Can A Big Age Difference Between Two People Hurt The Relationship?

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GarnetTigerMom

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CAN A BIG AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE HURT THE RELATIONSHIP?

This women is in love with a great guy who happens to be 22 years older than her. She is 31 years old and he is 53 years old. He been married and divorced and had children not much younger than she is. HEr family thinks she is making a big mistake, and have come right out and told her that they don't approve of her relationship with the older guy. Is she being naive to think about their age differences don't matter? what your opinion?
 
Well, I can't say no to everyone my age to date people who are my parents' age because that's their decisions to do with their lives. As for me, I don't want to date people who are much older than me. I would not aggravate my relationship with an older person, because we're from entirely different generations, thus we have much different opinions in how we live our lives.

It would make me feel like I'm dating my father (yuck!), but I want to have someone as close to me in age because we can share the same experience. Suppose I'm dating a man who is 55, who was already married and had children while I am never been married nor do I have children. I would say he had a lot of experience than me, obviously.

If my imaginary husband or boyfriend who is 55 years old, when I reach age 40, he would probably be 70, 71. What will I think how it does affect our relationship? As for ME I feel it's not right to be dating someone's much older and much experienced at life than me. I want my life to be a learning process as I live on with a boyfriend (who knows when I will find one) who is close to me in age. I also want to share the same learning experience with him, and I'm sure he does, too.

It's really up to everyone else what to do with their relationships with much older partners/spouses. I can't really say no to them, all I can do is to hope that they're happy.
 
J'explique said:
Well, I can't say no to everyone my age to date people who are my parents' age because that's their decisions to do with their lives. As for me, I don't want to date people who are much older than me. I would not aggravate my relationship with an older person, because we're from entirely different generations, thus we have much different opinions in how we live our lives.

It would make me feel like I'm dating my father (yuck!), but I want to have someone as close to me in age because we can share the same experience. Suppose I'm dating a man who is 55, who was already married and had children while I am never been married nor do I have children. I would say he had a lot of experience than me, obviously.

If my imaginary husband or boyfriend who is 55 years old, when I reach age 40, he would probably be 70, 71. What will I think how it does affect our relationship? As for ME I feel it's not right to be dating someone's much older and much experienced at life than me. I want my life to be a learning process as I live on with a boyfriend (who knows when I will find one) who is close to me in age. I also want to share the same learning experience with him, and I'm sure he does, too.

It's really up to everyone else what to do with their relationships with much older partners/spouses. I can't really say no to them, all I can do is to hope that they're happy.
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I have to say I agree with you because I wouldn't want to date someone 20 to 15 years older than me. Because we would have nothing in common. If your mate is much older than you are, he or she is probably more successful, experienced and financially secure. This may influence you into unconsciously feeling your partner is "better" than you are, and tempt you to idealize him rather than see him for who he really is. When you allow yourself to feel less than because of your mate's chronological advantage, you give up your power. You take his advice rather than trusting your own; you blindly believe his criticisms of you rather than questioning whether or not he's correct; you invalidate your own needs and feelings out of deference to your partner. You tell yourself:

"He's the one who's paying for it, so we'll do it his way."
"I'm sure he knows what he's doing. After all, look how successful he is."
"He knows much more about these things than I do because he's older.

Even if your partner doesn't want to play this role with you, you may be tempted to fall into this pattern simply because of the age difference. And if your partner happens to enjoy his role as the older, wiser one, or actually uses it to control you, watch out--your relationship won't be very healthy. I don't know if that make sense. but I agree also that it up to people to date someone half their age range.
 
I dont see it that way, GTM.

My grandparents were 17 years apart. My grandfather being the oldest. They had 52 years of marital bliss before my grandfather died at 88 years old. My grandmother was already 71 years old when grandpa died. Some people arent even as lucky to be with their mates that long.

I dont really believe age should matter. IF the guy is treating the woman right and vice versa that is all that should matter. However, having children would have to be a major discussion between them.

When my grandparents got married she was 18 to his 35. So having kids wasnt such a big issue for them. They went on to have 3.

But at 51 years old it would be an issue in that he may not want anymore. And if he does he very well may not be around to see the kid grow up. They would need to discuss how to financially protect the family as well.


My cousin and her husband are over 20 years apart and still happily married 15 years later. All you have to do is look around at the couples already doing it, to see that you can be happy with an older person.

I say if they truly love each other and he is a good man then let them be! Who are we to try to take her happiness away from her?
 
Bear said:
I dont see it that way, GTM.

My grandparents were 17 years apart. My grandfather being the oldest. They had 52 years of marital bliss before my grandfather died at 88 years old. My grandmother was already 71 years old when grandpa died. Some people arent even as lucky to be with their mates that long.

I dont really believe age should matter. IF the guy is treating the woman right and vice versa that is all that should matter. However, having children would have to be a major discussion between them.

When my grandparents got married she was 18 to his 35. So having kids wasnt such a big issue for them. They went on to have 3.

