Dating after deafness... Is it possible?!

SpaCityMedic

SpaCityMedic

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Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

So, i went on a date with a hearing guy i met on plentyoffish.com, and it was possibly the most awkward thing in the world. He picked me up and though i had intended on just going voice off, and using lipreading, sign or paper, i figured that may be weird for him so i did speak. He kept sitting there after a very long pause, and would just laugh or smile to himself, and i would ask whats funny, and he would just say, "oh nothing... Haha.... Nothing, its just this is really weird." i didnt think there was anything so weird about dating me before i lost my hearing, so why should it be so different now! So, though we had plans to go see a movie, he decided against it because "well you cant hear what theyre saying anyhow". I was never so offended in my life... Suddenly this man is an expert on MY DEAFNESS!! so instead of a movie, instead of dinner, instead of doing anything remotely DATELIKE, like, say taking me into any of the public places we had previously planned to go-- he takes me to a closed carwash.
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

So, i went on a date with a hearing guy i met on plentyoffish.com, and it was possibly the most awkward thing in the world. He picked me up and though i had intended on just going voice off, and using lipreading, sign or paper, i figured that may be weird for him so i did speak. He kept sitting there after a very long pause, and would just laugh or smile to himself, and i would ask whats funny, and he would just say, "oh nothing... Haha.... Nothing, its just this is really weird." i didnt think there was anything so weird about dating me before i lost my hearing, so why should it be so different now! So, though we had plans to go see a movie, he decided against it because "well you cant hear what theyre saying anyhow". I was never so offended in my life... Suddenly this man is an expert on MY DEAFNESS!! so instead of a movie, instead of dinner, instead of doing anything remotely DATELIKE, like, say taking me into any of the public places we had previously planned to go-- he takes me to a closed carwash.
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He was probably just trying to be nice and considerate about the movie - but a closed carwash was .... weird
 
That sucks!...And feel the reason he was laughing at himself was because he didn't know how to communicate with you, probably his 1st time dating a deafie.....

What did he do in the closed car wash?....Wash his car?...That's really nuts!
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

*sorry, phone wouldnt let me make my post any longer* ok, so we sat in this carwash and made conversation, and after a while i said, "are we not going to dinner or anything? We planned on it before i left the house..." and he proceeds to tell me that he is not hungry, and ate just before he left the house. Wow. Then he comments that i sound like i have a head cold, and asked if its because im deaf. I just said, i think i do have a cold, and that i probably should be getting home because i wasnt feeling too fantastic as it is. So then all the way home he asked questions about my deafness and made "funny jokes" about deafness. He even went so far as to say "you know its a shame youre deaf... Youre so pretty... Kind of a waste, know what i mean..." i felt like a sideshow freak, too offensive to be brought around other proper humans, but too entertaining to take back home just yet. He dropped me off at the bottom of the driveway, and i walked back home, a quarter mile up the mountain in the dark.
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

I just feel like, okay... I finally have the courage to put myself out there and date and meet people, try making new friends, be a part of a group, etc... And this happens. If i could have had maybe just a couple good experiences right off the bat, maybe my confidence wouldnt be so low. Before i lost all my hearing, i sang jazz, i would be the life of the party, gregarious, and charming... These days i feel that if i close my eyes, the entire world disappears, including myself. I am lonely. But im also a good, fun person. Honest and loyal... Many things... But none of that matters when the guy yoire interested it doesnt feel that youre even worth the price of a meal... That YOURE even willing to pay for, yourself! Haha. I didnt think in two solid years time, being deaf that my voice would deteriorate enough that it offended. Anyways... Im just having a pity party over here. I rarely do it, but today... I just needed to get it out.
 
And you have all right to do that!

You know the really sad part about it...I can't say that I'm shocked, because I experienced some of these things myself and heard too many stories that go like yours. It is just sad, that there are still so many morons out there.

Too bad you didn't get a chance to kick that guy in his behind. Good thing, not everyone out there is like that, so keep looking!

What would you like to tell him, if you'd meet him again?
 
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Frankly I'm not surprised - I know a number of people who've tried dating from plentyoffish ... none of them had anything but horrible experiences. In fact it's nicknamed "plentyofjerks".
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Not sure what i would tell him. Im just hurt and confused and feeling rejected and freakish. So far i have had a pretty good attitude about the whole thing, all these years of progressively losing my hearing. I considered myself a hearing person who just didnt hear well. That worked till i went deaf. I think when i can stop looking at myself in that light, and accept that i am now a deaf person, maybe i will be able to move forward, stop greiving, and have confidence in whom i am again.
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Anij said:
Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

Frankly I'm not surprised - I know a number of people who've tried dating from plentyoffish ... none of them had anything but horrible experiences. In fact it's nicknamed "plentyofjerks".
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Lol @ plenty of jerks. ok so maybe i should start looking to date other deafies... Maybe? Hard to find anyother deaf people around here, let alone a single guy interested in a 6ft2in female firefighter.
 
