Childs behavior

I will be honest and say that stupiditly we took a little time in the beginning but have been signing to her since she was about 8 months. The funny thing about signing is that the only signs she will use are the words she speaks. We had her tested for autism, negative, because we noticed in therapy she would stare off into space for a few moments but then she would come back to us. As well as she has been a guinea pig for quite some time, she has been to every department of the hospital for some reason or another. (she will be a great kidney donor one day, considering she has 3 of them) Again I would like to thank you all for the suggestions.
 
deafgal001 said:
no, because she mention her concern with Speech
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That's right, and when I read "I know she gets frustrated that we 'don't understand' each other" in her original post I did assume sign might not being used.
 
AlleyCat said:
That's right, and when I read "I know she gets frustrated that we 'don't understand' each other" in her original post I did assume sign might not being used.
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There is a huge difference between asking "have you tried using ASL" and (a quote, not yours) "You must accept her hearing loss no matter what and I demand that you learn to sign ASL "

One is attempting to help, the other is judgemental and far from helpful.
 
AmandaBarr said:
Thank you all for the posts. I do find it interesting that a few people on here assumed that we dont use sign, we do as much as we can, but its kinda hard when she is kicking and screaming for her to visually see us trying to "talk" to her. She got her first implant at 15 months and her second at 18 months. Her receptive language is scaled at a 3 year old level, its her expressive language that is at a 13 month old scale. Also please dont judge me by saying I haven't "accepted" my childs hearing loss, thats a harsh statement for someone who doesn't know me to assume.
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It wasn't clear from your post if you were using sign or not just so you know hence why questions were asked.
 
Some people are like that. If you ask me, B is Native American (where her people suffered oppression for many years) and deaf. She will get tough like that.

There's no joy about hearing parents vs. deaf people
 
Anyway, back on point.

As I was saying, experience books are a great way to SHOW rules and expectations. You can take a picture of her doing the "bad" behavior, and then draw a frowny face on the page, then take a picture of her behaving appropriately, with a smiley. Then you can sit down during a calm period and show her the book.

I would also recommend a behavior chart with LOTS of rewards. Every time you "catch" her being good, move her forward and every few spaces, she gets a small treat or reward.

Also, transitions were always a problem when my little one was young so we made a big chart that had several spots for each day of the week. Then we went out and took pictures of ALL the places we went (the store, school, our families homes, the park, etc) and then would put the pictures up for the week. Every time we had to leave the house we would show her (and tell her) where we were going. It helped her know that we weren't just forcing her to have to stop playing for no good reason! :D
 
Yeah some of us was only suggesting it. She could have used your method too, you know.
 
AmandaBarr,

We were just advising you that sign language is a must. We were not judging you. We are here to share our experiences of having lived through it all as deaf and not as hearing. We are here to help you understand your little one in a way that no medical professional or specialist can help.

Faire_Jour gets all 'riled' up and defensive because she thinks we are against hearing people in general. We are not racist towards hearing people. Sometimes our debates get heated because many of us have been used as 'guinea pigs' by the medical profession. We don't want any child to have to go through that. Also, some hearing people think that we should become hearing and say that being deaf is 'defective' and needs 'fixing'. Many of us are more comfortable being just the way we are.

Advice is advice. You can take it or you can leave it. That's is your choice. We are only trying to let you have insight into how it really is.

Actually, after reading your post, my immediate thought was "Are her CIs causing her discomfort to the degree that she would be so demonstrative"? I don't have CIs, but I have had HAs in the past and they caused me much discomfort from sound distortions, screeching, ear infections, severe chaffing in humid climates etc. Or as was previously mentioned 'the mapping' may not be customised to your child hence causing discomfort?

BTW, FJ's suggestions of experience books is revelant to a toddler. Give her a break! Take it from a mother of 7.

Welcome AmandaBarr, hope you do take time to get to know us all at AD! :) We are actually very nice people. We are human beings after all.
 
I do find it interesting that a few people on here assumed that we dont use sign, we do as much as we can, but its kinda hard when she is kicking and screaming for her to visually see us trying to "talk" to her. She got her first implant at 15 months and her second at 18 months. Her receptive language is scaled at a 3 year old level, its her expressive language that is at a 13 month old scale
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As another person mentioned, you didn't specificly mention that you were signing. Usually meltdown difficulty in communication arises from a pure oral approach. Are you guys new signers? Have you guys been in touch with the Delaware School for the Deaf? I would contact them and see if they could perform an evalution. It might actually not be autism.....does she have a syndrome or something? Like for example, I do know that some syndromes can cause low muscle tone, which in turn could impact abilty to Sign as a toddler. Maybe the problem is that she may not have a good Signed language model. In which case you COULD contact the Delaware Association for the Deaf and see if they have a Sign mentoring program, where a Deaf person or a CODA comes to your house to teach you guys sign.
 
