Invited guests that turned out to be from hell

[VamPyroX]

No offense to you CoolieFroggie but this thread is tacky. The fault lies within both of the guilty parties when open communication isn't set up about how one party wishes his/her house to be treated and the other party doesn't respect the host/hostess' domain.

It all boils down to having common sense and KootchieBootchie is so correct in what he posted. Whenever we visited each other, I wanted to do dishes or other errands around the house, he refused and made sure I relaxed. Vice versa for KootchieBootchie when he visited me and my parents made sure I knew my proper manners to make the bed, clean up after myself and send a thank you card & pay dinner for my hosts.

It's a matter of common sense. If a guy visits another guy's place, he should be on his best behavior. What kind of behavior is that? Asking for permission. Showing respect. Simple as that. If that guy smokes and saw no ashtray laying around, he should ask if it's alright to smoke in the apartment. If not, then smoke outside. If he walks in the kitchen and sees some fruits in a basket, he should ask if he can have an apple or banana. If not, leave it at that. When I visit people's houses for the first time, I never touch anything until that issue comes up. If we're in the living room, I'd wait for the host to take a seat before I take a seat. I won't enter the kitchen unless the host goes in the kitchen and I walk in there with him or the host gives me permission to go into the kitchen for something like a drink or some food. If I need to go to the bathroom, I'll ask the host where the bathroom is. Even if I know where the bathrooms are, I don't know which bathroom they prefer me to use... so asking doesn't hurt.

It's a matter of respect and common sense.

 

[VamPyroX]

I currently live in the dorms. I sometimes follow the "open-door" policy, which is leaving my door open.

When following the "open-door" policy, it's standard to understand a few things. One, if the door is closed... knock or ring the doorbell first. Wait until the host opens the door or gives you permission to come in on your own. Two, if the door is open... approach the doorway. Look into the room to see if the host is visible. If the host is not visible, don't bother going in. If the host is visible, announce your presence and wait for the host to permit you to enter the room. Three, if the host is your friend and acknoledges to you that you may enter anytime you want and sit on the couch/futon at any time... then you may do so.

Everyone on my floor follows that policy respectfully, except for a couple of residents. One of them will walk right into my room and start looking at everything in sight. "Ooh... DVDs!" He will walk around behind me and start looking at my computer monitor. "Hey, what you doing on your computer now?" He will then pick up the remote and start fiddling around with the television. "What's on TV now?" He'll then look around more. "Ooh... TV shows on DVD!" He'll then walk to my DVDs and start touching them. "Hey, can I borrow this?" He'll look around some more. "Ooh... that's where you keep your laundry." Of course, I would have kicked him out... but he's doing all of this in less than 30 seconds! Now, that's HORRIBLE! From that point on, he has COMPLETELY worn out his welcome! Now, I don't permit him to come in my room. If I see him at the door, I stand up and walk to the door myself and ask him what he wants. Often, he still says things that are not appropriate like... "What you doing now?" or "Can I have your DVDS?"

 

[Tousi]

I think there's some confusion over the direction of this topic because, on the one hand, we are talking about guests for a day or evening and roomates, both of which have different expectations.

 

[VamPyroX]

I think there's some confusion over the direction of this topic because, on the one hand, we are talking about guests for a day or evening and roomates, both of which have different expectations.

Well, the concept of guests and roommates is pretty much the same. When a roommate or guest stays over, what they do in their own room is their own business... but out of the room, it's the house's business. If it was a guest, then it's expected to show respect and be on your best behavior. If it's a roommate, then it's the expectations of all roommates that should be followed. Overall, the concept is pretty much the same. I was roommates at my friend's apartment. However, I still acted as a guest and showed everyone else respect.

 

[Cookie Monster]

I think there's some confusion over the direction of this topic because, on the one hand, we are talking about guests for a day or evening and roomates, both of which have different expectations.

If there are "passing acquaintances" that think your domain is a "motel/hotel", you have to assert yourself to them. I do try to open up my domain to friends but I admit I limit my home to my closest and intimate friends because the very first thing I say to them when they walk in the house "Make yourself at home". It is because I know they will respect my house and I will do the same to theirs.

