How to motivate him?

Shoshana said:
You are right rockin'robin and DeafCaroline. I feel bad now for being so impatient because on the flip side he is very patient with me, my medical issues and goes out of his way daily to help me, cheer me up or make me feel better.

Patience is hard and obviously something I need to work on with people--since I train dogs and have endless patience with them LOL.

since our one year is around the corner im going to take the suggestion on making it a contest of sorts--I think he will respond with a reward system or something... Like maybe is he learns 1 or 2 new words a day for a month we will do something extra special.
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I just remembered...I knew this one hearing lady who was an ASL user who used to make her hubby memorize 5 new signs a week and she would reward him with sex.

I thought that was strange but it worked because he became fluent in ASL even though he didnt know any deaf people at the time.
 
Shoshana said:
You are right rockin'robin and DeafCaroline. I feel bad now for being so impatient because on the flip side he is very patient with me, my medical issues and goes out of his way daily to help me, cheer me up or make me feel better.

Patience is hard and obviously something I need to work on with people--since I train dogs and have endless patience with them LOL.

since our one year is around the corner im going to take the suggestion on making it a contest of sorts--I think he will respond with a reward system or something... Like maybe is he learns 1 or 2 new words a day for a month we will do something extra special.
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No! don't feel bad :) I didn't mean to make you feel that way at all. What's great is that both you and your boyfriend are figuring out how he can learn ASL that works for both of you and that you are taking suggestions from people here.
 
Shoshana, you deserve more but you already know that. I hope that things work out well for you . :hug:
 
LOL I did hold off on sex for awhile telling him that we will not have sex until he knew sign...lol pretty dumb considering how long it would be realistically.

I think 1-2 words a day is a realistic goal, right?

Are you all dating hearing person too or a Deaf person?
 
Shoshana said:
LOL I did hold off on sex for awhile telling him that we will not have sex until he knew sign...lol pretty dumb considering how long it would be realistically.

I think 1-2 words a day is a realistic goal, right?

Are you all dating hearing person too or a Deaf person?
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deaf person who became Deaf at 28 years old. My husband is hearing who didnt know one sign when I first met him back in 2002. I practiced reverse audism on him because at the time I was going through my anger stage at hearing people.
 
shel90 said:
deaf person who became Deaf at 28 years old. My husband is hearing who didnt know one sign when I first met him back in 2002. I practiced reverse audism on him because at the time I was going through my anger stage at hearing people.
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reverse audism? Can you give example?
 
Shoshana said:
reverse audism? Can you give example?
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I was a snob to him because he was hearing and didnt know any sign language. I have stopped that attitude once I got past my anger and grief over not having ASL growing up.
 
shel90 said:
I was a snob to him because he was hearing and didnt know any sign language. I have stopped that attitude once I got past my anger and grief over not having ASL growing up.
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thats interesting... I think I am going through that... I wish I would have learned ASL as a child... it would have made things so much easier... may I ask... how did you get past that?
 
ash345 said:
thats interesting... I think I am going through that... I wish I would have learned ASL as a child... it would have made things so much easier... may I ask... how did you get past that?
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I got past it by realizing that it was audism that I was angry at, not at hearing people. I also realized that it wasnt their fault for being ignorant about ASL and deaf people but as long as they admit it and try to respect our values, I would be interested in being their friend. Also, I began to understand that deaf people can be audist and those are the people I wouldn't be interested in befriending. If a deaf person tells me that they don't need ASL or had it better than those who went to Deaf schools, immediately I know that these people won't be my friends. I have zero tolerance for audism whether the person is deaf or hearing.
 
shel90 said:
I got past it by realizing that it was audism that I was angry at, not at hearing people. I also realized that it wasnt their fault for being ignorant about ASL and deaf people but as long as they admit it and try to respect our values, I would be interested in being their friend. Also, I began to understand that deaf people can be audist and those are the people I wouldn't be interested in befriending. If a deaf person tells me that they don't need ASL or had it better than those who went to Deaf schools, immediately I know that these people won't be my friends. I have zero tolerance for audism whether the person is deaf or hearing.
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back in high school I dated a deaf guy that was like that, to say the least--it didnt last long or end well.
 
shel90 said:
I just remembered...I knew this one hearing lady who was an ASL user who used to make her hubby memorize 5 new signs a week and she would reward him with sex.

