jillio
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No, they don't see the permanent effect. They don't even consider the permanent nature of their decision. Their decision is rooted in the moment.
Suicide brings attention to online bullying
- Thread starter PePe LePew
- Start date
No, they don't see the permanent effect. They don't even consider the permanent nature of their decision. Their decision is rooted in the moment.
AlleyCat
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I heard about this story a while back and it's quite sad. I know as an adult, if I felt I was being cyber-bullied, I would take steps to stop it, even if it was as simple as removing myself from the computer or site where it was happening. Unfortunately, teenagers, especially a 13-year old, often don't see things through (their reactions are hasty which is normal) and understand that over time, there are ways to positively remedy a situation and that things will get better.
PePe LePew
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What Is Bullying ?
What Is Bullying ?
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person.
Some of the ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable.
Why Do Some People Bully ?
There are a lot of reasons why some people bully.
They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge.
Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves.
Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Why Are Some Young & Adult People Bullied ?
Some young & adult people are bullied for no particular reason, but sometimes it's because they are different in some way - perhaps it's the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size or their name.
Sometimes young & adult people are bullied because they look like they won't stand up for themselves.
Why Is Bullying Harmful ?
Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can make young people feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and think there must be something wrong with them. They lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.
What Can You Do If You Are Being Bullied ?
Coping with bullying can be difficult, but remember, you are not the problem, the bully is. You have a right to feel safe and secure.
And if you're different in some way, be proud of it! Kia Kaha - stand strong. Spend time with your friends - bullies hardly ever pick on people if they're with others in a group.
You've probably already tried ignoring the bully, telling them to stop and walking away whenever the bullying starts.
If someone is bullying you, you should always tell an adult you can trust. This isn't telling tales. You have a right to be safe and adults can do things to get the bullying stopped.
Even if you think you've solved the problem on your own, tell an adult anyway, in case it happens again.
An adult you can trust might be a teacher, school principal, parent, someone from your family or whanau, or a friend's parent. If you find it difficult to talk about being bullied, you might find it easier to write down what's been happening to you and give it to an adult you trust.
What Can You Do If You See Someone Else Being Bullied ?
If you see someone else being bullied you should always try to stop it. If you do nothing, you're saying that bullying is okay with you.
It's always best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
You should show the bully that you think what they're doing is stupid and mean. Help the person being bullied to tell an adult they can trust.
Are YOU A Bully ?
Have you ever bullied someone else? Think about why you did it and how you were feeling at the time. If you are sometimes a bully, try to find other ways to make yourself feel good.
Most bullies aren't liked, even if it starts out that way. Remember, it's best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
What Is Bullying ?
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person.
Some of the ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable.
Why Do Some People Bully ?
There are a lot of reasons why some people bully.
They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge.
Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves.
Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Why Are Some Young & Adult People Bullied ?
Some young & adult people are bullied for no particular reason, but sometimes it's because they are different in some way - perhaps it's the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size or their name.
Sometimes young & adult people are bullied because they look like they won't stand up for themselves.
Why Is Bullying Harmful ?
Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can make young people feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and think there must be something wrong with them. They lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.
What Can You Do If You Are Being Bullied ?
Coping with bullying can be difficult, but remember, you are not the problem, the bully is. You have a right to feel safe and secure.
And if you're different in some way, be proud of it! Kia Kaha - stand strong. Spend time with your friends - bullies hardly ever pick on people if they're with others in a group.
You've probably already tried ignoring the bully, telling them to stop and walking away whenever the bullying starts.
If someone is bullying you, you should always tell an adult you can trust. This isn't telling tales. You have a right to be safe and adults can do things to get the bullying stopped.
Even if you think you've solved the problem on your own, tell an adult anyway, in case it happens again.
An adult you can trust might be a teacher, school principal, parent, someone from your family or whanau, or a friend's parent. If you find it difficult to talk about being bullied, you might find it easier to write down what's been happening to you and give it to an adult you trust.
What Can You Do If You See Someone Else Being Bullied ?
If you see someone else being bullied you should always try to stop it. If you do nothing, you're saying that bullying is okay with you.
It's always best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
You should show the bully that you think what they're doing is stupid and mean. Help the person being bullied to tell an adult they can trust.
Are YOU A Bully ?
Have you ever bullied someone else? Think about why you did it and how you were feeling at the time. If you are sometimes a bully, try to find other ways to make yourself feel good.
Most bullies aren't liked, even if it starts out that way. Remember, it's best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
PePe LePew
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Dealing with Bullying
Dealing with Bullying
To help those who are or who have, suffered the effects of bullying
This group is strictly for children and teenagers under the age of 18 years. If your age exceeds this please do not apply for membership.
When applying for membership please put a little bit about yourself, including your age, and why you wish to join our group. Applications without this information will be denied.
Please also ensure you have a filled in profile, with at least your asl (age, gender and location)...location may be just the country you live in.
Please make sure you never give out personal information on the net, such as email address, phone numbers, school or anything else that might put you in danger from the 'not-so-nice' people out there.
Sharing experiences and talking to others does help...
All about Bullying
Almost all children and young people have to cope with bullying in one form or another during their school days, however, there are many types of bullying - and some are easier to cope with than others.
What is bullying?
Bullying can range from teasing to name calling, from spreading nasty rumours about someone to threats of intimidation or actual physical aggression.
There is often a fine line between some of these behaviours. What's considered gentle teasing to one child might appear as intimidation to another. Also, the effects of bullying may vary according to the personality and strengths of the 'victim'. Many young people have to suffer some form of teasing and name calling, for example, on the school bus in the morning - however, some will find this more difficult to deal with than others.
The effect of bullying
There is no doubt that for some children and young people that bullying, however defined, represents the most stressful experience of their lives. Some fear it so much that they refuse to go to school or find excuses to avoid situations where bullying can occur. At the most extreme level bullying can, on rare occasions, lead to a suicide attempt. This is why it has to be taken very seriously indeed. Of course we have to be clear that some forms of bullying are likely to have worse consequences than others. Children have to accept a certain level of teasing, and parents will need to provide support so that the child can deal with this. However bullying to the extent of being physically threatened, or continually taunted, is very distressing and should not be tolerated.
The victim
Clearly, some children and young people are more likely to be the victims of bullying than others. Those with an obvious physical characteristic, such as being overweight, can become targets of bullying, as can those with some form of disability. Those who are shy or diffident, or who find it hard to stand up for themselves may also be vulnerable. However, it is worthwhile remembering that institutions such as schools, prisons and other residential environments can do an enormous amount to reduce bullying, so that in some places even the most vulnerable will be protected. Bullying is not inevitable. One of the problems for victims of bullying is that very often such individuals feel ashamed of what is happening - and blame themselves. It is here that friends and important adults have such a key role to play. Victims of bullying need support to see that it is not their fault. They are not to blame, and something can be done to help them.
The bully
When bullying occurs most of the attention is focused, not surprisingly, on the victim. However, we do need to pay attention to the bully as well. Not all bullies are the same; research has shown that there are differences between the ringleaders, the 'henchmen', and the silent observers. For adults who work with young people it is sometimes useful to distinguish these groups - and to target any interventions with those who have most influence on the bullying behaviour. Bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves, and may therefore be vulnerable and angry. A lot can be done to help such young people deal with their pain and avoid bullying others.
Not all bullying happens at school
Most people assume that bullying happens exclusively in the school setting. Since this is where children and young people spend a good deal of their time, it is understandable that this is the focus of our thinking - however, it's essential to remember that bullying can occur in other places as well. Individuals can be bullied in the home, possibly by an older sibling - or by a step-brother or sister. As I have noted above, prisons and other residential settings are also places where bullying is common. When thinking about bullying adults do need to keep in mind that it can occur anywhere, not just in school.
What can adults do to help?
Adults can do an enormous amount to help, although sometimes it's difficult to be clear how to proceed. Firstly, if your child is showing signs of stress and you aren't sure what's going on, be aware that bullying may be one possible cause. Secondly, you should know that all schools are required to have an anti-bullying strategy in place. As a parent you can find out if this is working, and if not, get support from other parents to insist that it does. Thirdly, if you do find out that your son or daughter is being bullied, offer your help, but be sensitive to their needs too. Simply rushing in to the school and demanding action from the Head is not necessarily the best tactic.
Young people will be very anxious about any move a parent might make, and will often fear reprisals from the bullies or their friends if any action is taken by the school. The best thing to do is to talk things over with the child or young person and plan a strategy that suits them. This may involve getting support from friends, or other parents. It may involve a quiet talk with a trusted teacher. It may even involve thinking about a change of school. The most important thing of all is for a parent to offer support to the child or young person in a way that feels right for them.
Dealing with Bullying
To help those who are or who have, suffered the effects of bullying
This group is strictly for children and teenagers under the age of 18 years. If your age exceeds this please do not apply for membership.
When applying for membership please put a little bit about yourself, including your age, and why you wish to join our group. Applications without this information will be denied.
Please also ensure you have a filled in profile, with at least your asl (age, gender and location)...location may be just the country you live in.
Please make sure you never give out personal information on the net, such as email address, phone numbers, school or anything else that might put you in danger from the 'not-so-nice' people out there.
Sharing experiences and talking to others does help...
All about Bullying
Almost all children and young people have to cope with bullying in one form or another during their school days, however, there are many types of bullying - and some are easier to cope with than others.
What is bullying?
Bullying can range from teasing to name calling, from spreading nasty rumours about someone to threats of intimidation or actual physical aggression.
There is often a fine line between some of these behaviours. What's considered gentle teasing to one child might appear as intimidation to another. Also, the effects of bullying may vary according to the personality and strengths of the 'victim'. Many young people have to suffer some form of teasing and name calling, for example, on the school bus in the morning - however, some will find this more difficult to deal with than others.
The effect of bullying
There is no doubt that for some children and young people that bullying, however defined, represents the most stressful experience of their lives. Some fear it so much that they refuse to go to school or find excuses to avoid situations where bullying can occur. At the most extreme level bullying can, on rare occasions, lead to a suicide attempt. This is why it has to be taken very seriously indeed. Of course we have to be clear that some forms of bullying are likely to have worse consequences than others. Children have to accept a certain level of teasing, and parents will need to provide support so that the child can deal with this. However bullying to the extent of being physically threatened, or continually taunted, is very distressing and should not be tolerated.
The victim
Clearly, some children and young people are more likely to be the victims of bullying than others. Those with an obvious physical characteristic, such as being overweight, can become targets of bullying, as can those with some form of disability. Those who are shy or diffident, or who find it hard to stand up for themselves may also be vulnerable. However, it is worthwhile remembering that institutions such as schools, prisons and other residential environments can do an enormous amount to reduce bullying, so that in some places even the most vulnerable will be protected. Bullying is not inevitable. One of the problems for victims of bullying is that very often such individuals feel ashamed of what is happening - and blame themselves. It is here that friends and important adults have such a key role to play. Victims of bullying need support to see that it is not their fault. They are not to blame, and something can be done to help them.
The bully
When bullying occurs most of the attention is focused, not surprisingly, on the victim. However, we do need to pay attention to the bully as well. Not all bullies are the same; research has shown that there are differences between the ringleaders, the 'henchmen', and the silent observers. For adults who work with young people it is sometimes useful to distinguish these groups - and to target any interventions with those who have most influence on the bullying behaviour. Bullies are often people who have been bullied themselves, and may therefore be vulnerable and angry. A lot can be done to help such young people deal with their pain and avoid bullying others.
Not all bullying happens at school
Most people assume that bullying happens exclusively in the school setting. Since this is where children and young people spend a good deal of their time, it is understandable that this is the focus of our thinking - however, it's essential to remember that bullying can occur in other places as well. Individuals can be bullied in the home, possibly by an older sibling - or by a step-brother or sister. As I have noted above, prisons and other residential settings are also places where bullying is common. When thinking about bullying adults do need to keep in mind that it can occur anywhere, not just in school.
What can adults do to help?
