Geeeez, what a lot to have to deal with. I have read all of your posts on this. I so totally admire you for working so hard to combat it.
I went through about 2 years where I started getting terrible anxiety attacks. They were very real, and I was afraid to leave my house because I was afraid I was gonna faint in public. some people thought I could control the attacks, but I honestly never knew when I would just get his with panic and adrenalyn so bad that I feared a heart attack or stroke. the first time it hit me, I was on the freeway, very happliy headed to work. No major stressors or threatening situations. It just hit me, and I had to pull over. I didn't drive for about 2 or 3 years because I feared I could not control the anxiety if it hit me and didn't want to be dangerous to anyone else.
They put me on blood pressure medicine and Prozac, which made me sicker and dizzier. I don't know that it is totally gone, but I have been able to function pretty well for the last year or so. I can drive again, but I still have that fear of what I would do if I ever got hit like that again.
I said that to say that it is normal for people to not understand why you can't seem to control the feeling in you that compels you to actions that you don't want to do logically. Some people think that panic attacks are a joke, but if it happens to you it is not funny. It takes away your freedom to live like you want to. I am praying for you to get better, and I understand that your battle is real. Just know that you are not alone, or weird or anything, and a lot of people out here are probably sending you ther prayers and best wishes.
Good luck...
Jeanie... still chasin the dream of a better tomorrow for ALL!