Still embarrassed about my CI...

Bottesini said:
Are you late deafened? Any time I see a CI, I think, "hey, another deaf person" and can usually find the late deaf from how they look really paranoid and hostile if they see you notice the CI.
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Really?? people really do that?? you know I'm late deafened, I don't care what my aids look like or if people notice. Maybe I'm just weird? I'm crossing my fingers that I can get insurance so I can get a CI for my left ear. I'd wouldn't care if the processor was neon green backpack I had to lug around. As long as I could hear.
 
ambrosia said:
Really?? people really do that?? you know I'm late deafened, I don't care what my aids look like or if people notice. Maybe I'm just weird? I'm crossing my fingers that I can get insurance so I can get a CI for my left ear. I'd wouldn't care if the processor was neon green backpack I had to lug around. As long as I could hear.
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Good Luck, on getting insurance for CI. Hopefully you are nearly there :)
 
ambrosia said:
Really?? people really do that?? you know I'm late deafened, I don't care what my aids look like or if people notice. Maybe I'm just weird? I'm crossing my fingers that I can get insurance so I can get a CI for my left ear. I'd wouldn't care if the processor was neon green backpack I had to lug around. As long as I could hear.
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I think the ones who do that, are people who have been approached by deaf people before, so they are terrified and ASL user is going to approach them and they won't know what to do.
 
I had a hard time as a kid with ha s . Got teased on a daily basic for years. Had to do a fight or 2 to get people to back off. Guess a lot can depend on the people you associate with. I could not be blissfully ignorant of peoples reaction around me. Never liked the extra attention I got. Now with no hearing at all I only get the attention when I miss someone talking to me.
Ah,, to live life totally unaware of other reactions. People are not gonna fit into peg holes you want to put them in.
 
deafbirk said:
People are not gonna fit into peg holes you want to put them in.
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That is great advice!

I was super excited to get my hearing back and i am still extremely great full for the CI. That 3 month roller coaster of emotion from the time you get the implant till the time you turn it on is pretty intense. Lots of emotions, like a Pixar movie or something. :)

It wasn't until about 3 1/2 years after i started getting annoyed with the extra attention and the staring. I'm sure they'll get used to it eventually and stop the nonsense. I don't want to have to punch them in the face! Don't they know i'm volatile. :)

Its strange i've actually avoided people more since i've had the CI than without. Before the CI, it was exactly like deafbirk said, I only had the attention when i approached people, because i couldn't hear well they wouldn't approach me. Pretty much like everyone else does. Now i get too much pitty attention and i can't avoid it without being rude and taking my CI off. If it gets to a tipping point i take the CI off and tell them i need a rest. They don't know what that means but who cares?

One example at christmas this year... My father's father in law sent me a newspaper clipping about the first CI inventor that passed away recently. I emailed him if he knew the inventor, he said not at all.

I have never spoken to my father's father in law before and only met him 3 times and we have nothing in common. Plus he lives 1000's of mile away. So this was obviously some kind of weird "i feel bad for you so i'm going to send this useless newspaper clipping" kind of gesture. Like if someone sent the same for the inventor of eyeglasses.

Strange... Its like they see us as having low confidence just because we can't hear/hear well. Its really annoying !!
 
OMG!! You just made me realize something, that I may have made this guy feel bad, or awkward.

A guy in my Massage Therapy program had a CI, and an interpreter. His first day in class the second semester (he switched to night classes I was taking) I was staring badly. But not because of his CI, he looks exactly like Brendan Frasier, the guy from the Mummy. MAN, I hope he didn't notice!!

The "I'm sorry", people are just being sympathetic. Because of my job I can't NOT explain my HL to every client. I have had 2 people point out my aids before I had a chance to explain my HL, they were both hearing aid users. But HA's aren't as noticeable as CI's probably.

Now, for the majority of people it's no big deal, I do my spiel about how they can talk to me and we're good to go. But every now and then I get people that want to talk about it. A few have told me how well I speak, but more have asked me how old I was when I lost my hearing. They must realize because my voice is normal it didn't happen til later. I've had 2 or 3 that knew ASL and wanted to know if I did. I've had the "I'm sorry" quite a few times, but most people are just "okay no problem". I just tell them it is what it is. I wouldn't read to much into why they're sorry, they're just sympathitc to your loss, same as if you told them someone died.
 