Adults can do an enormous amount to help, although sometimes it's difficult to be clear how to proceed. Firstly, if your child is showing signs of stress and you aren't sure what's going on, be aware that bullying may be one possible cause. Secondly, you should know that all schools are required to have an anti-bullying strategy in place. As a parent you can find out if this is working, and if not, get support from other parents to insist that it does. Thirdly, if you do find out that your son or daughter is being bullied, offer your help, but be sensitive to their needs too. Simply rushing in to the school and demanding action from the Head is not necessarily the best tactic.
Young people will be very anxious about any move a parent might make, and will often fear reprisals from the bullies or their friends if any action is taken by the school. The best thing to do is to talk things over with the child or young person and plan a strategy that suits them. This may involve getting support from friends, or other parents. It may involve a quiet talk with a trusted teacher. It may even involve thinking about a change of school. The most important thing of all is for a parent to offer support to the child or young person in a way that feels right for them.
PePe LePew
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True Story about Andrew
True Story about Andrew
Hello. My name is Andrew and I am 14 years of age. My hobbies are to play all kinds of sports especially football, basketball and rugby. I played for my school football team until the people I was bullied by gradually pushed my out by name calling. I enjoy playing sports but if I feel that I am not wanted by the team I will not play for them. A boy was who I thought was the cause of the bullying because he was telling the bullies things I didn’t say and he was trying to take my place in the football team by telling me the manager said “I was not playing that match,” then he said to the manager that, “I was unavailable so could he take my place?” Well it worked. He had successfully pushed me out of the team and he had taken my place in the team. Well that was until I told him straight that I knew what he was trying to do, and since then I haven’t had a problem with him. Not many anyway, only little tiny things.
These are some of the other things that happened during my experience of being bullied;
*People punching me
*People joining in my football games and kicking my ball into people’s gardens during break at school so I can’t get my ball back.
*Getting called names.
*Getting so frightened to go to school the next day , my mom sits up for over an hour trying to get me to tell her what was happening at school because I was crying a lot.
That is only the half of what happened to me during me experience.
How Andrew Handled The Bully!!
When I was being bullying, I felt like telling the teacher but I thought it would just pass over but I was wrong. I waited a couple of days to see if it would stop but it got worse every day. I felt really upset when it started for no reason. I had done nothing to them to hurt there feelings. The next week it got really bad and I was sat up in bed crying then my mom came up. I told her what was going on and she was soooo angry. The next morning my mom telephoned my school and told them what had happened and the educational wealthfare officer was informed. On that day it was my birthday and my friend told everyone to give me birthday digs. I ran to the entrance to the school and three boys started kicking me and punching me down to the floor. I went to the seats and sat down. One of the teachers came to me 5 minutes later and told me my other friends had made a statement on what they saw. Eventually, the boys were told off but my mom wanted to take things a little further because it had gone on for too long. The educational wealthfare officer came to see me after school one day after my mom had spoke to her and she picked me up and took me home. When she had a word with me she mentioned some counselling. She also offered me a place in positive futures. This is a place for people being bullyed that like sports. E.G. Absailing, football ect...
BEAT THE BULLY!!
True Story about Andrew
Hello. My name is Andrew and I am 14 years of age. My hobbies are to play all kinds of sports especially football, basketball and rugby. I played for my school football team until the people I was bullied by gradually pushed my out by name calling. I enjoy playing sports but if I feel that I am not wanted by the team I will not play for them. A boy was who I thought was the cause of the bullying because he was telling the bullies things I didn’t say and he was trying to take my place in the football team by telling me the manager said “I was not playing that match,” then he said to the manager that, “I was unavailable so could he take my place?” Well it worked. He had successfully pushed me out of the team and he had taken my place in the team. Well that was until I told him straight that I knew what he was trying to do, and since then I haven’t had a problem with him. Not many anyway, only little tiny things.
These are some of the other things that happened during my experience of being bullied;
*People punching me
*People joining in my football games and kicking my ball into people’s gardens during break at school so I can’t get my ball back.
*Getting called names.
*Getting so frightened to go to school the next day , my mom sits up for over an hour trying to get me to tell her what was happening at school because I was crying a lot.
That is only the half of what happened to me during me experience.
How Andrew Handled The Bully!!
When I was being bullying, I felt like telling the teacher but I thought it would just pass over but I was wrong. I waited a couple of days to see if it would stop but it got worse every day. I felt really upset when it started for no reason. I had done nothing to them to hurt there feelings. The next week it got really bad and I was sat up in bed crying then my mom came up. I told her what was going on and she was soooo angry. The next morning my mom telephoned my school and told them what had happened and the educational wealthfare officer was informed. On that day it was my birthday and my friend told everyone to give me birthday digs. I ran to the entrance to the school and three boys started kicking me and punching me down to the floor. I went to the seats and sat down. One of the teachers came to me 5 minutes later and told me my other friends had made a statement on what they saw. Eventually, the boys were told off but my mom wanted to take things a little further because it had gone on for too long. The educational wealthfare officer came to see me after school one day after my mom had spoke to her and she picked me up and took me home. When she had a word with me she mentioned some counselling. She also offered me a place in positive futures. This is a place for people being bullyed that like sports. E.G. Absailing, football ect...
BEAT THE BULLY!!
PePe LePew
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Real Life Story of Being Bullied
Real Life Story of Being Bullied
I’ve been bullied since the age of 6. Although my memories of most of it are cloudy, the thing that sticks out in my mind is that at the time my parents didn’t have much money. So while the other kids walked around in flashy labels, My clothes and toys came from the market. They used to take the mick and My things were always being stolen or broken and I got into a lot of fights.
I got to secondary and on the first day I was started on, I heard them whispering about me and I kept on getting really evil looks.
In my 5 years there I had my things stolen, broken, I’ve had objects thrown at me (Wood, Coins, stones, chunks of metal, scissors, all sorts), they tried to set my hair alight twice, I have a problem with my legs and I find it hard to walk. They thought it would be funny to kick me. They made a game of it, Who ever managed to make me fall won a prize. I got into a couple of fights. I used to be quite confident, I did self written speaches in assemblys, was in plays, and did presentations in class but by year 9 that vannished. Slowly my confidence dipped.
In The last two years of school I started to completely give up, at first they picked on me because I was quiet and because of my weight but then one day I forgot to take my jewelry off (I was gothic at the time) and that was it, more rumors started, apparently I was evil and so was a friend of mine who was also 'different'. Then one day they really got to us both and I hugged my friend and apparenty this meant we were gay. Girls wouldn't come near me in changing rooms or sit near me! I got so sick of things I walked out of lessons, didn’t bother to do my work and stopped talking.
I kept on telling teachers! Even my friends and my parents kept on at them but they only started to help when it was my last few months at school. I saw the school councilor every week and they took me out of lessons and put me in an office to work. I felt so isolated, angry and depressed. At some points I felt suicidal but luckily my friends stopped me acting on my thoughts. If it wasn’t for them, I doubt I’d be here typing this.
Because of all thats happened, I now suffer from mild depression and Social Anxiety Disorder which is a phobia of being watched, judged or criticized. It means I can’t go into crowded places, speak in front of people or sometimes even go outside, I can’t look people in the eye, I can’t eat in public places and I can't even sleep. If I get into any of these situations I get panic attacks, I sometimes even wake up in the middle of the night because an attack as started. I'm now a first year student at college and I can't join in with my classmates because of the disorder. I also self harm but thankfully that is on its way out. I see councilors and have Cognitive behavioral therapy which should almost cure the disorder and I take anti-depressants.
my story sounds all negative but on the plus side I've made some amazing friends and now in college, I don't get picked on anymore (appart from by 1 random idiot but i can handle him), my teachers also know what happened to me and they support me too which is a big help.
My advice to people out there being bullied is to keep on telling people! Let the whole world know. The more you nag to as many people the more you can expect to get done! Get your parents or guardians involved and most of all stay strong! There is light at the end of the tunnel, the key is staying on life train ride till you can get off at the platform and stick your fingers up at the people you left on the train on a route to no where.
Emily, 17,
_______________________________________________________________
I was never really picked on in Primary school but I was a bit of a loner. I used to play by myself and I didn't have many proper friends. It didn't bother me. Actually, I was quitec happy like that. I thought it would be the same when I moved to secondary school. I couldn't have been more wrong. Even from day one, people used to call me names and whisper about me because I didn't really fit in. I had a crappy bag, no flashy lables or anything and I still wore knee-high white socks. It might not sound much but it was the start of over four years of pure hell.
I struggled through year seven and eight but it was in year nine it got really bad. I was in a lot of fights, none of which I started. One time was when we were cooking and these girls were nicking these pineapple pieces I'd brought. I was forever telling them not to and then one of the just walked over and slapped me. We started fighting in lesson and my Dad was called in. Then I had another fight in form a few weeks after about a chair. It seems really stupid now but she just lashed out at me. But the big one came at the end of year nine. This girl was really starting to get on my nerves. She was talking about me, right in front of my and it was obvious she wanted me to hear. So, in self-defence, I turned around and said something about her Dad. She said she was going to smack me one but I didn't believe her. I just thought she was trying to scare me. Anyway, at the end of the day, she was waiting for me outside my classroom and she hit me really hard, right in teh face and it hurt so much, inside and out. I just ran straight home. I felt like it could't get worse at all. But it did.
I was dreading going into school the next day but I did. Anyway, that when we had the fight. Her and all her silly little mates came up and cornered me so I pushed her to get out of the way and she started punching me and kicking me. It was me verses six of them. I just felt really scared and lonely. It doesn't end there either. At the end of lunch that day she chased me down a corridor and ther was about twenty kids behind her! I'm not kidding. They cornered me at the end of the corridor and I couldn't escape because there was so many. She held up her fist and it was then I knew. She didn't just want to hurt me, she wanted to kill me. And so did the others. I just totally broke down then. I've never been so petrified in my entire life. Luckily a teacher came along and took me away and I was allowed home early because she was threatening to come and do me after school. I was so glad it was the last couple of weeks of year nine.
But I still had another two to get through. Year ten wasn't as bad. There was just this one gang of girls and they used to throw things at me. One time one of them hit me but I got through that.Another girl used to throw dirty looks at me and there were a few other minor incidents. They shook me up a bit but now theyre just another bed memory. I'm in year eleven now. It hasn't been great. I'm not going ot go into great detail but they still call me, throw things at me, bang into me on purpose. The worst thing is that she they still don't know how much they've killed me inside. They haven't got a clue. It's really messed my head up. My self-esteem is rock bottem, I haven't got an ounce of that confidence that I had in Primary school left. I also have OCD, which is a mental disorder. It means I often can't get to bed until gone 2am because I have to complete rituals so I feel safe. I also never go out and I'm very paranoid. It ain't easy. I haven't got much tiem left at school, just a few weeks. I know on my last day I'm going to cry. Not out of sadness but out of happiness and relief.
My advice to people in the same situation as me is don't do what I did and feel ashamed of that fact that you're too shy to stand up for yourself. It's not your fault, it's theirs. Also, hold your head up high and believe in yourself. Its not easy and it might not stop for a while but if you hold onto the thought that you are a trillion times better than them, you will survive. You might have scars at the end of it but they just prove what a strong person you are.
Carolyn, 15
________________________________________________________
I can't really remember when the bullying for me actually started, but I can remember, near the end of my last year in Primary school, I had the first nasty comment aimed at me. A girl who I did get on alright with turned round and said that she thought I was getting fat. That was a massive blow for me, and I won't ever forget sitting, crying, surrounded by my friends.
Shes not said anything else about me since then as far as I'm aware.
Moving up to Secondary School was one of the most nerve-wracking things I had ever done. Being shy isn't easy. I think it was in second year that the bullying started. I'm not going to say why or how, because its quite embarrassing, but after this 'event' took place, this girl started picking on me. Nasty comments and just general bitchiness. My confidence was easily dented.
I began to feel sick before going to school, but luckily, early on I told my dad what was going on.
