MissPretty27
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- Sep 20, 2014
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Hello everyone! I am a hearing girl. 27yrs old. I met my husband 8 years ago. I was very young. I did not know sign. When I first saw my husband it was love at first site. Then when I tried to talk to him he "motioned" he was deaf. He felt the connection too so he left his # for me to text him. I wondered if I could be with a deaf man but my friend told me to just try it out. Ever since that day we have been together.
We started out using pad and paper to communicate. Then I finger spelled, followed by learning fluent signed english in 3 months.
We where in love. In 6 months we where engaged. My family and friends where happy for us...but worried for me. They knew it would be very hard to manage a deaf hearing relationship and they warned me.
Most of the time I got mad at them and said LOVE IS LOVE!! It will work! All we need is love. My dead fiance at the time was wondeful...very affectionate, loving and payed me a lot of attention. But that shortly changed. He had never gotten me a gift or payed for my meal. I learned this was possibly due to deaf culture. But it still hurt me. The first Christmas we had together, I got him a few nice gifts and he got me nothing. I was so confused...he said his family didnt give gifts. It made me cry. Bc anyone should know Christmas is a time to exchange gifts, especially with your fiance...and especially bc he was my first love and I knew the holidays would be more special! .....this would not be the first time I cried on a holiday... he did not celebrate my birthday or valentines either. Each time I tried to prepare him for the coming holiday by hinting how important they where to me...and each time he let me down and broke my heart. But, I was still in love.
Early in our new realtionship my fiance would tell me: " I am deaf. I am not very smart like hearing people....I will never have a great job or money. Are you sure you want that??" I would always say "yes!! What we have is true love! As long as you love me forever and make me feel I am your special soul mate, money and other things are unimportant!"
Well...he didnt love me the way he should have. And I realized that after we moved in together. He was very selfish and irresponsible. He quit several jobs even though we now had to pay bills on our own. And little by little he was changing into a person who did not show me affection or love. It made me cry so much and made me wonder what was wrong with me. I loved him and showed him all the time. All he could say was that it was the way he was raised. But that cant be true because he showed me a lot of love the first 5 months...and then it died. Well I decided we weren't going to work out so I broke up with him. He agreed at first but then very quickly begged me to come back to him. I did love him and it was so hard to leave him so I went back to him. He said he would work to show more love to me.
He didnt. In fact he was thinking about cheating on me. Bc I read a text that said he wanted some girls number to hook up with. I broke up with him AGAIN. he really broke my heart that time. He swore he was sorry and stupid for that. And I took him back.
Ill be honest...I took him back bc I loved him...but also...i guess because he's deaf I felt sorry for him. I worried that he would be too lonely. Or some dumb girl would ruin his life bc she didnt care about him. Or someone would use him. He also would say things like "if u leave me ill just be alone everyday. With no happiness or joy" I couldnt really leave him. So anyways...we got back together...one other time we broke up and I was actually fine with it. I was starting to see someone else and encouraged him to do the same...but he couldnt. He tried but he couldnt get any girls attention. So he came crawling back and made it impossible for me to say no. So this time three yrs of crazy relationship had passed...I was tired of make up and break up. We both loved eachother..and couldn't REALLY leave eachother. So I said...if we get back together we need to get married. I want to move on w my life and have kids and it was important to me that I was married before that. So I planned the wedding all by myself and we got married. Our wedding was o.k. my dad payed for our honeymoon to Disneyworld...and it was ok. I could tell this man was not IN LOVE with me. He was just with me bc he cared for me and it hurt when we broke up ..but he was not in love. I dont think he knows whay real love is.
So then we came home and settled into normal married life. It sucked. But I felt stuck bc I never had the balls to leave him...so I just decided to have a baby. I really wanted children. So I got pregnant. He was not a very helpful spouse to a pregnant woman. Especially emotionally. The baby was born...and I was so blessed to have her. My heart finally felt true love. Our marriage still sucked but he was a pretty good dad.
Well here we are now. Together 8 yrs. 5 of those yrs married. It will be 6 yrs married in march. I am SO unhappy. I realise a lot of our problems is bc of his selfish or not loving....but a lot is deaf hearing relationship. I cant do it. I could handle communication problems when I was in love with him. ..but now that im not in love with him..I cant stand it!! I do everything. I pay all the bills...bc he doesn't know how. We bought a house and he was not with me or helpful with any of it bc he "doesn't know how"... I LOVE TO TALK....he doesn't. ...and most the time when I try to talk about something interesting, he doesn't know anything about it or cant understand what im talking about.
He misunderstands important things all the time. He hasn't taught our 4 yr old any more than basic signs so she doesn't habe a good relationship w him and I have to parent her 90% of the time. So im always stressed out. I tried begging him to step up as a husband and father but he gets frustrated and mad. Im over it. I know being deaf is no excuse for all this. When we go out to eat or sit at dinner at home or sit around the house, he has nothing to say. And its not that hes mad at me, he just doesn't have anything to talk about. He is extremely dependent on me as his hearing wife.
