How do I get my family to learn ASL?

JoeyDeafNinja

JoeyDeafNinja

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Many years since I was born Deaf. No one in my family knows signs. My mother used to know some more but now, not really that much anymore. She started to demand me to write down or text whatever I need or want to say to her.

6 or little more than 6 years ago from today, I asked my parents to learn ASL. My mom promised me that they will learn. Few weeks later after that, I asked them again and my mom promised AGAIN. So it kept going and my mom kept making promise but never do it. This year; last Nov, my father died and even worse he died not knowing ASL. If he knew, we'd be much closer than we used to be. I was so mad that he died not knowing ASL.

My family still haven't learn ASL at all. They only know some "home" signs. I am so fed up with them. They failed to meet me at my half way since I got Cochlear Implant when I was 3 years old. NOW I feel like I am being forced to get new CI and take speech therapy to just have damn communication with them!

Right now, I am planning to get new one this summer because not only that reason, I also want to listen to music again. I missed music.

Meanwhile, How do I make them to learn ASL? Even if I get new one, I still need them to learn ASL.
 
Hi! I am having the same problem with my mom and her family. It is annoying, and I get mocked for my deafness, which hurts. My sister is learning sign, but so far only enough to tell jokes and fingerspell to me. Its hard but maybe its time to let them see who you are, and that to be around you they have to learn sign I gave that ultimatum to my mom, and so far my sister signs, I think it became a problem because I am afraid my mom will use my sister as my interpreter. Anyways, you cannot change them, but you can tell them how it makes you feel. Write your feelingss down, I write books to keep from going crazy, and poems to tell my mom how she makes me feel Even though they are god awful. Well that's my thoughts. Ttyl!
 
I'm sorry to hear your Dad died. You are pretty young.
 
As sad as it is....it's never changed and probably won't....I do feel some hearing people "might" want to learn...even try....but they "can't" seem to grasp it (ASL)....Inasmuch as many of us deafies want to learn to speak English, but can only speak a "few words"......It's almost like being in a foreign country at times....speaking is the "norm" for them...ASL is foreign.

Some of my family and I did have a "falling out" years ago, due to the communication issue....and it hasn't been resolved (sadly)....Feeling left-out at family get-togethers when the family is all hearing is common place with us deafies....
 
Same problem here and what's worse, I am used as the interpreter between my family and my brother because I have speech skills and he doesn't.
 
I don't know what to say...because I am dealing with same issue, I am deaf since the birth. My family refuses to be flexible at all.

Below is one of my favorite poem. I tried to get my family to understand how I feel, about being left out.
=====================
"What is it like to be deaf?"
People have asked me.
Deaf? Oh, hmm... how do I explain that?
Simple: I can't hear.

No, wait... it is much more than that.
It is similar to a goldfish in a bowl,
Always observing things going on.
People talking at all times.
It is like a man on his own island
Among foreigners.

Isolation is no stranger to me.
Relatives say hi and bye
But I sit for 5 hours among them
Taking great pleasure at amusing babies
Or being amused by TV.
Reading books, resting, helping out with food.

Natural curiosity perks up
Upon seeing great laughter, crying, anger.
Inquiring only to meet with a "Never mind" or
"Oh, it's not important".
Getting a summarized statement
Of the whole day.

I'm supposed to smile to show my happiness.
Little do they know how truly miserable I am.
People are in control of language usage,
I am at loss and really uncomfortable!

Always feeling like an outsider
Among the hearing people,
Even though it was not their intention.

Always assuming that I am part of them
By my physical presence, not understanding
The importance of communication.

Facing the choice between Deaf Event weekend
or a family reunion.
Facing the choice between the family commitment
And Deaf friends.
I must make the choices constantly,
Any wonder why I choose Deaf friends???

I get such great pleasure at the Deaf clubs,
Before I realize it, it is already 2:00 am,
Whereas I anxiously look at the clock
Every few minutes at the Family Reunion.

