My dad doesn't believe my hearing status has been a problem...

Dixie said:
I don't know if I will even have time for a boy toy. Between school, working, and being mom, where will I have time to date?

Maybe I will date a little bit after I finish, but I seriously doubt I will ever have another serious relationship again.
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Just focus on you, and being a mom. Get yourself in a good place, and in time it will all come together. Even that boy toy ;-). But you need to be feeling good about your life before the other stuff comes into play.

Keep doing what your doing, eyes on the prize and it will all work out.
 
Clapping hands to all the above...

Also wanted to add, don't even worry about whether your parents will or won't be happy with you. Be happy with yourself and you'll find their opinion will barely matter.
 
Dixie said:
I don't have a problem with my D/HH status, it's the fact that my parents taught me for so long to be ashamed of it. Heck, they were probably ashamed of the fact that their daughter was born broken, at least by their standards.

From the description you gave of your job, it sounds like you might work in inspection for the government. It's not bad, I just wished I could get on as easy as some of my friends have. My problem is the fact that I've not been away from Tyson long enough.

Right now, my plan is to move out, enroll back into Uni full-time on loans, grants, and scholarships while working 3-4 days a week to maintain a steady source of income. I have been talking to friends about this on FB and from what I've gathered, this is very doable with me living in income-based housing.

I'm looking forward to the day that I will have that Bachelor's Degree in my hand with a smile on my face that a bomb couldn't wipe off. I think when that happens, I think maybe then my parents will at least be happy with me at that point.

I'm a little scared but at the same time looking forward to moving out. I'm sure this is normal, but I should have done this YEARS ago. I'll probably regret not doing this sooner.

I just wish there was a way that I could get them to open their eyes to what my world is like so that maybe they might begin to understand.
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Two years ago, I was where you are now... I was living with my mom, because when I left my abusive partner I had nothing and nowhere to go... and I was stuck. No money, no idea how I was going to make a future, and sure I'd never date again. I didn't even want to date again. Being a good mom trumps all else, and when facing the weight of big life changes there isn't a lot of room to think about anything else.

So... I'm here on the other side (kind of, still looking for a better job and feeling a bit in the air), and I can tell you... it's scary, it's hard as hell, but you can do it. And in the end, your life will be so much better for it, and so will your daughter's. Don't beat yourself up for the time you weren't working towards your goals, just focus on what's ahead... one step at a time.

I graduated a month ago, with a masters in marketing. My boy and I are doing well, although I wake up at night in a panic wondering what's going to happen if I don't find a job soon that pays more than rent. My mom... well, I'm still not who she wants me to be. I'm not straight, I'm not hearing, and I'm not staying in Montana... but I can let that go a little bit, knowing that I'm working on being who *I* want to be, and who my son needs me to be.

Good luck, Dixie. :cheers:
 
Dixie, I can completely understand where your coming from. I was always the "black sheep" of the family. Been told I can't do this or that because of my deafness, yet at the same time I was accused of not listening and my needs were ignored (hearing aid, the need to be comfortable in my own skin). I'm 26 years old and still considered a failure while my 17 yr old (the favorite) could do no wrong! hes good enough for college but I didn't try hard enough in school so I shouldn't even try it. The boy has everything in life planned for him, his truck (pretty expensive, wouldn't even consider it for a first car for my future kids), his college tuition.... While I had to learn on my own that if you want something, you have to earn it. I have another brother who is 12 and autistic, but apparently my mom thinks he's "cured". I have a lot of anger issues towards my mom and more increasing but, she is the only parent I have. She will be my mother no matter what.

I couldn't go back to my folks, but being on your own... great feeling! Your way, your rules. People disrespect you, you can tell them to leave.
 
Well, dad's found out I'm moving. He's already trying to control the entire process from the type of furniture I can get and he's determined to not let me buy anything. Well I've told him I have a storage unit rented that's passcode protected as well as requiring a key to get in. So I can buy what I like, put it there and not a lot he can do about it.

He's determined to give me a bunch of old dilapidated furniture that's broken down and would be better served filling in sinkholes in parking lots. I told him that I had planned on going to resale shops to find decent used furniture. Still he was like "No, let me start getting stuff together for you."

