Would like to end a relationship....

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

Active Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
6,497
Reaction score
26
with my girlfriend. I have few concerns.

1---- When I broke with an ex in 2010, it was easy. I wasn't even on facebook!!! Now, if I broke with my current gf, I would have to overhaul facebook. Unfriend of all people that I met through my girlfriend. Maybe even delete all pictures I have of my girlfriend and me.

2----Christmas is just around the corner. I would think it's a poor taste to break up with someone with Holidays coming up, you know.

3----My girlfriend has already shopped for my Christmas presents. I've not shopped for anyone yet. I'm sure she has receipts for my presents. I would hate for her to not get anything for them.
 
dereksbicycles said:
with my girlfriend. I have few concerns.

1---- When I broke with an ex in 2010, it was easy. I wasn't even on facebook!!! Now, if I broke with my current gf, I would have to overhaul facebook. Unfriend of all people that I met through my girlfriend. Maybe even delete all pictures I have of my girlfriend and me.

2----Christmas is just around the corner. I would think it's a poor taste to break up with someone with Holidays coming up, you know.

3----My girlfriend has already shopped for my Christmas presents. I've not shopped for anyone yet. I'm sure she has receipts for my presents. I would hate for her to not get anything for them.
Click to expand...

I'm glad I don't belong to Facebook; having worked in federal law enforcement, I was advised against it and never cared for it anyway. Do people really give a damn who "unfriends" them? I know I don't.

As for breakup timing...are the both of you still intimate? I assume yes, and if true, that's pretty lousy to use someone when you don't care for them. Women interpret intimacy for love and men consider it something to do in their spare time. If that part of the relationship has cooled, it's still wrong to pretend all is well. Breaking up before a holiday is the right thing to do, especially for her, so she can make a fresh start in the new year and spend the holidays with people that love her....you as well. The mistake that a lot of men make is that they like to have a fight to rid themselves of the guilt. They can blame the breakup on something and remove themselves from the picture.

It takes courage to break up like an adult and have a heart to heart talk, but she deserves that much. It also looks favorably on you for being decent enough to be honest. If breakups were easy there wouldn't be so many Country songs on the subject. One word of advice...do not change your status on Facebook as "single" or delete her pictures before you both talk. I'm sure you have more class than that.


Edit to add: you sound like a good person or you wouldn't be conflicted about the timing and how to end things...but take a deep breath and have that talk. You'll feel better when all is said and done.


Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
I'm glad I don't belong to Facebook; having worked in federal law enforcement, I was advised against it and never cared for it anyway. Do people really give a damn who "unfriends" them? I know I don't.

As for breakup timing...are the both of you still intimate? I assume yes, and if true, that's pretty lousy to use someone when you don't care for them. Women interpret intimacy for love and men consider it something to do in their spare time. If that part of the relationship has cooled, it's still wrong to pretend all is well. Breaking up before a holiday is the right thing to do, especially for her, so she can make a fresh start in the new year and spend the holidays with people that love her....you as well. The mistake that a lot of men make is that they like to have a fight to rid themselves of the guilt. They can blame the breakup on something and remove themselves from the picture.

It takes courage to break up like an adult and have a heart to heart talk, but she deserves that much. It also looks favorably on you for being decent enough to be honest. If breakups were easy there wouldn't be so many Country songs on the subject. One word of advice...do not change your status on Facebook as "single" or delete her pictures before you both talk. I'm sure you have more class than that.


Edit to add: you sound like a good person or you wouldn't be conflicted about the timing and how to end things...but take a deep breath and have that talk. You'll feel better when all is said and done.


Laura
Click to expand...

Thank you for the feedback. IT is very much appreciated.
 
It being the holidays I would put off a breakup til next year. You would upset her friends and family. That would be selfish. Share. The holidays thankful for what was good about the relationship.
 
