Confused as hell....need advice

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deafdyke

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So I have a friend named Dani. We've been close for quite a few years. We hug each other and even flirt with each other. She is probaly one of my closest friends and we've got a vibe going. I really do love her a lot. The trouble is....I think I really am sexually attractted to her....I am extremely confused. I love my Dani but is it just platonic (friend) love or erotic (sexual) love? I am too scared to tell her that I might love her *that* way .I remember last year she was trying to find out if I liked women and said "You know if you are, we'll still like you right?" (but I refused to kiss and tell..I am out to a couple of friends but most of my straight friends think I'm also straight)..Weird thing is, that when I think about kissing her, I get turned on, but when I think about going further I get weirded out. Any advice or suggestions? I am beyond confused as hell....seems like I always fall for straight girls(like Dani probaly is, or my first crush Maureen back at summer camp as a teen) or girls who are already involved in a relationship (like last year with McInnis and Jocelyn...oh lord that was too funny!)
 
Wellllll....

I'm not sure how to respond to this...but is it possible that it's just the closeness that you desire, and not sex all together? I ask because well - women in general are far more gentle than men are. Perhaps that's why you get turned on when you think of kissing and cuddling/holding...but turned OFF when you think of the rest...

Just a thought. But honesty is the best policy...so talk to her, keep the lines of communication open. You never know...she just might feel the same way :)

Malfoyish
 
Tell you what -- I been crushed on one girl from 5th grade til we graduated high school -- She been know I was trying to flirt and wanted to give simply kiss. So I did with her backseat from parents car... I know how you feel and I been confuse because she is straight and I was just boyish myself, ofc I am girl in my life. It seems strange to go out with those straight girls when I grew up -- I want something interesting with them but I refused because they are straight and not know if they think I was nut or just playing with them at bars or playing pool. I do enjoyed go out with them, til my ex late girlfriend pulled me out of closet so I still like to go out with girls are straight but flirting... geez seems risk to me. You can ask her if she feel disgust about your behave then she have to tell you. I did asked one of my friends and they told me their feeling and understanding. I respect that but wish I could. maybe that help little --
 
deafdyke,,,

Your best bet would indeed be to find out yourself. Go out somewhere where you will both be comfortable somewhere where you can talk and stuff. Then just somehow bring the subject up about being Lesbian and see what happens. See what progresses from that..
 
If in doubt, don't do it - a famous Yorkshire quote (England)'s!!!

Remember friendship last longer than dating people!!
 
Go out somewhere where you will both be comfortable somewhere where you can talk and stuff. Then just somehow bring the subject up about being Lesbian and see what happens. See what progresses from that..
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Too shy to do something like that, and too afraid she'd react negatively if I told her. I guess I am wicked confused b/c I'm not sure if my being attracted to Dani is *real* legitimate sexual erotic attraction or simply feeling wicked close to her b/c we're in a residental college sitution. (I remember the same feeling of closeness with some girls when I went to overnight summer camp as a teen) I know I love my Dani very very much and from what my friend OB has told me, Dani sees me as one of her best buddies. Oh, well I'll wait and see. I just am so beyond confuzzled! (and actually with my luck Dani is probaly straight)
 
deafdyke said:
Too shy to do something like that, and too afraid she'd react negatively if I told her. I guess I am wicked confused b/c I'm not sure if my being attracted to Dani is *real* legitimate sexual erotic attraction or simply feeling wicked close to her b/c we're in a residental college sitution. (I remember the same feeling of closeness with some girls when I went to overnight summer camp as a teen) I know I love my Dani very very much and from what my friend OB has told me, Dani sees me as one of her best buddies. Oh, well I'll wait and see. I just am so beyond confuzzled! (and actually with my luck Dani is probaly straight)
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Awww, I understand what u are saying..Yes U can wait and see where it would head never know she might have the same feelings as you do. But if you would like her to make the first move since u know your feelings for her, maybe you would want to see if she would approach to you first. Some times when two people are alone things get heat up and Maybe you will get ur First Kiss from her.. I wish you all the Best and I hope it goes the way you want it to go..
 
Deafdyke -- women sometimes gives out confusing signals (thats happened to me several times before) -- be Dani's friend as u always are -- but see if u can discussion abt GLBT related topics into the converstation somehow -- start with something thats not too hard to discuss abt -- perhaps a movie u have seen that u thought was hilarious or something it could go in the direction u wanted and get a better feel of Dani and if shes a gay friendly woman or not and somewhere id imagine the converstation would turn into a lil giddy session of fliratious activities -- maybe u can try giving her a kiss on the cheek first qq

try not being so shy Deafdyke -- that would help too :lol: another thought -- send roses to her anonymously and say on the card that its from a female secret admirer :D
 
Honest with y'all.......
I was straight with men..until in 2001, i was online with my friend and we chatted each other, his ex wife asked him who was that? he told her that i am his good friend and she asked him do he have pic of me? he say no then asked me to send the pic of me so she saw it and she fell in love with me, then she wanna talked me and she asked me QQ, i told her that i was straight.. then she say why not i try with her, i was stuck and got think abt it 3 days until i told her i try with her, see what i like or not.. i drove to tenn met her there, we got the time and we chatted until night, we did it.. now i am lesbo... not with men anymore.. smile..
 
would turn into a lil giddy session of fliratious activities
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Odd thing is we already flirt quite a bit..oh lord I'll never forget the time we were hanging out in her room, and she goes " Man, you're lying on my bed dressed in tiger print pants, making signs....If I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to hit on me!" On the other hand, OB said she doesn't think Dani has a crush on me. I just can't figure it out! I have pretty much resigned myself to the very real probailtiy that Dani-girl is straight, and this is just the closeness that even a lot of straight girls experiance in residental situtions.
I have been feeling extremely lonely since I live off campus...so maybe I just miss the camaraderie that occurs on campus.
 
