I am so mad i can't think straight!!!!!!!!!

After some number crunching seems she took around $100, we so far have recovered $40 of it from honest parents that realized the situation.

After further discussion we found out that she had used some of the money to buy her some pencils and silly erasers from the school supply office, because of this, the school may have to get involved again. :( She had given the money away to kids who also ride her school bus. None of the other students are in Girl Scouts however, I believe from the names I have gotten 3 of the 4 are involved in AWANAs so I may have to see about going down that venue if need be to recover some of the money if possible, however at this point I doubt we will recover much more if any as we can't find exact amounts that were given away. It may be one of those deals where I will have to come up with the remainder of the money for the cookies out of my paycheck as the the troop leader needs it by no later than Sunday at 1:00 pm. I also just realized that one other student she gave money to sits next to her in class. Luckily, he lives less than a mile from me so I may have to go by their house and talk to the parents if possible.

My DD realizes she is in very big trouble and realizes she made a huge mistake. I plan to take her to the farm with me to work and earn the money back and teach her that people have to work hard for the their money. Not only did she steal from the troop, she also stole from the people who gave us money for the cookies in good faith.

Another teachable moment as stated above that she needs to learn to stand firm against peer pressure and realize that not everyone is her friend, in fact, that some people will use her for their gain. Her 'friends' got her in trouble and these are not real friends at all. Perhaps it may be best that she no longer rides the bus as seems like every week or two there's been another incident on the bus involving my DD. I may contact the school to have her travel arrangements to and from school rearranged and I can tweak my work schedule just a tad to get it done.

Her teacher has been notified of the situation and I hope she has talked to the class as a whole about stealing and peer pressure today.
 
Hang in there Dixie. It's really hard being a mother of young children.
 
Kudos to you, Dixie.

I've actually stolen a souvenir when I was really young (can't remember the age, but wouldn't be surprised if it was around 8 years old). My mom saw me with it and made me go back to the shop to return it and apologize to the people who worked there. It was like a really cheap souvenir (the tiny bottle with the seashells and sand inside it, not even 2 inches tall), but man I remember thinking "I really messed up!!!". I've never stolen anything since then.

Except someone else's wifi. *sobs* I'm GUILTY!!! GUILTY!!!!
 
Dixie said:
After some number crunching seems she took around $100, we so far have recovered $40 of it from honest parents that realized the situation.

After further discussion we found out that she had used some of the money to buy her some pencils and silly erasers from the school supply office, because of this, the school may have to get involved again. :( She had given the money away to kids who also ride her school bus. None of the other students are in Girl Scouts however, I believe from the names I have gotten 3 of the 4 are involved in AWANAs so I may have to see about going down that venue if need be to recover some of the money if possible, however at this point I doubt we will recover much more if any as we can't find exact amounts that were given away. It may be one of those deals where I will have to come up with the remainder of the money for the cookies out of my paycheck as the the troop leader needs it by no later than Sunday at 1:00 pm. I also just realized that one other student she gave money to sits next to her in class. Luckily, he lives less than a mile from me so I may have to go by their house and talk to the parents if possible.

My DD realizes she is in very big trouble and realizes she made a huge mistake. I plan to take her to the farm with me to work and earn the money back and teach her that people have to work hard for the their money. Not only did she steal from the troop, she also stole from the people who gave us money for the cookies in good faith.

Another teachable moment as stated above that she needs to learn to stand firm against peer pressure and realize that not everyone is her friend, in fact, that some people will use her for their gain. Her 'friends' got her in trouble and these are not real friends at all. Perhaps it may be best that she no longer rides the bus as seems like every week or two there's been another incident on the bus involving my DD. I may contact the school to have her travel arrangements to and from school rearranged and I can tweak my work schedule just a tad to get it done.

Her teacher has been notified of the situation and I hope she has talked to the class as a whole about stealing and peer pressure today.
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wow.... the rage. hope it doesn't overcome you.
 
It's better that the punishment is big now to stop the thought of being able to get away with it now in it's tracks. Speaking from personal experience, realising how big I messed up was exactly what I needed to keep me in line. If what she's done has hit your DD hard now, then I'm sure she'll be fine in the future.
 