I was then called to my guidance teacher and had to explain to him what was going on. Finally the girl was forced to apologise.
Now, two years on, I wouldn't say we're exactly what you'd call friends, but we're civil enough to one another.
However, just one year after the girl stopped, 3 girls started on me. They didn't make it obvious. They just shouted at me in the playground and made me feel small and useless. When I spoke to my guidance teacher again, she then went and spoke the them. They denied everything.
My friend has also suffered some serious bullying since then. It makes me feel sick.
These people took away my confidence, made me feel small and lonely, like no-one cared. Although I don't suppose I've suffered really badly compared to some, it still makes me really angry that there is those people who get a kick out of bullying others. I've not suffered any real long-term 'damage' although the girl who called me fat...her comments have come back to haunt me.
I also self-harm, but I'm not sure what thats related to really.
Right now I'm just trying to piece together my confidence, which is helped a lot by the fact that I now do drama.
My advice to people in the situation of bullying would be to please, please get help. It might feel like there is no-one that cares, but believe me, there is. Whether it be parents, guardians, teachers, friends, or even someone on the other end of the phone at one of the helplines, there is someone who can listen and try and help. And if it ever feels like you can't cope any more, look to the future. Things can only get better. You are a strong person, who if you continue to climb, you can reach the top, leaving the sad losers behind.
You are better than them, and never, ever feel like there is no hope, or that it is your fault. It isn't.
Get some help, take some action and reach for the stars. Good luck.
Laura, 16
_______________________________________________________________
Ok, so you've decided to do it. Life is impossible. You think it's the only way out? I'm right aren't I? Fine, but before you go and do anything, please read this. Just hang on for five minutes - it could save you.
Killing yourself isn't easy despite how simple it looks on the telly. People just throw themselves off bridges or pop a few pills and that's it. Looks simple. It's not. Yeah, fine, it's easy enough to throw yourself off the bridge but what happens afterwards, eh? You don't always die you know. Paul is 24 years old from Blackpool. He used to be a happy sort of guy, an Oxford graduate, actually. He got into alcohol once and tried to electrocute himself. Now he has fits and sizures and drags one leg. The electricity surged through his brain and now he lives in a fog. He tried to do what you're thinking now and look what happened. Jill is a 15 year old girl, born and bred in Bristol. She used to be fun-loving, outgoing and confident. That was before the bullied started on her. Trying to end all the pain, she chucked herself off a block of flats. Now she can't walk, she can't talk and she needs help even to do something as simple as go to the toilet. She is also permanantly in a huge amont of pain. Those bullies got the last laugh. Do you really want that to happen to you? Do you? Michelle is an 18 year old student from Manchester. Her best friend died in a car accident last year and since then she's been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. She grabbed the nearest box of asprin and swallowed about twenty. They didn't quite kill her. Now she is a sickly kind of yellow colour because the tablets played havoc with her liver. Do you really want to look like that?
THINK ABOUT IT!
If you did actually kill yourself, think about the consequences. Your Mum might be the one that finds you, hanging from the bedsheets in your bedroom. Now just imagine the scene. She runs in and sees you. She screams in terror and tries desperatly to cut you down and resucitate you, tears streaming down her sobbing face but it's too late. You're gone. From that moment onwards, she will be in utter torment and her heart will have broken, never to be repaired again. Doesn't bear thinking about, does it? And who is going to wipe your blood off the floor if you decide to slit your wrists? Your Mom? Your Dad? Commercial cleaning compainies may refuse the job. Think about it. And what about your five year old brother playing on the rug with his toys? You kill yourself tonight, he might do it ten years time. There are people out there who care for you, you know, who love you a tremendous lot (even if it doesn't seem like it now). If you kill yourself tonight the suffering will end for you but those people who care for you deeply will be totally and completly crushed. No, crushed insn't the word for it. They'll be in an agonizing state of dispair. They'll be punished for the rest of their lives. And you know what else? The horror of it might even cause them to copy you. One more thing: they're going to blame themselves for what you did - for the rest of their lives, they's be thinking what if what if? Do you really want that?
If you are feeling suicidal please tell somebody. Your Mom. Your Dad. Your brother. Your sister. Your best mate. A teacher. A priest. The Police. A helpline. Even talking to your pet can help... no, I'm joking, either. It's a scientific fact. Whoever you talk to, there ARE people out there who WILL help you and they DO care. I promise you that.
PLEASE HANG ON!
The answer you're looking for to end your troubles may be an a month away, a week away, a day away or an hour away. However long it takes, there is always a solution. Always.
GET HELP NOW!
Ok, so you still want kill yourself? Go ahead.
Just remember that picture you've got of your Mom crying.
Little Note
If any of you at all has ever picked on someone who's quiet and not good at standing up for themselves for whatever reason (because they're thin, fat, tall, short, black, white, asian, spotty, ginger, have speaking difficulties, have learning difficulties, are disabled, are brain-damaged, are deaf, are blind, are a 'geek', are a mosher, are a goth, are a trendy, whatever the reason may be), I just want you to know I think you are a really nasty person.
You might not know what your actions (intentional or non-intentional) may do. Let me explain. I know someone who get panic attacks and starts shaking and crying everytime they walk past a big group of people, I know someone who is seeing a councellor because they're scared to go out of their own house in case they get beaten up because of their weight and I know someone who often feels like their whole world is breaking down even if someone gives them a dirty look because they accossiate dirty looks with bullies.
Would you like to be one of those people? I myself have a mental disorder that was the result of nearly five years worth of name calling and often violence. My self-esteem levels are at rock bottem and sometimes I just feel like curling up in a ball and dying because I feel that the world hates me. Everything reminds me of being picked on. For example, my brother just came in the room and went 'Ooooooooh!' when I told him off and that was something 'they' used to say to me on the rare occasion that I lashed out.
If someone has bullied you or hurt you then maybe it is acceptable. But just because your friends are doing it and you find yourself joining in or because it's 'something to do'... well, in my opinion, someone should put you through five years worth of mocking and jeering and we'll see how you like it. You'll be crying for your Mommy within five minutes to come and 'make it stop'. Well, let me tell you this: bullying doesn't just 'stop' - it carries on and on and on and only the strongest of the strong can pull through and survive it. Only those few who've still got the will to live. Only those few who really believe they can make it and want to beat it. Only those can and only those will. Bullies are weak within themselves so the likleyhood of them staying alive through to fear and torment is virtually nil.
Bullying is a cruel, callous form of torture and the effects of it, however mild, can kill somebody on the inside.
I should know. I've died already.
Real Life Story of Being Bullied
I’ve been bullied since the age of 6. Although my memories of most of it are cloudy, the thing that sticks out in my mind is that at the time my parents didn’t have much money. So while the other kids walked around in flashy labels, My clothes and toys came from the market. They used to take the mick and My things were always being stolen or broken and I got into a lot of fights.
I got to secondary and on the first day I was started on, I heard them whispering about me and I kept on getting really evil looks.
In my 5 years there I had my things stolen, broken, I’ve had objects thrown at me (Wood, Coins, stones, chunks of metal, scissors, all sorts), they tried to set my hair alight twice, I have a problem with my legs and I find it hard to walk. They thought it would be funny to kick me. They made a game of it, Who ever managed to make me fall won a prize. I got into a couple of fights. I used to be quite confident, I did self written speaches in assemblys, was in plays, and did presentations in class but by year 9 that vannished. Slowly my confidence dipped.
In The last two years of school I started to completely give up, at first they picked on me because I was quiet and because of my weight but then one day I forgot to take my jewelry off (I was gothic at the time) and that was it, more rumors started, apparently I was evil and so was a friend of mine who was also 'different'. Then one day they really got to us both and I hugged my friend and apparenty this meant we were gay. Girls wouldn't come near me in changing rooms or sit near me! I got so sick of things I walked out of lessons, didn’t bother to do my work and stopped talking.
I kept on telling teachers! Even my friends and my parents kept on at them but they only started to help when it was my last few months at school. I saw the school councilor every week and they took me out of lessons and put me in an office to work. I felt so isolated, angry and depressed. At some points I felt suicidal but luckily my friends stopped me acting on my thoughts. If it wasn’t for them, I doubt I’d be here typing this.
Because of all thats happened, I now suffer from mild depression and Social Anxiety Disorder which is a phobia of being watched, judged or criticized. It means I can’t go into crowded places, speak in front of people or sometimes even go outside, I can’t look people in the eye, I can’t eat in public places and I can't even sleep. If I get into any of these situations I get panic attacks, I sometimes even wake up in the middle of the night because an attack as started. I'm now a first year student at college and I can't join in with my classmates because of the disorder. I also self harm but thankfully that is on its way out. I see councilors and have Cognitive behavioral therapy which should almost cure the disorder and I take anti-depressants.
my story sounds all negative but on the plus side I've made some amazing friends and now in college, I don't get picked on anymore (appart from by 1 random idiot but i can handle him), my teachers also know what happened to me and they support me too which is a big help.
My advice to people out there being bullied is to keep on telling people! Let the whole world know. The more you nag to as many people the more you can expect to get done! Get your parents or guardians involved and most of all stay strong! There is light at the end of the tunnel, the key is staying on life train ride till you can get off at the platform and stick your fingers up at the people you left on the train on a route to no where.
Emily, 17,
_______________________________________________________________
I was never really picked on in Primary school but I was a bit of a loner. I used to play by myself and I didn't have many proper friends. It didn't bother me. Actually, I was quitec happy like that. I thought it would be the same when I moved to secondary school. I couldn't have been more wrong. Even from day one, people used to call me names and whisper about me because I didn't really fit in. I had a crappy bag, no flashy lables or anything and I still wore knee-high white socks. It might not sound much but it was the start of over four years of pure hell.
I struggled through year seven and eight but it was in year nine it got really bad. I was in a lot of fights, none of which I started. One time was when we were cooking and these girls were nicking these pineapple pieces I'd brought. I was forever telling them not to and then one of the just walked over and slapped me. We started fighting in lesson and my Dad was called in. Then I had another fight in form a few weeks after about a chair. It seems really stupid now but she just lashed out at me. But the big one came at the end of year nine. This girl was really starting to get on my nerves. She was talking about me, right in front of my and it was obvious she wanted me to hear. So, in self-defence, I turned around and said something about her Dad. She said she was going to smack me one but I didn't believe her. I just thought she was trying to scare me. Anyway, at the end of the day, she was waiting for me outside my classroom and she hit me really hard, right in teh face and it hurt so much, inside and out. I just ran straight home. I felt like it could't get worse at all. But it did.
I was dreading going into school the next day but I did. Anyway, that when we had the fight. Her and all her silly little mates came up and cornered me so I pushed her to get out of the way and she started punching me and kicking me. It was me verses six of them. I just felt really scared and lonely. It doesn't end there either. At the end of lunch that day she chased me down a corridor and ther was about twenty kids behind her! I'm not kidding. They cornered me at the end of the corridor and I couldn't escape because there was so many. She held up her fist and it was then I knew. She didn't just want to hurt me, she wanted to kill me. And so did the others. I just totally broke down then. I've never been so petrified in my entire life. Luckily a teacher came along and took me away and I was allowed home early because she was threatening to come and do me after school. I was so glad it was the last couple of weeks of year nine.
But I still had another two to get through. Year ten wasn't as bad. There was just this one gang of girls and they used to throw things at me. One time one of them hit me but I got through that.Another girl used to throw dirty looks at me and there were a few other minor incidents. They shook me up a bit but now theyre just another bed memory. I'm in year eleven now. It hasn't been great. I'm not going ot go into great detail but they still call me, throw things at me, bang into me on purpose. The worst thing is that she they still don't know how much they've killed me inside. They haven't got a clue. It's really messed my head up. My self-esteem is rock bottem, I haven't got an ounce of that confidence that I had in Primary school left. I also have OCD, which is a mental disorder. It means I often can't get to bed until gone 2am because I have to complete rituals so I feel safe. I also never go out and I'm very paranoid. It ain't easy. I haven't got much tiem left at school, just a few weeks. I know on my last day I'm going to cry. Not out of sadness but out of happiness and relief.