I bet if he was with a deaf girl he would be more responsible bc he wouldnt have me to do everything for him. I tried telling him how miserable I am but he just gets mad and says I want too much. But its not true. I want a partner!!! Not someone to take care of! He does work and help around the house...but he is not a partner, lover, companion....any of that. I tell him all the time its like im married to my brother. Bc we fight and even when we dont fight our relationship is not right.
I told him AGAIN recently I think we need a divorce or at least seperate. ..but he just says there must be a way we can work it out. And be happy.
Its been 8 yrs and I cant remember any real times I was happy besides the first yr. I feel like he thinks he cant find another woman so he settles for me. I told him he could be much happier w a deaf girl...but I think he knows good deaf girls are so hard to find so he might as well stay w me. Also...he grew up poor and now we have a pretty nice house. So I think he doesn't want to live somewhere else or lose this house. Its sad I know....but I cant stay w him just bc im worried about his feelings. ..or if hel be okay alone in this hearing world...and I cant worry that ill ruin his life by making him leave the only real home hes ever has. If we get a divorce hel get what he deserves...I dont want to rip him off..but obviously I have our 2 little girls so ill keep the house. But honestly I think hes so scared to be alone...he has no friends or family really...besides his deaf dad and deaf step mom. Hes not evem apart of the deaf community. They have invite him out but hes not interested. Even though I tell him he needs friends. Maybe hes depressed or prefers no friends. So thats fine but like I said...I cant be miserable anymore. I wish I could call my husband and quickly ask him to do something important. Or I wish I could depend on him to take care of family errands...I wish he could be involved more with my hearing famiy but they only know a little sign..and like I said he is very limited in evem what he can discuss so conversations are hard. Im missing out on a real marriage and my children are missing out on a real father. Bc ive seen koda's my daughters age b4 and they can communicate w their parents much more than my daughter. But my husband doesn't even try. And I have enough responsibility already that I cant teach her that too. I taught her a lot of it already.
So anyways....I know I wrote a lot but I had to get all this off my mind.
I know I made a mistake....but I was in love and I never expected a deaf hearing relationship to be this hard and stressful. I just want to be happy. And actually my husband is a handsome good guy....so I want him to find a girl that makes it simple for him to love her..and maybe a deaf girl that will understand him more. Maybe she will help him see how being deaf doesn't mean its okay to not love your wife properly.
I just need to find the strength to let him go. But I feel like im holding the hand of a person with one leg. And were walking on a bridge high in the sky. Because im holding his hand im losing my balance and soon were both going to fall...but if I let go of his hand he will surely fall bc he only has one leg. So do I keep holding his hand and risk us both dying. ..or should I let go and hope he grabs the rope?
Ugh.....its too much.
all I wanted to do was love him.
Sent from my SCH-R530U using AllDeaf App mobile app
We started out using pad and paper to communicate. Then I finger spelled, followed by learning fluent signed english in 3 months.
We where in love. In 6 months we where engaged. My family and friends where happy for us...but worried for me. They knew it would be very hard to manage a deaf hearing relationship and they warned me.
Most of the time I got mad at them and said LOVE IS LOVE!! It will work! All we need is love. My dead fiance at the time was wondeful...very affectionate, loving and payed me a lot of attention. But that shortly changed. He had never gotten me a gift or payed for my meal. I learned this was possibly due to deaf culture. But it still hurt me. The first Christmas we had together, I got him a few nice gifts and he got me nothing. I was so confused...he said his family didnt give gifts. It made me cry. Bc anyone should know Christmas is a time to exchange gifts, especially with your fiance...and especially bc he was my first love and I knew the holidays would be more special! .....this would not be the first time I cried on a holiday... he did not celebrate my birthday or valentines either. Each time I tried to prepare him for the coming holiday by hinting how important they where to me...and each time he let me down and broke my heart. But, I was still in love.
Early in our new realtionship my fiance would tell me: " I am deaf. I am not very smart like hearing people....I will never have a great job or money. Are you sure you want that??" I would always say "yes!! What we have is true love! As long as you love me forever and make me feel I am your special soul mate, money and other things are unimportant!"
Well...he didnt love me the way he should have. And I realized that after we moved in together. He was very selfish and irresponsible. He quit several jobs even though we now had to pay bills on our own. And little by little he was changing into a person who did not show me affection or love. It made me cry so much and made me wonder what was wrong with me. I loved him and showed him all the time. All he could say was that it was the way he was raised. But that cant be true because he showed me a lot of love the first 5 months...and then it died. Well I decided we weren't going to work out so I broke up with him. He agreed at first but then very quickly begged me to come back to him. I did love him and it was so hard to leave him so I went back to him. He said he would work to show more love to me.
He didnt. In fact he was thinking about cheating on me. Bc I read a text that said he wanted some girls number to hook up with. I broke up with him AGAIN. he really broke my heart that time. He swore he was sorry and stupid for that. And I took him back.