Well I found out today that she had spent $80 of it on a scholastic book order. Thankfully the teacher questioned it as my DD had given her a bunch of 1's and a huge wad of change to pay for it. She was reluctant to send in the order until we had contacted her. She has returned the 1's and and is sending all the change back tomorrow. On top of that she has been kicked off the bus indefinitely (fine by me, I was going to take her off myself anyway) and we have recovered ALL of the GS money and then some. Seems she didnt just take money out of the GS money envelope, she has also taken change out of my change jar, and there's a possibility she has also taken money from my moms wallet. We are going to sit down and crunch the numbers again and figure out where the extra money came from.

At this point in time we have locked up ALL of our money, my wallet stays in my back pocket until she goes to bed then I take out and put it on my nightstand.

We have confiscated her iPod, her DS, and she has been doing chores.
 
Positive discipline, anyone? While I agree that she needs to be punished, I suggest you calm down a bit before reacting. Hugs.
 
Dixie said:
Well I found out today that she had spent $80 of it on a scholastic book order. Thankfully the teacher questioned it as my DD had given her a bunch of 1's and a huge wad of change to pay for it. She was reluctant to send in the order until we had contacted her. She has returned the 1's and and is sending all the change back tomorrow. On top of that she has been kicked off the bus indefinitely (fine by me, I was going to take her off myself anyway) and we have recovered ALL of the GS money and then some. Seems she didnt just take money out of the GS money envelope, she has also taken change out of my change jar, and there's a possibility she has also taken money from my moms wallet. We are going to sit down and crunch the numbers again and figure out where the extra money came from.

At this point in time we have locked up ALL of our money, my wallet stays in my back pocket until she goes to bed then I take out and put it on my nightstand.

We have confiscated her iPod, her DS, and she has been doing chores.
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Oh no! That is not good but you are doing a good job with the consequences! Hugs!
 
I'm thinking that there is a very real possibility that the school will get involved now considering she used stolen money for a school book order and it was brought to light and the fact that it was such a high amount. I may speak with the Principal suggesting that perhaps my DD needs to spend a day in ISS as she keeps mouthing that she would rather have ISS than a paddling. Obviously this hasnt sunk in as far as I had hoped yet. I'm thinking after her 1 month grounding is up she will be singing a different tune.
 
Ok, I'm going to make a confession.

I stole as a kid. A LOT. My parents would ask me why, I said because I wanted this or that. they would yell and punish me and say it's terrible and not to do it again. And believe me, I was heavily punished, made to apologize to others, deprived of allowances, and grounded for long periods of time.

I still kept stealing. But was more careful about not getting caught.

Was caught again in my early teens. My father sat down with me and for once, didn't get mad, he quietly told me how sad it made him that he has a daughter who steals even thought she's a nice girl and knows it's wrong. He really wanted to understand why I kept doing this and begged me to explain to him because he was at a loss as to what to do anymore.

I stole because I thought if I had money, people would like me. I thought if I had money, kids would be impressed and wish they were as lucky as me. I thought if I had money, then I wouldn't be left out of jaunts to the bowling alley or outings to the diner or whatever. I thought if I had money, I could get pretty barrettes or cool scarves just like the other girls in my class did and they would think I'm cool and befriend me.

Then the last year of my mother's life, I stole because we were dead broke. We were very poor that year, it's no exaggeration to say that my breakfasts and lunches consisted of milk and cookies offered during breaks at school and a bowl of tunafish salad with hardboiled eggs and potatoes every night for supper because my mother wanted to make sure what whatever we could afford to eat was nutritious as possible. I stole to get money to buy cigarettes so I could be cool like the other kids, I stole so I could join them to go get a snack somewhere after school instead of once again, being alone.

After telling my father all of this (he didn't interrupt me once), instead of the usual anger and "how could you?!" followed by punishment, he gave me a big hug for a long time and since then, I never stole again.
 
sorry concern your situation your issues your resolve

I experienced notice on my friends old best friends long times I know I remember I am serious It is very sadly serious sound control on pretty handle not good! pretty! wrong control sadly , I am confidential on friends ! my friends terrible bit exactly to you!

should respect enocurage, I know one person pretty with parents strictly hgihly sadly i disappointment her lost! I sadly her issues on abused husband! I know not same your way


I notice your way on situation way I clear explain to question mind ! my friends`parents abused pretty serious on hates on , I`m shocked pretty serious! parents religious sound look likes stricly cruel abues my frineds lost :( I am shocked she have anxiety k,, he abused her threaten terrible screw up, police on take up on her protect because parents control to serious no sense husband hates deaf no reason, pretty terribles sadly she scared anxiety and panic and worried i i unbeleive it he pretty pretty control on wife! seriously!!m sadly

I am sorry your hear your difficult your complication!
 
