Has anyone Been abuse by a parent for being HOH?

KungFu_Gecko said:
Try thinking about it like this - this is from my own experience, so it may not be quite as accurate for you:

Times when your emotions are pushed down inside, creates so much pressure inside that it can sharpen you, making you feel hard and on the edge. However, this means that just a small change in pressure - an event that takes you by surprise, or something that allows your emotions to 'leak out' from under that internal pressure, could cause you to 'break' - all the emotions rushing out at once, or maybe cause your mind to just shutdown in helplessness, in worst-case scenarios. This is what I think is hard emotion, or hard steel sword.

When you feel buried by your feelings, when they are so numerous and flow out of you, it can feel like you are seperated from the world - you are forced to pay so much attention to yourself and your feelings that no outside force can distract you, or alter your mind. Consequently, your energy is consumed by the effort needed to attend to so much feeling, that your edge in life - your motivation and willpower - is sapped, blunted. This is what I think is soft emotion, or a soft steel sword.

Does that help somewhat?
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Yes it does. :ty:

Your description is something I can identify with 100%.
 
I kept my abuse "bottled up" for many, many years. It's too extensive to post here, and when I became much older, it all came to a head....and I suffered several nervous breakdown.

I was on so much medication. And seeing a psycharist twice a month. My mother was murdered when I was 14, and 3 weeks before that, I had become deaf almost overnight (blotched surgery)...my father was a life-long abusive alcoholic, and I did not attend his funeral, my family was all split up (6 of us)..and it goes on and on.

However, I've found inner peace and now do not take any medication for many years, at all! Instead of dwelling on what was....I dwell on what can be, today!...And to make any child's life better, is what what planned for me (I believe). It's my direction, helping a child to have a better life.
 
rockin'robin said:
I kept my abuse "bottled up" for many, many years. It's too extensive to post here, and when I became much older, it all came to a head....and I suffered several nervous breakdown.

I was on so much medication. And seeing a psycharist twice a month. My mother was murdered when I was 14, and 3 weeks before that, I had become deaf almost overnight (blotched surgery)...my father was a life-long abusive alcoholic, and I did not attend his funeral, my family was all split up (6 of us)..and it goes on and on.

However, I've found inner peace and now do not take any medication for many years, at all! Instead of dwelling on what was....I dwell on what can be, today!...And to make any child's life better, is what what planned for me (I believe). It's my direction, helping a child to have a better life.
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AD HUG!

:grouphug:
 
hear again, I understand how you had been thru hell but for me it's not like anything like that but dad wud call me fat for so long I lost like a bt than 50 pounds like 2 years ago but recently I gulped I gained a bit more than 25 pounds pounds so I just have to tell myself don't worry about it cuz once my boyfriend is gone to reno I will be probably losing weight again cuz I believe that when I get so stressed I wud gain weight or anything like that anyway.. back to my point I'm glad your dad isn't abusing u anymore u are probably living in peace but I understood about your mother... I lost both of my grandparents to cancer but first.. grandma when I was 5 back in dec of 1983 she passed away like 2 weeks before christmas and same with my grandpa he died back in 1999 like 2 days before christmas.. blah that's why I never really liked christmas but I never told anyone but I told myself that.. once both of my parents pass away I'm not gonna celebrate christmas anymore. :)

p.s that doesn't happen anytime sooner or later so I probably will celebrate christmas for probably next 20 or 30 years :P
 
wildzerica06 said:
hear again, I understand how you had been thru hell but for me it's not like anything like that but dad wud call me fat for so long I lost like a bt than 50 pounds like 2 years ago but recently I gulped I gained a bit more than 25 pounds pounds so I just have to tell myself don't worry about it cuz once my boyfriend is gone to reno I will be probably losing weight again cuz I believe that when I get so stressed I wud gain weight or anything like that anyway.. back to my point I'm glad your dad isn't abusing u anymore u are probably living in peace but I understood about your mother... I lost both of my grandparents to cancer but first.. grandma when I was 5 back in dec of 1983 she passed away like 2 weeks before christmas and same with my grandpa he died back in 1999 like 2 days before christmas.. blah that's why I never really liked christmas but I never told anyone but I told myself that.. once both of my parents pass away I'm not gonna celebrate christmas anymore. :)

p.s that doesn't happen anytime sooner or later so I probably will celebrate christmas for probably next 20 or 30 years :P
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I'm sorry for your losses wild. <hugs>

My mother passed away 7 days before Christmas, so I can relate.

