Finical issue: Need advice!

[JoeyDeafNinja]

I live in Travelers Rest, SC. I figured f I provide a location, you'd probably know where to suggest or make advice and etc like that.

It has been almost two years since my father passed away due cancer and brain tumor. He used to have good paying job (He was cable guy for AT&T) and we were in "middle class". In 2010, it went downhill after he got stroke and found out he had brain tumor so he had to get surgery to remove tumors. It went success. He returned to work after regain control of his right hand. Few months later, we found out he had stage 4 cancer which he can't go outside any longer. He had go through chemo. His heath decline over time and it reached the point where he had to visit doctor because he had low blood level. Eventually he came home in hospital bed and we had hospice nurse come over sometime to check on him. Doctor said he had about 2 to 3 months left to live. Possible less than that. It was only two months before he passed away. He could not beat cancer however his brain tumor is main cause, it regrew back and made his heath worse so that is why he could not win the fight. He fought for almost 3 years and lost. It was big impact on our lives. Now finical is coming to kick our asses.

Now we dropped into "low class" poor family. But thanks to dad's good friendship with landlord, we are able to have roof even we could not pay rent all time. In my heart I knew we'd have to move to cheaper home someday. So I told her that we should sell our stuff we don't use anymore through yard sale or pawnshop. She is okay with it but when I told her that we need to move, she got little upset and said we will be fine even I know we will not and I don't like the fact that she has to use all of my SSI and make my bank account owe (overdrawn balance) to pay for bills she claimed to be around $800 worth of bills. Rent is not included. I told her how it is not fair that I could not even save a penny for myself. I am still jobless and still looking for two years. Everyone in my house (Brother, sister, her boyfriend and mom) have job. I am pretty frustration. We live in small town and she won't willing to drive me to bit far just for job. I have fear of driving. But at least I got apt with VR next week (Could not do this week because no gas money). Travelers Rest does not even have bus route.

So What should I do? How do I convince her to agree that we should move to cheaper home or move to Florida and live with grandparents for while? (We will have to use their camper. Their camper only have room for 3 or 4 people.)

 

[caz12]

I don't know what to say...is possible get as much literature as possible she can read,or you get re-homed go on your own to grampa...she sounds depressed and in need of mental help,she prob not over your dads death

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I live in Travelers Rest, SC. I figured f I provide a location, you'd probably know where to suggest or make advice and etc like that.

It has been almost two years since my father passed away due cancer and brain tumor. He used to have good paying job (He was cable guy for AT&T) and we were in "middle class". In 2010, it went downhill after he got stroke and found out he had brain tumor so he had to get surgery to remove tumors. It went success. He returned to work after regain control of his right hand. Few months later, we found out he had stage 4 cancer which he can't go outside any longer. He had go through chemo. His heath decline over time and it reached the point where he had to visit doctor because he had low blood level. Eventually he came home in hospital bed and we had hospice nurse come over sometime to check on him. Doctor said he had about 2 to 3 months left to live. Possible less than that. It was only two months before he passed away. He could not beat cancer however his brain tumor is main cause, it regrew back and made his heath worse so that is why he could not win the fight. He fought for almost 3 years and lost. It was big impact on our lives. Now finical is coming to kick our asses.

Now we dropped into "low class" poor family. But thanks to dad's good friendship with landlord, we are able to have roof even we could not pay rent all time. In my heart I knew we'd have to move to cheaper home someday. So I told her that we should sell our stuff we don't use anymore through yard sale or pawnshop. She is okay with it but when I told her that we need to move, she got little upset and said we will be fine even I know we will not and I don't like the fact that she has to use all of my SSI and make my bank account owe (overdrawn balance) to pay for bills she claimed to be around $800 worth of bills. Rent is not included. I told her how it is not fair that I could not even save a penny for myself. I am still jobless and still looking for two years. Everyone in my house (Brother, sister, her boyfriend and mom) have job. I am pretty frustration. We live in small town and she won't willing to drive me to bit far just for job. I have fear of driving. But at least I got apt with VR next week (Could not do this week because no gas money). Travelers Rest does not even have bus route.

So What should I do? How do I convince her to agree that we should move to cheaper home or move to Florida and live with grandparents for while? (We will have to use their camper. Their camper only have room for 3 or 4 people.)

What are the $800 bills for , did you ask to see the bills in questions ? And how did your landlord get to use your SSI ? I think you should try to find a legal aid office for income people and see if they can give you some advice.

 

[Frisky Feline]

First of all, I am so sorry about your experiences that is so much for you at once. How old are you now? i think age 18 already???

 

[DeafDucky]

The mother is using the SSI to pay for whatever the bills are. I'm not clear on what money is being used to pay the rent (when they can)- guessing SSI goes for that.

Why aren't the brother & Sister/boyfriend helping with the bills & rent if they all have jobs?

Maybe you can look into government help- especially considering your mom is in "lower class" (poor) bracket now- you didn't say if Mom was working or not. I don't know if you will qualify because your siblings live there AND have jobs (most times they count everybody in the dwelling whether or not you claim yourself as 1 on taxes). Talk to VR about that too if they can give you names or direct you to where you can get help.

 

[Jiro]

I live in Travelers Rest, SC. I figured f I provide a location, you'd probably know where to suggest or make advice and etc like that.

It has been almost two years since my father passed away due cancer and brain tumor. He used to have good paying job (He was cable guy for AT&T) and we were in "middle class". In 2010, it went downhill after he got stroke and found out he had brain tumor so he had to get surgery to remove tumors. It went success. He returned to work after regain control of his right hand. Few months later, we found out he had stage 4 cancer which he can't go outside any longer. He had go through chemo. His heath decline over time and it reached the point where he had to visit doctor because he had low blood level. Eventually he came home in hospital bed and we had hospice nurse come over sometime to check on him. Doctor said he had about 2 to 3 months left to live. Possible less than that. It was only two months before he passed away. He could not beat cancer however his brain tumor is main cause, it regrew back and made his heath worse so that is why he could not win the fight. He fought for almost 3 years and lost. It was big impact on our lives. Now finical is coming to kick our asses.

Now we dropped into "low class" poor family. But thanks to dad's good friendship with landlord, we are able to have roof even we could not pay rent all time. In my heart I knew we'd have to move to cheaper home someday. So I told her that we should sell our stuff we don't use anymore through yard sale or pawnshop. She is okay with it but when I told her that we need to move, she got little upset and said we will be fine even I know we will not and I don't like the fact that she has to use all of my SSI and make my bank account owe (overdrawn balance) to pay for bills she claimed to be around $800 worth of bills. Rent is not included. I told her how it is not fair that I could not even save a penny for myself. I am still jobless and still looking for two years. Everyone in my house (Brother, sister, her boyfriend and mom) have job. I am pretty frustration. We live in small town and she won't willing to drive me to bit far just for job. I have fear of driving. But at least I got apt with VR next week (Could not do this week because no gas money). Travelers Rest does not even have bus route.

So What should I do? How do I convince her to agree that we should move to cheaper home or move to Florida and live with grandparents for while? (We will have to use their camper. Their camper only have room for 3 or 4 people.)

oh god... your father didn't get a life insurance?

I don't really have any useful advice for you... just that all of you need to come together and make a hard sensible logical decision

 

[JoeyDeafNinja]

I don't know what to say...is possible get as much literature as possible she can read,or you get re-homed go on your own to grampa...she sounds depressed and in need of mental help,she prob not over your dads death

Well we were offered consoling but I shot it down because I found out they didn't offer interpreter. I told mom that I will not accept that as long as they don't offer interpreter. I told her that she will have to go to their office if she need consoling. She never go. I am only deaf in hearing family and no one even know ASL. I am still considering for while about moving out to be with relations but if I move out, she'd have no money left to pay for bills since my SSI cover all of that.

What are the $800 bills for , did you ask to see the bills in questions ? And how did your landlord get to use your SSI ? I think you should try to find a legal aid office for income people and see if they can give you some advice.

She said about $800 for bills. Never say exact what bills. She does not even communicate with me. No I did not say landlord using my SSI. I said mom using my SSI for bills. Mind explain what "legal aid office"?

First of all, I am so sorry about your experiences that is so much for you at once. How old are you now? i think age 18 already???

Turned 21 last April.

The mother is using the SSI to pay for whatever the bills are. I'm not clear on what money is being used to pay the rent (when they can)- guessing SSI goes for that.

Why aren't the brother & Sister/boyfriend helping with the bills & rent if they all have jobs?

Maybe you can look into government help- especially considering your mom is in "lower class" (poor) bracket now- you didn't say if Mom was working or not. I don't know if you will qualify because your siblings live there AND have jobs (most times they count everybody in the dwelling whether or not you claim yourself as 1 on taxes). Talk to VR about that too if they can give you names or direct you to where you can get help.

I am not even clear either. She does not even communicate with me. I get about thousand dollars SSI every month and my mom refuse to listen to me when I warned and told her countless times that she need to stop overdraw my account when I have nothing left in it. Usually -$300 so we get less because of it. I plan to turn overdraw off so that she can't overdraw anymore in few days (That is when SSI will come in). I can't do that with any penny negative on my bank account.

Good question, I have no idea at all. I know mostly they buy for themselves.

Yeah I am sure I am not qualify because everyone in my home have jobs expect me. Yeah I have apt with VR for next week so I can ask them about it.

oh god... your father didn't get a life insurance?

I don't really have any useful advice for you... just that all of you need to come together and make a hard sensible logical decision

Since my family never communicate with me so I really have no idea if he had life insurance or not but from look of it, it looks like he didn't.

 

[Reba]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. Your family went thru a very difficult time.

Since your family doesn't communicate with you, it might be time for you to make arrangements for yourself. You might qualify for a group home or some other arrangements thru the state.

It might be a good idea to take your mom off your bank account so you can have better control of your finances.

Keep in mind, if you move to another state you will have to start all over again with new services. Each state is different.

 

[Angel1989]

I agree with Reba....might be time for you to go out on your own. It really is not fair that everyone is living off your SSI. The longer you let them use your money the longer they will not do something about the situation. The fact that no one even communicates with you is horrible. You are an adult now and have every right to start your own life. I hope VR can help you. Best of luck.

 

[deafdyke]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. Your family went thru a very difficult time.

Since your family doesn't communicate with you, it might be time for you to make arrangements for yourself. You might qualify for a group home or some other arrangements thru the state.

.

Um group home? Why? He's high functioning! But I agree 100% I think its time to move on.....Maybe go down to Florida.... Maybe get a job as a dorm parent at one of the Schools for the Deaf....then that way, you could have room and board, make some money and impact kids positively!

 

[ChicagoBlue2]

Have you talked with a banker/bank manager about what options you have open? That's what I would do. They might be able to point you in a direction that maybe be better suited for your situation.

Oh, and if you can, get a photocopy of the checks written. Some banks will do that. That should give you an idea of where your money might be going, and help you make a better decision.

 

[Bebonang]

I am sorry for the loss of your father's passing. That is hard when you find that you can not get ASL interpreter. That is terrible.

Also I am sorry that you are experiencing having problems with financial matters. I agree with others about VRS who might help you making the decisions on where to live and how to find a job along with better service to help you get some accommodations, too.

It is good to have you back here on AllDeaf Forum. I have been thinking about every once in a while. When I saw your name and I do remember when you were so young. You were very smart when you write and use your common sense to tell us what you think of topics. I do hope you get some help to move on. Good luck on finding a place to live and to find a job.

 

[DeafDucky]

I don't think he'd be able to get photocopies of the checks his mother writes for the bills. It sounds like what she does is withdraw the money from HIS account then puts it in HER account and writes checks from there. I could be wrong.

My suggestion is either block your mother from ever accessing your account (remove name if she listed anywhere). At the least even go to the bank and change accounts. Close the old one and establish a new number (remembering to let SSI know about it too if your checks are direct deposit) and don't tell your mother what the account # is or allow her to have an ATM card. OR if both you and your mother share the same account, go and get a new account just for you and transfer the SSI deposit to that.

I wish you nothing but good luck and I hope that you can move away or something- your family really isn't doing you any favors at all.

 

[Frisky Feline]

Oh, 21. It's your decision that you can move out, and you may get a HUD, and SSI while you are looking for a job when you can. Try to find a place where you have friends who supports you as an emotional supports, not fincinial issues. I left my home when I was 19 and haven't return to home. Of course I still visit them.

how do you feel if you check with voc. reh to see if they can help you to encourage you to go to community college? sometimes they do help some $$ for you to live, but it depends on off campus or on cmapus. I know its very hard to abandon your fmaily but SSI is supposed to be for you, and SSI is supposed to help you to get your feet back on, and start to build up for your life such as going to school or finding a job. BUT 21 yrs old, perfect to check for VOC. REH about school or training clases.

Good lUck.

 

[JoeyDeafNinja]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. Your family went thru a very difficult time.

Since your family doesn't communicate with you, it might be time for you to make arrangements for yourself. You might qualify for a group home or some other arrangements thru the state.

It might be a good idea to take your mom off your bank account so you can have better control of your finances.

Keep in mind, if you move to another state you will have to start all over again with new services. Each state is different.

What kind of group home? I could change my account info any time I want but without her accessing to my SSI, no one will able to pay for bills expect me but I am not even taught how to pay so I have no clue how to pay for bills.

I agree with Reba....might be time for you to go out on your own. It really is not fair that everyone is living off your SSI. The longer you let them use your money the longer they will not do something about the situation. The fact that no one even communicates with you is horrible. You are an adult now and have every right to start your own life. I hope VR can help you. Best of luck.

Yeah, I am trying talk to mom to let me keep some of SSI money and have sister and her boyfriend help pay for bills.

Um group home? Why? He's high functioning! But I agree 100% I think its time to move on.....Maybe go down to Florida.... Maybe get a job as a dorm parent at one of the Schools for the Deaf....then that way, you could have room and board, make some money and impact kids positively!

Being 21 years old can work as dorm parent at FSDB? Or any deaf schools? I might can try SCSDB since it is closer to my home about hour away.

Have you talked with a banker/bank manager about what options you have open? That's what I would do. They might be able to point you in a direction that maybe be better suited for your situation.

Oh, and if you can, get a photocopy of the checks written. Some banks will do that. That should give you an idea of where your money might be going, and help you make a better decision.

I haven't been to bank for two or three years now. I will see what I can do.

I don't think I can get a photocopy since mom always withdraw my SSI as cash and go somewhere to pay for bills.

I am sorry for the loss of your father's passing. That is hard when you find that you can not get ASL interpreter. That is terrible.

Also I am sorry that you are experiencing having problems with financial matters. I agree with others about VRS who might help you making the decisions on where to live and how to find a job along with better service to help you get some accommodations, too.

It is good to have you back here on AllDeaf Forum. I have been thinking about every once in a while. When I saw your name and I do remember when you were so young. You were very smart when you write and use your common sense to tell us what you think of topics. I do hope you get some help to move on. Good luck on finding a place to live and to find a job.

Yeah I hope VR will help me! I have heard some bad stories about VRs so that si why I took a while to make attempt to contact VR so I hope I get right VR for me.

Yeah thanks for warm welcome back!

