Dealing With My Dad.

deafskeptic

deafskeptic

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Right now my dad has a bee in his bonnet about my keys. My nurse gave me my key because she no longer needed it as my wounds are healed. I didn't think my key would start any drama but with my dad who is obsessed with order anything that isn't under his control will upset him.

For some reason, my dad is worrying about the key and he won't let up. First he suggested that I hide my key outside my apt (BAD idea. I don't want thieves breaking into my apt because they found my key.), so I went to the bank and put it in the safety deposit box. I had planned to keep it in my apt and use it as a spare key.

Now he's worrying about me losing the car keys (a possiblity I must admit to due to my ADD) so he has suggested that I get magnets to hide my car keys so I can ride to the bank. Uh no, I don't want people finding my keys and stealing my car and magnets can get jarred. I already feel exhausted trying to reassure him. He also suggested giving keys to neighbors. I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I don't know them so I have no idea who's trustworthy.

I can take the bus but my bank isn't on the bus line so I'm thinking I'll close my safety deposit box and open up one at a bank on bus line. When my dad sees my bus schedule, he will not be happy because the bus only comes to my apt 6 times a day.

I'm wondering what else I can do in case I lose the key. If he gets worried enough, he will come to my apt even if I don't want him there. He will ignore any boundries that I have set for him. I just want him to stop worrying.
 
Is there any way you could move to the opposite end of the country?

If he won't obey any boundaries at all, at least he couldn't drop in just when he feels like it if you are 1500 miles away.

Also, I wonder if he could be in the early stages of dementia, as this loss of respect for boundaries and social propriety can be an early sign.
 
Bottesini said:
Is there any way you could move to the opposite end of the country?

If he won't obey any boundaries at all, at least he couldn't drop in just when he feels like it if you are 1500 miles away.

Also, I wonder if he could be in the early stages of dementia, as this loss of respect for boundaries and social propriety can be an early sign.
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I'm working on that and I hope to move as far away as I can.

I don't think his behavior is related to dementia as this has been going on all my life. I think he behave this way because he has a personality disorder though I'm not qualified to dx personality disorders. No, he's not a sociopath.
 
Dear friend,

You need to ask yourself if you respect your relationship with your father first or your relationship with your adult self first.

I can relate with the "inner child" conditioning vs "adult self" asserting and it can be a hard balance when you have an overbearing parent that will not respect your privacy.

Have confidence in yourself and understand that your father has issues with himself, not with you.

It is your father's issues, not yours. Unfortunately your father feels it is very easy to self-project his issues onto you and make you a scapegoat for his stress.

Assert your independence and your personal space. After all, it is your own personal place and your home is your own sanctuary. You need to feel comfortable about your own apartment.
 
Is there someone else that's close by you, that's important to you and that you trust, that could hold a key for you? That way in case of an emergency you can retrieve a spare key from him/her? Especially someone who has a car and could get it to you quickly? Would that put your dad's mind at ease?
 
well won't you leave but again mother and father think that we can't make it on our own and their think that we are not strong enough to make it on our own.
 
AlleyCat said:
Is there someone else that's close by you, that's important to you and that you trust, that could hold a key for you? That way in case of an emergency you can retrieve a spare key from him/her? Especially someone who has a car and could get it to you quickly? Would that put your dad's mind at ease?
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I think I may know someone.. I'll ask. I'm new to this town so I don't know anyone. I'm wondering how I can reach her if I'm locked out of the house though.
 
deafskeptic said:
I think I may know someone.. I'll ask. I'm new to this town so I don't know anyone. I'm wondering how I can reach her if I'm locked out of the house though.
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Hmm .. Do you use a cellphone like a sidekick or blackberry? If not, can you get that person's (who has your key) number anyway and if you are indeed locked out, you can ask a neighbor or someone at wherever you are to call for you? I've done that. I've found I can be surprised at the kindness of strangers sometimes! :)
 
AlleyCat said:
Hmm .. Do you use a cellphone like a sidekick or blackberry? If not, can you get that person's (who has your key) number anyway and if you are indeed locked out, you can ask a neighbor or someone at wherever you are to call for you? I've done that. I've found I can be surprised at the kindness of strangers sometimes! :)
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I don 't have that. I should get it. That's something I should've thought of.
 
You could wear the key on a long necklace. Long enough to lock/unlock the door without taking off the necklace. Tuck it under your top to keep it out of the way.
 
How about letting your dad have some extra keys , maybe he will feel better knowing you can call him if you do lose your keys
 
Keys to what? Your home?

Wouldn't it be cheaper to make a bunch of duplicate keys than to pay for a safe deposit box at a bank? I find that using a safe deposit box just for a key to your place is too big of a deal.
 
Buffalo said:
You could wear the key on a long necklace. Long enough to lock/unlock the door without taking off the necklace. Tuck it under your top to keep it out of the way.
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That's a good idea. It never comes off. When you're done with it, it goes back on your neck. :)
 
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