 

[Cheri]

Most have share some great points here in this thread, I always make my guests feel right at home without even trying to ask me for permission, Oh Please! they don't need to ask me for permission to use the bathroom, or even get themselves something to drink or eat all that matters. Before I have my guests over my house for a sleep overs, I make sure that everything is in order for my guests arrival, even a place for them to sleep, where they put their things at. I want my guests to feel welcome and feel right at home and this visit would be memorable.

But, If you going to sit here and complain about everything this guest done, How is that gotta help solving the problem? Maybe this person doesn't know what he or she did wrong. If you gotta say something, You gotta say it in a nicer way, instead of blowing up at the guest's face. That doesn't sound well proper handling.

 

[Tousi]

I agree with some of you re: treating guests but I still think it's a whole 'nuther ballgame when it comes to roomates, especially if the roomates don't know one another all that well; there have to be certain limitations posed at the outset.

 

[Cheri]

but I still think it's a whole 'nuther ballgame when it comes to roomates, especially if the roomates don't know one another all that well; there have to be certain limitations posed at the outset.

I agree, Roommates a whole different ball game, Where roommates moves in, spilt costs of bills and foods. If someone wants a roommates it's important to ask questions to match what you are looking for as a roommate. It makes it less stress, after moving in. Setting up ground rules that both of you agree and follow through. If there a problem, then you know what to do, either discuss this with your roommate about the agreement you both discussed, or give them 30 days notice to move out.

 

[Liza]

It's guests' business what they do in their own guestrooms.. be it wacking off and all that stuff. I honestly don't want to know. Whatever they do, I'm gonna wash the linens and clean the guestroom after they're gone anyway!

I prefer to come bearing gifts for the house when I visit a host or hostess for overnights - usually a bottle of wine for the adults (if I know they are not recovering alcoholics and are trying to avoid alcohol, that is) and candy for the kids. That's just me, though I don't really expect gifts from guests. I try to stock up on what they like - veggies/fruits/candy/pop, whatever they like.

It depends on the guests and how much I know them (for what to stock up during these visits). I only expect my guests' divine presence in return for my own pleasure Allright, not THAT kind of pleasure.

Other than that, I agree with others that it's important to be a good host/ess - mi casa es tu casa. It goes both ways, I guess? To each one's own.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I can understand where Cooliefroggie come from. I think she created her thread is a meanfuling to share our feedback/opinion. I can image how she felt when I´m in her shoe. I would not like it. I see the problem is Cooliefroggie should set with guests what she like or not before he/she come over.

Banana *goosepumps*

It is important to set boundaries with houseguests before they come over... you have to tell 'em. It also takes a considerate houseguest to anticipate boundaries at your house.

Exactly, that´s what I often do that with my friends & relatives because I beleive that both host/hostess and guests should be happy each other with no problem, hassle, etc.

Kuiji75
I am shocked at this thread. The expectations people have from their guests?!

I´m sorry that you are shock. I´m afraid yes, I do expect guests to respect before they come over to my house because I don´t want smoking in my house. I beleive is host/hostess & guest should enjoy each other only if they respect each other.
It´s no problem if guests look somewhere else who have better host/hostess than me who offer them smoke in their house. I beleive to inform guests before they come because I want them happy, not disappoint to know that smoke is not acceptance in my house.

Cheri
When I have a birthday party for my boys at my house, We invited all the cousins (my nephews and nieces) even my brother and sister, They played in the boys room and their room always looks like a tornado went through it. Did I mind? Nah, They were having a great time is what matters the most.

Sure, children party is a different story than just be guest for the weekends or weeks.
Yes, we often have children party in my house. I expect nothing from their parents. All what they do is drop their children & gifts off by 1pm to my house and pick their children from our house up by 7pm. My hubby & I are alone with 7 children.

Cheri
But, if their house already been messy by the time I arrived, Why would I help them clean up?

No it´s not your responsible.

My family and my friend had used my computer, (without my permission) I don't even mind at all, It never bothers me.

Question: What if, your computer is damaged? What you do?

I would not use my friends´s computer because I dont want to be responsible if computer goes not work. I rather have my friend there when I use her/his computer with his/her permission.

How do the guests know I don´t mind to have them to eat something front of computer? (because I don´t like eat front of computer but in kitchen or dinning room). My friends were at us and alway ask me for permission to use my computer and get me to switch the internet on for her/him.