My advice to people in the same situation as me is don't do what I did and feel ashamed of that fact that you're too shy to stand up for yourself. It's not your fault, it's theirs. Also, hold your head up high and believe in yourself. Its not easy and it might not stop for a while but if you hold onto the thought that you are a trillion times better than them, you will survive. You might have scars at the end of it but they just prove what a strong person you are.
Carolyn, 15
________________________________________________________
I can't really remember when the bullying for me actually started, but I can remember, near the end of my last year in Primary school, I had the first nasty comment aimed at me. A girl who I did get on alright with turned round and said that she thought I was getting fat. That was a massive blow for me, and I won't ever forget sitting, crying, surrounded by my friends.
Shes not said anything else about me since then as far as I'm aware.
Moving up to Secondary School was one of the most nerve-wracking things I had ever done. Being shy isn't easy. I think it was in second year that the bullying started. I'm not going to say why or how, because its quite embarrassing, but after this 'event' took place, this girl started picking on me. Nasty comments and just general bitchiness. My confidence was easily dented.
I began to feel sick before going to school, but luckily, early on I told my dad what was going on.
I was then called to my guidance teacher and had to explain to him what was going on. Finally the girl was forced to apologise.
Now, two years on, I wouldn't say we're exactly what you'd call friends, but we're civil enough to one another.
However, just one year after the girl stopped, 3 girls started on me. They didn't make it obvious. They just shouted at me in the playground and made me feel small and useless. When I spoke to my guidance teacher again, she then went and spoke the them. They denied everything.
My friend has also suffered some serious bullying since then. It makes me feel sick.
These people took away my confidence, made me feel small and lonely, like no-one cared. Although I don't suppose I've suffered really badly compared to some, it still makes me really angry that there is those people who get a kick out of bullying others. I've not suffered any real long-term 'damage' although the girl who called me fat...her comments have come back to haunt me.
I also self-harm, but I'm not sure what thats related to really.
Right now I'm just trying to piece together my confidence, which is helped a lot by the fact that I now do drama.
My advice to people in the situation of bullying would be to please, please get help. It might feel like there is no-one that cares, but believe me, there is. Whether it be parents, guardians, teachers, friends, or even someone on the other end of the phone at one of the helplines, there is someone who can listen and try and help. And if it ever feels like you can't cope any more, look to the future. Things can only get better. You are a strong person, who if you continue to climb, you can reach the top, leaving the sad losers behind.
You are better than them, and never, ever feel like there is no hope, or that it is your fault. It isn't.
Get some help, take some action and reach for the stars. Good luck.
Laura, 16
_______________________________________________________________
Ok, so you've decided to do it. Life is impossible. You think it's the only way out? I'm right aren't I? Fine, but before you go and do anything, please read this. Just hang on for five minutes - it could save you.
Killing yourself isn't easy despite how simple it looks on the telly. People just throw themselves off bridges or pop a few pills and that's it. Looks simple. It's not. Yeah, fine, it's easy enough to throw yourself off the bridge but what happens afterwards, eh? You don't always die you know. Paul is 24 years old from Blackpool. He used to be a happy sort of guy, an Oxford graduate, actually. He got into alcohol once and tried to electrocute himself. Now he has fits and sizures and drags one leg. The electricity surged through his brain and now he lives in a fog. He tried to do what you're thinking now and look what happened. Jill is a 15 year old girl, born and bred in Bristol. She used to be fun-loving, outgoing and confident. That was before the bullied started on her. Trying to end all the pain, she chucked herself off a block of flats. Now she can't walk, she can't talk and she needs help even to do something as simple as go to the toilet. She is also permanantly in a huge amont of pain. Those bullies got the last laugh. Do you really want that to happen to you? Do you? Michelle is an 18 year old student from Manchester. Her best friend died in a car accident last year and since then she's been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. She grabbed the nearest box of asprin and swallowed about twenty. They didn't quite kill her. Now she is a sickly kind of yellow colour because the tablets played havoc with her liver. Do you really want to look like that?
THINK ABOUT IT!
If you did actually kill yourself, think about the consequences. Your Mum might be the one that finds you, hanging from the bedsheets in your bedroom. Now just imagine the scene. She runs in and sees you. She screams in terror and tries desperatly to cut you down and resucitate you, tears streaming down her sobbing face but it's too late. You're gone. From that moment onwards, she will be in utter torment and her heart will have broken, never to be repaired again. Doesn't bear thinking about, does it? And who is going to wipe your blood off the floor if you decide to slit your wrists? Your Mom? Your Dad? Commercial cleaning compainies may refuse the job. Think about it. And what about your five year old brother playing on the rug with his toys? You kill yourself tonight, he might do it ten years time. There are people out there who care for you, you know, who love you a tremendous lot (even if it doesn't seem like it now). If you kill yourself tonight the suffering will end for you but those people who care for you deeply will be totally and completly crushed. No, crushed insn't the word for it. They'll be in an agonizing state of dispair. They'll be punished for the rest of their lives. And you know what else? The horror of it might even cause them to copy you. One more thing: they're going to blame themselves for what you did - for the rest of their lives, they's be thinking what if what if? Do you really want that?
If you are feeling suicidal please tell somebody. Your Mom. Your Dad. Your brother. Your sister. Your best mate. A teacher. A priest. The Police. A helpline. Even talking to your pet can help... no, I'm joking, either. It's a scientific fact. Whoever you talk to, there ARE people out there who WILL help you and they DO care. I promise you that.
PLEASE HANG ON!
The answer you're looking for to end your troubles may be an a month away, a week away, a day away or an hour away. However long it takes, there is always a solution. Always.
GET HELP NOW!
Ok, so you still want kill yourself? Go ahead.
Just remember that picture you've got of your Mom crying.
Little Note
If any of you at all has ever picked on someone who's quiet and not good at standing up for themselves for whatever reason (because they're thin, fat, tall, short, black, white, asian, spotty, ginger, have speaking difficulties, have learning difficulties, are disabled, are brain-damaged, are deaf, are blind, are a 'geek', are a mosher, are a goth, are a trendy, whatever the reason may be), I just want you to know I think you are a really nasty person.
You might not know what your actions (intentional or non-intentional) may do. Let me explain. I know someone who get panic attacks and starts shaking and crying everytime they walk past a big group of people, I know someone who is seeing a councellor because they're scared to go out of their own house in case they get beaten up because of their weight and I know someone who often feels like their whole world is breaking down even if someone gives them a dirty look because they accossiate dirty looks with bullies.
Would you like to be one of those people? I myself have a mental disorder that was the result of nearly five years worth of name calling and often violence. My self-esteem levels are at rock bottem and sometimes I just feel like curling up in a ball and dying because I feel that the world hates me. Everything reminds me of being picked on. For example, my brother just came in the room and went 'Ooooooooh!' when I told him off and that was something 'they' used to say to me on the rare occasion that I lashed out.
If someone has bullied you or hurt you then maybe it is acceptable. But just because your friends are doing it and you find yourself joining in or because it's 'something to do'... well, in my opinion, someone should put you through five years worth of mocking and jeering and we'll see how you like it. You'll be crying for your Mommy within five minutes to come and 'make it stop'. Well, let me tell you this: bullying doesn't just 'stop' - it carries on and on and on and only the strongest of the strong can pull through and survive it. Only those few who've still got the will to live. Only those few who really believe they can make it and want to beat it. Only those can and only those will. Bullies are weak within themselves so the likleyhood of them staying alive through to fear and torment is virtually nil.
Bullying is a cruel, callous form of torture and the effects of it, however mild, can kill somebody on the inside.
I should know. I've died already.
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
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What is bullying and what can YOU do about it!!
What is bullying and what can YOU do about it!!
What is Bullying and What Can You Do About It ?
"If you are worried discuss this with a teacher.
This advice sums up the most important actions to take:
If someone in your family is being bullied at school - you have to do Bullying is not easy to define. Sometimes it involves hitting or kicking. But threats, teasing, and taunting are more common and can be more damaging.
The word 'bullying' is used to describe many different types of behaviour ranging from teasing or deliberately leaving an individual out of a social gathering or ignoring them, to serious assaults and abuse. Sometimes it is an individual who is doing the bullying and sometimes it is a group.
The important thing is not the action but the effect on the victim. No-one should ever underestimate the fear that a bullied child feels.
something to help: you must talk to a teacher.
If you are worried that someone in your family may be bullied - discuss this with a teacher.
If you want to help rid schools of bullying - work with the teachers to make schools safer and happier.
If you are not satisfied with the school's response, do not give up - other sources of help are available.
Support and understanding at home are important in helping people to cope with bullying - do all you can to help children and young people value themselves.
Children and young people who witness or become aware of bullying may be unsure what to do and whether they should tell someone. Make sure they know that they should talk to a parent or teacher, and why.
The key messages to get across to the person being bullied are:
You dont care what they are doing and that it doesnt get to you.
What to do when they are near:
When they are bullying you, just think of them in a funny position like on the toilet etcs, and just laugh in your head.
Don't do anything that makes them think it is getting to you or anything that makes them want to do it more...
What is bullying and what can YOU do about it!!
What is Bullying and What Can You Do About It ?
"If you are worried discuss this with a teacher.
This advice sums up the most important actions to take:
If someone in your family is being bullied at school - you have to do Bullying is not easy to define. Sometimes it involves hitting or kicking. But threats, teasing, and taunting are more common and can be more damaging.
The word 'bullying' is used to describe many different types of behaviour ranging from teasing or deliberately leaving an individual out of a social gathering or ignoring them, to serious assaults and abuse. Sometimes it is an individual who is doing the bullying and sometimes it is a group.
The important thing is not the action but the effect on the victim. No-one should ever underestimate the fear that a bullied child feels.
something to help: you must talk to a teacher.
If you are worried that someone in your family may be bullied - discuss this with a teacher.
If you want to help rid schools of bullying - work with the teachers to make schools safer and happier.
If you are not satisfied with the school's response, do not give up - other sources of help are available.
Support and understanding at home are important in helping people to cope with bullying - do all you can to help children and young people value themselves.
Children and young people who witness or become aware of bullying may be unsure what to do and whether they should tell someone. Make sure they know that they should talk to a parent or teacher, and why.
The key messages to get across to the person being bullied are:
You dont care what they are doing and that it doesnt get to you.
What to do when they are near:
When they are bullying you, just think of them in a funny position like on the toilet etcs, and just laugh in your head.
Don't do anything that makes them think it is getting to you or anything that makes them want to do it more...
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
- Reaction score
- 0
Victim of Bully
Victim of Bully
Chances are you are reading this because you--or someone you know--has been emotionally and/or physically victimized by a bullying boss.
I created this site in order to work through some painful issues that were created when I was fired. I was a Clinical Research Associate who was bullied by three female managers in the pharmaceutical industry for more than 6 months before I was fired for reporting an extreme case of bullying and requesting a transfer to another department. I was given the option to choose resignation AFTER I was fired, and was given a month's severance pay before I made a decision. I chose resignation (which I stated verbally and in writing to the HR Director) to save my reputation in the industry. When I applied for unemployment benefits and won, my former employer claimed that I did not resign.
I was not written up at any time during my employment. However, 2 months before I was fired, I was given an unfair evaluation by the CRA Manager (someone with whom I never worked, and who worked in an office about 200 miles away).
I learned the hard way that reporting a bullying manager in an already dysfunctional workplace will create serious problems for you. My advice is if you're sure you're in a company that tolerates bullying, GET OUT NOW! Don't wait around for it to change, even if you love your job. Chances are you will eventually get fired if you choose to stand up to the bullies. Listen to your gut intinct when something does not feel right to you in the workplace.
Good Luck!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The bullying began less than two months after I was hired at the company. The CRA supervisor would not respond to my work-related emails or phone messages. When I asked why in person, she refused to answer, and raised her eyebrows. Within a couple of days she had contacted the Director of Clinical Operations and my project manager about my "lack of communication", and asked that I be "retrained"!