I only celebrate Christmas with my sister because my family no longer talks to each other now that my parents have passed away.

Last year I spent Christmas alone due to something that happened between my sister and I on Christmas Eve. It was the first Christmas I ever spent by myself. I was miserable and cried all day longing for the days when we used to have large family get togethers.

Christmas just isn't the same anymore and doesn't hold the same joy it used to now that my parents are no longer here.
 
rockin'robin said:
Instead of dwelling on what was....I dwell on what can be, today!
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How do you do that robin? I haven't dealt with any of my traumas nor have I had the chance to express how I feel about them. How do you move on with your life when you have so much anger, hurt, etc. inside about the things that have been done to you?
 
Hear Again said:
How do you do that robin? I haven't dealt with any of my traumas nor have I had the chance to express how I feel about them. How do you move on with your life when you have so much anger, hurt, etc. inside about the things that have been done to you?
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It's not easy, Hear Again....happiness is something you create in ur mind. We're on this earth a very short time. I've chosen to live it as happy and best as I can. And not dwell on the negative things of the past. Instead of dwelling on the sexual, verbal and physical abuse of my childhood, I made up my mind that I was going to "be the best I could"...no matter what. And not let those things drag me down to a point to where I felt helpless!

I could sit and type all my accomplishments, but I'm not the one to brag about it. I keep them in mind on those days that I get "depressed" and have a feeling of not being "worthly".

I've watched my boys when they are watching "Tool Time" on TV. They love that show! It's family oriented. And I know deep in their hearts, they wish they had a Mother & Father like that. Not real parents who abandoned them and that were drug/alcohol addicts and the abuse they, themselves, endured.

I think that by "giving of urself" to others in need (especially children), is not only helping the children, it's tremendously helping you!

The good Lord never gives you more than he knows you can handle. I feel we all are here for a specific reason in life. What you make of it, will determine ur fate and ur happiness. Keep urself surrounded with the positive, and deal with the negative, and get on with life. It's so short. Strive to be happy!
 
Hear again, I am so sorry to this happen to you. Your dad should been sent to jail for what he did to you! I know what you mean about being glad your dad is out of your life. I miss my dad now , but I glad when he dies , he could not abuse me or my mom any more! I hope you are doing okay now.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Hear again, I am so sorry to this happen to you. Your dad should been sent to jail for what he did to you! I know what you mean about being glad your dad is out of your life. I miss my dad now , but I glad when he dies , he could not abuse me or my mom any more! I hope you are doing okay now.
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:ty: for your post. I appreciate that.

My therapist asked me why I never reported my father for what he did. My response was "Would you be able to turn in your own father so he could be sent to jail?" I hate my father for what he did, but it would have broken my heart to see him carted off by the police in handcuffs even if he deserved it. He's getting his just desserts in hell now, so I'm happy.
 
I was physically and emotionally abuse by my dad and emotionally abuse by the rest of my family . My dad would hit me in the head or throw things at me! My dad would call for me when I was upstairs in my bedroom with the door close! Needless to say I could not hear him! Dad would get mad as I did not aswer him then hit me! Dad had some friends over one day , they got drunk , then dad thought it would be "FUN" to put me the roasting pan we use to cook the trukey in! Dad then put some matches around the pan , he was about to put me in the stove ,and my mom came downstairs screaming bloodly murder at dad! My older brother thought his was great and was run around the table pretending to be an Indian! My older sister told about this as I was only a baby! Years laterly when I had my own baby I had a horrible nightware about my baby being kidnap , cut up and put in a paper bag! A friend help me realize this was from my childhood and my baby was ok!
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I was physically and emotionally abuse by my dad and emotionally abuse by the rest of my family . My dad would hit me in the head or throw things at me! My dad would call for me when I was upstairs in my bedroom with the door close! Needless to say I could not hear him! Dad would get mad as I did not aswer him then hit me! Dad had some friends over one day , they got drunk , then dad thought it would be "FUN" to put me the roasting pan we use to cook the trukey in! Dad then put some matches around the pan , he was about to put me in the stove ,and my mom came downstairs screaming bloodly murder at dad! My older brother thought his was great and was run around the table pretending to be an Indian! My older sister told about this as I was only a baby! Years laterly when I had my own baby I had a horrible nightware about my baby being kidnap , cut up and put in a paper bag! A friend help me realize this was from my childhood and my baby was ok!
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I'm sorry you experienced that. <hugs>
 
rockin'robin said:
I think that by "giving of urself" to others in need (especially children), is not only helping the children, it's tremendously helping you!
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I can only agree with that. I’m feeling extremely happy and relaxed around children! Not so much (if not at all) when I’m with adults!!!! Adults judge you, adults analyze every little thing you say or do… children don’t.

