How do you handle...

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Latascha

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Hi, currently I'm just sooooo sick of it. People telling me I should be proud of my daughter, because she is hearing.
How do you handle with comments like that? Did you ever have to deal with something like that?
It is really bothering me and right now I'm not sure if I'm dealing with this the right way (answering that I am proud and if she'd been born deaf, I'd given her up for adoption.:roll:)
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

What about:

"While I understand your sentiment, her being hearing is a tiny part of wo she is.
I'm proud of my daughter because she's a wonderful person. I'd be just as proud of her if she had blonde/red/brown hair, blue/green/hazel eyes, hearing/hoh/deaf."
 
How weird! My experience is always denial, people don't like the idea of something being "wrong" with children so if I ever say she's hoh or she is speech and language delayed they pounce on everything she can do and say "But look, she can do..." and pick an example of something a child 2 years younger should certainly be able to do confidently! I find it hard to fit in with people saying they are proud of their child because they are top of the class in this and the best in that and 2 years ahead in their reading. My daughter is either slap bang average or behind in everything, but you are not supposed to say that, even think it, it seems. I have found a huge silencer, though, I usually say "I'm just so pleased my daughter is happy" - people either can't cope with that as they reflect on the fact their own pushed and farmed children are not best described as happy, or they say "Oh yes, Tarquin is happy too" and change the subject.
 
Anij that would be way to much effort. I really don't want to waste time talking to such people...
I only get pissed from time to time. But you are right, she is much more then hearing.
 
Is being hearing an accomplishment that one should be proud of? How weird!

* The standard old-school response is to either stare at the other person with a "what's-wrong-with-you" expression.

* Or turn the question into another question and ask, "Why?"

* If it's a hearing person asking the question, you could ask, "Are you proud of yourself for being hearing?"

* Or, the simple response, "What a bizarre notion, ha, ha!"

* Eye roll.

* "I'm proud of my daughter for who she is, not what she is."

Bottom line is, you don't owe anyone a response to stupid statements.
 
RoseRodent said:
How weird! My experience is always denial, people don't like the idea of something being "wrong" with children so if I ever say she's hoh or she is speech and language delayed they pounce on everything she can do and say "But look, she can do..." and pick an example of something a child 2 years younger should certainly be able to do confidently! I find it hard to fit in with people saying they are proud of their child because they are top of the class in this and the best in that and 2 years ahead in their reading. My daughter is either slap bang average or behind in everything, but you are not supposed to say that, even think it, it seems. I have found a huge silencer, though, I usually say "I'm just so pleased my daughter is happy" - people either can't cope with that as they reflect on the fact their own pushed and farmed children are not best described as happy, or they say "Oh yes, Tarquin is happy too" and change the subject.
Click to expand...

I have a problem with feeling proud of someone else's accomplishments (eg: my daughter's) as it is they who accomplished <fill in the blank> , not me. I feel I should only feel proud of my accomplishments (let's see, do I have any :hmm: ). Some will say my accomplishment is having had/raised my daughters to be able to accomplish what they accomplished. Nah, they did it on their own as they could easily ignore my "advice", etc.

Well, gotta go...and see if I can accomplish anything in ASL class tonight. :lol: :wave:
 
Sarcasm works well for me.

When my parents found out that my daughter had normal hearing, they openly said they were so relieved since both me and my wife are deaf.

I said, "Yeah, that's right!! We don't want her to be defective like her mom and dad are".

Took them a couple seconds to realize what was just said, and never said a word after that.
 
green427 said:
Sarcasm works well for me.

When my parents found out that my daughter had normal hearing, they openly said they were so relieved since both me and my wife are deaf.

I said, "Yeah, that's right!! We don't want her to be defective like her mom and dad are".

Took them a couple seconds to realize what was just said, and never said a word after that.
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
That's the thing with family. I know, they mean well. Still, it feels weird. That is one of those points in life when I realize that they are ok with my deafness but not they way I am okay with it. It is more like they accept it because they can't change it, but still wouldn't wish for it. I think they'll never get, that I wouldn't change myself if I could.
Yet, it still feels a bit weird to get that from your family.

Oh and suddenly MY mother starts learning sign language so she can understand my daughter, because right now, she prefers signing and knows a lot more words in sign language. Great, I mean, it is really great, but you know, my daughter is hearing, for her she is learning it. I am deaf and she never felt the need to learn it back then, because of course I had hearing aids and could lipread:roll: Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she is changing, but it still feels weird. Comments like that, no matter who says them, make me feel kind of weird.
 
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