The supervisor's initial actions bothered me so much that I conveyed my concerns to an employment specialist, who let me know that it sounded as if the supervisor wanted to get rid of me "for whatever reason". She suggested that I go ahead and find an employment lawyer. I thought that because I was a good, cooperative and hardworking employee I would never lose my job (and I had no intention of quitting a job that I loved). I deeply regret my decision to stick it out at a place that did not value me as an employee.
It was commonplace to be humiliated in front of other employees/managers, and to have no one respond when I reported the bullying. It was a nightmare, and it only grew worse.
The company was secretly sold two months after I was fired and the employees were notified via email afterward. Many CRAs left the company shortly afterward.
I was not the only CRA who was bullied in this office. However, I believe I was the only one who reported it. One woman told me she felt she had to "take it" out of fear of losing her job and her new home if she spoke up.
The sad reality is that I was probably dismissed because a manager did not like me. It was personal, not business.
I know that I am not alone in my experiences.
By: Unknown
Victim of Bully
Chances are you are reading this because you--or someone you know--has been emotionally and/or physically victimized by a bullying boss.
I created this site in order to work through some painful issues that were created when I was fired. I was a Clinical Research Associate who was bullied by three female managers in the pharmaceutical industry for more than 6 months before I was fired for reporting an extreme case of bullying and requesting a transfer to another department. I was given the option to choose resignation AFTER I was fired, and was given a month's severance pay before I made a decision. I chose resignation (which I stated verbally and in writing to the HR Director) to save my reputation in the industry. When I applied for unemployment benefits and won, my former employer claimed that I did not resign.
I was not written up at any time during my employment. However, 2 months before I was fired, I was given an unfair evaluation by the CRA Manager (someone with whom I never worked, and who worked in an office about 200 miles away).
I learned the hard way that reporting a bullying manager in an already dysfunctional workplace will create serious problems for you. My advice is if you're sure you're in a company that tolerates bullying, GET OUT NOW! Don't wait around for it to change, even if you love your job. Chances are you will eventually get fired if you choose to stand up to the bullies. Listen to your gut intinct when something does not feel right to you in the workplace.
Good Luck!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The bullying began less than two months after I was hired at the company. The CRA supervisor would not respond to my work-related emails or phone messages. When I asked why in person, she refused to answer, and raised her eyebrows. Within a couple of days she had contacted the Director of Clinical Operations and my project manager about my "lack of communication", and asked that I be "retrained"!
The supervisor's initial actions bothered me so much that I conveyed my concerns to an employment specialist, who let me know that it sounded as if the supervisor wanted to get rid of me "for whatever reason". She suggested that I go ahead and find an employment lawyer. I thought that because I was a good, cooperative and hardworking employee I would never lose my job (and I had no intention of quitting a job that I loved). I deeply regret my decision to stick it out at a place that did not value me as an employee.
It was commonplace to be humiliated in front of other employees/managers, and to have no one respond when I reported the bullying. It was a nightmare, and it only grew worse.
The company was secretly sold two months after I was fired and the employees were notified via email afterward. Many CRAs left the company shortly afterward.
I was not the only CRA who was bullied in this office. However, I believe I was the only one who reported it. One woman told me she felt she had to "take it" out of fear of losing her job and her new home if she spoke up.
The sad reality is that I was probably dismissed because a manager did not like me. It was personal, not business.
I know that I am not alone in my experiences.
By: Unknown
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
- Reaction score
- 0
Why Me ?
Why Me ?
If you have ever been victimized by someone at work who had the power to take away your job, the one thing on which your very livelihood depends, then you are not alone.
Studies indicate that bosses who bully and harass tend to target bright and independent employees who are cooperative and have a non-confrontational interpersonal style.
The more confident, independent employees tend to be the "whistle blowers"; the "question authority" people. We are honest and fair-minded, and loyal to those we work for and with, as long as they share our ethical views. We are the people standing behind you with crossed arms when you finally decide to stand up to that Bully boss. Sometimes we even do it for you!
Our resumes are often spotted with career changes and a glaring lack of references from Bully managers. Yet our working relationships with cohorts, clients and vendors yield glowing reports. Our excellent work histories are rarely recorded in the corporate archives since Bully managers are unable to look past their personal issues. Bully bosses are paralyzed with fear and prefer to ignore our many contributions to the company.
Human Resources (i.e., "The Company") will rarely intervene in the Bully manager-Employee conflict. There are several reasons for this. First, it is too difficult to deal with, it involves complicated legal issues and in management training, Bully managers are taught how to get rid of employees without involving HR. In my personal experience, when I reported that a Project Manager with the company was verbally abusive (to the point that I was in tears), the HR Director stated that she could not believe that "Pam" would do such a thing, and that "if she did, she didn't realize she was doing it." As the bullying and harassment continued (for over 6 months, during which time others joined in), "Pam" continued to deny to anyone who would listen that she was anything less than "polite" to me. Did other employees believe I was being bullied? Yes. Understandably, they would not get involved out of fear of losing their jobs. I hear that one of my former colleagues is still a victim of a Bully boss, and is an emotional wreck.
If you are interested in preserving your sanity, the following advice and information will come in handy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
How To "Think Like a Sneak"-----------------------------------------------------------------------
This section is dedicated to a self-professed sneak within the company who gave me the idea (and some of the equipment) with which to gather evidence that will stand up and say "Sukey Now" in a Court of Law.
So, no one believes that your boss is a bully? Then it's time to do a little shopping in the electronics department at Wal-Mart. If you don't have one already, invest in a hand-held mini-cassette recorder that you can slip into the waistband of your skirt or slacks. The best ones are equipped with a Voice-Activated Recording feature, which eliminates long periods of 'blank tape' during playback. Expect to spend $25-50.
Another must-have is the pen camera, ranging in price from $20-150. After all, you'll want to capture every eye-roll, glare, in-my-personal-space-looking-over-my-shoulder memory on film. Just lift, click and email to your legal team.
Why Me ?
If you have ever been victimized by someone at work who had the power to take away your job, the one thing on which your very livelihood depends, then you are not alone.
Studies indicate that bosses who bully and harass tend to target bright and independent employees who are cooperative and have a non-confrontational interpersonal style.
The more confident, independent employees tend to be the "whistle blowers"; the "question authority" people. We are honest and fair-minded, and loyal to those we work for and with, as long as they share our ethical views. We are the people standing behind you with crossed arms when you finally decide to stand up to that Bully boss. Sometimes we even do it for you!
Our resumes are often spotted with career changes and a glaring lack of references from Bully managers. Yet our working relationships with cohorts, clients and vendors yield glowing reports. Our excellent work histories are rarely recorded in the corporate archives since Bully managers are unable to look past their personal issues. Bully bosses are paralyzed with fear and prefer to ignore our many contributions to the company.
Human Resources (i.e., "The Company") will rarely intervene in the Bully manager-Employee conflict. There are several reasons for this. First, it is too difficult to deal with, it involves complicated legal issues and in management training, Bully managers are taught how to get rid of employees without involving HR. In my personal experience, when I reported that a Project Manager with the company was verbally abusive (to the point that I was in tears), the HR Director stated that she could not believe that "Pam" would do such a thing, and that "if she did, she didn't realize she was doing it." As the bullying and harassment continued (for over 6 months, during which time others joined in), "Pam" continued to deny to anyone who would listen that she was anything less than "polite" to me. Did other employees believe I was being bullied? Yes. Understandably, they would not get involved out of fear of losing their jobs. I hear that one of my former colleagues is still a victim of a Bully boss, and is an emotional wreck.
If you are interested in preserving your sanity, the following advice and information will come in handy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
How To "Think Like a Sneak"-----------------------------------------------------------------------
This section is dedicated to a self-professed sneak within the company who gave me the idea (and some of the equipment) with which to gather evidence that will stand up and say "Sukey Now" in a Court of Law.
So, no one believes that your boss is a bully? Then it's time to do a little shopping in the electronics department at Wal-Mart. If you don't have one already, invest in a hand-held mini-cassette recorder that you can slip into the waistband of your skirt or slacks. The best ones are equipped with a Voice-Activated Recording feature, which eliminates long periods of 'blank tape' during playback. Expect to spend $25-50.
Another must-have is the pen camera, ranging in price from $20-150. After all, you'll want to capture every eye-roll, glare, in-my-personal-space-looking-over-my-shoulder memory on film. Just lift, click and email to your legal team.
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
- Reaction score
- 0
Taunting and Teasing
Taunting and teasing!!
Teasing:- Allows the teaser and the person teased to swamp roles with ease.
- Isn't intended to hurt the other person.
- Maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved.
- Pokes fun in a lighthearted, cleaver, and benign.
- Is meant to get both parties to laugh.
- Is only a small part of the activities shared by the kids who have something in common.
- Is innocent in motive.
- Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing.
Taunting:-
Is based on an imbalance of power and is one sided the bully taunts, the bullied kid is taunted.
- Is intended to harm.
- Involves humiliating cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes.
- Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target.
- Is meant to diminish the sense of self-worth of the target.
- Induces fear of further taunting or can be a prelude to physical bullying.
- Is sinister in motive.
- Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunt.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Understanding Bullying
Bullying is so common that a parent might be tempted to see it as somehow a normal part of growing up. Phrases like "he's just a big bully" make bullying seem like a harmless thing. But the reality is anything but. When bullying takes root in a school, it sets a tone that undermines learning because every child has to worry about being victimized. It also sets the stage for continuing violence, as children who were victims sometimes turn on weaker children or occasionally explode in rage.
The instigator
Bullying occurs when a powerful child repeatedly picks on a less powerful one. Boys who bully usually use physical force and threats, while girls are more likely to taunt and exclude their selected victims. Bullies take things from their victims--lunch money, toys, sometimes even articles of clothing--but mainly what they're after is what they might consider to be respect. They want to be known as strong, powerful, and tough. Some children become bullies in reaction to harsh discipline at home, others out of fear, and still others because bullying brings them status.
In order to increase their power, bullies often gather a group of followers. They control these cronies by giving or removing approval. Anyone who steps out of line may end up being picked on himself. In a sense, bullies are leaders.
Unfortunately, the distorted leadership skills bullies develop as children don't serve them well later in life. They are more likely to drop out of school, lose their jobs, fail in relationships, abuse family members physically, and spend time in jail. They are also more likely to commit suicide. This is not to say that every child who has ever been a bully is destined to a life of aggressive, antisocial behavior. But a child who bullies needs help to stop, for his own sake as well as his victims'.
The victim
About 1 child in 10 is a victim of bullying. In general, these children are different in some way--either physically unattractive, shy, or simply vulnerable. They usually have few friends. Many of them report feeling isolated and depressed. Their bodies ache, not only when they have been physically hurt, but also as a sign of emotional distress.
They often avoid school, developing what is sometimes called "school phobia." Like the bullies, they are at risk for suicide and suicide attempts. Sadly, some of the school shooters in the late 1990s were victims of bullies, seeking revenge.
For every victim, there are many children who are bystanders. They take part in the bullying by laughing, nervously perhaps, and by keeping quiet about it to adults. They fear that if they try to protect the victim, they are likely to become targets themselves. Bullies play to this audience. The bystanders may feel that there is nothing they can do, but they also often feel guilty because they know that bullying is wrong and they are letting it happen.
Bullies usually are careful to hide their actions from teachers. School officials often don't know the extent of the problem, and parents may have a hard time believing their children could act in such a cruel way. Bullying is a problem among children, but it is not reasonable to expect them to solve it on their own. They need parents and other adults to take the lead to create bully-free schools and neighborhoods.
What you can do
As a parent, you can do several things to take effective action against bullying:
Teach your child how to stand up to bullies without fighting, and make sure she knows that telling an adult about bullying is an act of courage, not snitching. For specific suggestions, see bully-proofing your child.