With Deaf people, I feel so normal,
Our communication flows back and forth.
Catch up with little trivials, our daily life,
Our frustration in the bigger world,
Seeking the mutual understanding,
Contented smiles and laughter are musical.
So magical to me,
So attuned to each other's feelings.

True happiness is so important.
I feel more at home with Deaf people
Of various color, religion, short or tall.
Than I do among my own hearing relatives.
And you wonder why?
Our language is common.
We understand each other.

Being at loss of control
Of the environment that is communication,
People panic and retreat to avoid
Deaf people like the plague.

But Deaf people are still human beings
With dreams, desires, and needs
To belong, just like everyone else.

--Dianne Kinnee (Switras)
==============
I did tried my best...I try to be flexible, offering to communicate on paper if it is too hard for them to learn ASL. They still refuses to write back and forth on paper.

I am in my 30's and my father now wondering why I am pushing him out of my life. Deafness is one of major reasons, but it goes beyond that. As for deafness I show him the poem...he ripes it up, and yelled at me I can't be happy in "silence". I asked him to imagine himself in my shoe...his reply was "No, I will not...it is your problem, not mine".
 
If you have heard of this well known quote which really pretty much applies to your issue.

"You can bring your horse to water bucket, but you can't make horse drink water."

Here is hard truth, 90% of hearing parents refused to learn sign language with their Deaf child/ren. I am one of 10% and I know it is tough.

Its really too bad that majority of hearing people have very high unrealistic expectation from Deafies. They have NO clue to what it is like when losing sense of sound, and yes it scares them shitless.
 
JoeyDeafNinja said:
So there is nothing I can do to make them to learn ASL?
Click to expand...

You can try family therapy, that is if they agree to do so.

I dont know how old you are...you can try defy, not going to family events until they wonder why, then you explain to them how you feel. Maybe they'd wake up. If they still don't---it comes down to, sadly, two options I can think of:

Suck it up, accept the silence or cut them loss (you can still visit them once in while if you like to) and find new people who will cares and values you, treat you with kindness, compassion, and understanding.

I am choose to cut them loss. It is too much of emotional pain trying to make it work, and to accept the silence.
 
I'm afraid that ASL won't fix the problem. :( It's pretty clear that your family will not learn ASL, so I don't think that you can do something about it. But, you're over 18 now, so you can just move out and get a new life for yourself.

IT's not fair for you to suffer the lack of communication among your relative members. I mean, seriously, why you have to endure all of meaningless efforts if they aren't communicate very well with you? Think about it.

Yes, I well realize you're still young adult, but you can do it without their help! Most of my friends live alone or live with their roommates without their families. :)
 
sorry hear you I experience on my mom sign language really deserve to training to bit ESL, no harsh. I am very mind to ASL very effort to my sister alots. I notice my sister learn it, I effort, my family knew me I am deaf that is why, my dad is very knew me I am deaf, I told he is very bit improve sign language, my dad is very happy for see me. it is very pleasure to communication.. it is very seems very communication skills language and on visual. everything no problem. seems on no misunderstand. no everything great. I love ASL :)
 
No one on my family knows ASL ... but ... if its family or not I give them a taste of their own medicine sometimes ... if someone says something I dont understand or pick up and ask them to repeat it sometimes they'l say never mind or forget it ... that irks me ... so I start signing to them and when they ask HUH??? what did you say??? I just simply look at them and say ... never mind just forget it ... or then tell them well now you know what its like huh?? it gets the point across.
 
My Mom and Dad (both deceased) never learn to sign ASL. My Mom told me that I could talk to her better than signing. I told her that I need her to sign with me so that communication can get across together. She made the excuse saying "I am too old to learn ASL". Learning to try new things is never too late to learn. I was pretty upset with my parents on this. My sister only learned fingerspell. She never learn to sign ASL, even in the present.

