HOH girl with relationship problems

Don't feel too bad about it. Use this. As experience. Some people like your partner just don't have the personality to handle people with disabilities. We are all different and can be good in different situations. I myself make a bad nurse, I. Can get the person meds and all but lack the ability to listen to complaints. I have enough good charecteristics to make up for that. Any couple has to be able to accept the partners short comings if they are not hurtful
 
I have dated some men like him. Let's just say they are not worth your time if they have no desire to listen to how you feel, or want to change to make the relationship work, they are not worth your time and they don't deserve you. You are beautiful. Wish ya the best of lucks. :)
 
MushyCookies said:
I have dated some men like him. Let's just say they are not worth your time if they have no desire to listen to how you feel, or want to change to make the relationship work, they are not worth your time and they don't deserve you. You are beautiful. Wish ya the best of lucks. :)
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I agree!! :)

Maybe try to write him a letter or something? I used to do that. If that doesn't work..byebye! :)
 
Brooklynreese said:
Yes he has called me selfish before but he just doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like sitting with a group of friends while they talk not being a part of the conversation at all. I try to go out with them and pretend like I am having a good time but he says I stare off into space and look sad which makes everyone around me sad. So I compromise and not ask him to stay in with me I say I wont be mad if he goes without me and that somehow makes me selfish! It is very frustrating!
I have thought about asking him to wear ear plugs before but his hearing is so good and mine is so severe it wouldn't be anything like what it is like for me and I am afraid he just wont get it!

Quick question I can find where to put a profile picture??
I would like to put one up!
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Your boyfriend is putting all the blame on you and calling you selfish is a 'red flag' to me. If he is calling you selfish because you are HOH , I feel he will call you other names later on. I hate to say this but people like your boyfriend do not change , they will only get more abusive as time goes on.
You are making excuses for your boyfriend and that is really not a good sign, he is starting to made you doubt your own self worth. And this how abusive
relationship happen. You're being verbal abuse and do not deserve that kind of treatment , a man that really loves his girlfriend does not make them feel bad in anyway.
 
Letters?....Nah...don't believe in letters. Face to face is the only way to go.
 
he sound like selfish man,personally i dump him,he using your hearing problems to cover up he a jerk..if you love someone you try understand their problems and should make no difference,your hearing problems are part of what you are...hints of a bully here.
 
Sorry to hear that. I don't think he is the one for you to be honest. Blaming your hearing loss will place you into jeopardy in the future. He is NOT your boyfriend.

I have ladies blaming my aspieness and hearing loss over those years. I told them feck off.
 
I'm on board with what everyone has said in this thread. They have excellent advices. Great perspectives.

I know you want to give him the benefit of doubt because you love him, but, honey, if he is not up to par on willing to truly understand you for who you are with your hearing loss then it is his loss. If he says he loves you then he should be the one that is willing to meet you on the middle ground instead of you having to do most of the leg work to meet him. That's not how it should be. Just be direct with him and give him a choice to consider. Good Luck. :)
 
Sounds to me like you can do so much better! Don't let him dictate to you. Brilliant happy with who you are, what you do and how you do it. You shouldn't change for anyone! If he don't like it then it is clearly his loss and your gain! :)
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Your boyfriend is putting all the blame on you and calling you selfish is a 'red flag' to me. If he is calling you selfish because you are HOH , I feel he will call you other names later on. I hate to say this but people like your boyfriend do not change , they will only get more abusive as time goes on.
You are making excuses for your boyfriend and that is really not a good sign, he is starting to made you doubt your own self worth. And this how abusive
relationship happen. You're being verbal abuse and do not deserve that kind of treatment , a man that really loves his girlfriend does not make them feel bad in anyway.
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I agree with everything that "whatdidyousay!" wrote. I can attest from my own personal experience. Before I met my husband I dating a hearing guy who sounds a lot like your boyfriend. The abuse not only got worse it got physical. He put me in the hospital, I managed to call 911 after he almost strangled me to death. Literally. I just kept repeating my address because I wasn't sure if there was a person on the other line. By the time the police and EMS got to me I lost consciences and spent 4 days in the ICU. I would tell you if he is like this already then it's only going to get worse, I would suggest you move on.

I am now married to a wonderful man, who is hearing, but he not only wanted to know what it was like to be deaf (we did a little experiment.) so that he could understand my world better. But he made the effort to learn SL, and to make sure I am always facing him and him facing me, when he talks. And he doesn't care if he has to wave his arms about to get my attention. He loves me so much and all he sees is me. He sees me for who I am and loves every part of me. And that is what your bf should be doing, trying to make an effort not blaming you for something that is beyond your control.
 
If you see boyfriend get piss off easy on video game. Then he have angry issues. Run run run!
 
Brooklynreese said:
Yes he has called me selfish before but he just doesn't understand. He has no idea what its like sitting with a group of friends while they talk not being a part of the conversation at all. I try to go out with them and pretend like I am having a good time but he says I stare off into space and look sad which makes everyone around me sad. So I compromise and not ask him to stay in with me I say I wont be mad if he goes without me and that somehow makes me selfish! It is very frustrating!
I have thought about asking him to wear ear plugs before but his hearing is so good and mine is so severe it wouldn't be anything like what it is like for me and I am afraid he just wont get it!

Quick question I can find where to put a profile picture??
I would like to put one up!
Click to expand...

:wave: yeah...these kind of feelings are the kinds where I show her the door. It's not fair to have a partner who doesn't understand how life is like for you...he needs to be supportive.

he doesn't get it. If he doesn't try to understand, show him the door.
 
Wirelessly posted

I understand where your coming from. My ex and I were together for 6 yrs, I was constantly to blame for being deaf. It was MY fault that I couldnt hear, or rather I wasnt trying hard enough. Now I am with an amazing person who WANTS to know more asl and WILLINGLY signs with me at any given time just because.

you shouldnt have to change who you are for someone's benefit, thats a part of you that isnt going to go away. But rather you DESERVE to find someone who is understanding and wants to make communication easier for your relationship and will stand by you rather than degrade you. Trust me I wasted way too much time with my ex learning that.
 
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Brooklynreese said:
I am Hard of Hearing I have had a hearing loss my whole life but in the last few years it has gone down hill. I have a moderately severe-severe hearing loss binarually. I am 23 years old. I am dating someone who is hearing and has a five year old. Recently I have noticed that we have had problems that have to do with my hearing loss. There are situations that I dont want to put myself in because I wont be able to hear and he gets upset saying I am being selfish even thouhg I tell him he can go without me. He tells me I need to try harder to hear when out with friends but doesnt try to understand how hard it is for me. He also said he feel dumb when he has to wave his arms to get my attention also not thinking of how dumb I feel not being a part of the conversations. HELP!
How do I make him understand my hearing loss and what its like for me??
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I'd move on from this relationship. "Try harder to hear?" How does one do that exactly because I've been trying for 44 years without much luck.... If he's insensitive about something like your hearing, imagine what he's like with the really important issues. There's got to be a reason why he's single with a five year old and his behavior probably factors into it a lot. There are plenty of nice guys out there that wouldn't need pictures to grasp the concept of hearing loss.

Laura
 
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