Danb said:
Now i get too much pitty attention and i can't avoid it without being rude and taking my CI off. If it gets to a tipping point i take the CI off and tell them i need a rest. They don't know what that means but who cares?
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Keep in mind that sometimes it seems like we are getting the pity treatment, but as I have learned, hearing people usually behave differently around us not because they feel sorry for us, but they are unsure of how they are supposed to treat you. Many hearing people's first experience with a deaf person stays with them, so if they ran into a deaf person that was difficult, they think all deaf people are difficult. Same goes with the opposite...some of my hearing friends/coworkers are used to me, and are surprised when another deaf person cannot speak/understand, etc.

One example at christmas this year... My father's father in law sent me a newspaper clipping about the first CI inventor that passed away recently. I emailed him if he knew the inventor, he said not at all.
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Unfortunately there will always be a family member that does something stupid like that. Even my own father showed me an article of Rush Limbaugh getting the implant and going back to his 'normal' self, and asked me why I can't go back to being a 'normal' hearing person.....:roll:


I have never spoken to my father's father in law before and only met him 3 times and we have nothing in common. Plus he lives 1000's of mile away. So this was obviously some kind of weird "i feel bad for you so i'm going to send this useless newspaper clipping" kind of gesture. Like if someone sent the same for the inventor of eyeglasses
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.

Sounds like he is uncomfortable around you, and the only topic he can discuss with you.....yep, been there, done that....time to move on with your life.

Its like they see us as having low confidence just because we can't hear/hear well. Its really annoying !!
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Deaf or hearing....body language speaks volumes. If you act like an introvert, people will assume you have self-confidence issues. If you are aggressive, they will think the opposite. The trick is to keep on smiling while you pretend to be content...:giggle:
 
ambrosia said:
Really?? people really do that?? you know I'm late deafened, I don't care what my aids look like or if people notice. Maybe I'm just weird? I'm crossing my fingers that I can get insurance so I can get a CI for my left ear. I'd wouldn't care if the processor was neon green backpack I had to lug around. As long as I could hear.
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I think we all are weird to some extent...:hmm: Anyway, you probably already know this, but all the CI companies have staff on board to convince insurance companies that you need a CI. It usually boils down to a doctor's letter and proof that you are deafer than a doornail. Good luck on getting insurance.
 
green427 said:
Unfortunately there will always be a family member that does something stupid like that. Even my own father showed me an article of Rush Limbaugh getting the implant and going back to his 'normal' self, and asked me why I can't go back to being a 'normal' hearing person.....:roll:

Deaf or hearing....body language speaks volumes. If you act like an introvert, people will assume you have self-confidence issues. If you are aggressive, they will think the opposite. The trick is to keep on smiling while you pretend to be content...:giggle:
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Jeezus, my father and aunt did the same, they couldn't understand that something like this changes a person permanently and you can't go back to the way you were before. Especially if you have a hard time hearing.

I am definitely introverted. Always been that way. I grew up with a loud obnoxious family. Someone had to be normal. :)

I never understood why extroverted people assume introverts have some kind of character flaw. Its very much the opposite.

I studied psych in college. We learned introverts can be very confident (and generally more intelligent than extroverts). Most of the time the opposite is true for extroverts. The extroverts need the attention to build up their self esteem. The introverts get their confidence from within, by weighing their own behaviors, internally, against other peoples external behaviors.

Life is extremely ironic sometimes...
 
ambrosia said:
Really?? people really do that?? you know I'm late deafened, I don't care what my aids look like or if people notice. Maybe I'm just weird?
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When I was little, a teacher of mine wrote of me that I felt no stigma towards hearing aids and that no one else should either. At 45, I still feel no sigma about wearing them and find it odd when people do. CI/HA, the most important thing is that you can hear and it enriches your life. No one goes around looking at a person's eyeglasses or tries to see their ears. These things are so common, no one really cares. I find it sad that someone would need eyeglasses, HA or CI and not use it because they feel it would draw attention to themselves. The irony is not using something you need makes it obvious to everyone around you.

Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
When I was little, a teacher of mine wrote of me that I felt no stigma towards hearing aids and that no one else should either. At 45, I still feel no sigma about wearing them and find it odd when people do. CI/HA, the most important thing is that you can hear and it enriches your life. No one goes around looking at a person's eyeglasses or tries to see their ears. These things are so common, no one really cares. I find it sad that someone would need eyeglasses, HA or CI and not use it because they feel it would draw attention to themselves. The irony is not using something you need makes it obvious to everyone around you.

Laura
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You must have had a more 'stable' childhood than many of us. I got my ass kicked by bullies, and all of them called me names related to my deafness (deaf boy, fu*king deaf kid, etc, etc), which made me want to cover up my hearing aid with my hair. The less noticeable my hearing aid was, the more the bullies left me alone.