But at 51 years old it would be an issue in that he may not want anymore. And if he does he very well may not be around to see the kid grow up. They would need to discuss how to financially protect the family as well.


My cousin and her husband are over 20 years apart and still happily married 15 years later. All you have to do is look around at the couples already doing it, to see that you can be happy with an older person.

I say if they truly love each other and he is a good man then let them be! Who are we to try to take her happiness away from her?
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yeah you do have a point, age should matter to some people. But sometimes it would matter to other people. When it come to age issue that great for young women who want to date an older guy as long they have something in common with each other. So it very rare for many younger women or yonger men dating someone older to get along so well. I remember I dated 21 year old guy while I was 20 years old. I realized it would not work out because I already finish all my fun partying around and ready to settle down. So I wanted to encourage the the guy I dated to find someone else to enjoy his 20's before settilng down. He get to finish college, partying, hanging out with friends near his own age. So I know he not ready for anything deeper than that. When I was his age I dated someone older, it was great for a while but didn't work out as well as it pan out. but we are still good friends was more than enough for me. It always a tricky relationship.
 
Age do not matter...as long as they love each other, that's all count. I have a friend that her husband is in 50's (I think) and she is only 33. She said SO WHAT! Love come first and she have been married to him for umm I think 8 years and going strong!
 
LakeTahoe said:
Age do not matter...as long as they love each other, that's all count. I have a friend that her husband is in 50's (I think) and she is only 33. She said SO WHAT! Love come first and she have been married to him for umm I think 8 years and going strong!
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That great. I am glad to hear that. I know a friend who married a guy who is 19 but unfortunely, the marriage didn't last too long. They only married for 2 years and realized it not working. I guess they got married too fast and rush into the marraige without waiting a little bit longer to know each other more and their feelings didn't grow enough.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
That great. I am glad to hear that. I know a friend who married a guy who is 19 but unfortunely, the marriage didn't last too long. They only married for 2 years and realized it not working. I guess they got married too fast and rush into the marraige without waiting a little bit longer to know each other more and their feelings didn't grow enough.
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On the other hand, maybe they divorced for reasons other than their age difference?
 
I don't count on age. I count " maturity " that include respect and acceptance. :)
 
Good post bear as always. ;)

While bear pretty much subs it up perfectly, age is just a number. Love is based on more than just the age of a person. love goes deeper than that, it is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust, if age is not a factor to her then be happy for her, her happiness should be the most important thing than judging her for being with someone much older than herself. ;)
 
I don't think age really matters, what matters is their personality and what their interests are. Some get along fine and some don't. My parents are 11 years apart and they've been married for 27 years now.
 
My mom was 17 and my dad was 30 when they got married and they recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. They're still in love today and have good marriage. I am 4 years older than my husband and we are happily married. To us, ages doesn't matter as long as there's respect, maturity and love. :cuddle:
 
Maria said:
I don't count on age. I count " maturity " that include respect and acceptance. :)
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Exactly



My hubby is 9 years older than me. We are being married for over 22 years now. :)

Age is only number. :)
 
Peachy Lady said:
My mom was 17 and my dad was 30 when they got married and they recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. They're still in love today and have good marriage. I am 4 years older than my husband and we are happily married. To us, ages doesn't matter as long as there's respect, maturity and love. :cuddle:
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I hope you don't mind my curious question.

As far as I know US law about rape staturary. I know from several threads that many parents press charge against 18 or 19 years old for involved with few years young girls in America. It look like that your grandparents are open mind and accept your mom's love for your dad. Right?
 
Age is just another number when it comes to the heart.. My husband and I are 11 years apart, he is the older than I am, he and I think so much alike in many ways and I just love everything about him ....
 
Angel said:
Age is just another number when it comes to the heart.. My husband and I are 11 years apart, he is the older than I am, he and I think so much alike in many ways and I just love everything about him ....
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True age is a number , but when it come to 16 to 17 years old girls that still against law to date someone older themselves. I prerfer to wait til my daughter 18 years old to do what she want at the legal age. :)
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
CAN A BIG AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE HURT THE RELATIONSHIP?

This women is in love with a great guy who happens to be 22 years older than her. She is 31 years old and he is 53 years old. He been married and divorced and had children not much younger than she is. HEr family thinks she is making a big mistake, and have come right out and told her that they don't approve of her relationship with the older guy. Is she being naive to think about their age differences don't matter? what your opinion?
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Sorry if it's a bit off-topic.. your thread just made me to THINK of something.

It would be a bit weirdo if a 25 years old person dates a several hundreds years old person (if much older person is still young). It would be interesting. :D
 
Mann_K05 said:

Sorry if it's a bit off-topic.. your thread just made me to THINK of something.

It would be a bit weirdo if a 25 years old person dates a several hundreds years old person (if much older person is still young). It would be interesting. :D
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that is very interesting but that okay you went off the topic a bit. SMile.
 
The simple answer would be that it depends on the person and their motivation for getting involved with someone older or younger.
 
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