If your child witnesses bullying, stress that standing by passively is not OK. Instead, your child should take the side of the victim and report the bullying to a responsible adult. Commend your child for having the courage to stand up to the bully and his crowd.
Most importantly, teach your child to make efforts to include the victim in games and social life. Part of the way bullies operate is by socially isolating the victims. Bystanders, working together, can befriend the victim and isolate the bully. When schoolchildren do this, bullying decreases dramatically.
If your child is a bully, let him know that the bullying must stop, and then make sure that it does.
Support efforts by the school to eliminate bullying. Hundreds of schools have instituted effective anti-bullying programs. The key to these programs is getting everyone in the school--teachers, administrators, and, especially, students--to reject bullying and to make sure that every child feels accepted.
Understanding Teen Suicide
Bully-Proofing Your Child
Effective Anti-Bullying Programs in Schools
Taunting and teasing!!
Teasing:- Allows the teaser and the person teased to swamp roles with ease.
- Isn't intended to hurt the other person.
- Maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved.
- Pokes fun in a lighthearted, cleaver, and benign.
- Is meant to get both parties to laugh.
- Is only a small part of the activities shared by the kids who have something in common.
- Is innocent in motive.
- Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing.
Taunting:-
Is based on an imbalance of power and is one sided the bully taunts, the bullied kid is taunted.
- Is intended to harm.
- Involves humiliating cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes.
- Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target.
- Is meant to diminish the sense of self-worth of the target.
- Induces fear of further taunting or can be a prelude to physical bullying.
- Is sinister in motive.
- Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunt.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Understanding Bullying
Bullying is so common that a parent might be tempted to see it as somehow a normal part of growing up. Phrases like "he's just a big bully" make bullying seem like a harmless thing. But the reality is anything but. When bullying takes root in a school, it sets a tone that undermines learning because every child has to worry about being victimized. It also sets the stage for continuing violence, as children who were victims sometimes turn on weaker children or occasionally explode in rage.
The instigator
Bullying occurs when a powerful child repeatedly picks on a less powerful one. Boys who bully usually use physical force and threats, while girls are more likely to taunt and exclude their selected victims. Bullies take things from their victims--lunch money, toys, sometimes even articles of clothing--but mainly what they're after is what they might consider to be respect. They want to be known as strong, powerful, and tough. Some children become bullies in reaction to harsh discipline at home, others out of fear, and still others because bullying brings them status.
In order to increase their power, bullies often gather a group of followers. They control these cronies by giving or removing approval. Anyone who steps out of line may end up being picked on himself. In a sense, bullies are leaders.
Unfortunately, the distorted leadership skills bullies develop as children don't serve them well later in life. They are more likely to drop out of school, lose their jobs, fail in relationships, abuse family members physically, and spend time in jail. They are also more likely to commit suicide. This is not to say that every child who has ever been a bully is destined to a life of aggressive, antisocial behavior. But a child who bullies needs help to stop, for his own sake as well as his victims'.
The victim
About 1 child in 10 is a victim of bullying. In general, these children are different in some way--either physically unattractive, shy, or simply vulnerable. They usually have few friends. Many of them report feeling isolated and depressed. Their bodies ache, not only when they have been physically hurt, but also as a sign of emotional distress.
They often avoid school, developing what is sometimes called "school phobia." Like the bullies, they are at risk for suicide and suicide attempts. Sadly, some of the school shooters in the late 1990s were victims of bullies, seeking revenge.
For every victim, there are many children who are bystanders. They take part in the bullying by laughing, nervously perhaps, and by keeping quiet about it to adults. They fear that if they try to protect the victim, they are likely to become targets themselves. Bullies play to this audience. The bystanders may feel that there is nothing they can do, but they also often feel guilty because they know that bullying is wrong and they are letting it happen.
Bullies usually are careful to hide their actions from teachers. School officials often don't know the extent of the problem, and parents may have a hard time believing their children could act in such a cruel way. Bullying is a problem among children, but it is not reasonable to expect them to solve it on their own. They need parents and other adults to take the lead to create bully-free schools and neighborhoods.
What you can do
As a parent, you can do several things to take effective action against bullying:
Teach your child how to stand up to bullies without fighting, and make sure she knows that telling an adult about bullying is an act of courage, not snitching. For specific suggestions, see bully-proofing your child.
If your child witnesses bullying, stress that standing by passively is not OK. Instead, your child should take the side of the victim and report the bullying to a responsible adult. Commend your child for having the courage to stand up to the bully and his crowd.
Most importantly, teach your child to make efforts to include the victim in games and social life. Part of the way bullies operate is by socially isolating the victims. Bystanders, working together, can befriend the victim and isolate the bully. When schoolchildren do this, bullying decreases dramatically.
If your child is a bully, let him know that the bullying must stop, and then make sure that it does.
Support efforts by the school to eliminate bullying. Hundreds of schools have instituted effective anti-bullying programs. The key to these programs is getting everyone in the school--teachers, administrators, and, especially, students--to reject bullying and to make sure that every child feels accepted.
Understanding Teen Suicide
Bully-Proofing Your Child
Effective Anti-Bullying Programs in Schools
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
- Reaction score
- 0
Bullying By Mobile Phone
Bullying By Mobile Phone
Bullying by mobile phone
and abusive text messages
Mobile phones are a popular choice for bullies. They provide bullies with the perfect means of taunting their target with little fear of being caught. Text messages provide complete anonymity.
Many pay-as-you-go mobile phones can be bought over the counter and do not require proof of identity, nor is any record kept of the new owner. Calls made from these types of mobile phone are difficult to trace.
So, what can you do?
Never ignore or underestimate the threat
NEVER ignore threats, either verbal or by phone or via text message. But don't respond in the way the bully wants you to. When people advise you to "just ignore it", what they really mean is "do not respond to the taunts and provocation, do not engage or communicate with the bully, but instead take careful notes of what is being done to you, who is doing it and how, and record all of this in a journal so you can develop a strategy for dealing with it". The golden rule is, DO NOT RESPOND and DO NOT ENGAGE. You have a right to not respond to abusive people.
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the distress and the destructive effect that constant bullying and harassment can have on the recipient and their family. Bullying in all its forms invades your boundaries, is intrusive and violational and is thus a form of rape - emotional rape and psychological rape - especially when this goes on for months, or even years.
Empower yourself with knowledge
Understand what bullying is so that when it starts you can stay in control and nip it in the bud. Do your homework now. Start by digesting this page, then follow the links.
Recognise it early and keep records
Learn to recognise the early signs and keep a detailed diary. Print off the messages if you are able, otherwise make a careful copy of every one (including formats, abbreviations, spelling mistakes etc), the date, time, the caller-ID if available, or the reason for the caller-ID being unavailable (eg "withheld", "unavailable", etc) - even this can prove useful. It may be distressing to make a copy of each message, so get the support of a trusted friend or close family member.
Stay in control
This is a game - a nasty game, but a game. Learn the rules of the game: it's about power and control. Tell yourself repeatedly that the threats, insults, accusations, allegations, criticisms etc have NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with you - they are a device for taunting, a fabrication, a deception, but most of all, a projection of the bully's own weaknesses, shortcomings, and failings. Every nasty word is an admission by the bully about themselves.
Detach yourself from the harassment early on. Each time you receive a message, train yourself to NOT think "what have I done now?" or "in what way is s/he telling me I'm useless this time?" but instead THINK "what is this jerk revealing about themselves this time?" The criticisms, allegations, insults, threats etc sometimes contain a grain of truth which is there to fool you into thinking that the insult has validity WHICH IT DOES NOT. Don't be fooled by this ruse.
Understand the bully's mindset
Bullies derive gratification - a perverse sense of satisfaction - from the power and control they exert over their victim. The aim of bullies is power, control, domination and subjugation. Bullies confirm the power and control by use of provocation. When the target responds, it's a sign that the bully has successfully exerted control. They jerk your string, you jump. By refusing to jump, you deny the bully their sense of satisfaction.
Bullies are also serial attention-seekers. They want a response - they don't care whether it's positive or negative, they just want your attention. It's like a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum. In fact, the harasser may have the emotional development level of a 2-year-old. When you don't respond, the harassment is at first likely to get worse as the bully is denied the fix they obtain from confirmation that they have controlled you (ie provoked you into responding). Choosing to not respond to provocation is more difficult than it sounds.
Get help and support
It's difficult to handle bullying by yourself, even if you're an adult. Text message bullying is similar to stalking. The bullies, who operate outside social norms, will try to isolate and separate you from friends and family, but don't be fooled.
Contact your telecommunications service provider and ask their abusive calls helpdesk for advice and assistance.
Identify the caller
Become a detective. You can work out who is calling and pursue a course of action which will call them to account. It's unlikely you will have the resources to do this by yourself, so get help.
It's almost a certainty that you know who the person is who is sending you abusive text messages or calls. They will be in your circle of friends, someone closely linked to your circle of friends (eg sibling, partner, parent or offspring), or someone in your own family. Harassment by strangers is rare. Think through your list of "friends" and ask yourself who might be doing this. Three common motivators are jealousy, envy, and rejection. Who fits these criteria?
Take practical steps
If the bullying gets out of control, get a second mobile phone and give the number only to close family. Give the number to only one person at a time and keep a careful log of who you've given it to and when. Oblige everyone to whom you've given it not to give the number to anyone else. Don't tell anyone else that you are keeping a diary - the harasser may be closer to you than you think. Regard your old mobile phone as a source of evidence. Every abusive call is a more evidence. If the calls reach such a level that you need to involve the police, they might want to look after your old mobile phone. There's then a peculiar delight in knowing that every time the bully makes abusive calls or posts offensive text messages these are going straight to the police station.
Know the law and use it if you have to
You may be able to use the Protection From Harassment Act, which has both civil and criminal provisions. the Malicious Communications Act 1988 and section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 may also be appropriate. Bullying, especially by mobile phone, is very similar to stalking.
Bullying By Mobile Phone
Bullying by mobile phone
and abusive text messages
Mobile phones are a popular choice for bullies. They provide bullies with the perfect means of taunting their target with little fear of being caught. Text messages provide complete anonymity.
Many pay-as-you-go mobile phones can be bought over the counter and do not require proof of identity, nor is any record kept of the new owner. Calls made from these types of mobile phone are difficult to trace.
So, what can you do?
Never ignore or underestimate the threat
NEVER ignore threats, either verbal or by phone or via text message. But don't respond in the way the bully wants you to. When people advise you to "just ignore it", what they really mean is "do not respond to the taunts and provocation, do not engage or communicate with the bully, but instead take careful notes of what is being done to you, who is doing it and how, and record all of this in a journal so you can develop a strategy for dealing with it". The golden rule is, DO NOT RESPOND and DO NOT ENGAGE. You have a right to not respond to abusive people.
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the distress and the destructive effect that constant bullying and harassment can have on the recipient and their family. Bullying in all its forms invades your boundaries, is intrusive and violational and is thus a form of rape - emotional rape and psychological rape - especially when this goes on for months, or even years.
Empower yourself with knowledge
Understand what bullying is so that when it starts you can stay in control and nip it in the bud. Do your homework now. Start by digesting this page, then follow the links.
Recognise it early and keep records
Learn to recognise the early signs and keep a detailed diary. Print off the messages if you are able, otherwise make a careful copy of every one (including formats, abbreviations, spelling mistakes etc), the date, time, the caller-ID if available, or the reason for the caller-ID being unavailable (eg "withheld", "unavailable", etc) - even this can prove useful. It may be distressing to make a copy of each message, so get the support of a trusted friend or close family member.
Stay in control
This is a game - a nasty game, but a game. Learn the rules of the game: it's about power and control. Tell yourself repeatedly that the threats, insults, accusations, allegations, criticisms etc have NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with you - they are a device for taunting, a fabrication, a deception, but most of all, a projection of the bully's own weaknesses, shortcomings, and failings. Every nasty word is an admission by the bully about themselves.
