Would you or wouldn't you?

D

deafmummy

New Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
3
Reaction score
0
WOuld you date a hearing person? WHy or why not? Give me the pro's and con's of dating what I call an inter-hearing relationship. I'm curious to the amount of attention and answers this will generate. Please be more specific, not something cheesy like; "Well, he was hot!" NOt helping folks... Let's get down to the nitty gritty of this topic!

PS first time blogger here, nice to meet ya'll!!!

Sherree
 
deafmummy said:
WOuld you date a hearing person? WHy or why not? Give me the pro's and con's of dating what I call an inter-hearing relationship. I'm curious to the amount of attention and answers this will generate. Please be more specific, not something cheesy like; "Well, he was hot!" NOt helping folks... Let's get down to the nitty gritty of this topic!

PS first time blogger here, nice to meet ya'll!!!

Sherree
Click to expand...

I'm hearing and married to Deafie for 12 1/2 years. When we met it was an istant physical attraction( he was and still is HOT) but then after we got to know each other it was chemisty. We have our moments like any couple where we fight and one of us wishes the other was more like the other. It's bound to happen at times. I'm sure it's the same problems you might encounter as an inter-racial couple might encounter. I don't know if that answers your questions the way you wanted??
 
awesome!! That's a start! I likened it to interracial dating as well, but I've found that deaf MALES in general, are more prone to deaf females... isn't that strange?? IF a Deaf woman dates a hearing guy.. the deaf guys look down on her, as if she were stuck up.. wow.. it's a huge irony at times.. I"m deaf myself, and married hearing guys, (divorced now), hence the reason why I asked the question.. hmm.. maybe there's a connection? hah.. Although a deaf guy I dated, cheated on me, so.. can't blame it on anything other than biological body parts? *being MALE!?*
 
I have never dated anyone that is Deaf or HOH before! Not by choice, just the opportunity has never arrisen.

I don't really find it to be a big barrier for me. It's nice if the person I am dating is interested in learning some ASL, and learning about Deaf culture, and most are. I don't really limit myself in who I date. If I like the person, I like them, hearing or Deaf...doesn't matter.
 
I am deaf and used to date with hearing guys. The biggest problem is that some are too lazy to learn sign language and some dont bother get my attention before having conversation. That where I get frustrated.
 
I am HOH and was once married to a hearie guy .... never again! Talk about being left out in all social situations was very humiliating ... he was fine when we were dating (or I blindly thought so) but after we married .... he showed his true colors! No patience with me whatsoever so we divorced after two years of a disastrous marriage.

Then a couple of years later, I met up again with my deaf class mate/friend whom I had known since we were 4 years of age .... we kept in touch on and off over the years, only as friends, nothing more. (He had been waiting patiently for me all those years & knew that we would get married). It took me a long while to take my 'blinkers off' to realize that he was the one.

Married after a two-year courtship and still happily married 25 years now ... our communication with each other is fantastic because we understand what we are going thru' with our deafness. I feel very at ease with hubby and also love him, too! :)

I know that everyone is different ... my best girlfriend of 50 years is still married to a hearie but not too sure if she is happy .... never dared to ask, maybe one day.
 
My husband is hearing and I am deaf. He can sign which is a very important factor in our marriage. If he didnt know how to sign, there would be no way I would be able to understand him most of the time since he is very hard for me to lipread.

I couldnt marry a hearing guy who didnt know sign language or will not be willing to learn for me. My best friend who is deaf has been married to her hearing husband for 10 years. When they first got married, he told her that he wanted to learn sign language. Well, now he doesnt even know more than 5 signs and they constantly misunderstand each other. Nope, she is not happy at all in her marriage. It is really sad that they are at the point where they just dont talk to each other at all most of the time.
 
I will never, ever date or marry a hearing person again. My ex-husband was hearing. Communication is a factor - not only with each other but with our social circles (like Ozzie said earlier) and also there's the fact that the two cultures often will clash. An exception might be if the guy is a CODA who is fluent in ASL and respects deaf culture.

I know there are many deaf and hearing marriages that are wonderful and works well for those people. Yay! But for me, nope. Nada.
 
I'm okay with dating hearing people, given that they have positive and good opinions regarding deaf people.

I've dated a blind person, and it was.. the best thing in my life. She didn't know any signs at the time, which was fine because I was still benefiting from my hearing aids, so we just sometimes used the manual alphabet.

For me, dating a blind person versus dating a deaf person more closely agreed with my own struggles and life as a deafblind person, but of course, she was also quite an incredible woman. When I lost her, I found G-d again, but most days I'm pretty sure that's nowhere near an even trade.

Since then, I haven't dated anyone disabled, not due to some dislike due to prior experience, rather just through luck. Who knows what time will bring, I suppose.
 
