Frustrated with my voice volume

rebeccalj said:
If you do not like to talk then, sweetie, why are you? You are *not* hearie so why try pretend still am? Especially if this one area cause *SO* much frustration and insecurity for you?
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Good question. I guess mostly because I have spent the past 32 years of my life doing it, and old habits die hard, you know? Even those you don't like doing. But like I said in another post a few minutes ago, I have been seriously considering not talking anymore, or at least cutting way back on it. I am kind of tired of feeling like I always have to be the one to bend backwards for everyone else, why can't anyone learn and use the language that is easiest for ME to use instead of me learning the one that is easiest for them to use? So yeah, I am thinking about it.

My mother (also mormon), who leave me as hospital when born because 'broken', and who eventually take me back at one from my auntie and uncle who *did* love me and want me, make me feel, whole life, not good enough. She used to tell me to 'shut up unless I can talk normal' so I completely understand. I spend hours in front of mirror in bathroom feeling throat for proper volume and annunciating different words. Five freaking years old!! Five!! A baby!

Discover, eventually, that 'voice' (not necessarily speaking one) just as important as anyone else. Tell Mum, cannot have relationship with because so tired of feeling less whole life. Hurt too much to have her in life. She eventually die and was happiest day of my life. Horrible, yes, but have to understand how rejection, whole life, hurt too much especially coming from someone who should have loved me regardless. Can talk to her now and she do not answer back. :giggle:
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That's horrible, what your mom did to you :( I'm so sorry you had to go through that, although I do identify, my mom rejected me in other ways and there was lots of abuse that went with that as well. It really cuts deep, doesn't it? Not so easy to recover from and build back up from, but I am working on it and I am glad you have to. And I don't blame you about being relieved when she died, to be honest I think I will be too... sometimes the pain another person inflicts on you just reaches a point where the only natural human reaction to it stopping is relief, no matter what it took for it to stop.

**hugs**
 
i dont remember. i just reset my phone the other day..... search db meter.... i know there are free ones on there.
 
i just looked. sound meter made by smart tools i used to use it to test car stereos for people who were more concerned about loud bass than quality.
 
Lily7 said:
Good question. I guess mostly because I have spent the past 32 years of my life doing it, and old habits die hard, you know? Even those you don't like doing. But like I said in another post a few minutes ago, I have been seriously considering not talking anymore, or at least cutting way back on it. I am kind of tired of feeling like I always have to be the one to bend backwards for everyone else, why can't anyone learn and use the language that is easiest for ME to use instead of me learning the one that is easiest for them to use? So yeah, I am thinking about it.



That's horrible, what your mom did to you :( I'm so sorry you had to go through that, although I do identify, my mom rejected me in other ways and there was lots of abuse that went with that as well. It really cuts deep, doesn't it? Not so easy to recover from and build back up from, but I am working on it and I am glad you have to. And I don't blame you about being relieved when she died, to be honest I think I will be too... sometimes the pain another person inflicts on you just reaches a point where the only natural human reaction to it stopping is relief, no matter what it took for it to stop.

**hugs**
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Completely understand! I am *still* having trouble be completely /voice off with children. Older daughters seem to understand much better now. My eldest has *always* been supportive and has taught her children ASL/baby sign. It is my two youngest. I talk to them both and ask, please, sign or write to me so do not have to use voice. I see youngest, my son (almost 16), seem to be transitioning because he realize lip reading more and seem to gesture/sign more in front of me but still we are not there. It bug me. Like you say, "Old habit die hard." You teach people how to treat you and, once you do, hard to change that. I will not give up.

I have thread here about, "Have to share," and it is mostly about boyfriend learning ASL but also share first day /voice and how amazing that was for me!! So freeing to not have to use voice. And, also amazing how I think hearies will not adjust but everywhere I go nobody make big deal about or embarrass by pen/paper. Eye opener for sure.

Agree, also, the only way to *stop* pain is to find your own way for relief. For me, it meant cutting her off of life as much as possible. I had been in therapy for about 2 year at that point and realize necessary for own mental health and healing from her abuse to not talk to her. Hard to build yourself up when always have reminder of how broken you are so just do not expose self to that.

I really enjoy you posts! We have all been where you are. Or, many of us have. So we have open arms of love and compassion and support for whatever you go through. :hug:
 
I sometimes got told that I was intimidating because my voice seemed so loud. Others expected or thought that I was the 'leader' because of how loud I was. :shock:

And some individuals even thought I was purposely being rude and unfriended me on Facebook because of it! :ugh:

It's things like that which made me quite self conscious in public at various times. Most of the time I just try to ignore it, and sometimes tell those who are real stinkers about it, where to go when I lose my patience simply trying to explain it to them... :rl:
 
cmdrwhitewolf said:
I sometimes got told that I was intimidating because my voice seemed so loud. Others expected or thought that I was the 'leader' because of how loud I was. :shock:

And some individuals even thought I was purposely being rude and unfriended me on Facebook because of it! :ugh:

It's things like that which made me quite self conscious in public at various times. Most of the time I just try to ignore it, and sometimes tell those who are real stinkers about it, where to go when I lose my patience simply trying to explain it to them... :rl:
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I have had similar experiences. My voice volume seems to shock some people. A lot of people get completely the wrong idea. All I'm doing is talking or exclaiming like other people when they speak.... just louder. Add to that my "accent" and I guess it throws some hearing people off. But if I try to adjust and lower my volume, then people can't hear me or understand me. :dunno:
 
Lily7 said:
I'm at that point too. I'm still seriously considering ceasing talking at all except in infrequent situations.

