If a person is happy and comfortable with an asexual lifestyle, and has no interest in finding out if it is part of a psychological or medical problem, then it is a lifestyle choice. It is not abnormal, it is well within the range of normal. American culture places waaaay too much emphasis on sexuality.
Deaf Asexuals?
- Thread starter mimi
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For me yes for other asexuals dont no havnt meet others
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True, and I do believe it exists. But I have lurked at AVEN.....how do asexuals know that they simply haven't met the right person to turn them on? Before I get attacked, let me explain. I am not attracted to girls in general. I am attracted to people who happen to be girls. Make sense? It does seem like asexuals think that sexual people are always horny all the time. That's not true. A sexual response is based on how much you really really like a person. Maybe asexual people are just really really picky. Although if I recall correctly, asexuality is connected to high functioning autism. So it does exist.
Kalima01
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I totally get what you're saying re: your sexuality.
My best mate has always been hetro and now her r/ship is with a woman...
However she doesn't class herself to be a lesbian because she's not sexually attracted to women in general... The person she fell in love with, just happens to be female.
This is a whole lot of fail all in two posts.
Saying "how do asexuals know that they simply haven't met the right person to turn them on" is like saying "how do gay people know that they're gay, maybe they just haven't met the right heterosexual person to make them normal?"
Absolutely, sexuality is fluid. Some people who identify as asexual some time might identify as demisexual or sexual later, but that doesn't invalidate their experience. Much like a lesbian dating a man doesn't mean she "wasn't a lesbian".
Likewise, saying "How do you know if asexuality is a preference, as oppose to someone who may have an underlying medical or psychological issue that may be treated and help increase sexual desire?" is much like saying "how do you know if homosexuality is a preference, and not just a medical or psychological issue that may be treated and help normalize the person and increase heterosexual feelings/expression?" - aka, a really offensive and silly thing to say.
"It does seem like asexuals think that sexual people are always horny all the time." <-- blatant and inappropriate use of stereotype. Would you appreciate it if I said that "it seems like all of you gay people think straight people are always horny all the time, and you're wrong"? Probably not.
"A sexual response is based on how much you really really like a person." ... uhm, just, no. Some sexuals entire sex life consists of one night stands with people they don't care about much less like. Some asexuals are lovingly married. Attraction, fondness, or affection have scarce little to do with how engorged your genitalia becomes at the sight of a person.
"Maybe asexual people are just really really picky." Again, would you appreciate it if someone said "maybe lesbian girls are just really picky and if the right man came along they wouldn't be (this perceived inferior state of) a lesbian after all?"
"Although if I recall correctly, asexuality is connected to high functioning autism. " No again, and, again. Would you like it if people said "lesbianism is connected to x disability, because I know a lot of disabled lesbians, so it must be their disability making them lesbian"? No, because that would be ridiculous. Asexuality is more visible in autistic culture, which is why more autistic people are out as ace. This in no way reflects the actual rate of the orientation compared to non-autistics: they're just less likely to know about it.
To sum it up: human sexuality is ridiculously, ridiculously complicated. There are many, many many many possible valid expressions, and you're pretty much bound to say something stupid or offensive if you pick an orientation/expression/behavior (which is consensual) and say the words "are you sure that person doesn't have a disorder which needs therapy".
Just because it isn't your cup of tea, doesn't mean its basically ever acceptable to call consensual sexual expression (or indeed nonexpression) "maybe disordered" or to imply that it might be changed if that person could just "meet the right normal person". Never.
Oh give me a break. You completely misinterpreted what I am saying. Asexuality does exist. I'm just saying that I think it's overall a lot more complex then a lot of even asexuals might be . It's like.....have you ever read Kate Bornstiern and her writings on how gender is very fluid? Same with sexuality (of ALL sorts)
I do think many asexuals do not realize that sexuality can be really fluid. At least you admit that. But the thing is.....from the posts on the AVEN messageboard, they almost seem to think that sexual people are always turned on. That board is FILLED with complaints "oh our culture is so sexual....ewwwww!"
And just so you know, I was not pathologizing asexuality with my mention of Asperger's Syndrome. There was a member on here who was Aspie and stated that it's very common in the HFA/Asperger's world. Asperger's Syndrome very often (not always) involves significent social emotional deficts. There seems to be two subtypes. One is they're kind of a hermit and may not want friends. The other is they want friends but really don't know how to make friends. Like think Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
He has a realtionship with Amy Farah Fowler, and he cares for her, but just as a friend. It's not sexual. He does not seem to be sexual per se. If what I heard (about Asperger's being connected to asexuality) is correct then it makes sense.......if there are people who may not be interested or adapt at relationships b/c of a nereological quirk, then it stands to reason that some of those same people may not have sexual desire.
I do think many asexuals do not realize that sexuality can be really fluid. At least you admit that. But the thing is.....from the posts on the AVEN messageboard, they almost seem to think that sexual people are always turned on. That board is FILLED with complaints "oh our culture is so sexual....ewwwww!"
And just so you know, I was not pathologizing asexuality with my mention of Asperger's Syndrome. There was a member on here who was Aspie and stated that it's very common in the HFA/Asperger's world. Asperger's Syndrome very often (not always) involves significent social emotional deficts. There seems to be two subtypes. One is they're kind of a hermit and may not want friends. The other is they want friends but really don't know how to make friends. Like think Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
He has a realtionship with Amy Farah Fowler, and he cares for her, but just as a friend. It's not sexual. He does not seem to be sexual per se. If what I heard (about Asperger's being connected to asexuality) is correct then it makes sense.......if there are people who may not be interested or adapt at relationships b/c of a nereological quirk, then it stands to reason that some of those same people may not have sexual desire.
Yes, sexuality is fluid, and people change. And asexuality is a common feature of Aspergers. And autistic-like characteristic are very common in the general population. That is why Asperger's is so over-diagnosed.
Fear of HIV has helped many people make the step to an asexual lifestyle. Those who bend to society's pressures by participating in drunken promiscuity are getting rarer and rarer.
Personally, I have much better things to do than pursue a mate.
Fear of HIV has helped many people make the step to an asexual lifestyle. Those who bend to society's pressures by participating in drunken promiscuity are getting rarer and rarer.
Personally, I have much better things to do than pursue a mate.
deafbajagal
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What's the point of your response? To insult others? It sure isn't to educate them about asexuality, which is probably one of the most misunderstood form of sexuality. By ridiculing others who are asking questions about it, instead of educating them, you are shutting down the open dialogue. Result? Continue with more misunderstandings of what asexuality is.
Way to go.