Unsafe at home being deaf

MandyCare said:
Hi everyone I have a problem with my partner's son who has been living with me for 18 months. His father is away most of the time. Son is 18... I have a rule that he has to text me when he is coming home or is in the house so I know someone is there. Last week I found he was home for four hours without telling me. I felt so violated and unsafe.

Now I find the light on he hasn't told me yet again. Two reasons this is frustrating. First reason - If he isn't home i dress more relaxed leave the bathroom door open etc and I leave my hearing aids to be able to relax and unwind.

I have been trying to explain to my partner who is hearing and the son what it is like not to feel safe in your own home. Also why its so important to tell me if they are home.

Please help me to explain it to them. I have been trying to find articles to explain this.
Click to expand...

I can definitely understand what you're feeling. It's extremely unpleasant and can be quite unnerving at some time.

A simple common courtesy is all you're asking for. since he is not your son, I can see why you may feel violated especially since you're dressing "more relaxed" at home. My mom dresses "more relaxed" at home too and my brother and I always txt her if we're bringing friends over.

couple things you can do - install strobe signalers in some rooms and you'll have to have a sit-down with him and explain to him that he's always welcome to your home but he just need to simply let you know in advance.
 
MandyCare said:
Hi everyone I have a problem with my partner's son who has been living with me for 18 months. His father is away most of the time. Son is 18... I have a rule that he has to text me when he is coming home or is in the house so I know someone is there. Last week I found he was home for four hours without telling me. I felt so violated and unsafe.

Now I find the light on he hasn't told me yet again. Two reasons this is frustrating. First reason - If he isn't home i dress more relaxed leave the bathroom door open etc and I leave my hearing aids to be able to relax and unwind.

I have been trying to explain to my partner who is hearing and the son what it is like not to feel safe in your own home. Also why its so important to tell me if they are home.

Please help me to explain it to them. I have been trying to find articles to explain this.
Click to expand...

If I were you.. I kick his ass out of house, who turned 18 to be adult and who broke my house's rules before He will grow disease or may be stalker, thief, drug abuser, sex offender.
 
Angel1989 said:
Anij thank you. I have been waiting for my hubby to do this, but it has been over a year now. I do not feel safe in my own house. I worry about a fire when I sleep upstairs after hubby leaves for work so I always come downstairs at 5:30am.

Did you get your system for free through your Audi? My Audi never has mentioned anything that can help me. I don't mind paying for it, I just want a system ASAP. Thanks!!!
Click to expand...

No - the systems aren't free, however you may be able to apply to assistance organizations locally (if you're low income) to be reimbursed for some of the cost. As I said, you'd be looking at a few hundred dollars total ... and can get "started" for much less, then add as you have funds available.

The reason I got my system through my audiologist was because they are a vendor - Sonic Alert makes &/or sells, a number of things including signallers, amplifiers, phones, travelling devices, etc. Also where I live buying it through the Audie meant I didn't have to pay sales tax because they're considered and sold as medical devices (same no tax on batteries there).
 
If he is not your son or step son then he is a guest and therefore should be respectful enough to tell you if he is home. I understand how you feel it is a matter of wanting to know if you are alone in the house and I agree he should be more respectful with that.
 
Evo Dragon said:
If I were you.. I kick his ass out of house, who turned 18 to be adult and who broke my house's rules before He will grow disease or may be stalker, thief, drug abuser, sex offender.
Click to expand...

Unless there's a ring on her finger, she's not family. The boy is - and he has every right to live with his Dad if his father is okay with it, and it looks to me like he is. She has no business to interfere. She might not be in this man's life three years down the road - his son, however, will always be his son, and he'll always be his Dad.

In Italy, the children live with their parents until they marry - and even then, they may not leave home. We don't know anything about the boy other than what we're hearing from a second hand source on a public forum. Ever hear of the saying that you don't marry a person, you marry their family? You get that when you date a person too.

Leave a note for the young man on the refrigerator. If he respects it, great, if not, live with it. No one has the right to come between a parent and their child. He has more of a right to his Dad's home than the girlfriend.

Laura
 
"Kick him out"???

Does anybody care at all about this poor 18 year old?
He is still a child, for crissake!

If OP is not mature enough to step into parenting shoes,
maybe she should not be with a guy who has a 18 years old son.

Fuzzy
 
MandyCare said:
Its my place and I allowed him to stay with me as he was having issues with his mother. His father isnt home much, he travels for work for weeks on end. I was happy to help out for a couple of months it has now been 18 months. I am only asking for communication when someone comes home.
Click to expand...

Lau2046 said:
Unless there's a ring on her finger, she's not family. The boy is - and he has every right to live with his Dad if his father is okay with it, and it looks to me like he is. She has no business to interfere. She might not be in this man's life three years down the road - his son, however, will always be his son, and he'll always be his Dad.

In Italy, the children live with their parents until they marry - and even then, they may not leave home. We don't know anything about the boy other than what we're hearing from a second hand source on a public forum. Ever hear of the saying that you don't marry a person, you marry their family? You get that when you date a person too.

Leave a note for the young man on the refrigerator. If he respects it, great, if not, live with it. No one has the right to come between a parent and their child. He has more of a right to his Dad's home than the girlfriend.

Laura
Click to expand...

Laura
You missed an earlier post which I have quoted above yours and added bold to the first sentence of. Since it is her place she does have a say.
 
seem you not use to teenagers,many come from another planet time twenty you him understand each other...you do have anx about this but if it his home then relax abit i imagine he uncomfortable aswel you both need to make some minor adjustments explain your reasons but expect him to forget from time to time,he should see you using deaf adaptions in the house as it maybe all new to him..if you and your partner are to have a future then cut the boy some slack or you loose your partner sametime the lad got have respect for you...the step parent always walks a difficult line
 
While you feel more relaxed while being undressed, there's nothing wrong with locking your bedroom door and staying in there undressed. I'm sure you have a television in your bedroom.
 
Can I add that I was recently a guest in my friend and her mother's house for about three weeks. We all kept our own schedules so came and went as we needed to.

However, whenever I came into the house and knew someone was there (their shoes by the front door, etc) I would make a point of finding and telling them* I was so they wouldn't be startled suddenly bumping into me! This was reciprocated without needing an explanation and didn't seem unusual to any of us (even though it was their house). I should point out all three of us are hearing though my friend's mother does not have the best vision nor would she always hear me come in the house if she was in the basement - sometimes I would flash the lights on and off as I came into the basement.

While Mandycare's deafness is a factor in all this, there seems to be a general lack of mutual respect and courtesy here.

*unless the bathroom door was closed!
 
Back
Top