UPDATE: We have recounted the money figured up all the numbers and we are kosher. We came out only $1.45 cents ahead which is explainable as when I first started I had to make change for buyers out of my own wallet to make sure customers got their change back. The $1.45 would have been mine. Whew! Thank God this has come out even!

This will be the last candy sales we will participate in, I NEVER want to deal with this again.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Ok, I'm going to make a confession.

I stole as a kid. A LOT. My parents would ask me why, I said because I wanted this or that. they would yell and punish me and say it's terrible and not to do it again. And believe me, I was heavily punished, made to apologize to others, deprived of allowances, and grounded for long periods of time.

I still kept stealing. But was more careful about not getting caught.

Was caught again in my early teens. My father sat down with me and for once, didn't get mad, he quietly told me how sad it made him that he has a daughter who steals even thought she's a nice girl and knows it's wrong. He really wanted to understand why I kept doing this and begged me to explain to him because he was at a loss as to what to do anymore.

I stole because I thought if I had money, people would like me. I thought if I had money, kids would be impressed and wish they were as lucky as me. I thought if I had money, then I wouldn't be left out of jaunts to the bowling alley or outings to the diner or whatever. I thought if I had money, I could get pretty barrettes or cool scarves just like the other girls in my class did and they would think I'm cool and befriend me.

Then the last year of my mother's life, I stole because we were dead broke. We were very poor that year, it's no exaggeration to say that my breakfasts and lunches consisted of milk and cookies offered during breaks at school and a bowl of tunafish salad with hardboiled eggs and potatoes every night for supper because my mother wanted to make sure what whatever we could afford to eat was nutritious as possible. I stole to get money to buy cigarettes so I could be cool like the other kids, I stole so I could join them to go get a snack somewhere after school instead of once again, being alone.

After telling my father all of this (he didn't interrupt me once), instead of the usual anger and "how could you?!" followed by punishment, he gave me a big hug for a long time and since then, I never stole again.
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Amen.. I am not only one who stole the stuff as well.
 
Dixie said:
UPDATE: We have recounted the money figured up all the numbers and we are kosher. We came out only $1.45 cents ahead which is explainable as when I first started I had to make change for buyers out of my own wallet to make sure customers got their change back. The $1.45 would have been mine. Whew! Thank God this has come out even!

This will be the last candy sales we will participate in, I NEVER want to deal with this again.
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I'm glad it all came out all right for you in the end. Thank heavens for that quick-witted teacher who realized something was up with that $80 Scholastic Books order!

There's something touching to me about your DD stealing money to buy books. I mean, stealing obviously is never right, but buying books with it...OK, there's something there that makes me think "Awww...." Unless she was just buying the books to give to her friends, of course.

Does she have a library card? Maybe she has a real yearning to read more.

It looks like there are layers upon layers as to why she took this money - partly for herself, partly because her friends pressured her, partly - well, who knows.

I think your idea of spending a lot more time with her is good. Clearly she needs to talk some of these things out with you, both about resisting the peer pressure and about what she wants more of in her life - like more books.
 
Dixie said:
What's bad is she is only 8. She is turning out too much like her father and I'm not liking it. Not at all. What do you guys think? She's also going to be grounded for a VERY long time.
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I haven't read this thread yet, but let me ask; is she aware that she is turning out too much like her father? If not, she may not be aware that she's inherited some of those human traits from her father through genetic memories. I have wondered why, when I was in kindergarten without anyone knowing I had gone profoundly deaf years before, I was angry when I was dressed up in pilgrim clothes instead of Indian clothes for the Thanksgiving show for the parents. I just knew I hated it, it didn't feel right, and I UNDERSTOOD the mentality behind the pilgrims (puritan mindset), which represented control and punishment. I yelled, screamed and did things I don't remember. I remember that eventually, I found myself wearing the Indian clothes for the rest of that day. When I got home, I went outside to play in the field across the street from my house. It felt right. It fit mentally and emotionally. WHAT HAPPENED? My grandmother was Cherokee, so Dad was half-Indian. I had no language, except a few words for things I wanted or needed, no sentences, yet I understood what the clothes represented. It would be another year and a half before I was discovered to be deaf. Did I inherit generational memories or something? What about DD? Is it possible?

Or does she know about her father's predilection (I'm assuming that what you're talking about) and is doing that as some way to connect with her father? Either way, you have a human being on your hands, and you have to deal with her effectively and quickly.