My son's friend comes over the house every day after school, Sometimes he would stay for dinner. I treat him like I would treat my other guests as in taken good care of. I want those guests know that I'm a good hostress, and I do care about each one of them enough to take care of them, and make them feel welcome.

Exactly!

CODAchild
Boundaries are important too. If there is something that your guests did that you don't like, gently remind them, in a nice way, so your guest would be agreeable not to do it again. Sometimes we have to be a little more patient with people when they come to visit our home.

Exactly, I´m straightforward person. I would ask them something in friendly way. All what I beleive is BOTH host/hostess and guests are happy and sataisfy instead of swallow myself and let guests happy all the time.

Vampy:
It's a matter of common sense. If a guy visits another guy's place, he should be on his best behavior. What kind of behavior is that? Asking for permission. Showing respect. Simple as that. If that guy smokes and saw no ashtray laying around, he should ask if it's alright to smoke in the apartment. If not, then smoke outside. If he walks in the kitchen and sees some fruits in a basket, he should ask if he can have an apple or banana. If not, leave it at that. When I visit people's houses for the first time, I never touch anything until that issue comes up. If we're in the living room, I'd wait for the host to take a seat before I take a seat. I won't enter the kitchen unless the host goes in the kitchen and I walk in there with him or the host gives me permission to go into the kitchen for something like a drink or some food. If I need to go to the bathroom, I'll ask the host where the bathroom is. Even if I know where the bathrooms are, I don't know which bathroom they prefer me to use... so asking doesn't hurt.

It's a matter of respect and common sense.

Host/Hostess wont bite you if you want to ask something... perhaps you are hungry, want to pick fruits or drink etc.

If there are "passing acquaintances" that think your domain is a "motel/hotel", you have to assert yourself to them. I do try to open up my domain to friends but I admit I limit my home to my closest and intimate friends because the very first thing I say to them when they walk in the house "Make yourself at home". It is because I know they will respect my house and I will do the same to theirs.

Exactly, that´s what I want to make my guests feel home only if they respect my rule for not smoke in my house.

I always make my guests feel right at home without even trying to ask me for permission, Oh Please! they don't need to ask me for permission to use the bathroom, or even get themselves something to drink or eat all that matters. Before I have my guests over my house for a sleep overs, I make sure that everything is in order for my guests arrival, even a place for them to sleep, where they put their things at. I want my guests to feel welcome and feel right at home and this visit would be memorable.

Exactly, they come to stay in my house for a first time. I show them round and make sure that they should feel home themselves. If they want drink then they can find in the basement & if they want to eat then find fridge in the kitchen. Help themselves.

Cheri
But, If you going to sit here and complain about everything this guest done, How is that gotta help solving the problem? Maybe this person doesn't know what he or she did wrong. If you gotta say something, You gotta say it in a nicer way, instead of blowing up at the guest's face. That doesn't sound well proper handling.

Well, it´s hard condition. Some of guests show their disrespect on their host/hostess.
Like what I say in my earlier post about my Dad & his 2nd wife show no respect on me for not want smoke in my apartment. You can image how I feel thru my Dad´s & his 2nd wife´s nasty behavior toward me when I told them to not smoke in my apartment. I bite myself and told them in calmy way - who belong this apartment? They offended and went off. This is their choice to be offense, not mine.

Other thing, if you want to offer your friend to stay at your place for weeks vacation then set with them what you like or not before they come over.

 

[Liza]

I agree with some of you re: treating guests but I still think it's a whole 'nuther ballgame when it comes to roomates, especially if the roomates don't know one another all that well; there have to be certain limitations posed at the outset.

I agree with you & Cheri re the topic difference on roommates vs houseguests.

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Different issues:
House guest
Room mate
host/hostess..

Isn't part of Guest coming from hell..
Different pointview..
*hmmm*

If I'm host/hostess.. That is my part responbile clean house the mess..
I do always provide them coffee or Tea or juice wha..ever and also nice snack.
If I invite guest staying my place for dinner... Always respect them as treat..
If I invite guest staying my place overnight.. Guest can respect my prefer house rules if not respect.. next time not invite them again until they apoglise us being break respect as well.
If my friend ask me want use my house and invite people come over my place.. That person will help responbile clean up and bring the potluck...
Mostly People likes bring thier potluck foods and staying my place enjoy companies together... after the mess and always clean up all together.. When done clean... then sit and relaxation chi-chat..