deafdyke said:
As another person mentioned, you didn't specificly mention that you were signing. Usually meltdown difficulty in communication arises from a pure oral approach. Are you guys new signers? Have you guys been in touch with the Delaware School for the Deaf? I would contact them and see if they could perform an evalution. It might actually not be autism.....does she have a syndrome or something? Like for example, I do know that some syndromes can cause low muscle tone, which in turn could impact abilty to Sign as a toddler. Maybe the problem is that she may not have a good Signed language model. In which case you COULD contact the Delaware Association for the Deaf and see if they have a Sign mentoring program, where a Deaf person or a CODA comes to your house to teach you guys sign.
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Good advice.
 
deafdyke said:
As another person mentioned, you didn't specificly mention that you were signing. Usually meltdown difficulty in communication arises from a pure oral approach. Are you guys new signers? Have you guys been in touch with the Delaware School for the Deaf? I would contact them and see if they could perform an evalution. It might actually not be autism.....does she have a syndrome or something? Like for example, I do know that some syndromes can cause low muscle tone, which in turn could impact abilty to Sign as a toddler. Maybe the problem is that she may not have a good Signed language model. In which case you COULD contact the Delaware Association for the Deaf and see if they have a Sign mentoring program, where a Deaf person or a CODA comes to your house to teach you guys sign.
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And you said she was 3, is she in preschool? Can you contact the local Deaf community for parenting classes? (Our local center has both ASL and parenting classes. They have some for Deaf parents with hearing kids and another for parents of deaf kids.)

Are the specialists worried about a reason for her delay in expressive language? Is it just a speech delay, or does she struggle with signing output too?
 
Mod note:

Posts are cleaned up - this will be the last warning.. this such behavior will not be tolerated. I will be watching the threads closely now.

Enough is enough already.

Thank you.
 
green427 said:
Hello from Delaware, too!

Sorry about your frustrations. It sounds all too familiar. I suspect that the frustration stems from your child not being able to understand what you are trying to say.

My opinion as a person who became deaf at a very young age: Find another means of communication besides the CI.

Knowing the audiologists and 'specialists' here in DE, you most likely have been told that the CI will work over time and that sign language is not necessary.

Just remember this: Your daughter does not hear what people assume she can hear. Right now she is depending on visual communication. Fingerspelling and/or sign language will make a tremendous difference, I can guarantee you.

If you want, I can make time to meet you somewhere with you all and discuss. PM me if you are interested.

I've been deaf since 4, and have lived through it all, now I have a CI with second one coming up soon.
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Agree that much of the frustration comes from not understanding what is said to the child, but also, a child who cannot effectively communicate her needs and wants at this age is extremely frustrated. Her developmental stage and her language development are incongruent. It is as important for a child to be able to communicate as to understand communication. A child who is melting down is demonstrating that they need a different method that the one being used. The longer the situation continues, the greater the chance of permanent psychological and communication impairment.
 
faire_jour said:
Anyway, back on point.

As I was saying, experience books are a great way to SHOW rules and expectations. You can take a picture of her doing the "bad" behavior, and then draw a frowny face on the page, then take a picture of her behaving appropriately, with a smiley. Then you can sit down during a calm period and show her the book.

I would also recommend a behavior chart with LOTS of rewards. Every time you "catch" her being good, move her forward and every few spaces, she gets a small treat or reward.

Also, transitions were always a problem when my little one was young so we made a big chart that had several spots for each day of the week. Then we went out and took pictures of ALL the places we went (the store, school, our families homes, the park, etc) and then would put the pictures up for the week. Every time we had to leave the house we would show her (and tell her) where we were going. It helped her know that we weren't just forcing her to have to stop playing for no good reason! :D
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ASL will accomplish all of this in a more direct manner. If she needs that much visual support, ASL will provide a way not only to communicate concretely, but abstractly as well.
 
AmandaBarr said:
Hello, I am new to the forum and need some advice. I am the first time parent of a 3 year old who has bilateral cochlear implants. She is horriblely delayed in her speech and language, she is at about a 13 months old level. I know that this will develop in time, but its seems like most days we are going to war with each other. I know she gets frustrated that we "don't understand" each other and chooses to have complete meltdowns. I am looking for advice or tips that have helped parents in this situation.
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AmandaBarr said:
Thank you all for the posts. I do find it interesting that a few people on here assumed that we dont use sign, we do as much as we can, but its kinda hard when she is kicking and screaming for her to visually see us trying to "talk" to her. She got her first implant at 15 months and her second at 18 months. Her receptive language is scaled at a 3 year old level, its her expressive language that is at a 13 month old scale. Also please dont judge me by saying I haven't "accepted" my childs hearing loss, thats a harsh statement for someone who doesn't know me to assume.
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Wow. I can see how this thread got out of control. Face it, you need professional help. I do not intend that to be demeaning, but it sounds like you are continuing to butt your head on the wall. There IS help available for your situation and I hope you use your energy in seeking it. Good luck and hang in there!
 
Beowulf said:
Wow. I can see how this thread got out of control. Face it, you need professional help. I do not intend that to be demeaning, but it sounds like you are continuing to butt your head on the wall. There IS help available for your situation and I hope you use your energy in seeking it. Good luck and hang in there!
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Spot on. When what you are doing is not working, it is time to try something else. "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." Einstein
 
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