Ok, read through your recent updated info. R-U-N!

In the complete opposite direction.

He was trying to take advantage of you in that closed car wash.
 
Yes, I had a date last week in a noisy resaurant and it didn't go well. You really have to check out were you are going before you setup the date. I'm on POF too. They have a good Forum there, but it can be brutal.

Just make sure you plan out the first meeting in a quiet, but public place.
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Im suuuuch... An idiot. Closed carwash... Why didnt i see his intentions. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, always assuming their motives are as honest as mine. And getting busy was the last thing on my mind... Didnt even occur. anyways, i have a stupid question... How do i see a movie at the theatre with closed captioning? Do i request it? I feel very ignorant right now. :)
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

VacationGuy234 said:
Yes, I had a date last week in a noisy resaurant and it didn't go well. You really have to check out were you are going before you setup the date. I'm on POF too. They have a good Forum there, but it can be brutal.

Just make sure you plan out the first meeting in a quiet, but public place.
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When i had enough hearing to be able to rely on it in a conversation, noisy places did pose a problem. I wear hearing aids for basically two reasons: though i cant make out what exactly it is thats being said, they help me hear if someone says something behind me, or if there are sirens or door bells, etc. Awareness, i guess is all they are for. And the other is that Meinere's leaves me with fluctuating hearing, so sometimes its better than other times, but its always getting worse. Anyways, i will have to check out your profile! ;-) im FF254EMT. And thanks for the encouragement. I just dont wanna end up an old maid... Im 27 and its crunch time!!!
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Yes, I had a date last week in a noisy resaurant and it didn't go well. You really have to check out were you are going before you setup the date. I'm on POF too. They have a good Forum there, but it can be brutal.

Just make sure you plan out the first meeting in a quiet, but public place.
Click to expand...

you're trying way too hard in this dating scheme and now you see what happened? you're just setting yourself up for more and more disappointing failures unless you change yourself.

I just had a lunch date yesterday with a hearing person and it went well despite of noisy environment we were in. it's not that hard.
 
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Im suuuuch... An idiot. Closed carwash... Why didnt i see his intentions. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, always assuming their motives are as honest as mine. And getting busy was the last thing on my mind... Didnt even occur. anyways, i have a stupid question... How do i see a movie at the theatre with closed captioning? Do i request it? I feel very ignorant right now. :)
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some theaters have scheduled CC so you can simply check out http://www.captionfish.com/ when it's showing
 
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Jiro said:
SpaCityMedic said:
Wirelessly posted (MyCellyTelly)

Im suuuuch... An idiot. Closed carwash... Why didnt i see his intentions. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, always assuming their motives are as honest as mine. And getting busy was the last thing on my mind... Didnt even occur. anyways, i have a stupid question... How do i see a movie at the theatre with closed captioning? Do i request it? I feel very ignorant right now. :)
Click to expand...

some theaters have scheduled CC so you can simply check out when it's showing - http://www.captionfish.com/
Click to expand...

Oh! Thanks so much, youre an angel. I know there is a lot about Deaf culture and day to day things that can help me, but Im tryimg hard to learn it all at once. By myself, with no help from family or friends. Getting to go see a movie would be a treat, especially with captions! Now... Wish me luck on finding that date. Lol
 
Twenty seven and crunch time, I don't mean to make light of it, but that's hilarious. Trust me, crunch time is around thirty seven or thirty eight.

You're tall and that can be an advantage for a women, guys like tall women. Although it's a double edge sword, women don't like short guys, but it can work to your advantage.

Believe it or not, guys are not going to give you as much of a hard time with the hearing because communication is not priority one for them. So, you have an advantage there too.

As far as the date goes, deaf attract a lot of weirdos. Just try to be safe and take the cell phone; let people know were you are going, etc.

I have Meniere's too, but I've handled it through diet and exercise. I've had some crazy date and my accent is noticeable as well, but also had some good times.

Try some deaf sites. They didn't work out that great for me and there are a lot of scamers on there(I still get nigerian mail), but it can't hurt.
 
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