Detach yourself from the harassment early on. Each time you receive a message, train yourself to NOT think "what have I done now?" or "in what way is s/he telling me I'm useless this time?" but instead THINK "what is this jerk revealing about themselves this time?" The criticisms, allegations, insults, threats etc sometimes contain a grain of truth which is there to fool you into thinking that the insult has validity WHICH IT DOES NOT. Don't be fooled by this ruse.
Understand the bully's mindset
Bullies derive gratification - a perverse sense of satisfaction - from the power and control they exert over their victim. The aim of bullies is power, control, domination and subjugation. Bullies confirm the power and control by use of provocation. When the target responds, it's a sign that the bully has successfully exerted control. They jerk your string, you jump. By refusing to jump, you deny the bully their sense of satisfaction.
Bullies are also serial attention-seekers. They want a response - they don't care whether it's positive or negative, they just want your attention. It's like a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum. In fact, the harasser may have the emotional development level of a 2-year-old. When you don't respond, the harassment is at first likely to get worse as the bully is denied the fix they obtain from confirmation that they have controlled you (ie provoked you into responding). Choosing to not respond to provocation is more difficult than it sounds.
Get help and support
It's difficult to handle bullying by yourself, even if you're an adult. Text message bullying is similar to stalking. The bullies, who operate outside social norms, will try to isolate and separate you from friends and family, but don't be fooled.
Contact your telecommunications service provider and ask their abusive calls helpdesk for advice and assistance.
Identify the caller
Become a detective. You can work out who is calling and pursue a course of action which will call them to account. It's unlikely you will have the resources to do this by yourself, so get help.
It's almost a certainty that you know who the person is who is sending you abusive text messages or calls. They will be in your circle of friends, someone closely linked to your circle of friends (eg sibling, partner, parent or offspring), or someone in your own family. Harassment by strangers is rare. Think through your list of "friends" and ask yourself who might be doing this. Three common motivators are jealousy, envy, and rejection. Who fits these criteria?
Take practical steps
If the bullying gets out of control, get a second mobile phone and give the number only to close family. Give the number to only one person at a time and keep a careful log of who you've given it to and when. Oblige everyone to whom you've given it not to give the number to anyone else. Don't tell anyone else that you are keeping a diary - the harasser may be closer to you than you think. Regard your old mobile phone as a source of evidence. Every abusive call is a more evidence. If the calls reach such a level that you need to involve the police, they might want to look after your old mobile phone. There's then a peculiar delight in knowing that every time the bully makes abusive calls or posts offensive text messages these are going straight to the police station.
Know the law and use it if you have to
You may be able to use the Protection From Harassment Act, which has both civil and criminal provisions. the Malicious Communications Act 1988 and section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 may also be appropriate. Bullying, especially by mobile phone, is very similar to stalking.
PePe LePew
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2005
- Messages
- 714
- Reaction score
- 0
Preventing Bullying
Preventing Bullying
A Parents Guide
Copies of this publication, in colour and with graphics, can be
ordered from Kidscape.
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying is not always easy to define. However, Dan Olweus, an expert in the prevention of bullying, says that bullying includes:
• deliberate hostility and aggression towards the victim
• a victim who is weaker and less powerful than the bully or bullies
• an outcome which is always painful and distressing for the victim.
Bullying can be:
Physical: pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching, and any other forms of
violence, threats (i.e. If you don’t give me your dinner money, you’ll be sorry’)
Verbal: name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing
Emotional: excluding (i.e. sending to Coventry), tormenting (i.e. hiding
books, threatening gestures), ridicule, humiliation
Racist: racial taunts, graffiti, gestures.
Sexual: unwanted physical contact, abusive comments, homophobic abuse.
Emotional bullying like ridicule arid sending to Coventry seems to be more common than physical violence and, judging from what young people tell us at Kidscape, it can also be the most difficult type of bullying to cope with or to prove.
Peter, a 9 year old victim of emotional bullying, told us that the only time he was believed by his teacher was when he had bruises on his legs after being kicked by the bullies in the playground, although his mother had been complaining to the school for months about the constant torment Peter was suffering.
Persistent school bullying can result in
• depression
• low self esteem
• shyness
• poor academic achievement
• isolation
• threatened or attempted suicide
Unchecked bullying also damages the bully who learns that he or she can get away with violence, aggression and threats and that this sort of behavior gets them what they want.
When school bullies carry on bullying as adults they run into all sorts of problems.
KIDSCAPE, sponsored by the Co-Op, recently carried out a survey of young offenders which indicated that many had been actively involved in bullying at school. Studies have found that adults who were bullies as children have a higher chance than others of acquiring a criminal record, tend to be aggressive, and have problems in maintaining relationships.
Preventing Bullying
A Parents Guide
Copies of this publication, in colour and with graphics, can be
ordered from Kidscape.
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Bullying is not always easy to define. However, Dan Olweus, an expert in the prevention of bullying, says that bullying includes:
• deliberate hostility and aggression towards the victim
• a victim who is weaker and less powerful than the bully or bullies
• an outcome which is always painful and distressing for the victim.
Bullying can be:
Physical: pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching, and any other forms of
violence, threats (i.e. If you don’t give me your dinner money, you’ll be sorry’)
Verbal: name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing
Emotional: excluding (i.e. sending to Coventry), tormenting (i.e. hiding
books, threatening gestures), ridicule, humiliation
Racist: racial taunts, graffiti, gestures.
Sexual: unwanted physical contact, abusive comments, homophobic abuse.
Emotional bullying like ridicule arid sending to Coventry seems to be more common than physical violence and, judging from what young people tell us at Kidscape, it can also be the most difficult type of bullying to cope with or to prove.
Peter, a 9 year old victim of emotional bullying, told us that the only time he was believed by his teacher was when he had bruises on his legs after being kicked by the bullies in the playground, although his mother had been complaining to the school for months about the constant torment Peter was suffering.
Persistent school bullying can result in
• depression
• low self esteem
• shyness
• poor academic achievement
• isolation
• threatened or attempted suicide
Unchecked bullying also damages the bully who learns that he or she can get away with violence, aggression and threats and that this sort of behavior gets them what they want.
When school bullies carry on bullying as adults they run into all sorts of problems.
KIDSCAPE, sponsored by the Co-Op, recently carried out a survey of young offenders which indicated that many had been actively involved in bullying at school. Studies have found that adults who were bullies as children have a higher chance than others of acquiring a criminal record, tend to be aggressive, and have problems in maintaining relationships.
PePe LePew
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Some Myths About Bullying
SOME MYTHS ABOUT BULLYING
Friends and relatives may say some of the following things to you if you tell them about the bullying. They are well-meaning but wrong! Bullying is NEVER a good thing; it is always damaging, both for the victim and for the bully.
“I was bullied at school and it didn’t do me any harm.” This is often
said aggressively as if the person is still ashamed. They may have forgotten the pain they suffered.
“He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself.” Children who tell about bullying have usually reached the end of their tether. If they could have dealt with the bullying, they would have. Asking for support is not weakness but a recognition that they cannot cope with the situation on their own.
“Tell him to hit back - harder.” Bullies are often bigger than their victims so the victim could get seriously hurt by ‘hitting back’. Hitting back reinforces the idea that violence and aggression are acceptable.
“It’s character-building?" The sort of ‘character’ it builds is not the sort of character most parents want for their children. Bullying can damage victims’ self esteem and can make them reserved and distrustful.
“Sticks and stones may break your bones but names can never hurt
you?" Bruises left by blows fade and heal but the scars left by name-calling can last for ever. An 84 year old man wrote and told us:
“I can remember every word those friends said. I’ve been hearing their bullying jeers all my life”.
“That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.” Teasing is one thing but
when it gets out of hand it can turn into vicious taunting. Once teasing begins to hurt the victim it is no longer ‘just a bit of fun’ and should be stopped.
WHY DO SOME CHILDREN BULLY OTHERS?
There are plenty of different reasons why a child may become a bully. Some children may turn to bullying as a way of coping with a difficult situation: the death of a relative, their parents’ divorce; some are just spoilt rotten and bully to get their own way; some are victims of abuse and take out their humiliation and anger on
others; some want to be ‘top dog’ and are prepared to use aggression and violence to command obedience and loyalty.
Whatever the causes of the bullying, bullies pick on others as a way of making life better for themselves. They are frequently bigger and stronger than their victims and they use intimidation to get what they want.
They are often not happy and use
bullying as a way of trying to achieve popularity and friends.
Bullies have to learn that bullying is unacceptable and that, if they continue to behave unacceptably, then there are consequences. Although they should be given plenty of encouragement and help to change, bullies must not be allowed to get away with tormenting others.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD IS THE BULLY
If you learn that your child is a bully:
• try and stay calm
• try not to become angry and defensive
• ask exactly what your child has been doing
• ask if they have behaved like this before
Talk to teachers, playground supervisors, other parents - the more you can find out about what has been going on, the easier it will be to work out why your child has been bullying and what can be done about it.
• HELPING THE BULLYING CHILD
• see if he or she has any ideas about why they bully and what they think might help them stop
• reassure your child that you still love them - it’s their behaviour you don’t like but you will work with them to help change this
• find out if there is something in particular which is troubling him or her and try to sort it out
• work out a way for your child to make amends for the bullying
• set up some sort of reward for good behaviour
• set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help the child find other, non-aggressive ways of reacting
• if your child bullies when faced with certain situations, help them work out and practice alternative ways of behaving
• explain that getting away from a situation where they can feel themselves losing their temper, or things getting out of hand, is not weakness. It is a sensible way of ensuring that the situation doesn’t get worse
• teach your child the difference between assertive behaviour and aggressive behaviour - use the Assertiveness Section in this booklet
• praise your child when they do things well. Create opportunities for them to shine
• talk to the school staff. Explain that your child is making an effort to change his or her behaviour. Ask what ideas they have to help. It might be helpful for you and your child to talk to an educational psychologist. Ask the school to arrange this
• talk to the staff about setting realistic goals for your child - don’t expect too much too soon - and about rewarding him or her when they achieve one of these set goals. Ask if the school can provide a room where the children could go if they feel they need time to ‘cool off’
• other children may deliberately provoke a bully, especially if they think the bully is trying to reform. Explain to your child that they may be taunted and provoked but that they should try not to respond aggressively. The child should walk quickly away if they think someone is trying to pick a fight Parents can help by controlling their own aggression and by making it clear that violence is always unacceptable.
The Kidscape Beat Bullying! booklet has more suggestions for young people.
WHO ARE THE VICTIMS?
Children who bully pick on people because they need a victim. They will find something about the victim to focus on: wearing glasses, having protruding ears, being in a wheelchair, coming from a different culture. Whatever it is, this so called difference is just an excuse which the bully needs or creates to ‘justify’ his or her
behaviour.
The ‘difference’, whatever it is, is not the victim’s fault. Nobody should suffer bullying because of the way they look or because they have a different cultural background to other pupils. Schools should provide an environment in which differences are appreciated and children feel valued.
However, we should recognise that some children may be vulnerable to bullying because they may have specific problems such as poor co-ordination, speech or language difficulties. School staff should be made aware that these children may need extra help. In some cases, preparing all the children by discussing issues generally may avoid problems.
SPECIAL NEEDS
If your child has some special needs, he or she may be bullied because other children don’t understand why they look or behave differently. Sometimes the bullying can be worse if the child’s special needs are not immediately apparent (hearing loss or cystic fibrosis, for example). If this is the case with your child, then
talk to your child’s teacher about educating the other pupils.
• find out as much as you can about your child’s special needs - there is usually a support group which can help with information - and suggest that the teacher uses the material to teach the children
• suggest that a member of the support group come and talk to the class or school
• there may be things that other children could do to help, like carrying lunch to the table if a child has a problem with co-ordination or being available to help if asked
• contact Disability Information and Advice Line (DIAL) which has names of trainers who provide disability awareness training for schools.
RACIAL AND CULTURAL BULLYING
All incidents of racial bullying should be reported immediately to school staff who should investigate without delay. The victim should be reassured and the bullies made to understand that racial harassment of any kind is unacceptable and will
not be tolerated.