I lived as a boarder in a couple's home with them some years ago, and they had a daughter turning from 11 to 12 in the year I was with them. The couple were lesbians, and the mother was left behind by the father who had statutorially gotten her pregnant, and the child never met her father that I know of. OMFG... She was a thief! Cute little button of a girl who was starting to grow out of her very young years, but godlomightie if you have anything left out in the open! Let's see what she did in this order:

Stole some things from me;

Even broke my locked filing cabinet by force and took my razor to shave her legs with (she wasn't allowed to do that yet) AND put the razor back on the DESK in my room, NOT back in my filing cabinet, to make the point CLEAR, YOU CAN'T KEEP ME OUT OF ANYTHING. OMFG, she was in deep S* over this. She had her games and TV taken away from her. It didn't stop her from doing the following;

Stole some candy out of a jar or bucket at a store and was caught eating it at home, and it was tracked to her bedroom, where they found a stash of it;

And S*, she was caught with money in her bedroom that didn't seem to add up because her allowance didn't allow for the apparent "wealth" she had somehow "accumulated." It turns out that her PARENTS had been having trouble getting their numbers to add up. HOW? She was robbing from her own parents!

I fled the house to safety (with friends) after I was attacked by her biological mother over something minor, I mean physically attacked. She basically "bit the hand that fed" a part of the mortgage payment on their house (and bailed them out of a VERY expensive electric bill that had built up over time). The girl wasn't like her mother at all; in fact, she feared her mother tremendously, because she would cuss her out and beat her senselessly in punishment for the things she did. I felt sorry for the whole situation.

I don't know of the girl's fate, as I lost contact THAT NIGHT I moved out. I hope that the girl, now a young woman has gotten her life straightened out in time instead of looking for me for revenge. I haven't read this thread yet, but I wanted to say that you BETTER nip this in the bud NOW. I'm going to add my suggestion to this. I think that it's important to watch out for the consequences of simply saying black-and-white things like, "You should not do that because it's listed in the Ten Commandments," "It's against God's word," "God admonishes against selfish behaviors like that." That's just like a mental rod that is used against a child's mind. What is needed is a way to reach a child's conscience in the here and now, in a visceral way. A way to do that is to demonstrate the consequences of an action through explaining what happens to each of the people involved in the deed.

What happens when the adult is questioning who has stolen the money? Even the kids not responsible are held in suspicion, and that is not a good feeling to inflict on someone who is innocent. It damages a good, working relationship between den mother and child, even if it's only temporary. Hopefully, the relationship will be for the stronger when it becomes clear who the perp is.

What happens when the money goes missing? How do the other children feel to be robbed of the fruits of their labor?

What about the customers if word about this gets out? If we were talking about very expensive things they were buying, the amount of money might get them in an uproar when they find out that the rightful business owner had lost the money to theft.

Now, what about this? What about the kids themselves, being put into what is USUALLY an adult situation? I realize it's kinda young to be experiencing theft, but they'll have to learn about human nature at some point. Would the seeds of doubt be planted in the kids' minds, "Who's going to steal from me?" Even worse is the damage to the relationship between the thief and her friends; can they now trust that because they are her friends, she won't steal from them?

Good luck!
 
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Dixie said:
We had a discussion, I got the names of the people she gave the money to and I will be contacting the parents in the morning.

<snip>
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I applaud your ability to be a parent. Being eternally an adolescent at heart, I have respect for people who are able to grapple with the reality of parenthood and raise a family. I'm not able to have a family of my own (because I feel emotionally incapable of coping with the hardships of being a parent). I don't know how you do it, but you do...

Good luck.
 
DeafCaroline said:
If it's true, what she says about stealing the money for her friends, then it's obvious why she did it. She wants them to like her or not leave her out of their group. To an 8 year old, being liked and having friends is everything.
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Oh boy, wow... Please read the book, "Queen Bees & Wannabes," By Rosalind Wiseman. The movie, "Mean Girls" is based on that book. The author has worked with countless children, especially girls to teach them to be themselves. I really recommend this book, which is geared towards parents. I have the book because I wanted to understand how my childhood affected me. I would loved to have received this help when I needed it as a partially-feral late learner. It makes it painfully clearer to me what was lost as a result of not getting this help.

It is very important, because being liked and having friends can come "at the highest price, which is YOURSELF." You SO do not want to go there as a child, as you would be led to a life of sabotaging yourself in the decisions you make, including unfulfilling jobs, abusive relationships, the things that you do and the people you hang out with. These can really do a number on your self-esteem.
 
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