I always have mixed feelings about this subject(breaking up before the holidays), but I think, in practice it is not the right thing to do. I think there is a time and a place for everything and it would not be the right time. In the end, yes, it would be the same, but for now it would be harder on her.

Once you have broken up with her, I would take down the pictures and change the status, it doesn't have to be immediate but fairly quickly. I would not un-friend anyone. I would let those people make that decision for themselves. However, unless you both share a common circle of friends I'd stay out of her circle.

Also, you should be laying the ground work for the break up, less intimacy, stop buying her things(after xmas), etc. Just as it takes preparation to start a relationship, it also takes preparation to end one.

In the end, you and your partner shared good times and that is what is important.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but you can't stay in a relationship that isn't working. It is not fair to you or her.
 
i closed my fb down.fb cowadly way to conduct things...and do i give flying f***k who likes or no like friend unfriend...it cruel keep her hanging around just do it for gods sake
 
I'm with Vacationguy on this. That's some bad timing. Just wait a few. Also agree with him on the fb things. I'm separated from my husband, all I did was change my relationship status. Oh and make a list, him and all his family, anyone we have mutual friends are on a list and if I post something I don't want him to see, for whatever reasons I hide it from that list, so none of them can see it and it won't get back to him, or he sees it while he's with them etc etc. The only person from his friends and family to unfriend me was one of his sons and one of his friends., which I found kind of surprising. Normally I wouldn't have a clue I was unfriended, or who did it, but I had to make that list.
 
Really sorry about the break-up....but don't feel the timing is right, Derek....If the break-up is mutual, then yes, but feel if it isn't, then her Holidays will be very sad....Think about it....if she broke up with you before the Holidays, how would you feel?....

If you can break-up and still remain good friends, then that's just great. As far as FB....that's the last thing that would be on my mind. I'm not on FB, for a very long time....eventually, you can get that straighted out...but first and foremost....your ex g/f's feelings have first priority.
 
Sorry -- I think you better off cutting it off now. if you accept gifts for xmas, think about how she would feel after xmas when you break up. I'd do it now and get it over with. The biggest reason is you never know what is around the corner and just putting it off is bad taste. Honesty is good policy - even if it hurts.

The last thing you want is she gives you something that cannot be returned and she goes postal over it. seriously - some ladies can be that way and its no picnic.
 
Did you know that most break ups occurs in January, and most new relationships starts in February.

I think break ups in December is the worst time, been there and still have no idea what caused the problem (She got PTSD and I don't know what ticks her off) and I think it is the worst time. I ended up hate December and xmas, sorry that is who I am.
 
Weighing in on the timing.

If you wait until after the holidays:

If she has any sense of how you feel, she may look back after the (January?) breakup and say "wow, he didn't want me anymore way back then, but he wouldn't even tell me!" which is a really painful thing to have to think about.

If you break up now:

True, Christmas will be rough, and she can even say "That jerk left me right before Christmas!" But a little indignation might make the pain a little more bearable for her. Maybe rough on you though. I think the question is, can you take it? If you can, I'd say do it now.

Just my take. I don't want someone to stay in a relationship with me if they don't want to be there. I don't want them to lie to me about whether they still want me. She may not be the same kind of person as I am, so you'll have to decide if my opinion is relevant or not.
 
Somehow, I get the gut-level feeling she is mulling over the same things/sentiments you are.
 
I think the best thing your g/f can get from you is honesty. I would let her know now so she can return any gifts she brought for you. Breaking up is hard anytime of the year. I feel if you gave any gifts in return it would be making her feel that everything is OK between you both and that is wrong. I would not worry about how your g/f friends and famliy will feel , your are not dating them .
This is just between two people you and your g/f and I feel she should know now how you feel and not after the holidays .
 
deafbirk said:
It being the holidays I would put off a breakup til next year. You would upset her friends and family. That would be selfish. Share. The holidays thankful for what was good about the relationship.
Click to expand...