Section 71 of the Race Relations Act requires local education authorities to make appropriate arrangements to prevent racial harassment occurring, or to deal with it if it happens in spite of their arrangements. Under Section 19 the local education authority is required to provide a non-discriminatory service. This implies the
adoption and implementation of a proper policy, monitoring its effectiveness and a full inquiry into any complaint.
Further information and advice is available from the Commission For Racial Equality , or from the local Council for Racial Equality, or from the Citizens Advice Bureau.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
Sexual harassment is not the same as flirting which is part of a mutual ‘getting to know you’ process. Sexual harassment is unwanted attention that makes people feel uncomfortable, attacked or humiliated. It can include taunts or touching of a sexual nature, remarks about an individual’s body, suggestive or obscene letters
or gestures. and derogatory posters, photographs, graffiti or drawings. Sexual harassment is completely unacceptable.
VICTIMS: POSSIBLE SIGNS OF BULLYING
A child may indicate by their behaviour that he or she is being bullied. If your child shows some of the following signs, bullying may be responsible and you might want to ask if someone is bullying or threatening them.
Children may:
• be frightened of walking to or from school
• change their usual route
• not want to go on the school bus
• beg you to drive them to school
• be unwilling to go to school (or be school phobic)
• feel ill in the mornings
• begin truanting
• begin doing poorly in their school work
• come home regularly with clothes or books destroyed
• come home starving (bully has taken dinner money)
• become withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence
• become distressed and anxious, stop eating
• attempt or threaten suicide
• cry themselves to sleep; have nightmares
• have their possessions ‘go missing’
• ask for money or start stealing money (to pay the bully)
• continually ‘lose’ their pocket money
• refused to say what’s wrong (too frightened of the bully)
• have unexplained bruises, scratches, cuts
• begin to bully other children or siblings
• become aggressive and unreasonable
• give improbable excuses to explain any of the above
HOW YOU CAN HELP YOUR CHILD
If you are worried that your child is being bullied, ask him or her directly. Children who are being bullied are often frightened to tell about what is happening so be prepared for your child to deny at first that there is anything wrong. Encourage your child by saying that you are concerned and that you want to help and support
him or her, whatever the problem.
Take whatever your child says seriously and find out what exactly has been going on.
Don’t promise to keep the bullying secret but reassure your child that you will help them sort out the problem.
If you find that your child is a perpetual victim and that they are bullied wherever they go, try and think how your child reacts to people. Perhaps they don’t know how to talk or play with other children? Help them develop social skills by roleplaying with them. (Pretend you are another child and help your child work out
acceptable approaches.) If you discover that your child is being bullied because they have an obnoxious habit (picking their nose, for example) help them change this behavior.
SOME MYTHS ABOUT BULLYING
Friends and relatives may say some of the following things to you if you tell them about the bullying. They are well-meaning but wrong! Bullying is NEVER a good thing; it is always damaging, both for the victim and for the bully.
“I was bullied at school and it didn’t do me any harm.” This is often
said aggressively as if the person is still ashamed. They may have forgotten the pain they suffered.
“He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself.” Children who tell about bullying have usually reached the end of their tether. If they could have dealt with the bullying, they would have. Asking for support is not weakness but a recognition that they cannot cope with the situation on their own.
“Tell him to hit back - harder.” Bullies are often bigger than their victims so the victim could get seriously hurt by ‘hitting back’. Hitting back reinforces the idea that violence and aggression are acceptable.
“It’s character-building?" The sort of ‘character’ it builds is not the sort of character most parents want for their children. Bullying can damage victims’ self esteem and can make them reserved and distrustful.
“Sticks and stones may break your bones but names can never hurt
you?" Bruises left by blows fade and heal but the scars left by name-calling can last for ever. An 84 year old man wrote and told us:
“I can remember every word those friends said. I’ve been hearing their bullying jeers all my life”.
“That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.” Teasing is one thing but
when it gets out of hand it can turn into vicious taunting. Once teasing begins to hurt the victim it is no longer ‘just a bit of fun’ and should be stopped.
WHY DO SOME CHILDREN BULLY OTHERS?
There are plenty of different reasons why a child may become a bully. Some children may turn to bullying as a way of coping with a difficult situation: the death of a relative, their parents’ divorce; some are just spoilt rotten and bully to get their own way; some are victims of abuse and take out their humiliation and anger on
others; some want to be ‘top dog’ and are prepared to use aggression and violence to command obedience and loyalty.
Whatever the causes of the bullying, bullies pick on others as a way of making life better for themselves. They are frequently bigger and stronger than their victims and they use intimidation to get what they want.
They are often not happy and use
bullying as a way of trying to achieve popularity and friends.
Bullies have to learn that bullying is unacceptable and that, if they continue to behave unacceptably, then there are consequences. Although they should be given plenty of encouragement and help to change, bullies must not be allowed to get away with tormenting others.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD IS THE BULLY
If you learn that your child is a bully:
• try and stay calm
• try not to become angry and defensive
• ask exactly what your child has been doing
• ask if they have behaved like this before
Talk to teachers, playground supervisors, other parents - the more you can find out about what has been going on, the easier it will be to work out why your child has been bullying and what can be done about it.
• HELPING THE BULLYING CHILD
• see if he or she has any ideas about why they bully and what they think might help them stop
• reassure your child that you still love them - it’s their behaviour you don’t like but you will work with them to help change this
• find out if there is something in particular which is troubling him or her and try to sort it out
• work out a way for your child to make amends for the bullying
• set up some sort of reward for good behaviour
• set limits. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help the child find other, non-aggressive ways of reacting
• if your child bullies when faced with certain situations, help them work out and practice alternative ways of behaving
• explain that getting away from a situation where they can feel themselves losing their temper, or things getting out of hand, is not weakness. It is a sensible way of ensuring that the situation doesn’t get worse
• teach your child the difference between assertive behaviour and aggressive behaviour - use the Assertiveness Section in this booklet
• praise your child when they do things well. Create opportunities for them to shine
• talk to the school staff. Explain that your child is making an effort to change his or her behaviour. Ask what ideas they have to help. It might be helpful for you and your child to talk to an educational psychologist. Ask the school to arrange this
• talk to the staff about setting realistic goals for your child - don’t expect too much too soon - and about rewarding him or her when they achieve one of these set goals. Ask if the school can provide a room where the children could go if they feel they need time to ‘cool off’
• other children may deliberately provoke a bully, especially if they think the bully is trying to reform. Explain to your child that they may be taunted and provoked but that they should try not to respond aggressively. The child should walk quickly away if they think someone is trying to pick a fight Parents can help by controlling their own aggression and by making it clear that violence is always unacceptable.
The Kidscape Beat Bullying! booklet has more suggestions for young people.
WHO ARE THE VICTIMS?
Children who bully pick on people because they need a victim. They will find something about the victim to focus on: wearing glasses, having protruding ears, being in a wheelchair, coming from a different culture. Whatever it is, this so called difference is just an excuse which the bully needs or creates to ‘justify’ his or her
behaviour.
The ‘difference’, whatever it is, is not the victim’s fault. Nobody should suffer bullying because of the way they look or because they have a different cultural background to other pupils. Schools should provide an environment in which differences are appreciated and children feel valued.
However, we should recognise that some children may be vulnerable to bullying because they may have specific problems such as poor co-ordination, speech or language difficulties. School staff should be made aware that these children may need extra help. In some cases, preparing all the children by discussing issues generally may avoid problems.
SPECIAL NEEDS
If your child has some special needs, he or she may be bullied because other children don’t understand why they look or behave differently. Sometimes the bullying can be worse if the child’s special needs are not immediately apparent (hearing loss or cystic fibrosis, for example). If this is the case with your child, then
talk to your child’s teacher about educating the other pupils.
• find out as much as you can about your child’s special needs - there is usually a support group which can help with information - and suggest that the teacher uses the material to teach the children
• suggest that a member of the support group come and talk to the class or school
• there may be things that other children could do to help, like carrying lunch to the table if a child has a problem with co-ordination or being available to help if asked
• contact Disability Information and Advice Line (DIAL) which has names of trainers who provide disability awareness training for schools.
RACIAL AND CULTURAL BULLYING
All incidents of racial bullying should be reported immediately to school staff who should investigate without delay. The victim should be reassured and the bullies made to understand that racial harassment of any kind is unacceptable and will
not be tolerated.
Section 71 of the Race Relations Act requires local education authorities to make appropriate arrangements to prevent racial harassment occurring, or to deal with it if it happens in spite of their arrangements. Under Section 19 the local education authority is required to provide a non-discriminatory service. This implies the
adoption and implementation of a proper policy, monitoring its effectiveness and a full inquiry into any complaint.
Further information and advice is available from the Commission For Racial Equality , or from the local Council for Racial Equality, or from the Citizens Advice Bureau.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
Sexual harassment is not the same as flirting which is part of a mutual ‘getting to know you’ process. Sexual harassment is unwanted attention that makes people feel uncomfortable, attacked or humiliated. It can include taunts or touching of a sexual nature, remarks about an individual’s body, suggestive or obscene letters
or gestures. and derogatory posters, photographs, graffiti or drawings. Sexual harassment is completely unacceptable.
VICTIMS: POSSIBLE SIGNS OF BULLYING
A child may indicate by their behaviour that he or she is being bullied. If your child shows some of the following signs, bullying may be responsible and you might want to ask if someone is bullying or threatening them.
Children may:
• be frightened of walking to or from school
• change their usual route
• not want to go on the school bus
• beg you to drive them to school
• be unwilling to go to school (or be school phobic)
• feel ill in the mornings
• begin truanting
• begin doing poorly in their school work
• come home regularly with clothes or books destroyed
• come home starving (bully has taken dinner money)
• become withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence
• become distressed and anxious, stop eating
• attempt or threaten suicide
• cry themselves to sleep; have nightmares
• have their possessions ‘go missing’
• ask for money or start stealing money (to pay the bully)
• continually ‘lose’ their pocket money
• refused to say what’s wrong (too frightened of the bully)
• have unexplained bruises, scratches, cuts
• begin to bully other children or siblings
• become aggressive and unreasonable
• give improbable excuses to explain any of the above
HOW YOU CAN HELP YOUR CHILD
If you are worried that your child is being bullied, ask him or her directly. Children who are being bullied are often frightened to tell about what is happening so be prepared for your child to deny at first that there is anything wrong. Encourage your child by saying that you are concerned and that you want to help and support
him or her, whatever the problem.
Take whatever your child says seriously and find out what exactly has been going on.
Don’t promise to keep the bullying secret but reassure your child that you will help them sort out the problem.
If you find that your child is a perpetual victim and that they are bullied wherever they go, try and think how your child reacts to people. Perhaps they don’t know how to talk or play with other children? Help them develop social skills by roleplaying with them. (Pretend you are another child and help your child work out
acceptable approaches.) If you discover that your child is being bullied because they have an obnoxious habit (picking their nose, for example) help them change this behavior.
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Good educational thread here to help the people to understand what it is about...
PePe LePew
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Hiii MeYag2CAL
Hi there, I got your message in my box but I was unable to reply back to you, I couldn't reach you, it wouldn't let me sent you a message, not sure what's wrong with it...I appreciated your comments HUGS!
Hi there, I got your message in my box but I was unable to reply back to you, I couldn't reach you, it wouldn't let me sent you a message, not sure what's wrong with it...I appreciated your comments HUGS!
i heard about this one. it is sad.
i've had experienced with bully before. terrible!
PePe LePew
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Aww Thank You Liebling
I got few more to sent, I am behind my mess LOL...Thank you and am glad I sent it, thought many may want to find some help from this, very encouragin' also to know we're never alone, it happens to everybody who are being bullied for no reason.
I got few more to sent, I am behind my mess LOL...Thank you and am glad I sent it, thought many may want to find some help from this, very encouragin' also to know we're never alone, it happens to everybody who are being bullied for no reason.