Ill be honest...I took him back bc I loved him...but also...i guess because he's deaf I felt sorry for him. I worried that he would be too lonely. Or some dumb girl would ruin his life bc she didnt care about him. Or someone would use him. He also would say things like "if u leave me ill just be alone everyday. With no happiness or joy" I couldnt really leave him. So anyways...we got back together...one other time we broke up and I was actually fine with it. I was starting to see someone else and encouraged him to do the same...but he couldnt. He tried but he couldnt get any girls attention. So he came crawling back and made it impossible for me to say no. So this time three yrs of crazy relationship had passed...I was tired of make up and break up. We both loved eachother..and couldn't REALLY leave eachother. So I said...if we get back together we need to get married. I want to move on w my life and have kids and it was important to me that I was married before that. So I planned the wedding all by myself and we got married. Our wedding was o.k. my dad payed for our honeymoon to Disneyworld...and it was ok. I could tell this man was not IN LOVE with me. He was just with me bc he cared for me and it hurt when we broke up ..but he was not in love. I dont think he knows whay real love is.
So then we came home and settled into normal married life. It sucked. But I felt stuck bc I never had the balls to leave him...so I just decided to have a baby. I really wanted children. So I got pregnant. He was not a very helpful spouse to a pregnant woman. Especially emotionally. The baby was born...and I was so blessed to have her. My heart finally felt true love. Our marriage still sucked but he was a pretty good dad.
Well here we are now. Together 8 yrs. 5 of those yrs married. It will be 6 yrs married in march. I am SO unhappy. I realise a lot of our problems is bc of his selfish or not loving....but a lot is deaf hearing relationship. I cant do it. I could handle communication problems when I was in love with him. ..but now that im not in love with him..I cant stand it!! I do everything. I pay all the bills...bc he doesn't know how. We bought a house and he was not with me or helpful with any of it bc he "doesn't know how"... I LOVE TO TALK....he doesn't. ...and most the time when I try to talk about something interesting, he doesn't know anything about it or cant understand what im talking about.
He misunderstands important things all the time. He hasn't taught our 4 yr old any more than basic signs so she doesn't habe a good relationship w him and I have to parent her 90% of the time. So im always stressed out. I tried begging him to step up as a husband and father but he gets frustrated and mad. Im over it. I know being deaf is no excuse for all this. When we go out to eat or sit at dinner at home or sit around the house, he has nothing to say. And its not that hes mad at me, he just doesn't have anything to talk about. He is extremely dependent on me as his hearing wife.
I bet if he was with a deaf girl he would be more responsible bc he wouldnt have me to do everything for him. I tried telling him how miserable I am but he just gets mad and says I want too much. But its not true. I want a partner!!! Not someone to take care of! He does work and help around the house...but he is not a partner, lover, companion....any of that. I tell him all the time its like im married to my brother. Bc we fight and even when we dont fight our relationship is not right.
I told him AGAIN recently I think we need a divorce or at least seperate. ..but he just says there must be a way we can work it out. And be happy.
Its been 8 yrs and I cant remember any real times I was happy besides the first yr. I feel like he thinks he cant find another woman so he settles for me. I told him he could be much happier w a deaf girl...but I think he knows good deaf girls are so hard to find so he might as well stay w me. Also...he grew up poor and now we have a pretty nice house. So I think he doesn't want to live somewhere else or lose this house. Its sad I know....but I cant stay w him just bc im worried about his feelings. ..or if hel be okay alone in this hearing world...and I cant worry that ill ruin his life by making him leave the only real home hes ever has. If we get a divorce hel get what he deserves...I dont want to rip him off..but obviously I have our 2 little girls so ill keep the house. But honestly I think hes so scared to be alone...he has no friends or family really...besides his deaf dad and deaf step mom. Hes not evem apart of the deaf community. They have invite him out but hes not interested. Even though I tell him he needs friends. Maybe hes depressed or prefers no friends. So thats fine but like I said...I cant be miserable anymore. I wish I could call my husband and quickly ask him to do something important. Or I wish I could depend on him to take care of family errands...I wish he could be involved more with my hearing famiy but they only know a little sign..and like I said he is very limited in evem what he can discuss so conversations are hard. Im missing out on a real marriage and my children are missing out on a real father. Bc ive seen koda's my daughters age b4 and they can communicate w their parents much more than my daughter. But my husband doesn't even try. And I have enough responsibility already that I cant teach her that too. I taught her a lot of it already.
So anyways....I know I wrote a lot but I had to get all this off my mind.
I know I made a mistake....but I was in love and I never expected a deaf hearing relationship to be this hard and stressful. I just want to be happy. And actually my husband is a handsome good guy....so I want him to find a girl that makes it simple for him to love her..and maybe a deaf girl that will understand him more. Maybe she will help him see how being deaf doesn't mean its okay to not love your wife properly.
I just need to find the strength to let him go. But I feel like im holding the hand of a person with one leg. And were walking on a bridge high in the sky. Because im holding his hand im losing my balance and soon were both going to fall...but if I let go of his hand he will surely fall bc he only has one leg. So do I keep holding his hand and risk us both dying. ..or should I let go and hope he grabs the rope?
Ugh.....its too much.
all I wanted to do was love him.Sent from my SCH-R530U using AllDeaf App mobile app