He wants to control the ENTIRE process. This is just the start of it. I will get what I like and if he shows up with a truckload of stuff I don't want he will have to take it to his precious shop, which I'm not allowed to have anything of mine over there to store. He's been throwing out stuff left and right. Mom said he threw out her baby bassinet that she used when she was an infant. Lord knows what else he's tossed. Anymore if it's not HIS stuff, it is junk.

This is why I needed a storage unit anyway. Anything I needed stored, could be safely stored.
 
"Do you want me to move out?"

then STFU & GTFO :)
 
Good Lord. All you can do is turn into a broken record at this point: "No thanks, Dad, I'll take care of what I need." "Thanks for the offer Dad, but I'll take care of what I need." "Appreciate your thinking of me, Dad, but I'll take care of what I need."

Eventually it should get through to him.

Pity about him tossing out the baby bassinet. We have one in our family that was used for mom, her four kids (my siblings and me), and at least two of my nephews. I think my sister still has it someplace, and since her oldest boy was recently married, it will probably go to his family next.
 
Seems to me that "Dad" has gotta make sure that everyone thinks he's the best Dad, does everything for Dixie and is still "raising her". He's gotta have the upper hand in each and every decision, and of course, he believes he's making all of them...not Dixie!

I would tell him that the "green backs" ($$) would help you more than used furniture if he wanted to contribute and take it without any guilty feelings...
 
rockin'robin said:
Seems to me that "Dad" has gotta make sure that everyone thinks he's the best Dad, does everything for Dixie and is still "raising her". He's gotta have the upper hand in each and every decision, and of course, he believes he's making all of them...not Dixie!

I would tell him that the "green backs" ($$) would help you more than used furniture if he wanted to contribute and take it without any guilty feelings...
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That's exactly what he's like, only he thinks I am an incompetent fool that is feeble minded and unable to make my own decisions. It's his way of maintaining some sort of control. He's a retired teacher and he can't shake off the fact that when he's home, he can't be telling everyone what to do right down to the smallest detail. Everyday when I come home, I immediately have to be at his beck and call. It is constantly "Do this!", "Do that!", and "Pick that up! It doesn't belong there!". If it's not that it is: "You do nothing around here!"
Other times our conversation goes something like:
"Will you do ___________???"
"Yeah, sure."
"Today?"
"Yeah"
"This morning?"
(Now annoyed) "Yes"
"Before you leave?"
"Yes! I said yes the first time!"
"I only asked you once!!"
"No, you asked me, then asked again an additional three times within the last five minutes before I've even gotten a chance to finish my coffee!!"
"Hey, don't talk to me like that!"
I then groan and roll my eyes.

It's a daily cycle. A lot of times he will say yes I can borrow such and such item, then when I borrow it and return it, he then gets all over me and says I wasn't allowed to borrow it and that I shouldn't take the item again in the future. Then my mom usually has to step and and remind him that he did in fact give me the consent to borrow the said item.

As for giving me money, PFFFFTTTT!!!!!! That won't happen! He spends money faster than he can make it. He is always on this tirade that we need to be saving money, saving money, saving money. But then he will turn around and spend $65 on a fishing reel on eBay. If I spend $65 on something, he throws a fit, despite that it is my own hard earned money.

He would rather give me his junk than to give me a little bit of money to help buy some decent used furniture.

I'm his broken child remember that isn't worth spending a whole lot on? Yes, I understand that when I move out there is a good chance that I will break the relationship for the sake of my sanity, but I have to draw the line somewhere. He wants me out, but I know he will be calling everyday or coming over to 'check on me'. :roll: I will flat out have to tell him, I have moved out, there is no need for him to come and tell me how to live my life anymore as i don't tell him how to live his.
 
Wirelessly posted

It seems to me that you being deaf is the least of his problems. In fact, I'm sure you could have been born hearing and he would still act the same way, just using a different excuse. He has some major issues and you shouldn't let it bring you down.
 
Beach girl said:
There's the saying "good fences make good neighbors," too. Either way, getting some distance from these toxic parents sounds like a more than excellent idea.
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I agree! Im trying to do the same but you are way ahead of me Dixie. Im hearing but am going through tons of drama with my family. Im working hard to get a car and full time job. Like you, I need to be alone and drama free. I wish you the best and I know your going to be great on your own with your child. Stay positive :wave:
 
Jersey said:
I agree! Im trying to do the same but you are way ahead of me Dixie. Im hearing but am going through tons of drama with my family. Im working hard to get a car and full time job. Like you, I need to be alone and drama free. I wish you the best and I know your going to be great on your own with your child. Stay positive :wave:
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I don't like to think of it as a race, but rather a journey. :)

It's only been a week since I got on the waiting list for the apartment but it feels like it's been forever though because I am just raring to get out.