My son is the only one he can sign to me. He had not taught any of his family members like his daughters and stepchildren including his wife. So that is pretty much isolate right there. Hearing people just don't understand how we had gone through suffering with lack of communication with our parents and family members. :(
 
On the face of it-having a Cochlear Implant which one assumes you do "pick up a great deal of speech". Thus getting your family to Learn/use ASL to communicate with you-would appear to be ""strange". Why have/use a Cochlear Implant?

Have I misread your original comment?
 
drphil said:
On the face of it-having a Cochlear Implant which one assumes you do "pick up a great deal of speech". Thus getting your family to Learn/use ASL to communicate with you-would appear to be ""strange". Why have/use a Cochlear Implant?

Have I misread your original comment?
Click to expand...

Not everyone with a CI pick up a great deal of speech. That's been posted all over this board. We've seen some great stories of those who do, and other stories of those who don't. I don't presume to know what Joey's CI situation is. (His OP says "feel like I am being forced to get new CI and take speech therapy.")

And, IMHO .. what does it matter if he can pick up a great deal of speech? Joey is deaf, CI or not. He's stated ASL is a part of his language. He would like his family to be part of that.
 
I think you need to lead by example in this case. If I were you, I would learn ASL first, if you do not already know it, and use it when talking with your Mom(not ASL alone, speech and ASL).

One thing that will turn hearing people off, getting a CI to listen to music while asking them to learn a new language so they can talk to you. Can you see why they might have a problem with that situation? They might reason that they don't, "really" need to learn ASL.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
One thing that will turn hearing people off, getting a CI to listen to music while asking them to learn a new language so they can talk to you. Can you see why they might have a problem with that situation? They might reason that they don't, "really" need to learn ASL.
Click to expand...

Sad that those people do have problem with attitude consideration no matter what if others ask for help.
 
In a harsh reality, it doesn't matter if you are going to get a new CI or not but the main thing is that family doesn't care about you alone, family doesn't understand how much you want to bonded with them, how much you want to communicate with them. I can understand how much you feel lost with them, you may feel bondless with them.

So, what I would suggest is to collect everyone in your family to set up a best time to meet one night, like over dinner time or something like that. Prior to your meeting with them, write down your wish and express how you felt. One harsh example "I'm no longer your family", I'm sure you felt that way. If they say " it's hard to learn sign" or "I don't have time to learn" or other bullshit craps, just simply say... "So, I'm more of adopted instead of true blood family".

You know, I have very large family, I have one brother and 4 sisters and I did get fed up with them then I told them I felt like I want to divorce them. So, my mother realize how bad it is and we finally got work around to it. So, some how one of the videographer learned about our family and we created a video called "Sibling" I think... been long time ago and I don't now if it still around..but anyway...

Yes, it is difficult for you and I know how much you want to be part of them, but the only way to let them know how much you want to be part of them is to speak out with them with your true feeling. This doesn't mean you have to force them to learn to sign... but just to express your feeling and say thanks at the end.
 
SneakerNet said:
In a harsh reality, it doesn't matter if you are going to get a new CI or not but the main thing is that family doesn't care about you alone, family doesn't understand how much you want to bonded with them, how much you want to communicate with them. I can understand how much you feel lost with them, you may feel bondless with them.

So, what I would suggest is to collect everyone in your family to set up a best time to meet one night, like over dinner time or something like that. Prior to your meeting with them, write down your wish and express how you felt. One harsh example "I'm no longer your family", I'm sure you felt that way. If they say " it's hard to learn sign" or "I don't have time to learn" or other bullshit craps, just simply say... "So, I'm more of adopted instead of true blood family".

You know, I have very large family, I have one brother and 4 sisters and I did get fed up with them then I told them I felt like I want to divorce them. So, my mother realize how bad it is and we finally got work around to it. So, some how one of the videographer learned about our family and we created a video called "Sibling" I think... been long time ago and I don't now if it still around..but anyway...

Yes, it is difficult for you and I know how much you want to be part of them, but the only way to let them know how much you want to be part of them is to speak out with them with your true feeling. This doesn't mean you have to force them to learn to sign... but just to express your feeling and say thanks at the end.
Click to expand...


Just a shame...
 
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