They don’t care about it… They just come up to you, smile and ask “Please come play with me?” and when I feel down and I am silent they just come up to you with hug and kiss no questions asked! :D

Kids are easy, Adults are difficult! :giggle:
 
I remember if I had to have something repeated they would do the slow-motion exaggerated mouth movements and retarded hand movements. It really made me feel ashamed of my deafness, after a while I would just start hiding it. If I didnt hear something, I just let it go. I would pretend to hear things when I didn't.

When I didn't perform as well as my brother in schools (he was always on honor roll and they always compared me to him) they would say I wasn't trying hard enough.

I think my parents were fed a bunch of oralist crap throughout the years and they refused to see the other side of the coin that yes even if I could hear sounds, I still couldn't make sense of speech without amplification and without proper accommodations. This is why I missed out so much during my elementary years. If I couldn't hear it, I didn't know. I was completely oblivious.
 
Hear Again said:
I'm sorry you experienced that. <hugs>
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Thank you Hear Again. and thank you to everyone for sharing what they been through. I know how hard it is to talk about painful experieces.
I just lost my mother , she was 93 years old , and some how it brought up my horrible childhood! It took along time for me to realize I was not a bad person , some how I thought being abuse meant I was bad . It took years of therapy to realize my father was a mess up man and that he was the one that was bad! My father was abuse too so he thought is was ok to do the same to me! I have finally broken the pattern of abuse that been pass down in my dad family. This one family tradition I did not want to pass! My daughter is a loving mother to her daughter ,as I did not abuse my daughter!
I can feel good about this!
 
I think it is really hard to read what all of us have been going through in childhood!

Whatever kind of abuse it is, none of us deserved to be treated the way we were treated back then! When we get to the point where we become aware that none of this was our fault and that life goes on, only then will we be able to ask for help and get better!

We shouldn't hide our feelings or our emotions because eventually they will catch up on us (which I'm going through right now). I have to learn so many things all over again, like being self-confident, positive attitude, etc.

It's not easy and I hope that we will be able to get the help we need and not be left alone! We need a lot of strenght, love and understanding.

Unfortunately some of our friends or family members don't understand... or they don't want to understand, which is sad...

I think we all have each other here and I am glad to have found some amazing people on this board!

<group hug> JL
 
JamieLynn said:
I think it is really hard to read what all of us have been going through in childhood!

Whatever kind of abuse it is, none of us deserved to be treated the way we were treated back then! When we get to the point where we become aware that none of this was our fault and that life goes on, only then will we be able to ask for help and get better!

We shouldn't hide our feelings or our emotions because eventually they will catch up on us (which I'm going through right now). I have to learn so many things all over again, like being self-confident, positive attitude, etc.

It's not easy and I hope that we will be able to get the help we need and not be left alone! We need a lot of strenght, love and understanding.

Unfortunately some of our friends or family members don't understand... or they don't want to understand, which is sad...

I think we all have each other here and I am glad to have found some amazing people on this board!

<group hug> JL
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:gpost:

I saw my new therapist today who encouraged me to feel my emotions as they relate to my PTSD/traumas. He said it's dangerous to keep them bottled inside where they will eventually erupt and cause more emotional damage. I couldn't agree more. The only way to deal with one's trauma is to confront it and accept the fact that it happened.
 
I have never been abused nor insulted for my deafness. Someone in the family told me once that my brother and I were lucky to be deaf because my dad verbally abused us screaming obsencities at us. I remember him losing his temper constantly but he never said anything degrading to my face so I wonder if he only said it when we werent looking. My ex hubby was turned off by my dad when we went waterskiing with him 15 years ago because my dad was cussing my 2 other brothers who are hearing. My ex said he hated every minute of it and was furious at the end of the day. I had no idea...wow...

If I was abused, I dont think I could forgive them.
 
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Hear Again said:
I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by my parents for a variety of reasons including the fact that I couldn't hear well. Whenever I asked my father to repeat himself, he'd slap me across the face or start punching me in the stomach telling me how sorry he was for adopting me.
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I'm sorry you had to go through that hear again. (hugs)
 
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