Rant !!!:(

Deaffy

Deaffy

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Last year I came up to ohio to visit my family due to hurricane gustav when I lived in Louisiana. Upon my arrival I was informed that my younger brother was homeless because my mother had kicked him and his gf out of the house due to their drug abuse of oxycontin ( sp). While up here visiting I searched and searched for them and finally found where they were at. They were staying in a dank roach infest motel, It broke my heart to see him living like that. I sent my wife a text asking her how she would feel if I hired my brother to work for our Landscape company. She agreed , So I offerd him and his gf to move down with me on my way back home after the storm and he would make $40,000 a year helping me run the company and they could live with me and my wife untill they got enough cash to move out.

I drove us nearly 2k miles down to LA and he worked with me for 3 days started complaining about the heat and that he wanted to go back home. ( I believe his withdrawls from oxy was the culprit) Well needless to say I was not a happy camper) and i said a few choice words to him about how he needs to start working his GF was 6 months pregnant. I had bought him a bus ticket to move back home to moms since mom found out she was pregnant she was willing to let them move back in and give it one more try. Once the baby was born My brother never tried to get a job stayed a recluse in the bedroom while his gf went from job to job making just enough money to get their next fix. My mother finally got fed up kicked them both out yet once again but my mother kept my nephew to live with her he was just a tiny lil fella.

A few months Later me and my wife went through a seperation that resulted in a divorce So i decided to move back to ohio. When I got her I searched for my brother again and found him in another hotel. HE said he wasnt sure where they were going to stay the following week so I payed for them for another weeks rent at their hotel and I said to him " dude you have got to get your shit together and get a job the family cant keep helping you out moms taking care of ur son and this is the time of her life where she doesnt need to be raising a kid. you need to get a job and i dont care where its at even fast food restraunt or shoveling cow shit it doesnt matter u need to make money" I bought them that weeks rent and $40 in grocerys.

Here is where I am really just unbelieveable upset. My mom lets him come to her house once a week to eat and see the baby. I decided to stop over and say hi to him since I havent seen him in awhile. I walked into the room and said hey man hows it going... He shrugged it off. I said I finally got my surgery this past week ( cochlear Implant) HE didnt look at me or say a thing. I finally said you know what man your a friggen loser im sick of it you think you are too good for your deaf brother. Well remember this your deaf brother offerd you a life you declined. your deaf brother helped you to keep a roof over your head even tho you had screwd him over before.. well your deaf brother will no longer be helping you about. I said you know... I have a physical " handicap" and am able to work and do what is needed to survive in this world.. ( WHATS YOUR EXCUSE) and walked out.


Sorry for the rant but IM pretty tiffed off at how he acts around me. And just wanted to get this off my chest
 
You've been a good brother, man. I would have done the same for my own (twin) brother if I had been in that situation, but there is a line you have to draw at some point for your own sake.

If he is not going to respect you and treat you like you're inferior because you are deaf, you should not subjugate yourself to that mentality, regardless of your blood ties. Right now, with your divorce and your struggles to come to terms with your disability (it's not necessarily a disability, but I think for you it is, since you are recently late deafened and it has turned your world upside down), your #1 priority is to yourself and nobody else. If your brother is going to treat you like a piece of rejected garbage, you need to cut him out of your life until he gives you the respect you deserve and appreciates you and what you have done for him. This is in addition to the fact that he is a drug addict and you cannot enable his addiction.

Hope it all works out for you and your family.

Good luck.
 
I wonder if he had treated you that way his whole life? Like he was better than you because you were deaf?

I know that a lot of addicts don't really care about anything going on in their lives but themselves. They care about the next fix, not where they will be living, what they will have to eat, what they will have to do to get a job. Its all about the drug that keeps them going. Addicts are sick people and they need help. Why not try to get him help?? Has anyone ever offered help to him and his gf?? Rehab??

Sometimes people need the help before they can care about anything else going on.. They way they hurt people around them isn't them, it is their drug abuse.. I feel bad you are having to go through that and I hope for the sake of his child he can get the help he needs and go on to live a long healthy life. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can build themselves to go upward.
 