This has nothing to do with the g/f friends and family. That is just a big guilt trip you're trying to lay on the guy. That is a load of crap.
 
yeah rockin robin made a very good point, an uneasy one too...
timing is bad.. either way before christmas or after christmas is bad...
guilt for holding off till after christmas, OR anger for being shunned for christmas, take your pick...

i dont know your relationshiip at all, only read once , twice, and yup uddy about facebook, if any new gf, in future id never share my facebook, in face, id' probably lie that i dont have a facebook and never mention internet/computers with freinds esp when she's around...and change subject subtly quickly, like "oh I havent used internet at the library for a while.." make is sounds like you DOnt have internet...(unless you met her online -that gonna be much harder to convince you dont have facebook)....

hmm...

which is easier to handle? like will the guilt tripping make it like you'd be obliged to hold on a relation ship, or something owing??
dammit..

or if i want out before christmas, be prepared and try tell her not to ruin your christmas...as well as hers...

you'd need to google, something along 'timing and tactics' of breaking a relationship during holidays...

something like that


hope this helps (even a little bit then good)..
wish you the best
cheer up
G
 
Grummer said:
yeah rockin robin made a very good point, an uneasy one too...
timing is bad.. either way before christmas or after christmas is bad...
guilt for holding off till after christmas, OR anger for being shunned for christmas, take your pick...

i dont know your relationshiip at all, only read once , twice, and yup uddy about facebook, if any new gf, in future id never share my facebook, in face, id' probably lie that i dont have a facebook and never mention internet/computers with freinds esp when she's around...and change subject subtly quickly, like "oh I havent used internet at the library for a while.." make is sounds like you DOnt have internet...(unless you met her online -that gonna be much harder to convince you dont have facebook)....

hmm...

which is easier to handle? like will the guilt tripping make it like you'd be obliged to hold on a relation ship, or something owing??
dammit..

or if i want out before christmas, be prepared and try tell her not to ruin your christmas...as well as hers...

you'd need to google, something along 'timing and tactics' of breaking a relationship during holidays...

something like that


hope this helps (even a little bit then good)..
wish you the best
cheer up
G
Click to expand...

Building any relationship on lies is never a good thing - lying about not having a computer, not being on FaceBook etc is just stupid and will cause huge lack of trust issues.
 
no no, if you just newly dating, its definitely not a good idea...but till when relationship is built, yeah ofc, but i wouldnt even go on and on about holidays or gifts on facebook, it would be too much to take IF it all goes sour....

its like a photo album of marriage BUT alot worse, EVERYONE SEES IT !!!

relation ship status is fine and dandy, but showing off of the things you do together is 'good idea at the time' but it can be very damaging...


so im not suggesting to lie, just avoid talking about computers, and particulary talking about BROADCASTING your relationship and things you do!!........thats the bit id be very careful (as any one should)...
 
whatdidyousay! said:
This has nothing to do with the g/f friends and family. That is just a big guilt trip you're trying to lay on the guy. That is a load of crap.
Click to expand...

I disagree. When you date someone it is NOT just about you and how you feel. Yes, it's not honest to stay with someone you don't want to be with, but life isn't that nice and neat. You have a responsibility for how you interact with other people and you have to be an adult and deal with things in an adult way. An adult is not a child and is not allowed to leave the sand box whenever he/she feels like it.

If he is dating someone else then he needs to end it now, but that has nothing to do with honesty, it has to do with righting a wrong.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I disagree. When you date someone it is NOT just about you and how you feel. Yes, it's not honest to stay with someone you don't want to be with, but life isn't that nice and neat. You have a responsibility for how you interact with other people and you have to be an adult and deal with things in an adult way. An adult is not a child and is not allowed to leave the sand box whenever he/she feels like it.

If he is dating someone else then he needs to end it now, but that has nothing to do with honesty, it has to do with righting a wrong.
Click to expand...

You said it best....
 
Back
Top