Well, it sounds like you're afraid that the revelation of your interest in Dani will ruin the foundation of the friendship -- but I believe it's best to be honest with her. I have a crush on a very close friend of mine, Von. I felt the same way you feel for Dani...thinking of kissing her and so forth, but when it comes to the point of fantasying having sex with her -- it scares me.
Eventually, I thought it'd be best to be honest with her as she already knew I was bi-sexual. Once I told her...she assured me not to worry because that wasn't going to affect our friendship at all. She was flattered. :)
 
Ive had a few passes from women and i had to politely tell them that im straight, not even bi..and they back off and apologize..some women are just plain bold that way. I guess some would try to give signals that they are lesbian or gay. One time a lesbian asked me which i like to date, men or women or both, i told her that im straight, she said oh ok, no problem!
So what you could do, is just ask her outright and see what she says but dont tell her that you are sexually attracted to her.
 
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deafdyke said:
So I have a friend named Dani. We've been close for quite a few years. We hug each other and even flirt with each other. She is probaly one of my closest friends and we've got a vibe going. I really do love her a lot. The trouble is....I think I really am sexually attractted to her....I am extremely confused. I love my Dani but is it just platonic (friend) love or erotic (sexual) love? I am too scared to tell her that I might love her *that* way .I remember last year she was trying to find out if I liked women and said "You know if you are, we'll still like you right?" (but I refused to kiss and tell..I am out to a couple of friends but most of my straight friends think I'm also straight)..Weird thing is, that when I think about kissing her, I get turned on, but when I think about going further I get weirded out. Any advice or suggestions? I am beyond confused as hell....seems like I always fall for straight girls(like Dani probaly is, or my first crush Maureen back at summer camp as a teen) or girls who are already involved in a relationship (like last year with McInnis and Jocelyn...oh lord that was too funny!)
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my advice to you...

all i can say.. follow your heart, guts, and your own risk... if you really like this girl so much.. you should take her to someplace such of your favorite place... and explain to this person why you taking her this place and it's best right place to tell her the truth. it's not worth to hold all the serect in your chest.
 
as a person who's dabbled in the same-sex thing before, i'd suggest no. i was very very close friends with a girl who just now came out, although she revealed to me that she had a huge crush on me and she wanted to be with me and that she loved me. this was around when i started to realize that i'm not meant to be bi or a lesbo, and that freaked me out because.. i mean.. she was my good friend, shes the one who knew all my secrets and everything and now to be frank, the friendship has been ruined. it wasn't only her revelation, but her actions, and her obesession with me that ruined the friendship, now we're trying to work things out as friends but it's just not hte same as before.
 
the friendship has been ruined
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That's what I'm afraid will happen with Dani. I'm still incredibly confused....
So what you could do, is just ask her outright and see what she says
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I have...she claims she's straight, but still....there are signs...I remember a friend of ours asking me if I thought that Dani was lesbian. It's also strange b/c most of my friends here at school have turned out to be GLB (and I go to a very small school!)
 
maybe just talk about the issue with her... don't come out and say "ok, hi, i like you. :)" just talk about how she feels about the whole issue and how she would react if a friend of hers started having a thing for her. something like that... so you can find out without actually revealing yourself.
 
I suggest you.. Try take her to go GLBT bar.. If she reacts say.. ahh, I'm straight..
Easy you can find her hints answer... You will know who she is.. If she attractive girls.. you can find her hints that she is lesbo.. whatever as long you can take her and have fun pleasure outgoing instead of asking her question that you really likes her.. She might be turns it out flattered and decide not have you friendship longer. *Better not* Just find a way for yourself and giving her a time and to find right time..
*suggestion* that's all I speaking..
btw good luck!
 
Bullym0m said:
I suggest you.. Try take her to go GLBT bar.. If she reacts say.. ahh, I'm straight..
Easy you can find her hints answer... You will know who she is.. If she attractive girls.. you can find her hints that she is lesbo.. whatever as long you can take her and have fun pleasure outgoing instead of asking her question that you really likes her.. She might be turns it out flattered and decide not have you friendship longer. *Better not* Just find a way for yourself and giving her a time and to find right time..
*suggestion* that's all I speaking..
btw good luck!
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That's clever idea!
 
Bullym0m said:
I suggest you.. Try take her to go GLBT bar.. If she reacts say.. ahh, I'm straight..
Easy you can find her hints answer... You will know who she is.. If she attractive girls.. you can find her hints that she is lesbo.. whatever as long you can take her and have fun pleasure outgoing instead of asking her question that you really likes her.. She might be turns it out flattered and decide not have you friendship longer. *Better not* Just find a way for yourself and giving her a time and to find right time..
*suggestion* that's all I speaking..
btw good luck!
Click to expand...
Good Advice!!!! :)
 
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