newly deaf and struggling

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eatinganesh

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I've had progressive hearing loss over the last 8 years and it has finally gotten to the point where everyone is mumbling and I need captions on the tv. I am hard of hearing now, but will be deaf before long. And of course telling people that I am HoH just makes them shout at me. :shock:

I need some advice on how to deal with people. I am a college professor, and up until the fall I was doing ok with my hearing loss - even though I had to ask students to repeat themselves several times or move their hand/pencil away from their mouths. The saddest thing about it was that I could tell the students were getting frustrated and fed up with me constantly not hearing them. I explained to all my students that I was suffering hearing loss, but I could just see the looks of "if she can't hear me, why should I ask a question?" and other looks of just, well, disgust, which really hurt my feelings.

I have alot of questions and will be very grateful for any response or advice...

1) How do I go about telling people that I am deaf in a way that they will respect and understand? Is there a button or something? a membership card I can flash? Just kidding. Seriously, how to I go about letting everyone around me know that I am deaf so that they won't talk to me when my back is turned and then get mad that I'm 'ignoring' them. Sometimes I do think I should just wear a button.

2) why is it that after I've told people a million times that I am deaf, they still get annoyed that I can't hear them? why is it so hard for people to keep their hands away from their mouths?

3) how is it possible that people just 'forget' that I am deaf? how should I remind them (ideally without getting frustrated myself at having to remind them a million times)?

I'm sure these are dumb questions in a sense.... but I am sooo frustrated I am thinking about quitting teaching even though I spent 15 years getting a PhD so that I could so.

Thanks in advance,

Eatingganesh
 
:wave: Chips Ahoy and :welcome: aboard All Deaf Professor Eatingganesh, from upstate Floriduh on the right coast. We hope you will return here often. I'm confident that folks more qualfied than I will be along to answer all of your questions. Ask away! :)
 
eatinganesh said:
I've had progressive hearing loss over the last 8 years and it has finally gotten to the point where everyone is mumbling and I need captions on the tv. I am hard of hearing now, but will be deaf before long. And of course telling people that I am HoH just makes them shout at me. :shock:

I need some advice on how to deal with people. I am a college professor, and up until the fall I was doing ok with my hearing loss - even though I had to ask students to repeat themselves several times or move their hand/pencil away from their mouths. The saddest thing about it was that I could tell the students were getting frustrated and fed up with me constantly not hearing them. I explained to all my students that I was suffering hearing loss, but I could just see the looks of "if she can't hear me, why should I ask a question?" and other looks of just, well, disgust, which really hurt my feelings.

I have alot of questions and will be very grateful for any response or advice...

1) How do I go about telling people that I am deaf in a way that they will respect and understand? Is there a button or something? a membership card I can flash? Just kidding. Seriously, how to I go about letting everyone around me know that I am deaf so that they won't talk to me when my back is turned and then get mad that I'm 'ignoring' them. Sometimes I do think I should just wear a button.

2) why is it that after I've told people a million times that I am deaf, they still get annoyed that I can't hear them? why is it so hard for people to keep their hands away from their mouths?

3) how is it possible that people just 'forget' that I am deaf? how should I remind them (ideally without getting frustrated myself at having to remind them a million times)?

I'm sure these are dumb questions in a sense.... but I am sooo frustrated I am thinking about quitting teaching even though I spent 15 years getting a PhD so that I could so.

Thanks in advance,

Eatingganesh
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I totally COMPLETELY feel ya here. My hearing is going and has been for about 15 years. It's to the point that my hearing aid is doing nothing but blocking fresh air from getting into my ear. I just noticed this weekend it is either running out of power and becoming "weak" or I have lost significantly more hearing. Just this year I exited the marketplace (workwise) and am trying to work from home. It's REALLY hard and I go through alot of grieving experiences over this because:

1. I got my degree to counsel people; how can I use it if they have to repeat themselves while in my office; somehow that doesn't work. ie <I feel suicidal> (me) I'm sorry can you repeat that for me?

2. I love music; play it, write lyrics, live it, breathe it. I played drums for years; can't do it anymore. Took up support percussion instead. ugg.

3. I too struggle with what I call IQ challenged hearing folks who just tune you out when you say you are hoh or deaf. I would venture to say we are a self centered culture and unless someone else's hearing loss impacts us directly we won't listen to them tell us they are hoh. We block everything that causes pain or inconvenience (sp).

Please just know you are far from alone. I am right there too. My hearing loss is auto immune related. At least that's what the family medical history says.

I have been on alldeaf about oh....1 day. Have found much relief and support. Stick with it here.....you'll feel stronger really quickly.

Angelus.
 
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...I too struggle with what I call IQ challenged hearing folks who just tune you out when you say you are hoh or deaf. I would venture to say we are a self centered culture and unless someone else's hearing loss impacts us direclty we won't listen to them tell us they are hoh...Angelus.
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:wave: Ya know, there are some members of the DEAF comminity that believe some hearing people think that being DEAF/HOH is a disability, only because they think what they have to say is important. :laugh2:
 
Welcome to AD

I am also HOH since birth. My hearing loss is progressing as well.

I do understand the fact that people turn their heads to talk or can't seem to move their hands out of the way.

I simply tell the person that I am HOH and Usually they don't understand and are ignorant about deafness. They do have a tendency to SHOUT.

Have you considered learning Sign Language? I hate to see someone throw away their Hard worked PhD degree due to deafness.

Maybe you can convert your PhD to Deaf Education. :)

And I usually remind them by just simply asking them "WHAT!" or or to ask them to repeat themselves. That to me is an automatic reminder.
 
Internalize your pain. They will never understand and respect.

Develop solitary hobbies and get a job where you are not required to hear.