It was not until I moved from shithole Syracuse to the Boston metro area that the bullying came to a complete stop, and I slowly gained confidence back. Really, the biggest difference was moving from a mostly blue-collar factory-worker smoking&drinking school district to a mostly white-collar area. When I went to NTID, I finally felt like a human being and gained a lot of friendship, had good times. Hearing aids were not even noticeable there, so when I finally graduated and went back to the hearing world, it did not bother me.
 
green427 said:
You must have had a more 'stable' childhood than many of us. I got my ass kicked by bullies, and all of them called me names related to my deafness (deaf boy, fu*king deaf kid, etc, etc), which made me want to cover up my hearing aid with my hair. The less noticeable my hearing aid was, the more the bullies left me alone.

It was not until I moved from shithole Syracuse to the Boston metro area that the bullying came to a complete stop, and I slowly gained confidence back. Really, the biggest difference was moving from a mostly blue-collar factory-worker smoking&drinking school district to a mostly white-collar area. When I went to NTID, I finally felt like a human being and gained a lot of friendship, had good times. Hearing aids were not even noticeable there, so when I finally graduated and went back to the hearing world, it did not bother me.
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Let's see....my father's first memory of taking me to school was carrying me kicking and screaming to the bus. I was bullied all through grade school, bullied through junior high, bullied through high school...had no friends...still no friends even at 45...that sound "stable" to you? In my case you could flip a coin for the reason for the bullying. A "friend" of mine referred to me as dummy due to the learning disability and the others, I guess "just because." No one really cares about hearing aids and if you were bullied like me, they didn't need a reason.

Laura
 
Maybe it doesn't phase me because I didn't go through childhood with them. I didn't get my first HA til I was 27. I have had kids be curious about them, a few have actually touched them and asked what's in my ears. But kids can be cruel, maybe because I didn't wear them through childhood I never developed the hangups about them that I might have if I had.
 
I was bullied for having hearing aids while being mainstreamed. It took me a while to feel do for table showing them in public again.
 
Danb said:
Laura, do you have a CI, HA or none?
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Hearing aids...no CI yet. My left ear has stayed consistent throughout my life, but the right has dropped into profound range. Yet, as long as I can benefit from HAs, that's the route I'll stick with. But if the time comes when it no longer gives me what I need, I'd gladly look at a CI for my right ear if it meant I'd still be able to hear. You have to go with what's important to you. In my case, hearing...and I've never cared who noticed it.

Laura
 
ambrosia said:
Maybe it doesn't phase me because I didn't go through childhood with them. I didn't get my first HA til I was 27. I have had kids be curious about them, a few have actually touched them and asked what's in my ears. But kids can be cruel, maybe because I didn't wear them through childhood I never developed the hangups about them that I might have if I had.
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People don't need reasons for bullying...only excuses.

Laura
 
Laura: I agree with you-use your Hearing aids as long as suitable. As you know -not everyone can benefit from a Cochlear Implant. Plus of course the costs.

Aside: Sunnybrook/Toronto. Since 1984 have evaluated 3,000 adults for Cochlear Implants-of which 2000 were "unsuitable"-for one reason or other. Of the remaining 1000-18 received no benefit after Implantation. I was one of the 1000- 5 1/2 years ago. Information given last year at patients meeting.

Other centers with similar experience?
 
Lau2046 said:
Let's see....my father's first memory of taking me to school was carrying me kicking and screaming to the bus. I was bullied all through grade school, bullied through junior high, bullied through high school...had no friends...still no friends even at 45...that sound "stable" to you? In my case you could flip a coin for the reason for the bullying. A "friend" of mine referred to me as dummy due to the learning disability and the others, I guess "just because." No one really cares about hearing aids and if you were bullied like me, they didn't need a reason.

Laura
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Ok, so they picked on you for reasons other than having a hearing aid....in my case (as well as many others), the main reason I (we) got picked on was because of the presence of having a hearing aid. Kids that did not even know me at all saw my hearing aid, which was reason enough to walk up and punch the shit out of me.

I have learned that by hiding the hearing aid, kids left me alone. I am sure that if I were picked on for reasons other than having a hearing aid, the aid would not have been such an issue.

Have you ever had a chance later in life to confront those that bullied you? I did, on FB. I was shocked to be 'friended' by three of them, and all three said that they've carried the burden of guilt for thirty years. They did not understand why they acted the way they did and apologized. Yeah, interesting.....
 
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