If my friend invite me staying their place.. Always respect their wishes and bring nice whisky or wine or wha..ever... Sometimes I'm very soft spot bring lot of goodies homemade or pot luck too... Treat them being good to me.. as welcomed staying their place. That's me.. *chuckles*

 

[Angel]

Most have share some great points here in this thread, I always make my guests feel right at home without even trying to ask me for permission, Oh Please! they don't need to ask me for permission to use the bathroom, or even get themselves something to drink or eat all that matters. Before I have my guests over my house for a sleep overs, I make sure that everything is in order for my guests arrival, even a place for them to sleep, where they put their things at. I want my guests to feel welcome and feel right at home and this visit would be memorable.

But, If you going to sit here and complain about everything this guest done, How is that gotta help solving the problem? Maybe this person doesn't know what he or she did wrong. If you gotta say something, You gotta say it in a nicer way, instead of blowing up at the guest's face. That doesn't sound well proper handling.

Well said sis, and I'm the same way as my sister here!!

I agree with others, house guest and roommates are two different issue.. btw I thought this thread was about house guest?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

It's guests' business what they do in their own guestrooms.. be it wacking off and all that stuff. I honestly don't want to know. Whatever they do, I'm gonna wash the linens and clean the guestroom after they're gone anyway!

I prefer to come bearing gifts for the house when I visit a host or hostess for overnights - usually a bottle of wine for the adults (if I know they are not recovering alcoholics and are trying to avoid alcohol, that is) and candy for the kids. That's just me, though I don't really expect gifts from guests. I try to stock up on what they like - veggies/fruits/candy/pop, whatever they like.

It depends on the guests and how much I know them. I only expect my guests' divine presence in return for my own pleasure Allright, not THAT kind of pleasure.

Other than that, I agree with others that it's important to be a good host/ess - mi casa es tu casa. It goes both ways, I guess? To each one's own.

Yes, it´s same with Germans way, too.

When they come to visit us for afternoon coffee and evening snacks. They always brought bunch of flowers for me and bottle of wine for my hubby & candies or money for my children. I beleive to be good hostess to make guests happy. I serve them glass of wine, champage, beer, etc. whatever they like. We do the same when we visit their place for afternoon coffee & evening snacks. If I host the party for the fun in my house then I ask my friends to bring something for bunch breakfast & their sleeping sack for next day when they overnight at us. This is German custom.

When I became good friends with people then I will tell them to not give me flowers & bottle wine anymore in the future because we saw each other often.

At British custom which different as German custom. British come to visit unexpectly whatever they like without make an arrangement. They serve you cup of tea & biscuit or make dinner for you... They offended quickly if I make first move and ask them for a drink because it´s rude to ask them for drink.
I remember one day, my hubby & I came to visit to see my friends´s house. My friend asked my hubby what he want drink? My hubby answer "beer". It offend my friend and think my hubby is rude & cheeky. If you want drink alcohol then go to pub, not in the house. I aplogised my friend and explain her that it´s German custom to use to have everything in the house to serve guests which different from British custom to serve cup of tea, lemonade or orangeade. My friend understood and aplogised my hubby for her behavior. My hubby told her to not worry and he learn to accept that British custom is different as German custom. It´s nice of her to buy can of beers for my hubby´s next visit. I told her to not have to... We can go to Pub if there´re no alochol in her house. My hubby is not touchy person. No Problem.

We travelled alot and collect different customs in every countries. The host/hostess in every countries are different how to treat their guests. It offend host/hostess easily if you don´t like the taste of foods or didn´t empty your dinner.

Remember that every host/hostess have different how to treat their guests... but I beleive it´s important to set with your friends before they become to be your guest during vacation. BOTH host/hostess & guests should be happy instead of let guest be happy ALL the time...

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Yes, I also agree that there´re difference between roommates vs houseguests. There´re no comparison on them.



I forget to add bit more in my post.

Yes, it would be nicer when the guests help their host/hostess... but they don´t have to.

