Shutting everyone out

J

JillyBean.MI

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Its a very bad habit I have that started when I was about 13 years old.

I just didn't want anything to do with anyone. Not even with my parents, siblings or relatives. Same at school. I only spoke if I had to that was related to the class I was taking at the time. When I did work, same thing.

I really don't remember what triggered it since I was so young. My mom was emotionally abusive. At least that's how I felt growing up. There were times she would accuse me of things I didn't do. Or negatively compare my family to others' That happened frequently. My father while he was physically around, he was emotionally distant.

My family never seemed to accept that I was HoH/Profound Deaf. Only my mother knew a little bit of sign language. I was forced to attend Sunday school/Mass without an interupter. My younger siblings and I never seemed to click very well.
 
I agree. You should talk to a professional.

We have all gone through similar issues, but it's not good to shut everyone out.
 
your mother like mine made life hell..you should see someone they give you life skills...Don't let her win let her see you enjoying life.
 
caz12 said:
your mother like mine made life hell..you should see someone they give you life skills...Don't let her win let her see you enjoying life.
Click to expand...

I saw a therapist for awhile. One of his advice was to move on from people that aren't gpong to be supportive. Easier said than done. I'm pushing my mid-30's already.

yeah... the ones I'd thought would be supportive aren't. When one tries to crawl out of a shell after so many years of social and emotional isolation only to get pushed away it become pointless to want to change.

A few of the people I known from childhood are still mutual friends with my family but have nothing to do with me unless i have to see them in public. It hurts n it stings

Apparently, most people wants to hear about your problems. Unless they are a hired professional

I'm clueless as what to talk about with people
 
I've been down this road in term of not knowing what to talk about with people. I feel that I've broaden my horizon lately so I feel more in connect with other people in this world.
 
JillyBean.MI said:
I saw a therapist for awhile. One of his advice was to move on from people that aren't gpong to be supportive. Easier said than done. I'm pushing my mid-30's already.

yeah... the ones I'd thought would be supportive aren't. When one tries to crawl out of a shell after so many years of social and emotional isolation only to get pushed away it become pointless to want to change.

A few of the people I known from childhood are still mutual friends with my family but have nothing to do with me unless i have to see them in public. It hurts n it stings

Apparently, most people wants to hear about your problems. Unless they are a hired professional

I'm clueless as what to talk about with people
Click to expand...

Jilly Bean, you start coming out of your shell by doing just as you are doing now, posting on a forum where people really do care about you, understand your problems, and give good advise.

Just post a comment here and there, after a bit you'll be more comfortable here and post more often, eventually that will help you branch out into the real world, and you'll be able to talk to more people. Work on finding some new friends and stay away as much as you can from those who hurt you. Wishing you all the best with that.
 
JillyBean.MI said:
I saw a therapist for awhile. One of his advice was to move on from people that aren't gpong to be supportive. Easier said than done. I'm pushing my mid-30's already.

yeah... the ones I'd thought would be supportive aren't. When one tries to crawl out of a shell after so many years of social and emotional isolation only to get pushed away it become pointless to want to change.

A few of the people I known from childhood are still mutual friends with my family but have nothing to do with me unless i have to see them in public. It hurts n it stings

Apparently, most people wants to hear about your problems. Unless they are a hired professional

I'm clueless as what to talk about with people
Click to expand...



"Apparently, most people wants to hear about your problems. Unless they are a hired professional "

Did mean "most people don't' want to hear your problems"? If so yes most people are busy with their families, jobs etc . I know some people go a
'Life Coach ' when they feel stuck in their life , maybe there is one that worked with deaf and hoh people . You could try taking a class in something you like ,
painting , taking photos etc , this way you can meet people that have something in common with you. Or volunteer at an animals shelter , there a lot of puppies and kittens that would love someone cuddle with them.
 
JillyBean.MI said:
I saw a therapist for awhile. One of his advice was to move on from people that aren't gpong to be supportive. Easier said than done. I'm pushing my mid-30's already.

yeah... the ones I'd thought would be supportive aren't. When one tries to crawl out of a shell after so many years of social and emotional isolation only to get pushed away it become pointless to want to change.

A few of the people I known from childhood are still mutual friends with my family but have nothing to do with me unless i have to see them in public. It hurts n it stings

Apparently, most people wants to hear about your problems. Unless they are a hired professional

I'm clueless as what to talk about with people
Click to expand...
pushing mid 30's I am sorry that made me smile bc I pushing 70..why don't you say sod the lot of you and turn another page of life over..Have you been
to university that good way meet other deaf or DC..You are stll young woman.The people who friends with family well you said it FAMILY these not your personal friends.
I think you have some depression that needs sorting out but don't make your life pity party
 
caz12 said:
pushing mid 30's I am sorry that made me smile bc I pushing 70..why don't you say sod the lot of you and turn another page of life over..Have you been
to university that good way meet other deaf or DC..You are stll young woman.The people who friends with family well you said it FAMILY these not your personal friends.
I think you have some depression that needs sorting out but don't make your life pity party
Click to expand...

Caz has a great tips.

If you happen not to work, then see Voc. Reh about school if they can help you or some kind of workshop something that you can work. I agree that 30s is pretty young that would never too late for you to make something that you enjoy, and forget the past. Of course you will never forget the past but it is kind of a reminder to you to make yourself feel in desire of searching for a better life.

I had too little expereinces with being shutting everyone out that made me feel more lonely. So I didnt want that so i made my best to meet people and look for some work.
 
Bunch of good advices here. We all deal with all sort of issues in our lives. No one is immune to bunch of issues.

I understand your frustration being left alone for too long by your family, but here is the truth, the older you get the more people that you know have died at some point. It sucks as I know it. I am already past the highest hill and going downhill, see more deaths down there.

Since your 30's I would love trade with your age and move on. I wait until 40's to wake up! Sigh! That is too long, wish I had started move a lot sooner. So, you have excellent opportunity right now so grab what you can. Do see professional help.
 
I would guess the biggest problem people like you have is trusting again.
You were abused, humiliated, belittled, so naturally you are now always afraid to volunteer information about yourself b/c of the deeply ingrain mistrust.

However, I wanted you to know it happens to everyone of us - when we share, we all risk being ridiculed, humiliated and we are. the difference between you and "us" perhaps is, 'we' learned it's normal and we don't take is as personally.

Try this, try to understand that sharing with other person/s does involve risk of being 'betrayed', it does and will happen from time to time,
but it's something that once it happen - is being dealt with and moved from. Again and again.

And one tries and tries over and over, until after a time from a bunch of 'betrayers' you see a few true, loyal friends.
And you stay with these as close friends, (the rest is acquaintances).
Mind you, these are human beings, too, they do make mistakes - do not expect them to be perfect all the time, do forgive them their some transgressions
and many faults.

That's what life is more or less about- tolerance.

Fuzzy
 
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