"I just want you to be happy"

The guy may also be doing this to protect the delusional image he has of himself. Breaking up while saying "I want you to be happy" may be a person's way of avoiding self confrontation with the fact that they is breaking up with someone, thereby protecting self image.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Oh yeah. same thing for ladies to use guys for fun sex.
so what heck are you talking about?
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I've never heard that women have been thought to do that. It's always the guys that are accused of sex and run. I'm sure it happens, but never heard anyone complain about it.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I've never heard that women have been thought to do that. It's always the guys that are accused of sex and run. I'm sure it happens, but never heard anyone complain about it.
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Oh are you kidding me? Welcome to the real world. Oh yeah! Some gals arent looking for a serious relationship but sex. They have reasons as to why they only need sex.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Oh are you kidding me? Welcome to the real world. Oh yeah! Some gals arent looking for a serious relationship but sex. They have reasons as to why they only need sex.
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Oh, I know it happens. I just don't hear anyone complaining about women being prone to do it.
 
Ambrosia, your OP has been thought and said by everyone who has ever had someone break up with them in this manner ... been there, done that, I totally feel your frustration! I now have an adult son of my own who was 'the guy' who did this himself and, thanks to him, I see it a little differently now. He agonized for quite some time about breaking up with a girl (they had been together over a year). He talked to us quite a bit about it during this time. He loved her, we could see that, but something just did not feel right to him. Oh sure there were little things he could reach for but they weren't 'make or break things' so he could not offer them to her as a explanation. He just felt, despite the love, she was not his forever ... and he did want her to be happy and knew, with him, eventually she would not be because he would not be and that would, inevitably, adversely affect the relationship. Now I know this doesn't help you a lot at this stage (you need to go through the anger and disappointment and sadness) but I thought it was worth sharing nonetheless.
 
LoveBlue said:
I went out with a guy a few times, whenever he felt like calling me, which was ok by me. On the way back to my house I told him I didn't want to go out with him anymore because of his attitude about <fill in the blank> (no, not deafness as I was hearing at the time). Even though I didn't really care about the guy and I didn't want to go out with him anymore and I don't think he really cared much about me as we didn't go out regularly, I still cried some when I got in the house.
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I'm sorry you had to go through that.
 
soulchill said:
Nothing is really going to make this better. Life is a vacuum. You're born; you die, and in-beween is a whole lot of sucking. Seriously though, if you can't trust someone to be honest when they break up, how can you trust anything from when you were together? What did they do to placate you and what was sincere. Nothing good is going to come out of dwelling on it. Get a good workout, maybe let the air out of his tires, and eat some chocolate.
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Oh I haven't been dwelling on it all this time buddy, it just came up again. Something happened yesterday and we had the whole rip Amber's heart out of her chest, you're awesome and I want you to be happy conversation.....again!

It's just really complicated and part of the problem is he's been my closest friend for the past 2 years and we've still been trying to be good friends. On top of that I see him off and on all day everyday because I work with him and that makes it infinitely harder to get over him, and he knows I'm not.
 
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Frisky Feline said:
all i can say is he's a totally JERK for dumping you. WHY? He is a coward! :D I bet if he is online person then if he reads my post and hates me already! :lol: who cares because he makes no bones at all!
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Haha no worries, he's not an online person. He's hearing and wouldn't be on here ever anyway. Trust me if I thought there was the slightest chance he'd see this I would never have started the thread!
 
Getting the big Sayanara never feels good especially when it is not your idea. Some people specialize in beating the other one to it for that reason.
Having been around a while the news that someone has broken up with someone does not send a signal to my brain saying yep they are all done now. I do say ouch though but what they are working out is what they are working out.
I like ambrosia so I think to myself that bastard but then I realize hey he faced her and talked to her and bravely did what he set out to do in spite of knowing that he was hurting a women he genuinely cares about. That it comes out like the old stale platitudes is normal its a well beaten path and there are not many ways to say the same thing.
There is no way to know the time bombs hidden in another persons mind. I have seen many times where man or woman it does not matter that a certain level of closeness intimacy and love sets off a negative reaction instead of accepting it and going with it something else happens altogether.
The person with the time bomb does not necessarily understand why they are doing what they are doing but it does not stop them at all. Often they do not even know the timer is set and the scene is being set up while they are going through the conscious motions of normalcy and intimacy with their sweetie. And then BOOM it is done.
Sometimes it is not straight forward at all. There can be two people doing the same thing. There can be one that has the pattern worked out to cause the other one to go boom. There can be two doing that one as well.
Often finding love and keeping love takes breaking these patterns. Just getting them nailed down and identified is a start then you know the enemy within. Usually patterns don't give up with out a helluva fight.
Some people just say whoa and stay home and spank the monkey for a long time a way long time then jump out there and do the same thing all over again. Oh the pain. Anyway I am no expert I want everybody to get happiness and love and spread it around so that even the most lonely and afraid and the most pissed off and cynical all find and enjoy love.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
It's not a math problem. It's not something to figure out. You had a good time while it lasted (like you were supposed to) and you should have more good times until your time here ends, that's it.
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You're right, you are. But everything is really complicated and I have a lot suspicions about what went wrong....and some of them are fixable. So that's basically me trying to hold onto it for dear life knowing why would give me closure, I'd stop wondering if we could fix it.
 
Goodonya I saw the signs like 9 months ago! He told me one night "he needs to start protecting his heart becuase he's been burned before". Then he changed towards me, I got friend zoned. He told me I wasn't but I did....so the talk wasn't surprising, still hurt like hell anyway though.
 
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