Irish short joke :-)

[Matilda]

Thanks Jillio! liked that one too.

Here is one -


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Liked that one! Yours - "The wife who fell out of the car was even better!"


Another one for you -


Amish and Paddy were locked out of their car and were trying to open the door.
Amish: "I can't get it open!"
Paddy: "Well, hurry, because the top's down and it looks like it's going to rain!"

LOL thanks ha ha I thought it was funny too! ha ha IRish luck! ha

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Liked that one! Yours - "The wife who fell out of the car was even better!"


Another one for you -


Amish and Paddy were locked out of their car and were trying to open the door.
Amish: "I can't get it open!"
Paddy: "Well, hurry, because the top's down and it looks like it's going to rain!"

LOL Now that funnier too! lol

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Thanks Jillio! liked that one too.

Here is one -


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

Oh god! lol now that sillier! HA

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Here another one for ya!


Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife's place.

"Glory be!" said Mick. " I must have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out!"

lol

 

[Matilda]

Here another one for ya!


Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife's place.

"Glory be!" said Mick. " I must have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out!"

lol

Oh, my goodness me!



Here is another one for you -


Shayne had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the
night.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,
Shayne".

Shayne replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Shayne spins around
on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shite" he
says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. He looks
to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the
door and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door
and shimmies up the doorframe. He sticks his head outside and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto
the sidewalk.

He falls flat on his face.

"I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors
down,and crawls to the door and shimmies up the doorframe, opens the
door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No
fockin' way".

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it
to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Mary, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Shayne. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?".

Shayne says, "I did Mary. I was fockin' p!ssed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub again!"

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Oh, my goodness me!



Here is another one for you -


Shayne had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the
night.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight,
Shayne".

Shayne replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Shayne spins around
on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shite" he
says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. He looks
to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the
door and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door
and shimmies up the doorframe. He sticks his head outside and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto
the sidewalk.

He falls flat on his face.

"I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors
down,and crawls to the door and shimmies up the doorframe, opens the
door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No
fockin' way".

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it
to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Mary, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, "Get up Shayne. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?".

Shayne says, "I did Mary. I was fockin' p!ssed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub again!"

LOL,,, oh god! lol now that was too funny!!! lol I be laughing my ass off! lol

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Here another one for ya!

Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital house phone, called the doctor and said, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"

The doctor answered, "You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet." After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and sked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"

The doctor answered,

"You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor answered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."

So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guinness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialled, and dialed the local cricket club. When the person answered, Paddy asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"

The person replied,
"All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."

 

[Matilda]

Here another one for ya!

Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital house phone, called the doctor and said, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"

The doctor answered, "You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet." After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and sked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"

The doctor answered,

"You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor answered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."

So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guinness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialled, and dialed the local cricket club. When the person answered, Paddy asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"

The person replied,
"All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."

(Groan) (Groan)


Another one here -


"A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

 

[VamPyroX]

Perhaps, the parrot couldn't speak her language?

Hehehe!

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

(Groan) (Groan)


Another one here -


"A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

LOL LOL ahh no wonder the priest pounded 3 times on the wall for going nuts LOL

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Perhaps, the parrot couldn't speak her language?

Hehehe!

LOL,, could I offer you a parrot so u can give it to your girlfriend? ha

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.

"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."

"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"

 

[Matilda]

An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman were at the fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old crone steps in front of them.

"This is a magic ride," she says. "You will land in whatever you shout out on the way down."

"I'm game for this," says the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he found himself surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

The Englishman goes next and shouts "SILVER!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coinage than he can carry.

The Irishman goes last and, launching himself from the top of the slide shouts "WEEEEEEE!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(just about wet my pants laughing!) - haven't heard that one!


"A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up : "You're making' out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.""I'm sorry sir, I...""Not you," says the Irishman, "I'm talking to that little fella on your knee."

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(just about wet my pants laughing!) - haven't heard that one!


"A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up : "You're making' out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.""I'm sorry sir, I...""Not you," says the Irishman, "I'm talking to that little fella on your knee."

LOL,, I thought so dear friend! lol

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

;-)

 

[Matilda]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.”

;-)

Er .... I posted that one on #21 but anyway

--------------------------------------------------------

Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping".

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

Er .... I posted that one on #21 but anyway

--------------------------------------------------------

Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping".

OH RAT! lol you beat me to that one I didn t realized that one lol
ha ha darn me! what a dummy I been! lol

 

[GarnetTigerMom]

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

 

[Matilda]

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

----------------------------------------

Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. What happened said the farmer, Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said the farmer if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday.