Feelings/frustrations.

MushyCookies

MushyCookies

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Here's what i posted on my facebook after a bad night with a couple of my friends.

"Ok, i have had enough. To everybody on my friend list that don't know ASL, Here's a few things deaf people absoultely hate having to deal with when they are hanging out with you..

1. When you get mad or frustrated that you can't talk to me. You don't think i feel the same? ( I have held back a lot of desire to punch people in the face whenever i see them SIGH in frustration)

2. When people ignore you. By ignoring, i mean whenever you try to talk to them and they brush it off as if it is nothing and keep doing whatever it is that they are doing. (this happen way too often)

3. When people give up trying to talk after a few attempts. (there are so many ways to talk to me, I am a person. I have feelings, It upsets me when you do this.)

4. I am not as naive as you may think i am. I can read lip pretty good and have seen people say many terrrible things about me right in front of my face. Show me some f***ing respect. To those who does this, One day, don't be surprised if my fist somehow accidentally land on your face.

5. Treat me as if i am like you all. Don't over do anything. I don't know why but a lot of hearing people likes to be extra touchy with me. I can understand a small tap on the shoulder to get my attention. But that is enough.

Mind some of the vuglar terms. I just needed to get that off my chest."

I would like to know if anybody have ever felt this way? I just sometimes feel like i am the only one here that feels this way. Anybody have any other things they don't like while socializing? This rant was a quickly written one, so i didnt really phrase a lot of things properly and in a nice manner. I was upset.
 
I do understand every word you said cause it always happen to me. Got some ways to deal with it. What you have felt is very normal, but try to minimize it as it is not healthy for you in the long run.

We live our life once, so try your best to live it and ignore them.
 
I ditch people who act like that and show them I can find better friends.
 
GentleLove4ever- You are sweet and your username matches. I appreciate the advice.

ChefDylan- I try to give eveerybody a 2nd chance. But as of recently I have gotten rid of a lot of people that didn't deserve to be graced with my presence anymore. :P
 
Giving them another chance is boring unless they chase after you and show you their determination but other than that, they might not bother with you. Just forget it and move on, focus on yourself mostly since in their stupid perspective, it's you, not them. Silly people.
 
MuchyCookies, thanks for the compliment.

Giving a second chance might sometimes work. For normal people, dealing with us is a complicated task for them, but it will be clear if they care and want to know how. Otherwise dumb them and move forward, as there are lot of people out there who will deserve our love and attention.
 
MushyCookies said:
Here's what i posted on my facebook after a bad night with a couple of my friends.

"Ok, i have had enough. To everybody on my friend list that don't know ASL, Here's a few things deaf people absoultely hate having to deal with when they are hanging out with you..

1. When you get mad or frustrated that you can't talk to me. You don't think i feel the same? ( I have held back a lot of desire to punch people in the face whenever i see them SIGH in frustration)

2. When people ignore you. By ignoring, i mean whenever you try to talk to them and they brush it off as if it is nothing and keep doing whatever it is that they are doing. (this happen way too often)

3. When people give up trying to talk after a few attempts. (there are so many ways to talk to me, I am a person. I have feelings, It upsets me when you do this.)

4. I am not as naive as you may think i am. I can read lip pretty good and have seen people say many terrrible things about me right in front of my face. Show me some f***ing respect. To those who does this, One day, don't be surprised if my fist somehow accidentally land on your face.

5. Treat me as if i am like you all. Don't over do anything. I don't know why but a lot of hearing people likes to be extra touchy with me. I can understand a small tap on the shoulder to get my attention. But that is enough.

Mind some of the vuglar terms. I just needed to get that off my chest."

I would like to know if anybody have ever felt this way? I just sometimes feel like i am the only one here that feels this way. Anybody have any other things they don't like while socializing? This rant was a quickly written one, so i didnt really phrase a lot of things properly and in a nice manner. I was upset.
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you don't have to hang out with them again :)

I haven't hung out with my hearing groups for quite a while now. Saves me a lot of frustrations.
 