This all works well for me.

You may prefer someone else to advise you.:hmm:
 
I am hearing and I am bull headed.

In your position I would keep my job, learn ASL, demand a terp, and take the position that "Hearing or lack of it is not what makes a teacher."

Some of my grand kids had a deaf art teacher in high school and they loved him.
 
Welcome to All Deaf! I am also HOH. I teach elementry level students. I don't have a PhD, I wish I did. :) One of the first things I do is let my students know that I do not hear well. I give them guidelines they must follow. Things like...if they have a question they must be facing me with their hands away from their face. If they need my attention they must raise their hand and wait for me to approach them. I also assign students to different "jobs" one of them is my "secretary" they answer the phone for me if it rings. One is the "class security guard" :) who signals me if the fire alarm or intruder alert alarm goes off. This has helped me tremedously. Although I am guessing it would be different for college level students. But really college students should be able to be more understanding and compassionate. I hope it all works out for you.
 
I really sympathize. I work with the same group of people day in & out, and it took some time to teach them how to work with me. It is an ongoing process. As a professor your task is much more challenging. What is probably "worse" is that your speech quality is likely good. Therefore it is easy for others to forget you cannot hear. Hence the reason why some deaf choose not to use their voice. Ability to speak does not mean ability to lip-read/hear.

Having said that, I propose training everyone as if it is your first day. I suggest a brief lecture explaining you need to start over on teaching people how to handle those with different needs. Therefore you will use a posterboard as a training tool.

Hands away from head (no resting head in hands, no covering mouth).
Wave hands to get your attention first, then talk
Point to the person who wishes to speak to direct your attention

and so on. Use one of these per training session (or introduct all if they can grasp the idea) as long as you need before you advance to the next one. And yes, do use an oversized button reminding people you are deaf. You might as well remind them it is "deaf", not "death".

I love the T-shirt suggestion. Have fun training these people. Humor goes a long way in getting what you want.
 
Welcome to the boards..

Hmm.. I read through your post. It seems that that's a pretty tough situation to be in - I can imagine it.

Have you checked to see if you are allowed to do any online courses? I've noticed a lot of schools are offering more and more online classes to date. I'm sure there might be discrepancies in the pay vs actually attending the lecture and discussions. But if you could get like a mini-forum going on the internet with your students online, that eliminates all need for sound. It would be just like teaching minus the distance part.
 
hi Angelus!

It's REALLY hard and I go through a lot of grieving experiences over this
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That is exactly how I feel too! Grieving is the right word for it, unfortunately.

I love music; play it, write lyrics, live it, breathe it. I played drums for years; can't do it anymore. Took up support percussion instead. ugg.
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Ditto. I play piano, guitar and hand drums, but have mostly been a singer. Can't do that anymore as I have gone tone deaf with the hearing loss. At least with the hand drumming it is nice to 'feel' the beat. But it is discouraging, to say the least, that we can no longer continue with music that is so loved.

I too struggle with what I call IQ challenged hearing folks who just tune you out when you say you are hoh or deaf. I would venture to say we are a self centered culture and unless someone else's hearing loss impacts us directly we won't listen to them tell us they are hoh.
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That's a good explanation for it. Selfishness. I once got in a scrap on my scooter on campus and the thing fell on top of me. This happened in front of at least 3-4 dozen students. No one helped me. In fact, no one even laughed. It's astonishing to me that we live in a such a PC anti-racist country and yet most people don't bother to make even a basic effort to be nice to others.

Please just know you are far from alone. I am right there too. My hearing loss is auto immune related. At least that's what the family medical history says.
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Thank you, and ditto! Autoimmune related (remitted MS) too... well, and all those years playing in bands probably didn't help much.

Thanks again,
:angel:
 
Hi babyblue!

Have you considered learning Sign Language? I hate to see someone throw away their Hard worked PhD degree due to deafness.
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That's exactly what I'm afraid will happen. Should I learn sign language? I mean, I can talk fine, but can't hear... seems like hearing people are the ones who should learn sign language. I will probably take some classes anyway - luckily my university has an ASL center and an expert prof in that area. Oh, and I know French very well - my understanding is that ASL is based French... is that correct?

And I usually remind them by just simply asking them "WHAT!" or or to ask them to repeat themselves. That to me is an automatic reminder.
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You know what happens to me? I ask them to speak up or repeat themselves while I am simultaneously walking over to their desk so I can hear them. As I get closer, for some reason, they drop their voices even lower and then, even though I am on top of them, I can't hear a thing because they are now whispering. It's so frustrating! Half the time they end up giving up and refuse to repeat the question/comment... maybe they are embarrassed or shy, but you'd think they'd at least want me to hear them.

Thanks for your message!
 
Bottesini,

your post actually made me laugh! My tendency would be to do just those things - internalize, avoid, and adapt. On darker days, I think about quitting everything and going on disability. :(
 
Bottesini and Birdie - love the tshirt idea! Is there a shop/online store that sells those kind of shirts? That would be hilarious.
 
Hey Berry,

thanks for the advice. I am pretty stubborn too and, on good days, my hope is to use my newfound perspective to help others learn how to deal with my being deaf/HoH so that they ARE respectful and patient, and then deaf awareness will carry forward into other lives and maybe change a little piece of the world for the better.

And, as you say, being deaf doesn't make me less of a teacher!
 
eatinganesh said:
Bottesini and Birdie - love the tshirt idea! Is there a shop/online store that sells those kind of shirts? That would be hilarious.
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They are available at www.t-shirts.cafepress.com. Just do a search for "deaf" and it will give you lots of options.

Welcome to our ranks. If you survive the humor of Bottesini, deafness will be a breeze.:)
 
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