I am very hard of hearing and my husband can hear a sewing needle drop 100 feet away. Yes it causes problems some times but in the end it is great. It is not my disability that causes the problems but other mundane old fashioned problems like bills and who's gonna mow the yard or who's gonna sleep on the couch if there is a fart fest in the bed ( just kidding! it is April fools day ya know), any way, I have recently found out that the type of hearing loss I have is going to one day cause me to be totally deaf. he got me some software for the computer and some flash cards and stuff to help me learn sign language and I am going to go to the Helen Keller institute next semester to learn sign in person. The classes offered are $40.00 a semester and we will meet 2 times a week. When I come home hubby is going to receive the lessons that I learned and do the "homework" with me so we can learn together. He has the patience of a god and we have the purest and truest love between us. I really lucked out with him. He actually didn't know I was HoH when we met but found out about 4 months before we got married. We met on near years eve on the internet the night before 2000 started . He was in Stockport England and I was here in Cullman Alabama. We talked online till some time in April then started talking on the phone as well and sending some letters in regular mail too. I took a flight to Manchester U.K. from Atlanta and we haven't been apart since the moment we met in person at the airport there on May 24th of 2000. we came back here to the states on September 2nd and got married September 7th, so this September will be 8 years we have been together and he has been by my side and I by his since. We can lipread each other good and tend to do so in crowds when there is a lot of noise in the background that messes with my comprehension skills or when we just don't want others to hear what we are saying to each other. I am truly blessed and I plan I doing my damnedest to stay that way. marriages are a thing that takes hard and constant work but the unconditional love we receive from each other is worth everything to me.
 
I've dated hearing people before. It wasn't so bad, but the bigger problem was that they would often forget that I'm there... too often. There was one hearing gal I dated who was an interpreter, but she also forgot that I was there. Even worse, my parents started treating her like my interpreter and it made things more difficult for me.
 
Oh... :hmm:

I was dates hearing boys until I was turn 21 years old and then my first ex deaf boyfriend :shock: :giggle:........

My feeling is better with a deaf person!

Just follow your feeling! :)


Good luck ;)
 
My first exhusband is hearing which is sucks. He just talk to me without getting my attention first which I have told him to get my attention first before the talk. Duhh

My 2nd exhusband is hard of hearing and no problem there but controlling freak so bye bye to him.

I did date one guy who is hearing and know sign language very little which is little help. but would rather date or marry to a deaf person.
 
Dating a hearing partner:

pros- being able to get the partner to talk on the phone when a hearing caller calls for some reason and doesnt use the tty

being able to hear things around the house if it needs to be fixed or not especially the sump pump, and furance

an help out in the community to interpret or get driections especially one in a place where english isn't the spoken language and not alot people know how to read/write english (yikes for me)


NEGATIVES

the pattern always fall, they will always forget at the dinner table at holiday parties with hearing peers/family

you can't be loud in the middle of the night when coming home or sing loud in the shower and not be embarassed

can't do noisy projects when you feel like it out of respect to the hearing partner

never will truly know whats its like to be deaf, I have my own freaking mother atfer 25 years she'll tell me dumb things once in a while and forget i'm deaf as they will always always always forget.

will never know whats its like unless they walked a mile in ones shoes
 
All I have ever dated are hearing women. I am 25 now, and really doing a lot of soul searching in my life as a deaf person, although I have a cochlear implant and can hear pretty good with it, I'd like to befriend a deaf woman for once, just as friends at first then see what happens!I'm not having much luck though because so many scammers are online.
 
Seibo21 said:
All I have ever dated are hearing women. I am 25 now, and really doing a lot of soul searching in my life as a deaf person, although I have a cochlear implant and can hear pretty good with it, I'd like to befriend a deaf woman for once, just as friends at first then see what happens!I'm not having much luck though because so many scammers are online.
Click to expand...


What about sign language experience OR college experience? That would be helpful for finding someone thats more likely to be a friend for real.
 
yeah, i have date with a hearing person that was bug! never mind, i want to forget! she tolds always bad over me and she thinks that i would stupid and can´t to speak!
 
I am deaf. I married a hearing man for 11 years. My husband know sign language. He have deaf sister. My husband and I are happy. Of Course we are through bad and good time. We don't let our love get hurt from anything.
 
I have dated hearing guys and it not always so bad expect the commication issue if a guy willing to learn to sign for me if we get serious for long term relationship that great. I can understand some of you mention that hearing guys are lazy to signs so that partly true. But not all of them are lazy. It takes a rare hearing person willing to put up with a deaf person and commuications. I think believe hearing people just need to be more "expose" to deaf people and try to understand them better in the same way deaf people try to understand hearing people too. No one is perfect. Got to start somewhere to work things out. :)
 
Back
Top