Thanks to everyone who has responded. :) I really do wish I could be more like, "who cares", but for some reason when someone I care about is embarrassed of me it still gets to me. I wish I could just be all "Hey, if I'm too loud, shove it up your arse", you know? LOL Bah.
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I understand how hard it is right now for you and I think you can get there :cool2:. I may have been able to write that I will just change to sign if someone is unhappy with my hearing and/or speech/volume, but it is a lot harder in action, especially with family/friends/very close acquaintances, none of whom know sign, versus complete strangers. I still get that feeling of being obligated to accommodate everyone else to my own detriment, but it is a process and I will learn to be more active in standing up for myself. If I say it enough (that I can and will stand up for myself), it will be easier to get in that mindset (that I can and will stand up for myself) and from there it won't be too hard to do it (stand up for myself). It is the same way I started learning ASL again; I needed to tell myself that it was important to me, then I was able to get into that mindset and believe that it was important, and then I was able to work hard for something that was important to me.
 
I have a really good friend that is completely deaf since birth. She does not have any speech, but her voice can get really loud. especially when she is correcting her dog. I took her to one of my work events and they like to make a speech at the beginning so while they were giving their speech, she was correcting her dog. I just smiled and enjoyed the fact that there were several people that were very uncomfortable but they did not say a word. It was sweet revenge for all the times they gave me a hard time because I could not hear well. It's a big company and they are always worried about lawsuits so they said nothing to me. he he he. I'm not ashamed to say I enjoyed it. :D
 
The little deaf 2-3 y/o at church found out how to make her voice work. All she can do is like a screechy holler. According to my friend, who went to church with me, it was very loud. Our terp went up to the girl and worked with her and got her to tone it down quite a bit.
 
DeafRaptor said:
I understand how hard it is right now for you and I think you can get there :cool2:. I may have been able to write that I will just change to sign if someone is unhappy with my hearing and/or speech/volume, but it is a lot harder in action, especially with family/friends/very close acquaintances, none of whom know sign, versus complete strangers. I still get that feeling of being obligated to accommodate everyone else to my own detriment, but it is a process and I will learn to be more active in standing up for myself. If I say it enough (that I can and will stand up for myself), it will be easier to get in that mindset (that I can and will stand up for myself) and from there it won't be too hard to do it (stand up for myself). It is the same way I started learning ASL again; I needed to tell myself that it was important to me, then I was able to get into that mindset and believe that it was important, and then I was able to work hard for something that was important to me.
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When I am upset I switch to sign. Nobody understand but *I* feel better. :giggle:
 
rebeccalj said:
When I am upset I switch to sign. Nobody understand but *I* feel better. :giggle:
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:giggle::D I think I will take a page out of your book, LOL

Maybe I will use the right facial expression and body language while signing to make the hearies think I am signing something vulgar when I'm not.

Or maybe I'll just sign vulgar stuff. Kind of like how foreigners cuss in their own language rather than English when they are upset or angry. :laugh2:
 
Lily7 said:
:giggle::D I think I will take a page out of your book, LOL

Maybe I will use the right facial expression and body language while signing to make the hearies think I am signing something vulgar when I'm not.

Or maybe I'll just sign vulgar stuff. Kind of like how foreigners cuss in their own language rather than English when they are upset or angry. :laugh2:
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:D:giggle::lol::laugh2:
 
Dude, this thread is exactly why I love this place!!!!!! I get yelled at for talking too loudly a lot :(
 
Ok so I'm going to throw this out there and while it won't provide a solution to your volume "issue" (or lack of an issue in the big picture), maybe it will be a little comforting to you...and maybe even to "all yall" (in my true southern form).
Hearing people have different speaking volumes as well. I don't mean we can whisper or yell or talk, I mean some people are just LOUD, or quiet, or average. For the record, I'm borderline loud and have been given crap about it for the majority of my life. I currently couldn't care less if I'm embarrassing to anyone else. I'm me, take it or leave it.
BUT, the point: Don't let it get you down if someone gives you crap about your volume. Hearing people do not have this "all around normal average everybody's on the same level" speaking voice. We tell each other to speak up or shut up daily. Don't stress over it. If someone tells you you're speaking at the wrong volume, just start signing IS THIS BETTER?!
 
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