I agree with CBE.. I do not think it is your deafness that is causing him to shrug you. I feel it is his addiction and way of life.
 
Been there! I lived with my girlfriend and her dad the addict (pills). We had to move out. What your bro is doing is the same thing my girlfriend's dad did. Don't let him play the pity card, addicts tend to do that alot. Smack down the addict with your rehab card and hang tight.

Addicts...:thumbd:
 
It's very sad , but some people can't be saved. :(
 
candybrowneyes said:
I wonder if he had treated you that way his whole life? Like he was better than you because you were deaf?

I know that a lot of addicts don't really care about anything going on in their lives but themselves. They care about the next fix, not where they will be living, what they will have to eat, what they will have to do to get a job. Its all about the drug that keeps them going. Addicts are sick people and they need help. Why not try to get him help?? Has anyone ever offered help to him and his gf?? Rehab??

Sometimes people need the help before they can care about anything else going on.. They way they hurt people around them isn't them, it is their drug abuse.. I feel bad you are having to go through that and I hope for the sake of his child he can get the help he needs and go on to live a long healthy life. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can build themselves to go upward.
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FYI: Deaffy hasn't been deaf his whole life. It happened fairly recently.

I admire the compassion you're expressing here, CBE, but I feel that what you're saying is a bit naive. Have you ever tried to get an addict help? Do you know how hard that is? You cannot help someone if they do not want it. They must decide that they want to stop first, on their own.
 
Alex it isnt a bit naive, considering I have been there myself. I have went through it myself. Addiction blinds the addict and the people around them. I had to be confronted by my family and faced with what I was doing daily to understand the hurt and pain I was causing. Im not saying that IT HAS TO BE DONE, because you are right, the person must WANT the help, but I was merely asking if anyone has offered the help aside from letting them stay with them, paying for rent, food etc....
 
candybrowneyes said:
Alex it isnt a bit naive, considering I have been there myself. I have went through it myself. Addiction blinds the addict and the people around them. I had to be confronted by my family and faced with what I was doing daily to understand the hurt and pain I was causing. Im not saying that IT HAS TO BE DONE, because you are right, the person must WANT the help, but I was merely asking if anyone has offered the help aside from letting them stay with them, paying for rent, food etc....
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what were you addicted to?
 
Jiro said:
congratulation! it's not easy to reach that milestone.
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Thank you. It definitely wasn't easy. Had to change everything in my life. Places I went, friends... everything, including on going to rehab. But that was the past, all is well. I really do wish Deffys family the best and I really hope his brother can get the help he needs and deserves. I know that if it hadn't been for my real friends and family not giving up on me I wouldn't be where I am today.
 
candybrowneyes said:
Alex it isnt a bit naive, considering I have been there myself. I have went through it myself. Addiction blinds the addict and the people around them. I had to be confronted by my family and faced with what I was doing daily to understand the hurt and pain I was causing. Im not saying that IT HAS TO BE DONE, because you are right, the person must WANT the help, but I was merely asking if anyone has offered the help aside from letting them stay with them, paying for rent, food etc....
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Eh, not interested in getting into an argument with you over this, but your experience, whatever it was, is different from this one. Everyone has a different experience. I have not experienced my own drug addiction, but have gone through it with family members and friends, and the way you worded your first message seemed to imply that offering and giving help to an addict is something that can be easily done. That IS naive thinking. I think everyone who is affected by an addiction wants to see it end and give help, but sometimes it's just not possible, and interventions don't always work. I apologize if I misinterpreted your words.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Eh, not interested in getting into an argument with you over this, but your experience, whatever it was, is different from this one. Everyone has a different experience. I have not experienced my own drug addiction, but have gone through it with family members and friends, and the way you worded your first message seemed to imply that offering and giving help to an addict is something that can be easily done. That IS naive thinking. I think everyone who is affected by an addiction wants to see it end and give help, but sometimes it's just not possible, and interventions don't always work. I apologize if I misinterpreted your words.
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I wasn't trying to argue anything in the least, I was just asking if anyone had offered the help as it wasn't stated in the original post. I saw that they offered a place to stay, food, job.. But I was just wondering if anyone had suggested rehab or anything. Every situation is different, not everyone will want the help or take it if offered I was just wondering.
My situation was different, yours is different just like you said. I wasn't implying anything I was asking a question.
 
candybrowneyes said:
I wonder if he had treated you that way his whole life? Like he was better than you because you were deaf?