I do not expect my guests to help me with dishes because I own dishwasher - it do for us... but it´s nice when they like to help me... Most of guests like to watch me cook and fix the salads or bake the cakes...

 

[Angel]

Wow, I'm different than some of you here, I was raised and taught to make my houseguests happy without complaining about doing all the work such as cleaning, washing dishes, making beds etc....Some people here forgot one thing that the only thing that’s really required as the good host/hostress is that you let your guests know how happy you are that the houseguest is taken the time to fly out all this way to spend time with you and cook a few good meals, make your houseguest feel welcome in your home, share your expertise of the area by bringing her/him around to all the fun and interesting tourist sights and sharing wonderful conversations and plenty of laughs too, and your houseguest will enjoy a fabulous visit and will plan on making another trip to see you in the near furture...If you complain or expect too much from your houseguests then they won't bother coming down to visit you again... Try to have fun with your guests instead of sitting around complaining about what you expect from your houseguests or what your houseguest did in your home....They're not going pack their stuff and move in with you, they're just visiting, be proud that they're spend their money just to visit you! If you expect too much from the houseguest, then you're not ready to welcome any yet...

I love having houseguests, cause I like the company and I don't expect anything from them, as long they don't take money from me or expect me to pay for everything cause I'm not that rich heh....

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Wow, I'm different than some of you here, I was raised and taught to make my houseguests happy without complaining about doing all the work such as cleaning, washing dishes, making beds etc....

Yeah, everyone are different.

Some people here forgot one thing that the only thing that’s really required as the good host/hostress is that you let your guests know how happy you are that the houseguest is taken the time to fly out all this way to spend time with you and cook a few good meals, make your houseguest feel welcome in your home, share your expertise of the area by bringing her/him around to all the fun and interesting tourist sights and sharing wonderful conversations and plenty of laughs too, and your houseguest will enjoy a fabulous visit and will plan on making another trip to see you in the near furture..

Yes, it´s an exactly... It´s important to make guests feel home - it´s also important for host/hostess & guests to be happy and have good fun. Show them around....

.If you complain or expect too much from your houseguests then they won't bother coming down to visit you again...

Depend how behavior between host/hostess and guests... It would be bad if guests show disrespect. Host/Hostess will be happy to rid of them and doesnt bother to have their visit in the future.

Try to have fun with your guests instead of sitting around complaining about what you expect from your houseguests or what your houseguest did in your home....

Well, I would ask/remind guests something in friendly way instead of swallow myself and complaint myself all the time. Not right. I beleive BOTH are happy. If you want to be happy with guests then remind them something in friendly way like what CODAchild stated.

they're just visiting, be proud that they're spend their money just to visit you! If you expect too much from the houseguest, then you're not ready to welcome any yet...

Best is set with them before they come over to save alot of disappoint, uspet, etc. Yes, I do expect something from guests is not smoking in my house. If they value their friendship with me then show their respect on me & my house. If not, it´s bad.

I love having houseguests, cause I like the company

Me either

and I don't expect anything from them

Like what I say in my earlier posts, I only expect anything from them is not smoke in my house.

, as long they don't take money from me or expect me to pay for everything cause I'm not that rich heh....

I´m afraid yes, some of guests expect it. That´s why I set with them before they come to visit us for holiday that we both are happy with no stress or disappoint because I want to value their friendship. That´s why they have the right to know what they expect from us (host/hostess).
I like to take guests out to anywhere but they have to pay their own expenses to enter any museum, parks, etc.

 

[DreamDeaf]

A lot of posts here have been good - kudos to all of you!

I do love having guests and do try to make them feel welcome and at home - however, I do expect respect for myself, my home and my belongings.

I had a couple guests a while ago - and it was good on the whole, but bad on the other side... I hate to say this, but three showers, one right after another, every morning, is a little too much. It meant a lot of towels in the wash, since they used clean towels every time, and that meant more expenses - especially since we do pay for water.

The other problem is that one of the guests had her period the night before they left; it was smeared on an expensive bed cover in two places, and they did not let me know about it right away. If they had, I would have been able to get the stain out then and there. As it is, I found the cover outside the door in the hallway, with the smaller stain showing.

I didnt find the bigger stain until I had taken it downstairs and spread it out in the laundry room... it was like... EEEEEK! Now, this is a very heavy cover, and cannot be washed in a home washer, even if it is heavy-duty. It has to be taken to a specialist, such as a dry-cleaner. I was able to get the stains out, after a whole week of soaking and scrubbing on those two places.

While it is nice having guests, and I can be accomodating, it would be nice if the guests do tell me right away if something happens that needs my immediate attention, and not leave it for me to find out at the last minute or too late.

That, too, is the responsibility of the guest.

 

[CODAchild]

It's a matter of common sense. If a guy visits another guy's place, he should be on his best behavior. What kind of behavior is that? Asking for permission. Showing respect. Simple as that. If that guy smokes and saw no ashtray laying around, he should ask if it's alright to smoke in the apartment. If not, then smoke outside. If he walks in the kitchen and sees some fruits in a basket, he should ask if he can have an apple or banana. If not, leave it at that. When I visit people's houses for the first time, I never touch anything until that issue comes up. If we're in the living room, I'd wait for the host to take a seat before I take a seat. I won't enter the kitchen unless the host goes in the kitchen and I walk in there with him or the host gives me permission to go into the kitchen for something like a drink or some food. If I need to go to the bathroom, I'll ask the host where the bathroom is. Even if I know where the bathrooms are, I don't know which bathroom they prefer me to use... so asking doesn't hurt.

It's a matter of respect and common sense.

This is exactly the point that is being made here, and Vampy hit the nail on the head with his respectful behavior. This is what respect is all about, caring about the other person's property, their things, their food, host/hostess going into a room first before the guest. This is exactly the way things should be when you go into another person's house. Very nicely done, Vampy!!!!

 

[gnarlydorkette]

I do understand how some people disagree with this thread but then guests from hell do exist.

I invited a foreign friend (we were befriended for 8 years already) for a summer long time ago to stay for three weeks. We did get along and were best friends (and we did stay aboard in each other's countries several times prior to that summer)... she informed me the dates she will be flying in USA and the day she will come in San Diego so I was prepared for it by scheduling the guest room to be hers alone.

everything was fine and dandy
....

until at the very last minute, she informed me that she is ALREADY in USA two weeks BEFORE our agreed date. I was fumed because she didn't run this last-minute notice with me and proceeded her way to reach San Diego in a matter of days and I wasn't ready because I already have another guests in my household hence no bed for my foreign friend.

She arrived and she got upset that she had to sleep on a narrow cot (there was NO COUCHES available since they were taken by my previous houseguests)... I told her that the reason why I was so concerned about her coming on the right day so she can come as a comfortable houseguest with her own guest room but she didn't make my life easy by having her biting my head off because I didn't have a room, even a bed, for her.

Now tell me how that is my fault? I even offered her my own bed but she said: "no, I am bothered by the princple that you should have a bed ready for me!" So am I supposed to have an available bed for her 24-7 even two weeks before the agreed date for her to join in my household???!!!

all I can say that after that FIVE LONG WEEKS (three agreed weeks plus two last-minute additional weeks), we aren't friends anymore. We did learn a lot and found each other to be incompatible. We didn't end on bad terms but rather on a mutal agreement that we were not in the same stages of friendship/life and should go off in separate ways.

Sad, isn't it? I know some friends who had roomates from hell but that is an entire different topic!

--
As a houseguest, I usually have my Finnish traits kicked in and I keep myself being modest and try to not overstep anything and thank my hostess/host endlessly.

When C and I were visiting Finland, I had to push him to be a "proper Finnish houseguest" by helping to wash the dishes, offering help endlessly even if the host/hostess protest, etc. He was like "WTF, I thought I am supposed to sit back, etc? Why nag them to help?? If they say no, step back"
Me: "No, because we are younger than everybody in the household thus we have to clean up after everybody but if we are same age as them, we can help them but if we are older than them, we kick back! And if we give up after offering help one time, they will think we are rude! The whole point of offering help is to show gratitude and hope that one day they will let us helping but I doubt that day will come just because we are Finnish!"
He, an American, decided to break through Finnish customs by REFUSING to let my hostess to wash our clothes. He was: "show me how to use your washer/dryer!" but my hostess (my aunt) protested and told him that this was our vacation and we shouldn't worry about our laundry.
C did lose his sense of autonomy while in Finland!