing line and enables you to study the perpetrator and collect evidence. When people use bullying behaviours they project their own weaknesses, failings and shortcomings on to others. In other words, they are telling you about themselves by fabricating an accusation based on something they themselves have done wrong. Whenever you receive a flame mail or hate mail, train yourself to instinctively ask the question, "What is this person revealing about themselves this time?"
The seventh rule is decide if you want to take action, and if so, prepare carefully and strike hard. Sometimes refusing to respond and engage will result in the cyberbully losing interest and going off to find someone easier to torment. Sometimes though, especially if there has been interaction in the past, the cyberbully is so obsessed that she/he cannot and will not let go. You will have to make that person let go, but only through swift, hard, legal action, and only when the time is right. Don't deal with the abuser yourself, use a third party such as a solicitor.
Bully OnLine is a gold mine of insight and information on bullying which identifies the different types of harassment and bullying, and exposes the principal perpetrator, the serial bully. Everyone, whether they're receiving flame mails or hate mail or not, knows at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully. Click here to see ...who does this describe in your life?
Have a look through this web site to recognise the bullies and bullying in your life ... start with Am I being bullied? then move on to What is bullying? To find out what you can do about bullying, click Action to tackle bullying. Have a look at the profile of the serial bully which is common to sociopathic managers, harassers, stalkers, rapists, violent partners, abusers, paedophiles, even serial killers of the organised kind.
If bullying and harassment have caused injury to health, commonly diagnosed as "stress", see the page on injury to health and the one on the psychiatric injury of trauma, a collection of symptoms congruent with the diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.

 

[Dixie]

But still this is an older lady picking on a 13-year old just to find out if she's been talking about her son. The lady's actions were just as juvenile in nature as that of a 13 year old of not more in this case.

The lady should have known better, as they say - Pick on somebody your own size!

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I consider cyberbullies as an aggressive people who have no life and like to mistreat or belittle weak people in internet.

Example: A cyberbully who have supporters around him/her like to pick you and prove you wrong and like to humliate or embarrass you... and like to make you feel low... because they don´t like you.

 

[NorCal20]

Just avoid it.

 

[jenni-m]

Also I would like to point out that not everyone is 'emotionally mature'... It might be an easy thing for some of you to simply walk away, but it obviously was not that easy for her...

Try to show a little respect... she went and and actually hung herself, within hours... just quietly did it, apparently, without warning or complaint... just decided she wanted to die. She had to have been utterly destroyed emotionally to do something like that... and that kind of situation is not something you can simply 'help yourself out of'. It requires outside intervention.

Suicide goes against basic survival instinct... even people who feel they want to die often don't do it, because they really would rather not die, for various reasons. Rationality is still somewhat there... but with someone who just walks off and hangs their self, it is obviously beyond rational thought at that point.

 

[Bottesini]

Also I would like to point out that not everyone is 'emotionally mature'... It might be an easy thing for some of you to simply walk away, but it obviously was not that easy for her...

Try to show a little respect... she went and and actually hung herself, within hours... just quietly did it, apparently, without warning or complaint... just decided she wanted to die. She had to have been utterly destroyed emotionally to do something like that... and that kind of situation is not something you can simply 'help yourself out of'. It requires outside intervention.

Suicide goes against basic survival instinct... even people who feel they want to die often don't do it, because they really would rather not die, for various reasons. Rationality is still somewhat there... but with someone who just walks off and hangs their self, it is obviously beyond rational thought at that point.

I believe that at 13, that suicide is more likely, spur of the moment like that. Because the immature mind does not see the permanent effect.Does not understand mortality.

 

[jenni-m]

I believe that at 13, that suicide is more likely, spur of the moment like that. Because the immature mind does not see the permanent effect.Does not understand mortality.

That might be said of a 5 year old, but I don't think it is as likely with a 13 year old....

Perhaps there is not enough maturity to 'think things through', and make a decision in haste, but I think most teens are quite well aware that death is in fact permanent.

 

[Bottesini]

No, ask Jillio. Psychologically what I say is accepted.

 

[jillio]

I believe that at 13, that suicide is more likely, spur of the moment like that. Because the immature mind does not see the permanent effect.Does not understand mortality.

You are absolutely correct. They are looking for a solution to a temporary situation, and do not have the capacity to understand the a permanent solution, through suicide, is not a solution to a temporary condition. A 13 year old lives in the moment. They have difficulty seeing that a week from now, the situation may change. They want the pain of the current situation to end, and because of an inability, due to cognitive immaturity, see suicide as a way of accomplishing that. Depression increases that inability to rationalize.

 

[jenni-m]

You are absolutely correct. They are looking for a solution to a temporary situation, and do not have the capacity to understand the a permanent solution, through suicide, is not a solution to a temporary condition. A 13 year old lives in the moment. They have difficulty seeing that a week from now, the situation may change. They want the pain of the current situation to end, and because of an inability, due to cognitive immaturity, see suicide as a way of accomplishing that. Depression increases that inability to rationalize.

This is what I said pretty much...

No, ask Jillio. Psychologically what I say is accepted.

What you said is different from what jillio said. But lets drop it. I don't think it is our place to be examining the girl's intent like this...

Eh... I feel I have to do this. But I still don't feel right about it.
"mind does not see the permanent effect" = mind sees a temporary effect (or no effect)
percieved temporary effect : temorary problem / temporary solution to temporary problem (or, feeling that it is possible to recover from death)

ignorant of permanent effect : temporary problem / unknown solution to problem (who doesn't realize that suicide kills, at that age?)
But:

percived permanent effect : temporary problem / permanent solution to temporary problem (irrational thinking, death known to be permanent, but simply not thought out)

 

[jillio]

This is what I said pretty much...



What you said is different from what jillio said. But lets drop it. I don't think it is our place to be examining the girl's intent like this...

Eh... I feel I have to do this. But I still don't feel right about it.
"mind does not see the permanent effect" = mind sees a temporary effect (or no effect)
percieved temporary effect : temorary problem / temporary solution to temporary problem (or, feeling that it is possible to recover from death)

ignorant of permanent effect : temporary problem / unknown solution to problem (who doesn't realize that suicide kills, at that age?)
But:

percived permanent effect : temporary problem / permanent solution to temporary problem (irrational thinking, death known to be permanent, but simply not thought out)

Actually, what Bottesini and I said are in perfect agreement. A 13 year old does not understand the permanency of death in the same way that an adult does. If you ask a 13 year old if death is forever, they will no doubt reply "Yes", but then so willl a 6 year old or a 7 year old. Do they understand the implication of their statement? No, they do not. Nor does a 13 year old.

When a 13 year old commits or attempts suicide, they are not thinking so much about the permanency of death, but only of the immediacy of their pain. They do not think about anything except how to get the pain to stop at that moment.

An adult, on the other hand, considers what the future will be without their existence. An adult contemplates suicide based on hopelessness for the future. A child contemplates suicide based on the pain of the moment with no thought to the future.

 

[jenni-m]

When a 13 year old commits or attempts suicide, they are not thinking so much about the permanency of death, but only of the immediacy of their pain. They do not think about anything except how to get the pain to stop at that moment.

Is that not what I just said... I am getting confused by the language people use, again...

Edit:
They see the permanent effect. They don't foresee ramifications of said effect. There is a big, big difference.