I don't think he'd be able to get photocopies of the checks his mother writes for the bills. It sounds like what she does is withdraw the money from HIS account then puts it in HER account and writes checks from there. I could be wrong.

My suggestion is either block your mother from ever accessing your account (remove name if she listed anywhere). At the least even go to the bank and change accounts. Close the old one and establish a new number (remembering to let SSI know about it too if your checks are direct deposit) and don't tell your mother what the account # is or allow her to have an ATM card. OR if both you and your mother share the same account, go and get a new account just for you and transfer the SSI deposit to that.

I wish you nothing but good luck and I hope that you can move away or something- your family really isn't doing you any favors at all.

I would block her from accessing to my account if she can pay bills herself.

yeah family is really not helping. They complain how I sit around and do nothing. I am like what can I do? I have no access to video phone. My phone does not have service anymore. I only can reply on mom to make calls. Mom always forget important things I had her to call and etc. It is like my job to remind her everyday. Last time I told her that I am fed up and want to move out and she had nerve to tell me that I don't care about family and such.

Oh, 21. It's your decision that you can move out, and you may get a HUD, and SSI while you are looking for a job when you can. Try to find a place where you have friends who supports you as an emotional supports, not fincinial issues. I left my home when I was 19 and haven't return to home. Of course I still visit them.

how do you feel if you check with voc. reh to see if they can help you to encourage you to go to community college? sometimes they do help some $$ for you to live, but it depends on off campus or on cmapus. I know its very hard to abandon your fmaily but SSI is supposed to be for you, and SSI is supposed to help you to get your feet back on, and start to build up for your life such as going to school or finding a job. BUT 21 yrs old, perfect to check for VOC. REH about school or training clases.

Good lUck.

What HUD? Yeah I already have two places I could choose to move anytime but still not decide yet.

That is part of a plan with VR but for community college, I am not sure. Since i live in TR which have no bus route and mom can't give me ride all time. I went to Tech College for a week and had to drop out because I could not get ride daily. I missed two days already so no choice but to drop out. Now I have owe I still need to pay for it. I don't know if it is paid or not since mom told me she'd take care of it.

 

[JoeyDeafNinja]

I just blunt told my mom that she can no longer to overdraw my account after it reaches to zero and she begged me not to. Really?

 

[Frisky Feline]

I just blunt told my mom that she can no longer to overdraw my account after it reaches to zero and she begged me not to. Really?

You know you are 21 yrs old. You can set up your own bank account and evertyhing in your name. SO you can decide whatever you need to get thing sdone.


If you want to go back to school, find an apartment that is close to college. I know some VR dont support anyone who wants to gally or RIT until community college with good grades then they can help you..

 

[Reba]

Um group home? Why? He's high functioning! But I agree 100% I think its time to move on.....Maybe go down to Florida.... Maybe get a job as a dorm parent at one of the Schools for the Deaf....then that way, you could have room and board, make some money and impact kids positively!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean like a home where he would need supervision but more of a state-subsidised situation where several people share a home for financial reasons.

 

[Reba]

. . . My suggestion is either block your mother from ever accessing your account (remove name if she listed anywhere). At the least even go to the bank and change accounts. Close the old one and establish a new number (remembering to let SSI know about it too if your checks are direct deposit) and don't tell your mother what the account # is or allow her to have an ATM card. OR if both you and your mother share the same account, go and get a new account just for you and transfer the SSI deposit to that.

I wish you nothing but good luck and I hope that you can move away or something- your family really isn't doing you any favors at all.

Like

 

[Reba]

I'm sorry but it seems that your mom is dependent on you for money, and you are dependent on her for managing your money and phone calls. If you don't separate your money from her and get some independence soon it will become more difficult later.

When a young adult (like you) leaves home that is not "abandoning" the family. It's just like a bird leaving the nest. It's time to move on and become an adult.

Most parents want their children to mature and leave home, even if they will miss them.