In the end, I believe everything will be worked out in perfect timing. In the meantime I have been slowly getting furniture and things rounded up for the apartment.
 
Dixie said:
I don't like to think of it as a race, but rather a journey. :)

It's only been a week since I got on the waiting list for the apartment but it feels like it's been forever though because I am just raring to get out.

In the end, I believe everything will be worked out in perfect timing. In the meantime I have been slowly getting furniture and things rounded up for the apartment.
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Just thought of something. Do you have the floor plan of the apartment with exact measurements? I would hate to see you get some things that will not fit.

Maybe draw it out on graph paper and have some fun moving paper furniture (drawn to scale of what you bought) around even before you get possession!
 
Jane B. said:
Just thought of something. Do you have the floor plan of the apartment with exact measurements? I would hate to see you get some things that will not fit.

Maybe draw it out on graph paper and have some fun moving paper furniture (drawn to scale of what you bought) around even before you get possession!
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Exactly! I have couches that are too big because I didn't think to measure them. It took forever to arrange them safely and they still look huge.
 
Jane B. said:
Just thought of something. Do you have the floor plan of the apartment with exact measurements? I would hate to see you get some things that will not fit.

Maybe draw it out on graph paper and have some fun moving paper furniture (drawn to scale of what you bought) around even before you get possession!
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We've already drawn up our floor plans for the new house. I've used this process since my childhood for rearranging a house or my bedroom.
 
I don't have exact measurements, but I do have a good idea of about how big these apartments are as a friend of mine who lives in the same complex has a single bedroom unit there. I'm going for smaller sized furniture, nothing that is huge. My couch is a simple futon, my brother offered me a small sized recliner, I have purchased a small entertainment centre that should fit, and I'm trying to get an apartment sized dining room set. As for washer and dryers - I will not purchase this until AFTER I move in so I can get EXACT measurements as the two bedroom apartments have W/D hookups. I'm hoping and praying that I get a ground-level unit. Moving all of this stuff is gonna be a pain, but once it's in, I'll be all good. :)

I wish I could find an apartment sized dinning room set, the table is usually square instead of rectangular and it may or may not sit up higher than regular tables and chairs do. Everything I have seen here has been a HUGE dining room set that would be WAAAY too big. I need something that seats just 2-4 people. That's it.
 
Dixie said:
I don't have exact measurements, but I do have a good idea of about how big these apartments are as a friend of mine who lives in the same complex has a single bedroom unit there. I'm going for smaller sized furniture, nothing that is huge. My couch is a simple futon, my brother offered me a small sized recliner, I have purchased a small entertainment centre that should fit, and I'm trying to get an apartment sized dining room set. As for washer and dryers - I will not purchase this until AFTER I move in so I can get EXACT measurements as the two bedroom apartments have W/D hookups. I'm hoping and praying that I get a ground-level unit. Moving all of this stuff is gonna be a pain, but once it's in, I'll be all good. :)

I wish I could find an apartment sized dinning room set, the table is usually square instead of rectangular and it may or may not sit up higher than regular tables and chairs do. Everything I have seen here has been a HUGE dining room set that would be WAAAY too big. I need something that seats just 2-4 people. That's it.
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Suggest you look real close at some of the too big tables. They may be shown with expansion leaves already in. They can be easily removed and the additional chairs can come in handy elsewhere in the apt. Mine is round but has two leaves that come in and out depending on how many you want to seat or how big you want it to use for something else.
 
By law the apartment must have the fire alarm accommodation for deaf/hh and usually those units are on the first floor.
 
I'm so sorry to see how your parents treat you. I grew up with a mother who was just...let's just say everything that went wrong in her life after she met my father (including her marriage to him) was my fault.

When I got old enough to fight back, I would remind her "yours is the gene stock from which I sprang". It's downright sadistic when they pass the buck like that.
 
Dixie.
Just wanted to say I'm glad to hear you're making plans to move out. Hope you get that apartment very soon.

Am glad you're going back to school, too.
 
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