I know that a lot of addicts don't really care about anything going on in their lives but themselves. They care about the next fix, not where they will be living, what they will have to eat, what they will have to do to get a job. Its all about the drug that keeps them going. Addicts are sick people and they need help. Why not try to get him help?? Has anyone ever offered help to him and his gf?? Rehab??

Sometimes people need the help before they can care about anything else going on.. They way they hurt people around them isn't them, it is their drug abuse.. I feel bad you are having to go through that and I hope for the sake of his child he can get the help he needs and go on to live a long healthy life. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can build themselves to go upward.
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Most rehab and treatment places will not accept a client unless the client themselves will ask for the help. The family can want it all they can, but it ultimately has to be the addict's decision. I worked for a counseling agency that had 3 residential treatment centers in Missouri as 25 out patient treatment centers.
 
My impression is that ur brother is jealous of you and ur success....and he can't deal with it!....And of course, since ur deaf and he is hearing, it makes him feel "inadequate"...and moreso a total jerk!....He will most likely avoid you at all cost, since you make him feel "so low"!....

It's not ur fault!....And sadly there isn't much to be done about it, he has to help himself....

A family member is addicted to crack....I tried to help but she always went back to the streets.....over and over and over...finally I washed my hands of the whole mess!

I'm sure ur brother does love you in his own way....he may or may not recover from the Oxycotin....it's a powerful drug, just like crack......

There is always hope, tho'! Some have made it and become good citizens with a job....just hope ur brother will be one of them.

And thank ur lucky stars that you are not addicted to anything! You've seen first-hand what it can do to you and ur Mother and ur family!...It can destroy everything, especially TRUST.....Good Luck!
 
Deaffy-

Good luck with the whole situation. I agree with rockin' robin. You are not at fault and he probable is just purely jealous.

Hope your mother is fine through all of this. Giver her all the love you can.
 
KristinaB said:
Most rehab and treatment places will not accept a client unless the client themselves will ask for the help. The family can want it all they can, but it ultimately has to be the addict's decision. I worked for a counseling agency that had 3 residential treatment centers in Missouri as 25 out patient treatment centers.
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Well I am not going to argue if that is true or not but I know many places where you can commit a family member if they are at risk of hurting themselves. I know each state is different. I chose to go by myself but I was in rehab where people were there because their families put them there for the help. initially the person could be there for the 30 days, choose not to get the help, leave and go back to what they were doing to begin with because they choose to abuse the drugs and not help themselves. AGAIN I want to say I was just ASKING if anyone OFFERED THE HELP. I wasnt saying they needed to be forced into it. Deaffy never said they had asked him if he wanted help or not. It was just a question.
 
It's the addiction. No one can help an addicted person until that person hits bottom and wants help. What is bottom for a person varies. Your brother's behavior is not a reflection on you. It's all about his addiction.

It's so hard for an addict's family. You may consult with a mental health professional. A family intervention may be possible but not necessarily successful. Sometimes an addict doesn't hit bottom until he's arrested.

I'm sorry that you're hurting and missing your brother. Hugs if ok.
 
To clarify we as a family have offerd them the chance to go to rehab. His gf went twice but it appeard she went only to please my mother in order for them to stay at home. My brother declined going to get the proper help he needs. It really pisses me off that he chooses to get high instead of having his son live with him. My ex-wife and I got pregnant once 4 yrs ago and had a miscarriage and was unable to get pregnant again. I just dont understand how a drug can change you so much like that. Well all I can do now is just give up and hope he comes through one day and wakes up and realises his brothers are more of a father to his son than he him self is My baby brother has been fantastic at taking care of our nephew while our parents are at work and while my other brother is out getting wasted living from dump to dump. His gf works as a " stripper" to make ends meet.
 
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