I don't have much choice when it comes to friends in real life. The deaf community are not as nice as they were after they heard and started believing a rumor that was not true. So i am basically stuck with the Hearies.
 
MushyCookies said:
I don't have much choice when it comes to friends in real life. The deaf community are not as nice as they were after they heard and started believing a rumor that was not true. So i am basically stuck with the Hearies.
Click to expand...

ah.... I see.

well then - I hope things will be resolved amicably between you and your friends.
 
isolating yourself from the Hearies is not a good idea as you have to be normal, act normal as you are normal. They are not much different than us. So live your life and try to mix n match with all type of people. Later on, you can filter your friends, keep the goods and stay away from the bads, wether Hearies or Deafs.
 
I don't know how to keep it short as possible but bear with me.

Back in high school, I met a hearing girl who became my best friend. After she moved in with me, we became really close, so close that she learned how to understand my "spoken language" and vice versa. When we go hang out with her friends, she ignored me completely, like I was invisible. I tried to be involved as much as I can, but nothing changed. I talked to her about it and it fell on "deaf ears". I had her full attention when we are alone, but not when we are with her friends. For me, it's best to hang out with at least one or two hearing people than being in a large group. It's a same concept with my family members (they do not know ASL) like going to family gatherings and such, they won't let me in and just push me aside.

Even if they ignore you, it doesn't mean they don't care about you. They'd rather to have fun than being your interpreter. No matter how well you know them, if they do not know ASL, nothing will change unless you find a true friend. Try to hang out in a small group and see how that goes. If you already did and still feel like you're a ghost, then they are not worth it. If you see them talking s*** about you, then they are not the kind of friends you want. I wish you a luck in finding the friends you are looking for.
 
You have described the situation perfectly. That was actually what was happening to me tonight when i was out with a group.

I have not thought of it that way. If i had an ASL student with me, i would kind of feel the same way. But i am not that type of person who would push some body off or aside no matter what.
 
Behindthemask, I totally agree with you. Such people are ignorant and careless. We are human beings after all, same as they are. If that friend of yours broke her leg and cast it, then met her friends and ignore her, she will feel the same as you felt. Being deaf is not an excuse for Hearies to treat us in a different way.

Whenever I face people like her, I try to educate them and tell them how I feel so they don't do it again. If they insist on doing it, then they are not my friends. There are 6 billions human being on Earth, and I'm confident we can find lotsa good friends around, but we have to keep searching.
 
I agree with you 100%! It can be so frustrating sometimes, especially when someone just goes, "Ah nevermind, you can't hear me anyways." Also at work people constantly bash me right in front of my face thinking I can't lip read. I hate it!

I get pushed out of groups all the time by people who act like they care. We need to come up with a good solution for this, because mine right now is staying home and not talking with anyone other than my boyfriend.
 
I did that for 3 years, staying home and not doing much. I can totally relate with you! I would love to try and come up with some solutions sometime. I am part of a Paranormal Team so Staying home is not an option anymore for me. :P
 
Softabak, yes we need to come out with a solution, but lemme tell you that your current solution is not an effective one.

Staying home and not talking to anyone is like you are punishing yourself, why? Life is so beautiful and we have the right to enjoy it as much as the Hearies do. Isolating yourself is not a solution as I told MushyCookies. Do you think the Hearies will isolate themselves cause they can't communicate with us? Nah, I doubt it. So go for it and live your life to the fullest.
 
I'm deaf and it is not my job to make everyone happy. I had a guy ask me how much I paid for a bike. I said $65. Guy said you were stupid to pay $65. I will offer you $40. I sold the bike to someone else for $90. I've been degraded many times in bike business. I know what I have. I don't let anyone talk down to me either socially or personally. There are a lot of people that appreciate what you have.

I do have a hearing girlfriend. She has only 1 deaf friend and she doesn't enjoy hanging out with that deaf person. Therefore, we spend a lot of time in hearing world. Yeah, I sympathy with you.
 
I felt the same way many times happened to me. That's why I won't come back ever again. I always look forward to meet new friend than to keep old friends if they're not given u opportunity.
 
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