I thought that was strange but it worked because he became fluent in ASL even though he didnt know any deaf people at the time.
Click to expand...

Well, that's better than a cookie.:laugh2:
 
Shoshana said:
I sat down and talked to him, expressed my feeling of hurt and everything. He said he wants to learn but that I have to teach him. maybe it was my fault he was not signing?

Its difficult because I dont have all the patients to sit and teach but worth a try.

I texted him and said that me must not love me enough to communicate with me he came home and signed to me that he loves me with all his heart and wants to learn but needs more help.
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If tell your boyfriend you do not the patience to sit and teach to sit and teach him to how sign how is that going to sound to him? Do love him enough to have find the patience to teach him? It sound like you both have issues to work on. You could try signing words that we use everyday and this may help made your boyfriend feel more comfortable . He could be feeling awkward using his hands to talk.
 
My girlfriend and her Mom are each spending $125 plus $30 for one book on one ASL class just so that they can talk to me. That is $280 in total!!

Not saying that he has to spend that much $, but go figure.
 
I wanted to respond to your question about motivation because I've gone from only knowing basic fingerspelling (and even that was slow and awkward) to 6 months later I am able to communicate comfortably with about 90 percent of the deaf population around me. I met a deaf man and my motivation was to be able to communicate with him, he is completely voice-off with me every day. I went to every deaf event in my area and met a bunch of different people, the deaf man I was interested in said he would teach me some but he could not be my only teacher because then I would get so used to just him it would be hard for me to understand anyone else who signed to me.
So anyways, I had to learn because he will sit there and sign it over and over and then fingerspell it to me, but no matter how frustrated i get he doesn't give in and voice it to me or write it down. Sometimes it feels like a constant game of charades but I eventually figure it out, his patience amazes me everyday :)
 
I think it is imperative for a deafie/hearie relationship to work that the hearie learn ASL. It's difficult enough that the couple speaks two different languages but it should be obvious that the couple choose the language that is easiest for the deafie. ASL.

My boyfriend has picked up sign *so* fast I'm surprised. We are coming up to 3 months and he knows many, many signs. Like LawStudent's friend, I am also going voice off so that he will learn faster.

I hope the OP does not accommodate and that her boyfriend stops trying to force her to be a hearie. It must be very frustrating for her.
 
rebeccalj said:
My boyfriend has picked up sign *so* fast I'm surprised. We are coming up to 3 months and he knows many, many signs.
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That has got to be a good, erm, well, sign. No other way to say it, but it must mean he is making an effort. :)
 
This may sound mean, but if a person hasn't learned how to do some basic signs by now, then he will probably never will...

It is up to you if that's something you can tolerate and live with. Personally, I like direct and clear communication. Of course...there are times I wish I didn't understand what the hubby is saying. :giggle:
 
We started a 2 words a day thing, it seems to be going well. He already knew *SOME* sign before but not enough to really communicate. Though 2 words a day is not much--thats about 42 signs a month, progress--I think so.
 
just a heads up.... im drunk, and I taught a few people signed words tonight... and after that...I was able to converse with them in sign...

People can learn quickly, just sayin'...
 
Shoshana said:
We started a 2 words a day thing, it seems to be going well. He already knew *SOME* sign before but not enough to really communicate. Though 2 words a day is not much--thats about 42 signs a month, progress--I think so.
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What 2 words do you choose? How do you decide?

For example, do he learn hurricane instead of like? Hurricane not used in communication often but like is. Like would be 'key' word for me to teach him.

For me, I sign 'key' words to boyfriend. Every time I speak that word I repeat the sign. If he make mistake I just show him correct sign.

So, he now knows these words:
Me
You
Why?
What?
Understand/do not understand
Like/do not like
Happy/not happy
I love you
Couple/not together
You and Me (different from you/me) sorry
Thank you
Good/not good (bad)
Something
Every
Everything
Word
Lady
Father
Mother
Girl
Boy
Eat
Hungry
Fine
Want?/do not want
Have/do not have
See
Look-at
Come-to
Go-to
Earth
World
People
Know/don't know
Hard
Stop
Look-at
Fireworks
Wow
Amazing
Rain
Tell-me
Time

Etc., etc.

As he become better I add new word to vocabulary. Simple words help him to form simple ASL communication.

Him: Eat what want?

Him: You amazing! Wow! :giggle:
 
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